DISCLAIMER: Not mine. No money made. Maca, Esther and (to my great disappointment also Cruz), along with the entirety of Hospital Central, belong to Telecino. All I own is my brain and a very vivid imagination. I only lay claim to the journey I'm sending the characters on.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: After taking refuge in the Hospital Central fandom almost a year ago, I am delighted to see the growing interest for Maca and Esther in the international community, where Ralst's call for submissions finally convinced me to post this story here as well. It is originally being written in single chapters on the Spanish Maca y Esther board at miarroba (Ralst has kindly added the link to the HC link section, and if any of you speaks Spanish, I'd advise you to run and don't walk over there and take a look at the fan fic section) and is as of yet unfinished.
TIMEFRAME: uh… let's call it al Alternative AU, which is like an Über, but not quite. The Spanish folks on miarroba write nearly exclusively in this form.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

By Nordica aka Nique Bartok

Part 21

The day they released the young mother with her baby girl, Vilches and Mbele came back from Mbui-Mayi. The transporter horns already honked from afar, making colleagues and patients alike assemble at the entry to the village.

Vilches had opened the scuttle in the roof and was waving at them as the car rattled closer. "It's a girl!" he yelled excitedly.

"Oh my God, did you hear that?" Maria asked into the round. "That means Cruz had her baby!"

A cheer erupted around them, and Vilches was pulled out of the car by a throng of well-wishers.

Maca was the first one to hug him. "Congratulations!" To her and everyone else's surprise, Vilches swept her off her feet and twirled her around once before setting her down again.

"Thanks!" He beamed at a very perplexed Maca and then hugged everyone else around him as well. It was a little disconcerting to see their always grouchy boss in such an exuberant mood. "I don't know how many thousands I'll have to pay for that phone connection, but I don't care!"

"You were on the phone with her during it?" Esther asked flabbergasted.

"Yes. She kept cursing the day I was born," Vilches said with a huge grin. "And telling me that I'd be the one to have the next baby. – She didn't even apologize later."

"Must be your manners rubbing off on her," Maria stated wryly.

"I knew we should have called her something other than Maria," Vilches replied with a bit of his trademark sarcastic attitude, only to break into another huge smile when he reached into his shirt pocket. "I got to print some digital images before we left – look, isn't she amazing?"

"Oh let me see…" Esther was the one who stood closest to Vilches at the moment and got to see the photo first – an exhausted looking Cruz with a radiant smile, sitting up in a hospital bed that seemed strangely futuristic in comparison to what was normal to them out here. And nestled in her arms was an adorable baby girl, fast asleep.

Esther could feel Maca walking up behind her, sensing her more than she was seeing her. Maca looked over her shoulder, taking the image from Esther's fingers. "God, she is gorgeous…"

Esther closed her eyes, stepping away from the scene, unable to look at Maca. She didn't want to witness the expression on her face, unable to take any more of the radiance that she knew she would find there at this moment. She didn't need any more reminders that, yes, she was smitten with Maca beyond human belief.

Repeating her ever-present mantra – less than six weeks until going home! – Esther reminded herself that even if there had been something on Maca's side, it surely wasn't there anymore. Because if there was even an inkling of attraction, Maca wouldn't be able to keep at a distance and be so calm and placid about it. And Esther knew what she was talking about – she was trying to keep at a distance, and 'calm' and 'placid' were the last words she would have used to describe her state.

Esther pushed away the gloomy thoughts for the night as Vilches called everyone together for a spontaneous party after dinner. He and Mbele had brought back a small barrel of badly burned schnapps from Mbuji-Mayi, and Vilches vowed that he wouldn't go to bed until it had been emptied with toasts to his newborn daughter.

The mood was raucous and ebullient and after the second glass, the schnapps didn't even taste half bad, Maca thought. Another round was dished out, the clear liquid splashing over the rim of the shot glasses. "To Maria!" The cheer went around the cafeteria tent.

"I can't believe I won't hold her in my arms until she's six months old," Vilches said quietly where he was leaning next to Maca. He looked down into this empty glass. "She won't even know who I am."

"Of course she'll know," Maca protested. "What do you want to bet that Cruz is telling her about her daddy right now?" She nudged him in the side with an elbow. "And besides, if that girl has any of your genes, she'll be grumpy upon meeting you, whether you're there tomorrow or in a few months."

Vilches blinked, although he would never admit that he was close to tears. "That's what Cruz said," he nodded, his voice hoarse. Then he held out his glass again. "And one to my wife!"

The glasses were filled anew, schnapps slopping over the table and trickling into the earth to their feet. "To Cruz!" Pablo shouted, and everyone joined in, clinking their glasses together hard enough to smash them, more liquor splashing over the rims.

Mbele hurried to refill the empty glasses, and just when Esther wanted to take another glass, a hand reached over her shoulder to take it instead. Maca's hand, Esther noted with a sharp intake of breath. Gratefully, she took the next shot Mbele held out to her and quickly tossed it back, feeling it burn its way down her throat. Anything to keep her mind off the warmth of Maca's body behind her.

Maca seemed to have enjoyed a few shots already, as well. Her arm remained slipped around Esther's shoulders as if she had simply forgotten to take it away again. She switched the glass from her right to her left, downing the shot and scrunching her face in reaction.

She waved at Mbele with the empty glass. "We'll all be blind from this stuff tomorrow, right?" Even as she kept talking to Mbele, she remained with her arm around Esther.

They had to look a bit like a couple at a party, Esther thought, and that was the only, not very helpful thought she was able to gather as she remained standing there without really adding much to the conversation, acutely aware of Maca's arm around her. She didn't dare to move, feeling lightheaded at the simple touch, at being able to breathe in Maca's scent at such a close distance, and there was another sensation underneath, coiling low in her stomach – desire.

Esther was grateful that the alcohol easily explained away the heat in her cheeks. Her entire body seemed to be thrumming just from being close to Maca, as if she were a string on an instrument that Maca had brushed in passing. Part of this had to be the alcohol, Esther decided, distrustfully eyeing the clear liquid in her refilled glass. It couldn't be normal to feel that excited by so innocuous a touch.

The alcohol also numbed her guilty conscience, and so she remained where she was, for once not thinking about Miguel but enjoying standing next to Maca, listening to her and Mbele talk about how things were in Mbuji-Mayi.

The sound of drums interrupted them, and Esther looked up to see that Malik had brought his small set of bongos into the tent. He was followed by Pablo with his guitar – the one where a string was missing ever since they had needed it to secure a patient's splint – and even though it wasn't a very elaborate combo, what this music didn't have in accompaniment, it made up for in rhythm.

The table and benches were quickly cleared off to the side and Esther let Mbele draw her onto the improvised dancefloor where he began to spin her around to the beat.

Maca held onto her glass with both hands as she watched the scene, thinking she'd need another drink or three if she wanted to make it through this night sane and alive. On the other hand, any more alcohol probably wasn't a wise idea since she was already unable to keep her hands off Esther as it were. She had kept talking to Mbele over God and the weather just so she wouldn't have to move and let go of Esther who stood there as if she hadn't even noticed the arm around her.

Maca supposed it had been smart of her that she hadn't turned her head to look at Esther then, because watching her now, she couldn't help but notice again how gorgeous she was. It was such a contrast to how sad and distant Esther had seemed this past week. Maca hadn't known just how much she had missed her smile until she saw her dancing now with Mbele, her cheeks flushed from the drinks, laughing at the dance figures he tried to teach her.

Stoically, Maca glanced over to where Begoña had dragged Maria onto the dance floor, trying to avoid looking at Esther even though she could still hear her laugh. Perhaps another drink wouldn't be such a bad idea at all, but just as she was looking for another glass, Esther stood in front of her.

"Come on, you have to dance," Esther announced, still slightly out of breath, her hair falling wildly around her face.

Staring into those sparkling eyes, Maca felt her tongue grow heavy in her mouth. She couldn't speak. She only knew that there probably wasn't enough alcohol in the world to douse the heat she felt rushing up her body at this moment. "I'm not much of a dancer," she finally mumbled, and even if she had been a ballerina, she doubted that she would have had any coordination right now. Not with Esther looking at her like that.

"We'll see about that," Esther resolved and pulled Maca along with her, who was weak-kneed at that little display of decisiveness that was so typical for Esther. Maca dug her palms into her nails to fight the impulse of reaching out and combing the hair back from Esther's face.

