DISCLAIMER: Birds of Prey, its characters, and anything else belong
to their rightful owners which excludes me any way you look at it.
No copyright infringement is intended, no profit is being made, etc.
Just borrowing for a little fun. Also, do not read if even the
thought of same-sex relationships bothers you (then again, if it
does, you are *so* in the wrong place).
AUTHOR'S NOTES: A big thank you to everybody who sent me feedback. You wanted more, so here it is. And I repeat, I am not, have never been, and will never be a writer due to my amusement derived from abusing the English language. A special thanks to G Silver for reading this part over for me:)
FEEDBACK: Even if it's "you suck" written in purple crayon.
RATING: 15 for the use of a certain 4 letter word.
SPOILERS: Through the finale.
SEQUEL: To Tonight
That was how long it took Helena to sprint to the clocktower.
It was also how long it took her to start doubting her course of action.
Well, technically, she started having doubts about three minutes into her run, but at about seven minutes she was able to convince herself that she should stick to her original agenda. So here she was now, three minutes after changing her mind back to her original plan, again having doubts. And because of said doubts, she wasn't inside the warm comfort of the clocktower, but standing outside on a roof of a building, although unlike the last one this one wasn't abandoned and was located across the street from the clocktower.
Helena figured this was one of the reasons she hated multiple choice tests so much in high school. While most of the time she could breeze through any exam--to the surprise of most teachers considering she had an attendance problem in addition to the fact that she didn't bother doing homework most of the time--there were occasional questions that would stump her and she would take forever deciding which of the 2 choices she narrowed it down to was the correct answer. Of course, she always ended up picking the wrong one.
That was what was worrying Helena now. She couldn't afford a wrong choice.
Oh, what was she kidding herself.
She was scared.
The big bad Huntress scared of sharing a little feelings. Well, a lot of feelings.
Fear. The only four-letter word that bothered her, well, besides the obvious--love. And that was only because she wasn't *supposed* to be scared of anything. But she was. No, she wasn't afraid of being rejected. She was actually pretty prepared for that. What she was afraid of was losing her friendship with Barbara because of her coming confession. Which was a ridiculous thought because she knew Barbara. Barbara wouldn't treat her any differently whether or not she knew of Helena's feelings. That was just how Barbara was. But fear didn't make sense. Hell, *love* didn't make sense. And all of this just left her nervous and hesitant about how to proceed.
With those words Helena broke out of her internal debate and looked around. Apparently, her body decided that it had enough of listening to Helena's head being indecisive because she was now in the clocktower not 5 feet away from Barbara. Said redhead was turned in her seat at her station by the Delphi and shooting her a quizzical look.
Helena had two options: 1) smile, turn around, and leave, resulting in Barbara questioning her sanity but be saved from any emotional damage, or 2) spill her guts and risk it all.
Well, Barbara always told her to never second-guess herself.
"Uh, hey Barbara," said Helena, all the while berating herself that she sounded lame.
"So..." Barbara said after it was apparent that Helena wasn't going to say anymore anytime soon. "What brings you to the clocktower?"
"Well, you know," Helena hesitantly smiled. "My boss gave me the night off, so I thought I'd come by and spend it with you."
Barbara smiled back at the honest statement and Helena felt her heart swell. Come to think of it, it was the first genuine smile Helena had seen in a while and she didn't realize how much she missed it until then. Helena watched as Barbara furrowed her brow, apparently struck with a thought.
"Reese busy?" Barbara asked, clearly certain that she was just a second choice.
"I, uh, wouldn't know."
"Oh. Problems in paradise?"
"You could say that," Helena replied shifting her gaze from Barbara for a second.
"Do you... want to talk about it?" Barbara asked.
This was it.
"Actually, I do," Helena said honestly.
"Oh," Barbara said, obviously surprised that Helena would want to talk about it. When Helena didn't elaborate she asked, "Is this what's been bothering you lately?"
"Sorta," Helena dodged.
