DISCLAIMER: The characters herein are used without permission. No infringement intended.
CHALLENGE: Submitted for the first International Day of Femslash.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Inner Monologue
By Erin Griffin
"Come on Graham," Megan slowly led her girlfriend up the front steps of her home, where, after a long discussion with her parents (which included tears, shouting and eventually ground rules and compromise) the two would be living together until they both went to college. The brunette looked at Megan nervously. "Come ON," she repeated. "My parents like you well enough. It will be okay. This way we can be together."
"I know, but do you really think I can just meld into your world of cheerleading and football games and-"
"You are my world now, Graham," The brunette, older than Megan by a little over a year, took the sandy blonde girl's hand. "You'll fit in. Trust me."
"I do trust you." With that, Graham followed Megan into the house. A room had been set up in the attic for the brunette, and that was where she put her only belongings, which was the dress she wore to the True Directions graduation. She was wearing Megan's white simple blouse and black pants, one of her 'least girly poutfits' as Megan had put it. "So, what are you going to tell your friends and all that?" Graham asked casually.
"The truth. Besides, I've been thinking that if they have a problem with who I am, then perhaps they were never really my true friends to begin with. Only time will tell who sticks by me after all this," Megan replied, pulling Graham into her. The older girl put her fingers to Megan's hair and pushed some of it back, then looked into her eyes.
"The truth, huh? That instead of going all straight and narrow, you ran off and brought with you a stray?" Graham asked, her eyes worried.
"You're no stray," Megan said. "I'll tell them that I found out who I am and who I wanted. If you want us to remain a secret at school, we can." The brunette snorted.
"Let's think on that, Megan," Graham started, leaning her head to touch the blonde's, "you just got back from Homosexuals Anonymous, I come back with you, and most likely I'll be at every event that you'll be cheerleading at... I'm sure someone will figure it out." Graham stroked her face then kissed her. It felt no different to her than that first time. The heat and emotion was still there. Graham had worried that after True Directions, Megan would be so into her old life that she wouldn't want to be with her anymore. She never actually thought that Megan would come back to get her, and even after that first initial rejection due to fear, the blonde had tried a different method to get her back. That had proved to Graham that Megan wanted her in her life. Still, Graham can feel the insecurities float through her mind. Why be gay? It seemed such a hassle. Megan could easily go back to her friends and cheer her pure little heart out for Muscle Boy, and say that she'd been 'fixed'. Instead, she chose Graham over the life of normality.
"Maybe so. I don't care about them, Graham. I care about you. Whatever you want to do, I'll do it." The cheerleader looked into the brunette's eyes. "As long as we're together-" Graham captured the younger girl into a kiss.
"As long as we're together the rest of the world can go to hell."
The following Monday, Graham and Megan walked hand in hand to the main office, where the two girls got strange stares. Megan already knew her class schedule, it being mid-April, and knew she had a lot of work to make up. As she sat on one of the chairs to wait for a councilor for Graham in order to help her figure out her classes, one of Megan's friends who had been at her intervention walked up to her. "I see you haven't been fixed," she said with some disappointment on her face and in her voice, "Now you've just brought it back with you."
"Graham is not my disease," Megan said, "she's my girl, and I advise you not speak badly about her."
"You know we can't have dykes on the cheer squad."
"You won't have any dykes on the cheer squad because I quit." Megan glared at the girl she once saw as a friend. The girl however smiled smugly, but said nothing more. As she saw it, Megan's quitting meant nothing more to her than one less competition for the cheer captain position in their senior year. Megan huffed. She looked up when she heard the councilor's door open, and saw Graham walk out. She put on a smile when her girlfriend came out to hug her. "Guess what?" she said excitedly with a quick kiss. She looked somewhat regretful when the kiss earned her a stern look from the councilor. Megan was curious to know what got Graham so excited. She hadn't seen her smile so widely since she'd cheered for her at the graduation. Megan liked her smile.
"What?"
"I'll be able to graduate with you next year if I bust my ass and take summer classes. I thought I'd never graduate on time with my GPA."
"Graham, that's great!" The two walked from the office to the brunette's first classroom. "...and that is the cleanest girls' bathroom," Megan said, concluding her small tour so far of the high school, "but if you want a cigarette in the middle of the day, the other girls' bathroom is near the stage. No one really goes in that one anymore." Megan watched Graham's face as she said that, and a look of relief made the now ex-cheerleader smile. Graham kissed her hand before Megan walked to her class in the next building. Along the way, she saw a small poster that advertised auditions for a play, an interesting twist on Romeo and Juliet. The roles were reversed, and the play was called Ramona and Julius. Megan smiled and pictured what a play like that would be like, and André's voice popped into her head the day they had met at True Directions. 'I'm Andre'. Actor, dancer... homosexual." Megan also couldn't help but think of what he had said to the group as his parting words. 'you know who you are and you KNOW who you want!' Always the drama queen, sure, but it was because of those words that Megan had gone back for Graham. It was because of what he said that Megan was with her now. He was right. They had known all along.
The two girls met up after the lunch bell sounded, and together they sat at a table near the wall. "So," Megan asked.