But then, Esther's hands were on hers, reaching for her fists with quiet certainty, and under her grasp, Maca's fingers uncoiled easily. "All right then…" Esther grinned, and she had to tilt her head back to look up at Maca at the close distance.

And before Maca could think or say anything, Esther had put Maca's hands onto her own hips, keeping them there with her own hands on top. "And now… just move with me," she ordered.

Maca was convinced she had died and gone to heaven and hell at once as Esther simply began to dance again, leaving her to follow her movements. – How could Esther not feel this? How could she not see what this did to her?

Esther smiled up at her at this moment. "Can you feel this?" she called over the noise of the drums, not once stopping in her movements.

God, yes! Maca wanted to shout, but instead, she nodded with as much reserve as she could muster. "Yeah, I think so," she said blandly.

"Well… then move!" Esther laughed, lifting her own hands from Maca's and raising them over her head as she danced on, now more freely than before.

Maca couldn't move one foot in front of the other. All she could feel were Esther's hips shifting against her palms, and everything else was a crazy blur of rhythm, beat and want, and of the image of Esther smiling up at her, with eyes that seemed nearly black, her pupils large and dilated.

Maca found herself at the point of not caring who was around them, unable to focus on anything but Esther's eyes, the sounds of the drums in the background being drowned out by the sound of her own heartbeat hammering in her ears.

"Hey, how about the two of you get some air," Maria suggested dryly in walking past. "…or a room," she added under her breath.

Maca shook her head, only slowly becoming aware of her surroundings again.

"Yes, Esther, do we still have any goodies hidden in storage?" Vilches called out across the assembly. "Tonight is the night to break them out!"

"I can go look," Esther offered, walking off the dance floor somewhat unsteadily. It was less due to the alcohol than due to Maca. Even though they had broken apart now, she could still feel the warmth of Maca's palms against her hips. A trip to the storage tent sounded like a good idea to cool herself off a little. Esther knew she had to get away from Maca, and fast, or she would do something untoward.

"Wilson, you make sure she gets to the storage tent in one piece!" Vilches commanded jovially upon seeing Esther walking out on wobbly legs. "Mission: Chocolate!"

Maca threw him a mock salute and followed Esther. They walked in silence, neither saying a word as the sounds of the drums and the laughter became quieter behind them.

"I hope I can remember where I put things…" Esther murmured when they entered the storage tent. She reached to lighten the small oil lamp at the entrance, her hands a lot more steady than they had been only minutes ago.

"Sure…" Maca said distractedly, wondering whether Esther had noticed that they had walked the whole way close enough to have their shoulders brush with every other step.

She stood back while Esther opened the medicine fridge and bent down to sort through its contents. Maca told herself not to glance at Esther's hips, and how they looked in the skirt she was wearing. "There might be something left behind the broadband antibiotics," she suggested instead, keeping her eyes firmly on the other wall of the tent and telling herself that if she glanced down at Esther just once more, she would go to hell for sure.

"No, I never stacked anything there," Esther disagreed distractedly, pushing a set of vials aside.

On the other hand, Maca thought, hell couldn't be such a bad place. "Where do you think I hid your birthday cake?" she replied easily, letting her eyes trail over Esther's body unseen. Perhaps she should stay behind when Esther rejoined the party and put her head into that fridge for a few minutes.

At the memory of that birthday cake, at the sweet surprise and Maca's shy smile, and how easy and wonderful things had been between them back then, Esther had to swallow heavily. She grew still where she was crouched in front of the fridge, trying to blink back the tears that were suddenly blurring her vision.

Still lost in her unabashed perusal of Esther, Maca didn't realize the sudden shift in mood right away. She had expected Esther to turn to her with another smile, or another funny remark. When Esther simply placed the chocolate on the fridge and said, "Let's go," the dejected tone of voice shook Maca out of her haze.

"Hey…" Maca reached out before she could even think about it, taking Esther's face between her hands. "What is it?"

"Nothing." Esther shook her head, not looking up at Maca. "Just stupid thoughts."

But Maca didn't budge. "Tell me," she pleaded softly, stroking away a tear from Esther's cheek with gentle fingers, and Esther wanted to damn her for that entreating tone of voice that left her defenseless and longing, longing for this woman in front of her.

She reached up and, with shaking fingers, pulled one of Maca's hands away from her face, taking it between her own. She marveled at how actually, everything was already said in the way Maca's palm trembled in her grasp. Esther looked at their joined hands for a moment, feeling her insides turn to liquid, amalgamating into something bright and fierce and wanting that easily encompassed them both, and she knew she couldn't stop it anymore. Nothing could stop it now.

Slowly, Esther raised her head to look at Maca, taking in her slightly worried frown, the gentle expression in her eyes, the way her lips were curved into a questioning smile, and she couldn't imagine that there could be anyone more beautiful in the whole world.

Staring at Maca for another moment, Esther could do nothing else but lean in, lean in or burst, and then she was kissing her again.

It was even sweeter than she remembered, and Esther involuntarily closed her eyes at the contact, melting into the touch. Maca's lips were trembling against her own.

It lasted but for a few, incredibly precious moments. When Esther moved to deepen the touch, Maca pulled back.

Esther blinked her eyes open with difficulty. Her entire body felt warm and heavy with desire. "Maca…" she whispered thickly. "Please…"

The tone of voice tore through Maca, rushing along her veins and down her spine like a drug. Her hands were on Esther's shoulders, holding her at a small distance with trembling fingers. One gesture, one inch closer, a mere blink on Esther's part, and she would lose this last, precarious edge of control. Maca swallowed. Talking was so hard, but she needed to know. "Will you tell me you're sorry afterwards again?"

Esther needed a moment to process what Maca was saying. Then, she closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "Yes," she admitted, looking straight at Maca. "That I'm sorry that I didn't do this last week already…" she murmured, stroking Maca's face, not understanding how anyone's eyes could be so deep, so meltingly soft, so ardent that she felt herself smoldering and yet drowning in them at the same time.

Maca valiantly struggled to keep a level head. "But… your boyfriend…"

She couldn't believe that she brought this up herself. With anyone else, she wouldn't have cared, acting on her instincts that screamed for her to pull Esther against her, kiss her senseless and never let her go again. But with Esther, it mattered. Everything mattered when it came to Esther. They had both had a fair share of drinks, and while Maca was at a point where she didn't care anymore why Esther wanted to kiss her, only as long as she did it, she couldn't bear the thought of Esther regretting it later and then hating her for it afterwards.

"I don't know…" Esther shrugged helplessly. She couldn't explain this when she had hardly begun to understand it herself. "But every time I think of him, I see you…" She shook her head, the turmoil and agony of these past few weeks clearly written on her face. "I can't help it…" She drew their joined hands against her chest. "You're in here. Everywhere."

Maca felt her legs turn to jelly at the tortured confession. She wanted to wrap Esther in her arms, kiss her hair and tell her that everything would be alright, but she knew that this was a promise that she could neither make nor hold. She could feel Esther's heartbeat under her fingers, and there was something else, the way their hands rested against Esther's chest, a little lower than necessary. The lines of her face shifted and hardened with desire and Maca could actually feel her eyes narrowing, the edges of her vision going blurry.

"I can't stop it…" Esther absently stroked the back of Maca's hand that was still resting against her chest, as if she was unable to stop touching her skin. "I don't know anything right now. I can't promise you anything, or define this… but right now… right now there is nobody but you."

Maca was trying to be honorable. But she wasn't a saint. And that was her last thought before she bent down to kiss Esther feverishly, Miguel be damned, and their contracts and everything else.

Esther's mouth was so hot, her teeth scraping against her lips, and she was kissing her back this time, her touch almost bruising. Esther's tongue slid against her own, pushing hungrily past her lips, and Maca stumbled forward, deeper into the touch that was breathless and desperate, as if they couldn't get close enough to each other. Esther's fingers were curled tightly into her shirt and Maca wildly thought for a moment that nothing could ever sate this thirst, that nothing could ever be close enough, unless she could crawl under Esther's skin and wrap herself around her very essence, and even then, she would want more.

She drew back, brushing her fingers over Esther's face as if to make sure that she was still there and that she wasn't going anywhere.