Helena knew the redhead was waiting for her to continue. She knew that Barbara wouldn't push her and would allow her to take things at her own pace. Hopefully, her own pace would start picking up because at this rate it'd be next week before she said what she wanted.
"I've been thinking a lot lately," Helena continued after a while. "Not just about Reese. About everything actually. And I sort of... discovered something. Uh, about myself that is. Not some sort of scientific breakthrough or anything. Although I'm sure you figured that out 'cause you know I'm not all into that science-y stuff like you. And this's completely irrelevant to the situation, but I swear I'll get to my point."
Helena paused for a second to take a breath. She knew she was babbling. She *never* babbled. She looked up and met Barbara's concerned eyes. Eyes that told her that her friend was worried and would listen to whatever she had to say. Which was the only reassurance she needed to continue.
"I don't love Reese," Helena blurted.
"Wait," Helena cut off before Barbara could get started. "That came out wrong. I mean, I knew before that I didn't love him. You probably did too, considering 'love' isn't even near a prerequisite for me. But I mean... that is..." she trailed off.
Okay. So this was hard. She wasn't making any sense. And if *she* didn't understand what she was saying, there was no way in hell that Barbara had a clue. Helena closed her eyes and groaned as she ran her left hand through her hair, ruffling it a little. She took a calming breath as she tilted her head up towards the ceiling. She could do this. She *had* to do this.
Helena quickly looked down when she felt a light touch on her arm. She hadn't sensed it, but Barbara had wheeled herself right in front of Helena and had reached her hand out in reassurance. The touch had the soothing effect that was intended and Helena smiled at the redhead.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Barbara said.
"Actually," Helena started. "I do. Want to that is. 'Though there is a little bit of have to thrown in there because I'm pretty sure that if I don't I'm gonna go insane," she paused for a second before smiling sadly. "And seeing that I'm not quite up to jumping back onto that therapy bandwagon just yet this talk *definitely* needs to happen."
Helena paused and stepped just far enough away that the two weren't touching anymore. She didn't want any distractions, and she wanted to make sure she was looking at Barbara when she said what she said next.
"I'm in love with someone," Helena said, hoping to convey her honesty. "I've never been in love before. And honestly, I never even thought that I would ever be in love with anyone. I mean, I was pretty sure I couldn't because I've seen what happens to 'love' when the people involved do what we do.
"But somewhere along the line I fell in love. The kind that makes you want to sing cheesy love songs and recite poetry. The kind where your chest feels like an elephant is standing on it, but you don't really mind. The kind where you know you'd even sell your soul just to see one smile pointed in your direction, or hear a laugh.
"And I don't really know what to do. I thought it might go away. Hell, I was almost counting on it at first. But it didn't. It won't. Because I think that this is the only one constant in my somewhat chaotic life. The only thing that keeps me from crossing over that line. The only thing that I am absolutely certain is worth fighting for.
"And it terrifies me," Helena finished softly as she closed her eyes again. She was a coward. She'd gotten that much out but she refused to look at Barbara to see her reaction. She hadn't even told her *who* it was that she was in love with.
"Helena," Barbara said, prompting her to open her eyes again.
"Wait," Helena interrupted. "There's more."
Helena stepped forward, closing the space between them. She reached out and pushed a loose strand of hair behind Barbara's ear. Helena kept her hand on Barbara's cheek as she readied herself for the main part of her confession.
"God, Barbara, I love you," came a familiar voice from the elevators, and Helena dropped her hand. "This has been like, the coolest night *ever*!! Oh, hey Helena..." Dinah trailed off, finally noticing the brunette.
Helena cursed internally at the interruption. Of course when she finally screwed up the courage to get to the important part, the higher ups decide to mess with her life just a little more. Fuck it. She was going to say what she had to say, Dinah or no Dinah.
"Barbara," she said, waiting for the redhead's attention to return to her.
When Barbara turned back towards her, she firmly grasped the redhead's hand and looked straight into her eyes. She saw the questioning look in them and smiled softly and held her breath for a moment.
She said it.
Consequences be damned.
Sequel Because I Do
Return to Birds of Prey Fiction
Return to Main Page