DISCLAIMER: Rizzoli & Isles and its characters are the property of Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and TNT television network.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
FEEDBACK: To ems89[at]hotmail.co.uk

I Grieve
By Loopyem89


For three days Maura Isles had stayed by her lover's hospital bed. She didn't move unless to use the bathroom or for the nurse to check Jane's vitals. She occasionally ate when Frost or Korsak brought her something and only slept when she needed to. It was on that third day in the early hours of the morning, however that Jane came to her in a dream. She had come to say goodbye to the woman she loved and so when Maura awoke to the sounds of machines blaring and medical staff rushing in, she realised that Jane had lost the fight for her life.

It was only one hour ago,
It was all so different then.

Maura returned to the apartment that had recently become both hers and Jane's. After the news had been broken to her lover's parents and the other detectives, she couldn't bare to be in the same room to witness the anguish on their faces. And so she stood outside on a cold dreary morning as a light drizzle fell around her, trying to find the strength to go inside.

Nothing yet has really sunk in,
looks like it always did,
this flesh and bone.

The warmth she usually felt when she entered her home was gone, instead replaced by a cold chill that enveloped her entire body. It felt empty, sterile, like her lab at work but yet it all looked the same as they had left it four days ago.

It's just the way that we are tied in
But there is no-one home

She entered the bedroom, she would often find Jane curled up under the duvet after a long day chasing monsters but this time it was empty. No one was there. Just a Red Sox shirt lying on top of the covers. She took hold of the picture frame that was sitting next to the phone on the bedside table; the photo was of herself and the woman who had been her best friend, her lover, her partner, her soul mate. It had been taken on a picnic the two of them had shared a few months before. Jane had kindly requested a passer-by to snap the shot; shoulder to shoulder and hand in hand they had sat together and posed happily at the camera. Placing the photo back where it belonged, Maura sat on the edge of the bed and tentatively reached for the shirt before bringing it up to inhale the scent that was uniquely the detective. Her body was soon racked with sobs as she curled up on the bed, tightly holding the shirt close and letting her tears fall.

I grieve for you,
And you'll leave me.

The day of the funeral came, Maura stood side by side with her lover's family as they shared in their grief for the woman lost. One after another a colleague or friend would step up and pay their respects and each time she would do her best to fight the tears, try to remain under control and not be overwhelmed by the intense sadness she felt inside. It was that night, as she curled up on the sofa with Joe Friday that she realised she could no longer feel Jane's presence and the pain she felt from the loss was almost unbearable.

So hard to move on
Still loving what's' gone
They say life carries on,
Carries on and on

She went back to work thinking it would bring some normalcy to her life but even then, things weren't quite the same anymore. Every time she heard footsteps approaching she expected Jane to waltz in with that trademark smile of hers. And when she went up to go and see Frost or Korsak she hated seeing what was formally her lover's desk; it had been taken over by some new rookie detective who didn't quite understand the void that had been left since Jane had been lost.

The news that truly shocks is the empty empty page
While the final rattle rocks it's empty empty cage
And I can't handle this

As the weeks turned into months Maura came to realise that her heart was no longer in her work anymore. Life carried on but the anger and grief remained and lingered like an ever lengthening shadow. She no longer knew who she was without Jane and the resentment she had inside continued to grow but there was no one to direct it at and it left her frustrated. Their time together had been too short. They were so happy and so to then have the best thing that ever happened in her life destroyed… Maura felt there was no justice in the world.

I grieve for you, you leave me
Let it out and move on
Missing what's gone
They say life carries on
They say life carries on and on and on

Everything wasn't fine. As far as Maura was concerned there could be no replacement for what she and Jane had; there never would be. When the woman she loved died, part of herself had died too, Jane had become her safe haven, her home and then it was gone in an instant. Now she was lost, with no idea how to find her way back.

The End

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