Esther looked at her unseeing, breathing with difficulty, stars spiraling at the outer edges of her vision. "God, Maca…" she panted with disbelief.

And Maca wanted to hear that sound again. Precisely that sound. She kicked the forgotten door to the medical fridge closed with a foot, backing Esther against it. Damn what would be tomorrow. Damn what would be in six weeks. Six weeks could be a lifetime, and Maca refused to think any further.

Her hands were on Esther's hips, just like they had been during that dance earlier, and she tightened her grip, lifting Esther onto the fridge behind her. Esther kept kissing her with abandon, and now her hands were raking over her back and under her shirt, unmistakably urging Maca closer. With her hands still on Esther's hips, Maca pulled her as close as she could, pushing into her before she could slide off the blank surface of the fridge. Esther's hands were strong on her back, not letting her move away even for an inch and Maca pushed a hand under the edge of Esther's shirt, biting back a moan at the sensation of skin under her fingertips. Almost on their own volition, her fingers stroked higher, pushing the thin material of Esther's shirt up her stomach. Esther hooked a leg around Maca's hips in reaction, keeping her exactly where she wanted her. She moaned into the kiss when a hand closed over breast.

Maca was short of growling in reply, her vision red as her caress turned edgy, and still Esther kept kissing her, kissing her in a way that made Maca forget her own name, and that she had ever kissed anyone else before.

The tent flap was drawn open behind them. "Hey Esther, how well did you hide the chocol…?!" The voice behind then fell silent, its owner stunned by the scene that played out in front of them.

Part 22

Maca hastily turned around, Esther's hands slipping out from underneath her shirt with the motion. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, as if that would in any way hide the state of disarray she was in, and placed herself in front of Esther who was drawing her knees together and fumbled to pull down her rumpled top, blushing furiously.

In the entrance of the tent stood Vilches, a hand clamped over his eyes. "Holy God, I did so not see this!" After a moment of embarrassed silence, he squinted through his fingers and cleared his throat. "Well, girls… How about I take care of the chocolate, and you… take… this elsewhere?!"

Maca heard Esther slide off the fridge behind her and then, to her surprise, she felt Esther take her hand, pulling her along behind her toward the exit. Both of them were blushing like schoolgirls under Vilches's sardonic look.

"Let's celebrate, that's all I said, let's celebrate, and I gave them a few drinks… and what happens?" they heard him mumble under his breath in passing. "I'll have to poke my eyeballs out. – Cruz will kill me if I tell her I saw this!"

They didn't make it farther than behind the next row of huts until they looked at each other sheepishly, their hands still linked, and then erupted in helpless giggles.

"God, did you see his face?" Esther questioned between bouts of laughter. "I'm not sure I can ever look him in the eye again!"

Maca shook her head. "The question is rather whether he can look at you without blushing!"

"Yeah well," Esther stated a little peeved. "Actually he just saw more of me than he was ever supposed to."

Maca sobered instantly. "Esther…" She waited until Esther looked up at her, feeling warmth flood through her chest when those eyes met her own again. "I didn't mean to embarrass you like that. I'm sorry."

Esther just smiled. "I'm not." And it was about more than just having been caught, encompassing their kiss and everything it entailed as well.

Maca felt herself melt away yet another little bit in reaction. Esther was still holding onto her hand and Maca simply walked along, knowing that she would follow her anywhere at this moment. It felt so indisputably right to hold her hand like this, to have these fingers interlaced with her own, that she didn't really care where they were going until she realized that they were headed toward the medics' quarters. Toward Esther's quarters.

They tried to walk through the corridor quietly, giggling when the door to Esther's room scraped across the floor in opening, clearly alerting everyone who might have been in earshot, but they were past the point of caring.

And then Maca found herself in the middle of Esther's quarters and when she turned to look at Esther, she just saw her pushing the door shut heedlessly behind them, her eyes trained on Maca. She walked closer without a blink, advancing on Maca who suddenly realized that this was what prey had to feel like when it knew that it was about to meet its fate. Esther's possessive gaze swept over her, and Maca actually gulped.

After all the weeks of telling herself that she didn't want to turn Esther's world upside down, she had the vague inkling that it might be her own world that would never be the same again. There was no doubt about just what Esther intended, it was in the lazy certainty of her steps, and in the expression of her face that had lost any of the previous levity.

"Are you sure you really want this…?" Maca heard herself ask, and then her voice trickled away, her mouth dry. For a moment, she wasn't sure if she was going to survive whatever lay ahead. "I mean, I don't want you to feel pressured… or uncomfortable…"

Esther had come to stand directly in front of her, not touching her, but close enough for Maca to feel the warmth that radiated off her body. She cocked her head to the side, contemplating Maca for a long moment. "You know…" she then stated thoughtfully. "Sometimes you simply talk too damn much."

She reached out with agile hands, and before Maca knew it, she found herself without her t-shirt that sailed across the room, landing on the desk where it knocked over a picture frame, but Esther didn't even turn to look at it. Instead, she walked closer, right into Maca, who had no other choice but walk backwards until the back of her knees hit the frame of the bed.

One well-placed push against her sternum sent Maca tumbling backwards so that she found herself sitting on the edge of the bed and any word of protest died on her lips when she saw that Esther was undoing the buttons of her shirt. Slowly. Right in front of her.

Maca watched for a minute with her mouth agape, her palms instinctively curving around imagined skin as the shirtfront slowly parted, allowing a glimpse of the bra underneath. She involuntarily licked her lips, shifting on the bed, but when the shirt slid down Esther's shoulders and was then haphazardly tossed across the room, she couldn't restrain herself anymore. She pulled Esther tightly against herself, burying her head against her chest and just breathed her in, feeling her seep into every pore of her body until she could feel nothing but Esther.

Esther drew her arms around her, lightly caressing her shoulders, and she thought they had to look like a statue, caught in an ephemeral moment of repose before their quickened heartbeats and the rush of their blood caught up with them.

Maca slowly tilted her head, looking up into Esther's eyes that were dark and serious when their gazes met. Her lips were still red from their earlier kiss, slightly swollen, and then Maca couldn't go for another second without feeling this mouth against her own again, kissing Esther with vehemence, this touch as essential to her as the blood in her veins and the air in her lungs.

They fell backwards onto the bed and when the kiss finally broke, Maca blinked her eyes open to find Esther sitting astride her hips, stripping off her bra in three casual moves.

Maca could only stare. Esther pushed her hair back over one shoulder and smiled devilishly at seeing Maca's slack-jawed expression, but that smile vanished as she looked down at Maca, for the first time taking in the body before her, displayed in graceful recline. Oh, but Maca was beautiful. Esther bit her lip, as if she couldn't quite believe that all this should be hers now, to touch and to hold.

Carefully, she brushed a hand up the slope of Maca's stomach and across a bra-clad breast, grazing a nipple as if accidentally. Maca squirmed under the gentle ministrations, her breath hitching. She had difficulty focusing on Esther when the teasing touches suddenly halted and she found Esther looking down at her with a disarming smile.

"I don't really know how this works…" Esther admitted.

"Don't… know what you mean…" Maca ground out with difficulty, staring at the vision above her, curves and curls and sparkling eyes, before her head slammed back into the pillows when Esther's fingers trailed over her breast again, this time more confidently. She looked up at Esther helplessly. "Just touch me…please…" She needed her so much that it was bordering on painful, the tightly coiled desire low in her stomach leaving her blinded.

She was near weeping with want when finally, after more fumbling and hastily shed clothes, and more kisses, always more kisses, open-mouthed and deep, Esther came to rest against her, the perfect weight of her naked body pressing into her.

Maca told herself to hold back, but she was shaking so badly, unable to gather a clear thought and Esther's lips were everywhere, hot against her neck, her breasts, her shoulders, relentless and achingly soft at once, leaving Maca in a state where she couldn't have spelled her own name if asked.

She felt fingers trailing up her inner thigh, and she jerked at that first touch, her whole body curving itself to Esther's hands. Vaguely, she saw Esther grinning at her in a way that made her blush, and then there was no more thought as those fingers pushed into her – as she had always imagined they would, deft and gentle, and so sure of their every movement.

