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ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
In another light
She always touches her lips when she is upset as if she has to stop herself from saying what she really feels. That is one of the many things I've learned about her.
If you look at it from the outside I bet you think she uses me to distract herself from her other woman who can't give her what she needs. I think she probably believes that herself.
That she only kisses me because then she won't have to worry about her daughter.
That she touches me so that she can release some of the pressures she feels all the time.
I know what you're thinking now: that I am fooling myself, that I don't see what's happening. But you only see us when we are working. When she is walking on eggshells, covered in paperwork, concerned about her patients, worried about getting caught.
But I see her after we make love and she cuddles in my arms, when we go skating in the park and I make her laugh so hard she has trouble keeping her balance.
You all say that she is still in love with Esther but that isn't true. The Esther she is in love with doesn't exist anymore, she got caught in daily life.
She knows it but she's still in denial, she thinks that if she gives it enough time everything will go back to the way it was before. In the mean time I will wait for her and she will grow to love me, to trust me.
I already love her, not some part of her but her whole heart, body and soul.
When they look at her they see a beautiful woman whose expressions makes everyone believe that she is confident and self-assured. And most of the time she is just that but then they don't know her when she is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.
She says she hides her emotions so well because she is a Wilson, it's a trait she won't ever lose. She always says this with a smile that makes your heart break because it makes her look radiant and sad all at once.
I don't pretend I've got her all figured out, I know there are pieces of her I've never seen. Parts of her that I may never see because she is too proud to show them to me.
Sometimes I wonder why she chose to be a pediatrician for I know that every child that dies under her care leaves a hole in her kind heart. It's what makes her the good doctor that she is, it gives her the drive to cure all the little children that she can. But it comes with a price.
When she is mad, she is a force to be reckoned with her. She is like a volcano, she can be asleep for a long time and then burst open with hot lava leaving a trail of destruction..
She will be brave, she will leave Esther and be with me.
That isn't wishful thinking because I know who she is and how she feels: my Maca.
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