"I think your school is nice. Nothing like the Sit-and- Spin 'I'm too good for the rest of the world' school my father made me attend. Sure there are jerk offs that saw us together this morning and have been whistling at me since, but most people just look away or pretend they don't know it exists, and some people don't even bat an eye." Graham grabbed Megan's hand, which rested next to her bottle of 7-Up. "So how's your day going?" Megan looked into Graham's eyes, not sure how to tell her what she had done that morning.
"I dropped out of the cheerleading squad and joined the drama club." Graham's look of shock was worth it. Her jaw looked to be millimeters from dipping into her macaroni. She looked like she didn't know what to say.
"H-Honey, I thought cheerleading made you happy." Megan only shrugged, then smiled a moment later, if not somewhat sadly. "They didn't say something to make you quit, did they?" Graham's look of worry shifted into one of protectiveness that was endearing to the blonde.
"Not really. I saw one of the girls who I thought was my friend, but I found out that part of the reason I loved cheerleading so much was my underlying love for the female form in motion, and at the time I didn't see those girls as the homophobic shallow people they are. They're fake to me now, and cheerleading would no longer be fun for me if I was with them. Maybe in college I might start up again." Graham smiled, glad to see that Megan wasn't giving up her first love for her second.
"So what made you decide to join the drama club, though?"
"Andre'." At Graham's confused look, Megan continued to speak. "I saw a poster for a play that they're auditioning for this afternoon. Anyone can audition, and I wanted to. I haven't officially joined it. I'd join if I got a part. The play is Ramona and Julius, and it's Romeo and Juliet with major role reversal. It reminded me of Andre', so I signed up to audition with him in mind." Graham's thumb stroked her hand, making the action feel like the first time she touched Megan during step three of the True Directions program.
"What time are the auditions?"
"From three to five." Graham smiled a slow, soft smile, and Megan wanted to throw her girlfriend against the wall and have her way with her.
"What do you have to do for it?" Megan was glad that Graham was interested in this possible hobby.
"A short monologue, no more than 2 minutes."
"Have you got one?"
"Somewhat, but I don't want to jinx myself by talking too much about it." Megan lied. She knew what her monologue would be. It was a paragraph of nothing more than metaphorical ranting she had put to paper during her literature class, and had perfected in her mind while thinking of Graham. She knew her girlfriend would be there to support her; that was just her way. Megan knew she'd be there at 3 o'clock sharp. The warning bell ending lunch sounded, and Megan got both of their trays and stuck her tongue out at Graham after a comment about butch-femme roles. She noticed with some concern that nervousness had prevented Graham from eating. 'I'll take her out to pizza after the auditions' she vowed to herself. She walked the brunette to her Photography class, then hurried to PE.
That afternoon, only nine people showed up to the auditions, plus the ten to fifteen people already in the drama club and stage tech crews. If this was how many people would be there, then Megan would be guaranteed a part. She was sure of it. When she looked around, the blonde didn't see Graham anywhere, and her heart felt a pang of hurt. Maybe she shouldn't have counted on her to be there. Another part of her told her that perhaps the brunette got caught up after school or maybe took a quick smoke break, but she'll be there when she can. When Megan's name was called to do her audition, she sighed, then stepped onto the stage. A movement above her line of vision caught her attention, and when Megan looked up, she saw Graham sitting at the balcony, grinning mischievously. Megan smiled back and kept her gaze. She barely heard the drama teacher, who was supervising, say, 'Whenever you are ready." Megan took a deep breath and spoke.
"This light shines brightly in my eyes, but all I see is you," she began. She had other words, words she had memorized earlier, words she had forgotten in that moment. All she saw was Graham, and all she had to say was for her only. "Like an angel that was sent to me, you are here, and you complete my world. Some say you have fallen from grace, but they are wrong. You've fallen into my arms, and at night when you sleep is when I feel it. Your power. The enchantment you've set upon me." At this, Graham slowly stood up and made her way towards the isle, but not once did she break eye contact, and Megan followed her every move as she continued to speak. "Your wings were clipped for loving me, and you had to get used to living my world. I'd hoped I could change a little in order to keep up with an angel, so that some day we could meet in the middle as equals. Only your hand fits in mine, only your heart can harmonize with the rhythm of mine. You are mine, I am yours... We are One." Megan's voice faltered when Graham was standing next to the first row, and Megan wondered is the older girl knew what her monologue was really trying to say. Their eyes stayed locked, and after a few seconds of silence, applause erupted and Megan slowly left the stage. She hurried over to Graham, who didn't mind those who stared as she enveloped the sandy blonde in her love. The kiss they shared was way too intimate for a high school theater, but neither girl cared.
"I want to be a photographer. I want to be rich and raise a family and be able to take care of them. I want a medium sized house in the suburbs, and a huge back yard. I want dogs, lots of them, and I want to live in a place that's got a good amount of rain... And I want you beside me through it all." Graham finished in a whisper. She sniffed, and Megan thought 'Is she crying?' Megan wiped the tear away, and together the two women started to walk home, not caring that the auditions still had an hour and a half left. Megan didn't care if she never cheered again. Sure, she'd miss it, but with Graham there, it didn't seem like such a big part of her anymore. Discovering she was a homosexual meant she discovered what love was, and she had what she truly needed in life. She could live with what she had and if she had actually gotten the part of Ramona in the play, then that would have been pretty spiffy, too.
The End