"You sure… you haven't… done this bef…" Maca gave up, biting her lip as her back arched under another, incredibly well-timed thrust. "Oh, good God…"

Esther leaned down to kiss her again, hotly, and Maca's last, fervent thought was that she shouldn't stop, not ever stop, even though her thighs were drawn so taut that they trembled from the strain already. She dug her heels more firmly into the bed, every nerve in her body shaking with tension, and yet Esther pushed her higher and higher still, until Maca dangled off the precipice for one long, anchorless moment, and then she came crashing down, bucking into Esther hands without any control. Maca didn't know if she screamed, or cried, or perhaps both, but then she was gasping for breath, coming up for air from underneath the wave, reborn into this touch.

Holding Esther against her with shaky fingers, Maca struggled to draw breath, not quite sure what had just happened, only that it was something huge and powerful that could not be undone again, something that bound them together on a level that neither of them quite grasped yet.

When Maca managed to blink her eyes open, she found Esther staring down at her with a wondrous gaze, her eyes brimming with tenderness.

"You're amazing," Esther whispered quietly, stroking a strand of hair back from Maca's face.

Reaching for that hand, Maca pressed a gentle kiss to it. "I think that should be my phrase," she protested with a weak smile.

Esther smiled down at her then, half abashed and half proud, and when Maca moved to embrace her, she shifted, her body involuntarily twitching when Maca's leg brushed against her thighs.

It didn't take more than that small reaction to snap all of Maca's senses wide awake and alert again, leaving her breathless at the thought that Esther could be that excited, just from touching her. And it left her with something else – the near senseless need to touch Esther in return, to make her come undone under her hands and give her own body over to her in humble reply. She moved in a flash, flipping Esther over in one smooth movement, who, yelping with surprise, suddenly found herself stretched out under Maca who was grinning down at her easily.

And for a moment, Esther froze, knowing that this movement had been too efficiently executed to not be well-practiced.

"What?" Maca had caught the small frown, balancing herself on one elbow while she stroked along Esther's neck with the other.

"Nothing," Esther tried to ward it off, not wanting to destroy the mood with her sudden doubts, but faced with Maca's gently pleading eyes, she had no defense. "I…" She turned her head to the side, not looking at Maca. When she spoke again, her voice was thin. "Did you do this with Begoña?"

Startled by the unexpected question, Maca grew still for a moment before she answered. "No." She brushed the back of her fingers along Esther's cheek, willing her to meet her eyes again. "Not like this." She leaned closer, breathing into Esther's ear and feeling her tremble underneath her in reaction. "Never like this." She bent to kiss her with exquisite care, her hair falling around them like a curtain, shielding them from everything outside this world they were creating with their touches. After a few moments, she felt Esther's hands wind around her neck, the mouth under her own relaxing into the caress, inviting her in, and Maca swore to herself that she would make Esther forget everything else, and everything that had ever come before.

"You are so precious…" she murmured against Esther's ear and felt her quiver when she flicked her tongue across her earlobe. "…so beautiful…" She took the earlobe between her teeth, sucking gently, and this time, Esther couldn't suppress a moan.

Maca lost herself in the skin under her hands, trailing her lips down Esther's neck, losing herself in the sweet weight and smooth curves of her breasts and Esther's hands grabbed her head strongly enough to make it hurt, intent on keeping her exactly where she was as her lips closed over an achingly taut nipple. Maca smiled against the skin under her mouth, redoubling her efforts and barely managing to swallow a hiss when Esther's hands held onto her even more tightly.

Maca didn't know how much time passed as she was drawn again and again to every bit of smooth skin she could reach, licking through the thin sheen of sweat along Esther's stomach, unable to get enough of her.

Esther had begun to shift impatiently underneath her, trembling with arousal, but Maca took her time, even when Esther began to chant under her breath, not even conscious of her own entreaties – "God, Maca… please… please…" – that Maca swallowed with her kisses.

And when Maca finally reached to touch Esther, finding her fingers drenched already in stroking up her inner thighs, her own eyes snapped shut in reaction and she felt the touch echo between her own legs, her stomach clenching in sympathy.

Esther had her head thrown to the side, her face covered with a hand as if she was embarrassed by her state of need. Maca stopped all her movements, instead reaching up to pull that hand away, holding it cradled in her own. "Esther…" Leaning in, she pressed a small kiss to the corner of her mouth. "Do you know…" She had to clear her throat, blinking past a few locks that were matted to her forehead with sweat. Her throat was hoarse from panting, and it was so difficult to talk, but this was important. "Do you know what this… just seeing you like this… what it does to me?"

Slowly, Maca trailed their joined hands down her own body, past her breasts, along the plain of her stomach and into the wetness below. Her hips arched involuntarily into even the minuscule contact, making her bite her lip, and there was that smile on Esther's face again, the one that Maca was fast becoming addicted to, somewhere between abashed and smug, but now it turned into a helpless groan as Maca resumed her caresses with more intent.

Feeling Esther move into her touch left Maca in awe. From the way she lightly drew her brows together to how her hands moved restlessly across Maca's back, everything was like a whole new world, every detail endlessly amazing and astounding, and for a moment, she felt as if she had never touched anyone before. Everything else that she was aligned around this, around how they moved together, leaving her with a sensation akin to flying. And then, finally and yet much too soon, Esther curved into her, her body wracked by wave after wave, her eyes screwed shut tightly, her mouth torn open soundlessly. And it was witnessing that reaction that sent Maca herself over the edge again.

They were left staring at each other with incredulous expressions, without words, smiling helplessly, unable to stop touching the other even for a second.

Maca reached up, brushing a sweaty strand of hair out of Esther's face with infinite tenderness. She didn't know what would be tomorrow, or the day after that, but for now, time had stopped moving, its hands hovering motionlessly above their trembling breaths.

Part 23

The thud of a foot hitting a ball resounded across the courtyard and made Esther look up from where she was doing maintenance on some of their medical instruments. If someone had told her half a year ago that she would be repairing surgical scissors on her own, she would have laughed them out of the way, but here she was, doing things that would probably get her fired at any regular hospital.

But this wasn't a regular clinic, she thought with a smile. At a regular clinic, you probably wouldn't find the head of pediatrics playing soccer with one of her patients, either. Another thud rang across the courtyard and Azuka laughed in delight when Maca was barely able to catch his shot. He was still limping, in a way that would probably be permanent, but he learned to carry his weight better with every day.

Mbele and Vilches had brought him a little ball from Mbuji-Mayi. Of course – as Vilches sternly proclaimed – only for reasons of physiotherapy. This physiotherapy, however, mainly consisted of teaching Azuka to play soccer, and even Vilches had been seen around dinner hour once or twice already, pitching balls across the courtyard with the boy.

Right now, it was mid-morning and Maca used the few minutes before Mbele would call them to lunch to play a little more with a smiling Azuka.

Esther smiled as well, but for completely different reasons. She gazed at Maca who was running around in the midday heat without even seeming to notice the temperatures, radiating a careless happiness that in return made Esther forget about the scissors in her hands, and about everything else she was supposed to do. Almost two weeks had passed since that fateful celebration for little Maria, and Esther thought she had never slept so little in her life, while at the same time, she felt happier and more energetic than she could ever remember.

They had woken up in the morning after that first night, curled around each other despite the heat and in a way that made any questions about regrets or second thoughts superfluous. Still, there had been a small moment of awkward speechlessness and she had felt herself blush, not quite believing that here she was, in her own bed, with Maca gazing at her at such a close distance, in that way that made Esther's heart stop and stutter to then beat forward triple time.

She had seen the bout of fear in Maca's eyes, faced with her speechless expression, and all she had been able to do to disband those fears had been to smile. Maca had smiled at her in return, somewhat tremulously, and had reached out to caress her face, Esther's eyes closing again at the tender gesture and she had wrapped her arms closer around Maca again, embracing her tightly.

A rough knock at the door had interrupted the moment, Maria's voice sounding from the outside. "Esther – our turn in the showers!"

"Coming!" Esther had yelled back, scurrying from the bed and then almost climbing back in when she caught the look Maca gave her, lazily trailing over her body. Oh, and the way Maca had been reclining against her pillows, the morning light that had fallen in through the windows caressing her relaxed form… Esther had hurried back to the bed once more and pressed a quick kiss to Maca's temple. "Hold that thought until tonight," she had murmured.

And Maca had done exactly that.

