DISCLAIMER: Rizzoli & Isles and its characters are the property of Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and TNT television network.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: References to Season One.
FEEDBACK: To carrieanneq[at]mail.com
I Want Your Revenge
She should have killed him.
It was like an echo reverberating around and around in her mind. She'd had the perfect opportunity and the means necessary. He had been right there in front of her. Mocking her. Taunting her.
And though she had rather glibly stated otherwise, he had frightened her. To the core.
It was a different sensation than she'd ever experienced. Because she wasn't afraid for herself. She was petrified for someone she loved.
Maura had never been close to her parents. That was no secret. Even as she found herself pouring her heart out to Jane after Hoyt had sent her spinning into doubt regarding her own proclivities and potential anomalies, she accepted it. It made her sad for the child she had been. Made her wonder how her life might have pivoted in other directions if she'd been showered with reassurance and affection.
And while she did love her family, limited as they were, she'd never faced this all-encompassing dread ... that she might lose someone forever. Someone she couldn't fathom living without. Someone she hadn't realized had become so integral to her own future. Part of her wanted to take the time to process and dissect this new emotion, to break it down into manageable pieces she could categorize and label. But this was too vast, looming large and overwhelming everything else.
This must be something like what Mrs. Rizzoli felt each time her children went to work. Maura knew Jane and Frankie teased and joked about their mother's irrational level of fear that something might happen to each of them on the job. She'd occasionally been concerned for Jane as well, but she also had enormous confidence in how she handled herself. She respected Jane's abilities. How she always seemed a step or two ahead.
This .... this was a much more specific threat. An explicitly and confidently made announcement. Given even the slightest chance, she had no doubt that Hoyt would kill Jane.
It had been nearly impossible to remain composed as she'd listened to his thin, reedy voice ecstatically describe feeling Jane's blood covering his monstrous hands. Her stomach had been churning at the thought, her heart racing ... but she'd held it all in. It was the only way to deal with his insanity.
It was the only way to win.
She'd been amazed that her hands hadn't been shaking. Startled to realize that she could have injured herself as tightly and absently as she had gripped the scalpel in her palm. She'd held onto it almost like a lifeline. All the while holding her impulses in check.
What pure poetic justice it would have been to use a scalpel to eradicate the specter of him once and for all. Her whole body, outwardly calm and contained, had yearned and strained to carry out what her mind was bantering about. She was a doctor. Unlike the miserable excuse for human being across from her. She knew she had the skill to incapacitate him in several different ways ... with just a flick of her wrist.
She was positive that no one in the room at that moment would have given evidence against her. The cameras had been taken away and it would have been so easy to fabricate a scenario in which she was defending herself. The bodyguards one second too late to prevent her from having to protect her own life. Then it would have been his blood flowing over her hands. His evil essence draining away. His plans dashed. His obsession with killing Jane aborted. All of his dreams in vain.
Jane would be safe. Alive. She wouldn't have to participate in this maddening nightmare any longer. She would be free. And Maura could go back to worrying about regular risks, comparatively mundane hazards. They wouldn't be trapped in this horror movie with no foreseeable end ...
But it was all wishful thinking. She hadn't been able to bring herself to do it. Had allowed that window to close without taking action. If something did happen to Jane ... if somehow he were to carry out his ultimate objective ... she would never, ever forgive her hesitation.
And yet, Jane had not been able to do it either.
When presented with an even more optimal scenario, she'd aimed the gun at his hands and fired. Branding him in much the same way he'd done her. Maura knew that those wounds had bled profusely. She tried not to think of Jane's injuries and how they must have looked when they were fresh.
She had literally wanted Hoyt's blood on her hands, but she knew she couldn't live with the consequences inherent in the figurative sense.
She would do anything she had to do otherwise to protect Jane. Anything that didn't compromise their ability to move forward once this was done. Anything that would help her prove to herself that she was nothing like the madman she had confronted today.
No matter what he said.
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