DISCLAIMER: Murder in Suburbia and its characters are the property of ITV. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

By giantessmess


The lights made Scribb's eyes feel squinty and sore. She wasn't even in an interview room, and she felt like she was being cross-examined. Might have been because it was dark outside, or that it was an unfamiliar police station. No, it was the woman nudging her, rabbiting on and on like a mad thing. She shook Ash off with a shrug.

'You need to calm down, alright?'

'Maybe you could say you lost a contact lens?' Ash said. 'And that I was helping you.'

'Contact lens? That's utter rubbish.'

'Well,' Ash threw her hands up. 'Do you have any better ideas?'

'I don't know - I don't know, ok?'

'Start thinking then,' Ash said, looking over her shoulder.

'What do you think I'm doing, knitting a cardigan?' She shook her head. 'Breathe, Ash.'

'I can't understand how you can be so cavalier about this.'

'Better than shitting a brick over nothing.'

'It's not nothing!'

Scribbs sighed, 'here we go.'

They were perched on a couple of seats beside some unknown DS's desk, but Scribbs could tell Ash would be happier pacing the floor.

Ash shot her a panicked look, 'Come on, that scrawny bloke will be back soon – think of something, think of anything to say.'

'That'd be lying to a police officer. Isn't that against like ten of your rules?'

'No,' Ash demured. 'Besides, exceptions can be made in the face of desperation.'

'I don't believe you.'

'You're arguing, not thinking.'

Scribbs watched as Ash fastened her coat tightly, covering up her little black evening dress. She felt disappointment flood through her, like the disappearing neckline was the last nail in the coffin, ruining their night.

'Why aren't I hearing some logical, useful solutions?' Ash asked.

'Sullivan doesn't work at this station, anyway,' Scribbs mumbled, 'It's not like we'll bump into anyone who'll care.'

'Gossip travels.'

'Oh well.'

'And anyone could look it up,' Ash said. 'It's called a police file, Scribbs. You'd come across them more often if you were more diligent with your paperwork.'

'Oh, ha ha.'

'So, ideas? Thoughts?'

'Jesus, Ash. You're the one with all the bloody rules.'

Ash sighed, 'Yes, well.'

'Yes, well? That's it?' Scribbs wrapped her arms around herself and huffed, 'You're a lot of use, then.'

'I wasn't planning on tonight ending quite this way, alright?' Ash said. 'I'm not that unromantic.'

'I should bloody hope not.'

'I just wanted a quiet night out.'

'Should have booked us a table at the bottom of a nunnery, then.' Scribbs muttered. 'Bad enough you made us drive to a different timezone for some ravioli. Like anyone gives a toss.'

'There's no need to get snippy,' Ash said, looking around to make sure she didn't know any of the police officers on duty.

'Look at you,' Scribbs snorted. 'It's like you've been caught with your hand in the biscuit tin!'

'And you're not the least bit flustered?' Ash snapped.

'Not like you, I'm not.'

'I suppose you're even happy about it.'

Scribbs groaned, 'You think murder makes me feel all warm and fuzzy?'

'That's not what I was referring to.'

'If you're so worried, go consult your rule book: How to Behave When Caught Snogging Your Girlfriend When a Murder Is Taking Place. Timing, behaviour, surroundings.'

'You don't plan for things like this, Emma. That's like an invitation to mayhem.'

'See, you're talking, and all I'm hearing is this high-pitched whine. What did you envision then, when we did come out at work?'

'To be perfectly honest, I was hoping it would never come up.'

'Not helping.'


They were finally joined by a skinny-looking police constable – a notebook in his hands and a sheepish look on his face.

'Sorry for the wait,' he steered them towards another desk. 'If we could just get your statements, ladies, we'll get the ball rolling to catch our man.'

Scribbs let out a frustrated sigh, 'We know the procedure. We're police officers.'

'Scribbs, please.' Ash said. 'Let's keep this as quick and as painless as possible.'



'Great,' said the constable. 'So….' He raised an eyebrow at the writing on his pad. 'You were on a date, and you witnessed the murder of Sally Worthing?'

'Well, obviously,' Ash muttered. 'The man did stab the poor woman in front of the whole restaurant.'

The constable nodded calmly, which seemed to infuriate Ash all the more.

'So you were, what, talking? Kissing, when it happened?' He looked at them both expectantly.

'You can't possibly need all of that information,' Ash said.

The constable raised his eyebrow, 'Everything's relevant to a murder investigation, Miss Ashurst.'

'Detective Inspector, not Miss.'

'Right, my mistake.'

Scribbs rolled her eyes and slid back in her chair, 'What my partner means is she'd like to pretend everything's sunshine and lollypops tomorrow, so could you please keep the date part out? She'll never shut up otherwise.'

Ash glared at Scribbs, 'I wasn't saying that.'

'You were.'

'Well, yes. But you make it sound all sordid.'

'What, am I breaking your rules for being interviewed as a murder witness?'

'If I had any, I'm sure you'd have broken them, regardless.'

'Bloody hard not to, when you keep making up new ones!'

'Ladies,' the constable cleared his throat. 'Could one of you answer my question, if you please?'

Scribbs shot Ash a look, 'We were kissing.'


'And we were going at it for a bit, right? And then bam – some poor lady was stabbed on table three.'

'Right,' the constable said, making notes.

'God, you don't need to write all that down,' Ash interjected, looking at his notepad. 'You can keep it to the essentials, you know.'

'And before I knew it, he'd jumped the fence. It was an outside restaurant, you see.' Scribbs rested her eyes on Ash. 'Very posh.'

'I see,' the constable said.

'Kate didn't see anything,' Scribbs continued. 'Because she had her eyes closed, like squeezed shut. She always does that even with...


'...well, I think it's a thing, anyway.' Scribbs finished.

'Stop writing,' Ash said. 'Look, could you stop? The way I kiss isn't relevant.'

'Anyway,' Scribbs ignored her. 'I saw the whole thing, so you can ask me any questions you like.'

The constable nodded, 'Right-o.' He gestured towards Ash. 'Thanks for your time, Miss Ashurst.'


'We'll just get your girlfriend to tell us a couple of details, and you'll be off to bed before you know it.'

'No, but…'

'Pop round the side there, and PC Williams will get you a cup of tea or something.'

'Ooh,' Scribbs said, brightening. 'Do you have any biccies?'

The End

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