The only thing that left Esther with a twinge of guilty conscience was the fact that she was betraying Miguel. She had left the frame with Miguel's photo upside down from where they had toppled it over on that first night, not wanting his image to intrude on her time with Maca, on those scant few weeks they had left. She didn't like to be cheating, but when she was with Maca it did not feel like cheating. When she was with Maca, she couldn't remember that she had ever been with anyone else.

She looked up to see Maca walking towards her now, the ball under her arm, and found herself unable to stop the smile that spread across her features. She still couldn't quite believe just how beautiful Maca was. It was as if she became more beautiful with every passing day, and Esther thought that at some point, she would simply burst or melt away at facing all that radiance.

Maca came up behind her and drew a finger along her neck – Esther had done her hair up today – and then she looked left and right to see if anyone could watch them, and when she didn't find anyone in sight but Azuka, she bent to drop a kiss to Esther's neck. "Hello gorgeous."

Esther felt the murmur echo low in her stomach, remembering the last time Maca had called her that, earlier this morning, right before they had been terribly late for breakfast. She turned to look up at Maca, shaking her head. "If you don't stop saying things like that…"

"Why would I stop?" Maca grinned down at her, the expression in her eyes so happy that Esther could have cried at witnessing it.

She looked around to still find the courtyard empty, and hooked two fingers under the leather string of the leopard necklace that Maca always wore, pulling her down until she could press a quick kiss to her lips. "Silly…"

And Maca thought that she would never tire of that tiny blush that crawled up Esther's cheeks. She wanted to reach down, take Esther's face between her hands and kiss her for real, but they had agreed to be discreet in public. Among such a small group of colleagues, a couple of happy lovers was naturally grating on the nerves of all the others who weren't quite so lucky. Also, there was no need to rub this in Begoña's face, and there was also the fact that Esther was actually involved with someone else, someone whom the colleagues knew about and asked about.

So during the days, Maca tried to curb her impulses and to ignore the way every cell in her body protested when she was close enough to Esther to touch her, but didn't reach out. And then there were moments where she just couldn't help it, and neither could Esther, like yesterday, between two patients at the office where honestly, she had only wanted to give Esther a quick kiss, and then they had ended up all but making out on the desk, with Esther's hands dangerously high under her t-shirt.

But Maca thought she couldn't be blamed for the fact that Esther was simply irresistible, with that smile that she carried around these days, and the way her eyes sparkled whenever they caught sight of her. Maca was plain unable to stop touching her, even if it was nothing but a fleeting caress of her hand against Esther's back during lunch. She only needed to be close to Esther, not even touching her, just standing close enough to sense the warmth of her body and the scent of her skin, and then her own body seemed to calm a little in its restless yearning, as if it instinctively knew that everything it was missing was close by, content to breathe in its proximity.

But the nights were theirs. They went to bed in their separate quarters, like everyone else, and then, when it had quieted outside, Maca tiptoed over the corridor, trying to make the door scrape across the floor as little as possible when she snuck into the room next to hers, where Esther was already waiting impatiently for her, pushing her against the door and covering her with kisses before the door even fully closed behind her, their clothes leaving a trail between the door and the bed.

One time, they hadn't even made it to the bed, ending up on the small table next to the entrance, Maca's knuckles white around the edges of the desk, her torso arched backward while Esther's mouth was all over her, and the day afterwards she had barely been able to hold her instruments, her fingers aching from the strain.

They were addicted to each other, their bodies aligning themselves towards the other like magnets towards North as soon as they were in the same space. And at night, they were falling into each other, limb fitted to limb with inarguable perfection, building themselves new homes in each other's arms.

Maca had never asked about Miguel again, and Esther didn't mention him. Both of them knew that Esther would be leaving soon, but they didn't mention that, either, doing their best to ignore it instead. It only showed in the growing urgency of their touches, as if they tried to fit all the passion and all the tenderness they felt into the few touches that they would still be able to exchange in these short, short weeks.

And then there were the quiet hours afterwards, where they lay awake wrapped up in each other's arms, talking. It was something new for Maca, but she cherished it deeply. It had begun one night when, as they caught their breaths, they realized it had begun to rain again without either of them noticing. It was a bit like the sound of the rain on the roof of the veranda, back in her parents' mansion in Jeréz, and when Maca had mentioned that, Esther had pushed herself up on an elbow, gazing down at her. And she had simply said, "Tell me."

And, reluctantly at first, Maca had spoken of her home and her childhood for the first time in over a year, of the smell of the barrels in the wine cellars where it was were cool and humid even when the quivering heat above scorched the shrubs in the summer. She had talked about her brothers, and even about her parents and the bitter fallout they had had over Maca not only being a lesbian, but dating a married woman. And she talked about things that had happened long before that, how the tile floor of the kitchen had still felt warm under her feet when she snuck down late in the evening to listen to the stories of Carmen – their cook, she had elaborated at Esther's uncomprehending look – and steal one or two of her cookies, and how she and her brothers had secretly watched the evening receptions their parents gave, gazing through the banister atop the huge, wound staircase that led down into the entrance hall.

For the first time in a long while, the memories were not bitter, and in retelling them, they felt like home again. That night, when Maca fell asleep, Esther's body draped securely around her own, her last thought was that this was precisely what she felt with Esther: home.

And it had still been the same feeling when she woke up in the morning. She loved waking up next to Esther, always finding herself in some way wrapped around her or cradled in her arms. It was odd, in a way – with Begoña, Maca had usually left for her own quarters before daybreak, and they had never in any way lain curled up, both dreading the heat and the sweat.

With Esther, it was exactly the opposite – almost as if her body needed to be touching her to be able to sleep, to know on an instinctive, physical level that Esther was with her.

The first morning, waking up had been a little awkward since Maca hadn't been sure whether Esther regretted what had happened, now that the alcohol had worn off. She had waited with baited breath when Esther opened her eyes, terribly afraid for a few moments, but then Esther had smiled at her in that way that lit up her entire face and had moved to embrace her, and ever since, Maca had woken up in her arms every morning. And as far as Maca was concerned, she would be content to wake like this all the mornings until the end of the world, and possibly beyond.

Azuka limped closer at this moment, drawing Maca out of her haze as he demanded his ball back and then pulled Esther with him onto the courtyard to play. Maca watched with a laugh as Esther pretended to be chasing after Azuka, always letting him escape, but just barely.

"He's almost fully healed," a quiet voice observed next to her and Maca looked over her shoulder to see that Vilches had walked up to her.

"I know," Maca admitted with a sigh, not taking her eyes from the scene in front of them where Esther had now managed to 'catch' Azuka and lifted him up, tickling him while he laughed and squirmed in her grasp.

"You two did an amazing job with him." Vilches took a deep breath before he continued, knowing that Maca would not like to hear what he had to say. "I spoke to the orphanage in Mbuji-Mayi when I was there, they have everything arranged for him…"

Maca sighed heavily, perfectly aware that they wouldn't be able to keep Azuka with them much longer. "I know, you'll tell me something about growing too attached now."

"And what good would that do?" Vilches asked lightly. "It seems to be becoming a habit of yours these days." He doubted that anyone, their patients included, had not yet picked up on the torrid affair that was going on right under their noses. Even if they were not, like Vilches, jarred out of sleep by the scraping of Esther's door each and every night. "God, every time Esther looks at you, one could believe you hung the moon," he grumbled, but then he smiled, delighted to see the unflappable Maca Wilson blush. Truth to be told, Vilches dreaded the day Esther would leave the clinic. Not only was she the best nurse he had worked with out here, she also had Maca in the highest spirits he had ever seen her in. Maca would be heartbroken when Esther left. It would probably be best to organize the farewell from Azuka beforehand. "Not that I want to see the little chipmunk go, but you know that a clinic in the outback is not the safest place for a child," he continued gruffly with their earlier topic. "Azuka doesn't even have another kid around here to play with!"

Maca regarded him fondly, smiling despite the sad conversation. "You'll make a great dad, Vilches."

They walked to the cafeteria tent for lunch and Maca managed to get her favorite spot next to Esther who was talking to Maria and didn't even look up when Maca took her seat, but as soon as she had sat down, she felt Esther's thigh settle against her own, a hand stroking across her leg under the cover of the table.

Maca clenched her legs together and took a deep breath, trying to take a sip of her drink without spilling anything. She tried to take comfort in the knowledge that the day was already half over, and that by night, the thigh that was so tantalizingly brushing against her own right now would be wrapped around her body again, trembling and covered in sweat.

