DISCLAIMER: I only borrowed them for a while. MGM and whoever can
have them back whenever they want.
SPOILERS: set season 4ish. But no spoilers for anything.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author
Let me tell you, when people bruise skin you've kissed, it really pisses you off. I helped Sam off with her boots and her trousers, wincing at the deep bruising still coming out on her shins and thighs. More bruises patterned her belly and her back were revealed as I eased her shirt off. I had ordered a full set of x-rays back at the SGC and miraculously there did not seem to be any broken bones or internal bleeding though her kidneys were going to be sore for a couple of days longer. But she was home now where I could keep a close eye on her.
She was quiet and a little sad all the way through the exam and the briefing and then the ride home. The mission had gone bad the natives too scared of Goa'uld reprisals to even talk to our people. They were very lucky not to have been killed or captured and handed over to the Goa'uld the next time he showed up. I'm sure the Colonel said he was called Teflon though I'm pretty certain that's not the right name. They all got roughed up but Sam got it the hardest it was another `women should be barefoot and pregnant' society. Thank god she wasn't raped or assaulted sexually though the beating she got was bad enough.
I hate it. I hate it that she puts herself in danger like this, unquestioningly. She almost treats it as if it's a price that has to be paid, a toll for going through the Gate.
The bath is ready. I help her in and ease her down. She sighs as the warm water washes over her stiffening muscles and the lines of tension around her mouth and eyes ease a little. The scented candles are helping as well I think, and the dim lights. She's so tense with the pain she won't admit to feeling. I want her to relax. I picked up a soft sponge and poured some lotion on it then gently run it over her skin. She leaned forward a little so that I could run it over her back and shoulders. There was a distinct bootprint just above her shoulderblade, the skin around it already purplish black with bruising. I bit back tears. I did not touch it with the sponge but let the water trickle over it. She sighed.
"I'm okay, Janet. I'll heal. You know that."
"This time." The words were out before I could stop them. We didn't talk about this. It was an unwritten rule between us. I continued to soap down her back, careful of the mass of bruising over her kidneys.
She was silent for a long time. I moved round to her front, applying more lotion to the sponge and soaping over her collarbones, the rivulets of foam streaming over her breasts, her turgid nipples standing proud amongst the stream and down her toned abdomen to rejoin the foamy water that lapped around her navel. Her eyes were closed.
"I'll resign my active status, move into the labs. God knows they could use me there," she said. "If you want."
"No, Sam!" I sat back on my heels, horrified. "No, that's not what I'm saying, not what I meant at all. I'd never ask you to do that. Going through the Gate means everything to you."
"You mean everything to me," she said softly, her crystal blue eyes shining as she gazed at me. "You mean everything to me, Janet. And I hate to see you hurting because I've got myself into trouble again."
"It makes a lot of sense, Janet. Keeping you, everyone, safe from the Goa'uld is like a sacred trust to me, you know that. But it's not what I signed up for. And every time I get injured it gets harder to come back and I know I'm on borrowed time here. It could well be a better use of my resources to have me move sideways into the labs. The Pentagon will certainly see it that way and so will General Hammond. The thing we need to beat the Goa'uld could be sitting in one of our storage bays right now and we wouldn't know because no one's had the time to study it."
"I want you to do what you're happy doing," I said. "And right now that's being out there fighting the good fight. The moment that changes I'll back you 100% no matter what you choose to do, my love. You know that. Yes, it hurts me to see you in pain but it just makes me more determined to do everything in my power to make you well again so that you can go do what you need to do."
Now she was the one with tears in her eyes. Her hand reached out to caress my cheek and I turned my face into her palm, kissing it. "Are we okay?"
She nodded, smiled.
I could feel that the bathwater was beginning to cool. "Want me to wash your hair?"
She nodded again. I gently pushed her down under the water and trusting me she slid until her head submerged. After a second or so I let her up again and then reached for the shampoo, pouring a little into the palm of my hand before massaging it into her scalp.