She calculated the hours they would spend on the afternoon shift, and then over dinner, and they seemed endless to her, as if she wouldn't make it through the evening until it would finally turn dark and there would be a new night, another night that she could spend with Esther.

Already in the late afternoon, Maca found herself spying impatiently for the first shadows of dusk on the walls of the huts that she could see from her office, convinced that no day had ever passed that slowly. And yet, overall those weeks that remained – less than four now – seemed to pass much too quickly to even be real.

Part 24

A few days after Vilches had talked with Maca about Azuka, Esther appeared in his office before lunch. She seemed a little nervous, twisting her hands in front of her body.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked, her tone serious.

"Sure." He gestured for her to sit down, hoping that this was not about a fight with Maca, and Esther now wanting to change shifts. But since they had looked happy enough over breakfast – again barely arriving in time before Mbele cleared the table – he couldn't imagine anything like that.

"You know my contract expires in three weeks…" Esther began and then trailed off, looking down for a moment and then taking a deep breath. When she met Vilches' eyes again, her expression was determined. "I was wondering if I could prolong it?"

Vilches actually blinked. "Prolong it?" he echoed, not sure he had heard her right. People usually asked him to shorten their contracts and send them home early.

"Yes." Esther nodded. "I thought I could do another next six months, until everyone else's contracts expire as well. And then we could all go back Spain together."

"Another full six months?! Are you sure about this?" Vilches was baffled, even though he could guess at what was behind this sudden change of plans. "I'd be delighted to keep you, of course, and not having to work in someone new," he said guardedly before he treaded on with unusual delicacy. "But…what if you and Maca don't…"

Esther knew what he wanted to say: what if things between her and Maca didn't work out. It was precisely what Esther had thought about long and hard these past few nights when Maca had been sleeping, breathing calmly wrapped in her arms. And Esther had come to the conclusion that she could deal with any scenario, even if Maca suddenly decided to call a halt to this… to whatever it was that was going on between them. Even if Maca would break it up with her, at least Esther would still be working with her in some way and she was at a point where she would accept any conditions as long as she could be around Maca. The only scenario she couldn't imagine was the one where she went away and wouldn't be able to see Maca anymore. It simply didn't compute to her.

If she was honest with herself, this was why she hadn't spoken to Maca about her plans, afraid that Maca would reject her idea, thinking it too grand a gesture. "It won't affect our work," Esther finally stated.

It was a lie, and Vilches knew it as well as Esther did, but playing devil's advocate, he wouldn't mind the love affair in the clinic as long as it kept Esther around, who was by far the most quick-witted and dauntless nurse he had ever worked with. If it also kept Maca in such a good mood, he was not about to complain. Being in love looked good on her, and even that abrasiveness that he had simply pegged as a part of her personality was softening when she was around Esther. Vilches gave Esther another, long look, and then decided that he would worry about repercussions and break-ups if they actually happened. "I think it will make her very happy."

"I hope so," Esther said, blushing lightly. "But don't tell her, please. I want it to be a surprise."

Vilches smiled and opened the top drawer on his desk. "I can set up the paperwork right away." When Esther nodded, he took out her expiring contract, changing the dates and adding a few comments. While he was writing and Esther waited with her hands laced tightly together in her lap, Begoña entered, carrying a box of newly sterilized instruments. She looked over Vilches's shoulder in passing, and then froze, holding the box suspended a few inches above the desk where she had intended to put it. "You're prolonging your contract?!" she asked in shock.

"Another half year," Esther nodded, and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to refrain from smiling. "Then we can all go home together."

Begoña set the box down in a way that had the instruments rattling. "Well, if you can't get enough of the heat…" she insinuated acidly before she walked out.

The small scene had Esther troubled, and after she had signed the new papers, keeping two copies in her hands – one to send off with the mail transport to the headquarters in Mbuji-Mayi, and the other one to show to a certain someone after the contract had been mailed and everything was official – she went in search of Begoña, finding her at the laundry lines where she was smoking a cigarette.

"Begoña – do you mind my staying longer?" She asked, uncertain what had brought on the blonde nurse's reaction earlier. "…Is this about me seeing Maca?" she inquired tentatively, wondering if Begoña had picked up on it already. 'Seeing Maca' was a very bland way to phrase it, though, Esther thought, when in fact every time she was alone with Maca she had her eyes closed a lot, lost in other, more immediate senses like taste and touch.

"Oh, please, I don't care." Begoña shrugged with derision. "As for Maca… well, I guess we all go through that phase." She smiled, taking another drag of her smoke. "It's fine, Esther. I really don't care."

That same day after lunch, Esther refused Maca's and Azuka's invitation to play soccer with them. "I need to write a letter to Spain right now," she explained to Azuka, crouching down to be at eye level with him, but out of the corner of her eye, she could see the anxious look that settled on Maca's features.

Esther sighed inwardly. She hadn't written to Miguel in over two weeks, not since she had started sleeping with Maca. And waking up with Maca. And kissing Maca every moment she got her alone during the day. She hadn't written to Miguel ever since she had realized that she was in love with Maca.

She sat down with a very guilty conscience, feeling sick to her stomach about having to lie to him, but telling him that there was somebody else in a letter seemed even more heartless to her. Esther still didn't know what would become of Maca and her, none of them could know, so she told herself that there was no need to let him know that she had developed feelings for another person. And what if in six months, she and Maca were over this stormy affair? Then she would have preoccupied him for nothing. Still, Esther felt miserable in writing him. It seemed hypocritical to close the letter with the customary 'I can't wait to see you again' when in fact she had decided that she wouldn't mind waiting six months longer, and when the only person she couldn't wait to see again was outside, playing soccer with Azuka. And she missed her, although she had last seen her less than an hour ago.

It was crazy. Esther had never experienced anything like this before, this level of dependency, and it scared her beyond belief. It was as if Maca was a drug that her body needed, and if she was away from her even for an hour without being able to secretly take her hand for a moment or brush her fingers up her arm as if accidentally, she began to feel restless, finding herself yearning for even the smallest, most innocuous connection.

But then, if Maca was with her, even if they simply stood side by side working on a patient, or if she was simply smiling at her across the courtyard, she felt complete and at peace in a way she still didn't understand, despite the constant longing underneath that drove her crazy, especially when she was waiting for Maca in her quarters at night, her nerves drawn taut, listening for any minuscule sound on the corridor until Maca finally, finally knocked on her door and everything else disappeared.

This couldn't be healthy, and it certainly wasn't normal. And Esther was realistic enough to know that something like this couldn't go on forever. But she would be happy if she could just have a little more of it – another day, another week, or possibly, if she was very lucky, another month.

That night, Maca didn't ask about the letter Esther had written, but her touches were more urgent and more intense, leaving Esther singed and breathless and unable to remember that there was a world beyond the haven of Maca's arms. Maca's eyes were so full of emotion that at times, Esther couldn't bare to look at her, hiding her face against Maca's neck. She knew that Maca was scared, and so was she, even if for different reasons. It took them a long time to fall asleep that night and even after Maca had finally succumbed to slumber, her head pillowed on Esther's chest while Esther gently ran her fingers through her hair, Esther stayed awake, the white envelope of the letter she had written earlier in the day clearly visible on the desk across the room even in the low light.

Part 25

As if fated, the mail transport arrived the next afternoon and Esther sent off her new contract and the letter to Miguel that had been burning in her pocket all day long. Like always, the transport driver took the chance for a break and a meal at the clinic, but while he usually was accompanied by just one additional man, this time there were two, and they were visibly carrying holstered guns.

"More skirmishes in the East again," they explained when Vilches made them take off their weapons before they entered the area of the clinic. As much as the province around them might be shaken by conflict, he wouldn't allow those conflicts to enter their realm.

Esther hardly caught any of that. By now, she was used to patients coming in who bore arms that they only reluctantly parted with, and she had operated on more than one victim of those 'skirmishes' out in the East. She was preoccupied with other things – now that she had officially mailed off her contract, there was no way back. She would stay here. With this fact came the doubts – not about staying, but about not having talked about this with Maca beforehand. What if Maca didn't like the surprise? What if she didn't even want her to stay for that much longer? What if she was mad that she hadn't talked this through with her? What if she wouldn't support this secretiveness anymore, or what if she became fed up with the way Miguel was always looming over them in the background?

And really, how could Esther have presumed that what they had now would last for another six months?

It had seemed such a wonderful idea initially, and Esther had only imagined how happy Maca would be when she handed her the copy of the contract, but now she almost dreaded the moment and it was with a heavy heart that she made her way over to the medics' quarters before dinner.

Actually, Esther had wanted to wait until after dinner, until they met in her quarters like they always did, but right now, she felt so sick with nervousness that she was sure she couldn't swallow a single bite anyway, so when she heard sounds next door and knew that Maca had come in from her shift as well, she picked up the copy of her contract and walked the few steps across the corridor to knock on Maca's door. For the first time, she wished their quarters lay farther apart so that she would have had a few more moments to think about what to say.

But when she entered Maca's room and saw her face light up at catching sight of her, all Esther could do was smile, infinitely happy at the prospect that in whatever capacity, she had six more months to spend around this amazing woman. Maca was still in her white doctor's coat, and she was clearly exhausted after a long day, the lines in her face drawn sharper than usually, but to Esther, she was the most beautiful creature imaginable.

"You're smiling," Maca observed, looking at Esther who stood leaned against her door, her arms behind her back. Much as she loved Esther's smile, she couldn't help but remember that the mail transport had been in today, and there was usually just one thing that made Esther smile like that after the mail had come in. "…Did you get a letter from Miguel?" she asked, trying to sound cheerful, but the words came stumbling off her tongue with reluctance, tasting bitter in her mouth.

"No." Esther shook her head, momentarily confused. Letters from Miguel were the farthest thing from her mind right now. "No, but I mailed something off, and I have something for you…" Faced with Maca's confounded look, she didn't know what else to say. She simply held the contract copy out to her, the paper rustling slightly since her fingers were shaking.

She looked on as Maca stared at the paper without comprehension, watching her as she started to read, trying to make sense of what she saw, her brows drawn together in a concentrated frown, and Esther just wanted to smooth her fingers along that crease, easing it with her touch and asking her not to be mad at her for pulling this stunt that now seemed so stupid to her.

Maca raised her eyes at that moment. "You're staying…" she whispered, dazed, only to look down at the contract in her hands again, her expression one of disbelief.

"I mailed it off today. It's official," Esther stated, unable to guess anything from Maca's tone. She smiled nervously. "I hope you don't mind…"

"…mind?" Maca echoed, still not quite understanding what the paper in her hands was telling her, not quite daring to believe it. But there were Esther's contract dates, prolonged by six months, and stamped and signed by Vilches. She dropped the contract to the floor. "You're staying!" she repeated joyously, and before Esther knew what was happening, Maca had lifted her up and whirled her around. "You're staying!!"

"I want to stay with you," Esther stated demurely once she had solid ground under feet again. "We would have barely three weeks left now… it's just not enough time…"

"All the time in the world wouldn't be enough when it comes to you," Maca murmured, blinking against tears. Her eyes swept over Esther's face, as if she didn't know where to look first. She reached out with trembling fingers, softly stroking along Esther's temples, her cheeks, her jaw, her lips, as if she needed to assure herself that this was happening for real and was not just a figment of her imagination. "You're staying… because of me…?"

Maca's expression was so full of devotion and hunger and tenderness that Esther shied away from it, talking against the emotion she saw in Maca's eyes and that was too big for them still, too big to believe and so overwhelming that it pulled the ground out from under her feet and nearly made her believe that she could walk on water. "I have no idea what will be when we go back to Spain," she said soberly, trying to keep a level head. "We both can't know that. And there's still Miguel… and we will be in a normal place again…" The intensity in Maca's gaze let up somewhat at hearing that, and even though Esther had been frightened by it only a moment ago, she didn't like to see it vanish now. "And what will happen if you have hundreds of women to choose from again instead of just three?" she asked lightly, voicing her own insecurities and hoping she didn't sound as anxious as she felt. "There will be so many pretty girls, you might just leave me in the ditch!" she joked feebly.

Maca blinked against more tears, cradling Esther's face securely in her hands. "Esther…never…." she swore.

Esther shook her head, closing her eyes for a moment. She had not prolonged her contract so that they would worry about what might happen afterwards. "Let's not think about that now," she pleaded. "And let's not promise each other anything that we don't know we'll be able to keep." She took Maca's hands between her own and gave her a beseeching look. "All I know right now is that I need to be here, with you. – Anything else… anything else doesn't matter to me at the moment."

"And Miguel?" Maca wanted to kick herself for asking that question and ruining the moment, but she needed to know.

"I don't know." Esther shrugged helplessly, her guilty conscience clearly torturing her. "I wrote him that I'm staying half a year longer. And that I'm sorry, but that I need to be here, and that I need a break from everything else."

"He will wonder…" Maca sighed, hugging Esther to her and thinking that if she were Miguel, she would be sitting in the next plane to Mbuji-Mayi. Hell, she'd probably charter an helicopter or hijack an F-16, parachuting over the clinic, barging in and falling to her knees, begging Esther to come home with her. She hoped that Miguel wasn't that kind of person. "You didn't tell him about us?" she questioned hesitantly.

Esther shook her head against Maca's shoulder before she drew back a little to be able to look her in the eye. "I can't just tell him in a letter," she said guiltily. "He doesn't deserve that from me." But at the moment, Esther had more important worries than Miguel as she caught Maca's reserved expression. "And you?" she asked with hesitation. "Do you want this? Do you even want me to stay?"

"Of course I do," Maca protested as if she couldn't believe that Esther had asked that in the first place. She ran her thumbs across Esther's cheeks, leaning in to kiss her temple before she gave her a long, serious look. "I want you. If I ever wanted anything in my life, it's you."

Esther was left speechless for a moment, and then threw her arms around Maca, hugging her within an inch of her life. Maca blinked over Esther's shoulder, holding her close and wishing that she would never have to let go of her again. "I'm so glad you're staying," she whispered tenderly. "My darling… my girl…" She couldn't help the tear that rolled down her cheek. You make me so happy… so, so happy…"

"Just being with you makes me happy," Esther murmured against her neck. "Just holding you like this. I don't need anything else."

They remained like this for long minutes, just holding each other, breathing in each other's closeness. Half a year more! It seemed endless to them right then, like a whole new life given to them, full of possibilities and laughter and kisses and nights, those nights that belonged only to themselves.

Esther finally drew back, only to lean in anew, this time to kiss Maca, slowly and luxuriously, intent on savoring every tiny detail of these lips against her own, taking her time, time that now, for the first time, she felt they really had.

They ended up lying side by side on the bed, doing nothing but lightly caressing each other's faces and trading slow, deep kisses, simmering with a quiet passion that left them speechless in its intensity, until finally, Esther's mouth moved down Maca's neck, and down to the small vee of skin that her doctor's coat left bare, covering every bit of skin in gentle, reverent kisses that raised goose bumps all along Maca's arms and down her spine.

Unhurriedly, Esther slid the first button of the coat through its hole, her lips slowly gliding lower.

Outside, Mbele called the team for dinner and Maca moved to sit up, only to find that Esther didn't let her. She smiled fondly, thinking that Esther was so lost in their touch that she didn't even notice the noise outside.

She moved to sit up again. "Esther, dinner's rea… ah…" She had to stop, gasping when Esther ran her tongue across a particularly sensitive spot. God, but she was good with that. With difficulty, Maca tried again. "It's dinnertime… and the others will wonder…"

Esther looked up at her then, her eyes dark and fierce, and Maca felt her insides tremble in response, unconsciously licking her lips when she realized that she had just been promoted to main dish. Possibly, to dessert as well.

"Forget dinner," Esther all but growled, grasping the lapels of Maca's coat. "And forget about the others." She pulled hard at the fabric in her grasp, sending two buttons flying across the room.

"That was my best coat…" Maca protested weakly, even though she didn't mind in the least. And if Esther kept doing exactly what she was doing, Maca couldn't imagine putting up much protest at all. "Did I… ugh… mention that I'm not good with sewing on buttons?"

Esther laughed in amusement and Maca wished she could bottle that sound, happy and full of mirth. "You're such a snob," Esther accused her teasingly. "Good thing your lover is a woman of many talents."