She sighed, relaxed under my touch. "Okay, ready to rinse," I said. She slid under the water again for a moment as I ran my fingers through the short strands of hair then reached for the water jug and filled it before pouring it over her. Her head was tilted forward, forehead almost touching her knees and I ran my fingers down the top of her spine, playing with the short hairs at the nape of her neck for a moment.
"Okay, let's get you out of there before you start to get a chill," I said. The bath towel had been on the warm rail all this time. She managed to get to her feet without much trouble and I held her hand as she stepped somewhat gingerly out of the bath then wrapped the towel around her, holding her close not caring how wet I was getting in the process.
Her blue eyes were dulled with sleep, her hands resting on my shoulders as I patted her dry and rubbed the worst of the moisture out of her hair. I reached for her robe and wrapped it around her before leading her into the bedroom. The bed was already turned down and her meds and a glass of water were waiting for her to take them. She swallowed them down without complaint which let me know just how much pain she was really in. I helped her into a nightshirt and brushed her hair, her eyes closed now, taking more of her weight as she leant against me sleepily.
"Okay," I smiled, moving round to stand between her thighs. "Now, do you want a massage? Or are you okay to sleep?"
"No massage," she smiled. "Already very loose. A loose woman, Janet." She giggled and grinned up at me.
"Ah, feeling no pain now, I see," I said. This was a familiar reaction to narcotics and one of the reasons she hated taking them. She shook her head.
"No pain. But not sleepy. Have better idea. Better than a massage. Make you feel good too. Scared you, Janet. Didn't mean to. Didn't want to." Her smile had faded a little. I had to get her off this train of thought.
"Better than a massage, huh?" I began to unbutton my blouse. The smile brightened again. My girl was ridiculously easy to please when she was in this state. I undid the waistband of my trousers and let them drop, my pants following them moments later. She placed her hand on my bare abdomen, sliding her palm across my skin. I stepped out of my underwear and tossed my damp shirt on top of the laundry hamper. Her nimble fingers were already busy at the clasp of my bra. I let it drop to the floor with the rest of my clothes.
She scooted further over on the bed and I climbed up beside her. Then suddenly she was the alpha again, arching over me, her kisses insistent, her hands exploring my skin. So this is what she had meant by making me feel good too. "Easy, easy," I reminded her. "You're injured, remember."
She shrugged it off. "Need this, need you, Janet. Need you. Want you." Her hand glided down the inside of my thigh towards my centre and suddenly all my medical instincts went out the window along with most higher brain functions. If this was what she wanted then who was I to counsel against it?
I lost myself in her, my eyes closed, senses tuned to each pass of her hand across my skin. It was like an electric shock when the flat of her tongue swept over my nipples, first left and then right and then her lips were pressed to mine and our tongues were in a familiar duel; her hand flat against my mound, her long fingers working their magic.
She raised her head and looked down at me, her eyes smoky with desire. "What do you want Janet?"
"You, only you, Sam. Only ever you."
She touched me, stroking me, asking me again what I wanted. "You, only you," I gasped. Then I was there, my back arching, my lungs seizing air in shuddering gasps my eyes squeezed tightly shut against the light that blossomed in my mind. And as the moment slowly faded her arms were around me as I crawled on top of her and fell asleep almost instantly.
I didn't quite wake up as I heard her moving around the room. I remember her kissing my hair, shushing me back to sleep. I had probably stolen all the covers again. When my Sam was with me I never slept so deeply or so well.
I woke snuggled up in Sam's arms. She was asleep, her face pale, her expression slightly tense. I tried to ease myself away conscious of how badly her ribs and abdomen were bruised aware that my weight alone must be hurting her but she clung even tighter to me. I realized then that she was dreaming as tension lines appeared around her mouth and eyes and reached up to smooth my fingers against her cheek and brow. "It's okay, baby. You're okay. I'm here. I won't let anyone hurt you. I'm not going anywhere. You got me. You got me safe."
"My girl," she whispered, her hold on me loosening a little as her breathing eased, her face relaxing into a slight smile.
"That's right," I said softly. "Your girl's here and everything is alright. Go back to sleep, Sammie. Only sweet dreams, okay."
I laid back down again and listened to her heart beating letting that powerful unique sound lull me back to sleep.
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