"Many… talents," Maca agreed unsteadily when Esther's lips continued on their path exactly where they had left off a minute ago. Decisive Esther who didn't care about the others, ripped the clothes off her and easily called herself her lover… Maca thought she would possibly stroke out, but then, what a way to go! – She threaded her hands into Esther's hair, letting herself fall back against the pillow with a groan. "Don't stop…"

And then she was unable to think further than the next touch of those fingers and the next caress of those lips.

And this was enough, Maca realized. The really didn't need to plan any further at the moment.

But still, when Esther had fallen asleep in her arms later and the rain gently fell into the courtyard outside, Maca couldn't help but daydream just before sleep claimed her as well. She pictured the two of them back in Spain, laying curled up just like that, in a little apartment just for themselves. A place with a real bed, and real furniture, and a balcony where they could hear the rain fall just as she did now. A place where they could get up together all the mornings, and have proper café con leche for breakfast, and where they could sit in each other's arms in the evening, not having to sneak around or hide from anyone.

Maca fell asleep with a smile on her face.

Part 26

It was three days before Esther's original contract would have run out that Azuka fell ill.

Esther was sitting in the shade of the cafeteria tent in between office hours, finally sewing the buttons back onto Maca's 'best coat' – not that Maca had asked her to, but the way she kept grinning at Esther whenever she wore it, the missing buttons on clear display, was very distracting. And even when Esther had finally taken that coat with her this morning, intent on fixing it during her break, Maca had just walked up to her with a grin, wrapping her arms around her from behind and bringing her mouth close, very close, to Esther's ear. "If you do sew them back on, feel free to rip them off again anytime," she had murmured just before her lips closed over Esther's earlobe.

"The buttons I sew on don't give way that easily!" Esther had protested, but her eyes had already fluttered shut at the wet, hot touch against her ear. And then Maca's body had been pushing into her from behind, those lips trailing down her neck in a way they both knew made her tremble, and she had found herself leaning against the wall of her own quarters, her forehead pressed against the cool loam bricks, Maca's body securely holding her in place while her hands began to wander underneath Esther's shirt.

Esther bit off another string of thread, hoping that nobody would ask how she had gotten two uneven stripes of loam dust on her shirt that were an exact match to the back wall of her quarters. Lost in happy thought, she was shaken up by hasty steps and urgent voices and then she saw Vilches rushing past, Azuka scooped up in his arms, with Pablo following him hot on his heels.

"What happened?" she asked sharply, catching up in a few easy steps and rushing along.

"He threw up while we played soccer," Vilches replied tersely. "He was limping a little more than usual, but then he just keeled over. Seems to be running a fever, too."

"Tropical infection?" Esther guessed, hurrying alongside into Vilches's office, automatically clearing a cot and assembling a tablet of instruments.

"Perhaps." Vilches shook his head, frowning absently while he bedded Azuka down onto the cot. "The area around the scarring tissue feels spongy. And I don't like how the skin's growing warmer." He carefully prodded around the old wound, Azuka only half conscious of the examination. "Could be a muscle inflammation, as well."

"I'll get Maria," Esther said quickly. If it was in any way an infection, Maria was their best shot. And with how Vilches looked, they would need their best shot. "And I'll alert Maca."

But even Maria didn't know what to make of the symptoms. "It's some kind of infection on top, but there is definitely something underneath to make him pass out like that." She looked up at Vilches. "Probably muscle inflammation, I concur."

"Even with that, he shouldn't be so weak!" Maca said angrily, looking down at the little boy who seemed so small against the adult-sized medical cot. Only the other day, she had played soccer in the courtyard with him, and he had laughed when Esther had tried to show him how to make braids into her hair.

"How could that even happen?" Esther questioned with exhaustion. "We were so careful not to overstrain his leg…" She stroked across Azuka's head.

"He is a five-year-old, what do you want to? Tie him to a pole?" Vilches asked gruffly. "You can't keep him immobile!"

"Broadband antibiotics," Maria decided, but she didn't seem happy with her diagnosis, either. "Now."

Maca and Esther kept sitting with Azuka between patients, and everyone else was taking turns during the day, making sure that Azuka was never on his own. He may have originally been just a patient, but he had stayed with them for so long already that all of them had come to care about him a lot more.

In the evening, just after dinner, Begoña came in to relieve Esther from her vigil so that she could have some dinner. "I'll sit with him for a while," she offered, taking the folding chair on the other side of the bed. When Esther got up with a tired, grateful nod, Begoña looked at her oddly for a second. "What happened to your shirt?" She gestured at the loam-colored stains.

"Nothing." Esther shook her head distractedly. Her careless morning with Maca seemed so incredibly far away now. And during the night, both of them were not curled up in Esther's quarters, but dozing on the uncomfortable folding chairs next to Azuka's bed, jarred awake by their protesting backs every now and then.

Azuka's state didn't improve overnight, and it only worsened the following day, the antibiotics – the small dosis that they dared to give him – not showing any real effect other than keeping the fever from rising further.

Another night fell over the clinic, and again, Maca and Esther were quietly sitting with Azuka who was slipping in and out of wakefulness.

"I wish we could just fly him out to Spain to treat him properly," Esther said with frustration. "It's not fair!"

"Far away, across the sea… with a plane…" Azuka mumbled from between them.

Esther leaned in a little closer, stroking the sweat of his forehead. "That's right, sweetie. That's where we come from."

"Later… can I go see you with the plane?" Azuka struggled to speak, but he sounded as hopeful as only a five-year-old could.

"Sure you can," Esther replied with all the gentleness and reassurance in the world, but the look she gave Maca across his head was helpless.

"Fuck," Maca swore quietly, staring at the small hand in her grasp.

Vilches entered the hut at that moment. "Any change?"

Esther shook her head, her expression empty. "Like this, he won't make it through another night." Out here, she had become frighteningly good at predicting these things.

"He needs real hospital treatment." Maca said with determination, rising from the uncomfortable chair. "I'm taking him up to Mbuji-Mayi. Now."

Vilches exhaled heavily. "Maca, that's crazy…"

"You said we should take him up there soon anyway," Maca argued heatedly. "I may just as well do it now." She jerked her head in the direction of the bed and their little patient. "Because otherwise, it will probably never happen at all."

"Maca… in this weather? Are you crazy?" Vilches exclaimed incredulously. "With how the militia is getting itchy about the upcoming elections?!" He threw his hands up in exasperation. "If you have a death wish, why don't I shoot you right here?! That would save us the fuel at least!" He was close to yelling now and Esther motioned for him to lower his voice. "You're too attached!"

"Look at him!" Accusingly, Maca pointed at the small bed. "You love him just as much, and don't you deny it. Don't tell me you want your 'little chipmunk' to die. And right now, that's exactly what'll happen if we just sit here!" She stared him down, walking right up into his personal space. "I'll go."

"Fine." Vilches finally nodded in defeat. "Mbele will drive you."

"I'll go with you," Esther said, stepping up next to Maca and placing a hand on her arm.

"Esther…" Vilches stopped her. "No. I can't spare both of you. It's enough that Mbele will go with her. And in this weather, and with the trouble around the Eastern borders…" He grimaced. "They'll be gone for days. I need you here."

And even though Esther hated to admit it, she knew that Vilches was right.

"That's settled then," Maca said curtly. "I'll get him ready." She stepped back up to the bed on quiet feet. "Hey sweetie… Azuka…" All of a sudden, Maca's voice was very soft again. "How about a trip in the car? Would you like that?"

Azuka blinked his eyes open. "I'm so tired…"

"It'll be fine," Esther said, taking his hand. "She'll take you all the way to the city… how about that?"

For a moment, Maca watched how Azuka turned to Esther, instinctively angling his body towards that voice in perfect trust. She could understand him so well. With another nod, she looked at Vilches again. "I'll tell Mbele to get the car ready."

It was a somber scene, the team assembling around the transporter for a hasty farewell. Night had already fallen and everyone was standing tiredly, shifting from one foot to the other while Mbele and Esther went to fetch Azuka, Mbele carrying him conscientiously in his arms.

"My ball…" Azuka protested weakly when Esther leaned in to tell him goodbye, doing her best not to cry.

"Of course, sweetie," Esther said, stroking his cheek. "I'll get it."

She went back, finding it safely hidden under his cot where he had always kept it. When he smiled up at her in exhaustion when she handed him the toy and he happily enclosed it in his arms, she had to blink harshly against her own tears. She didn't want him to see her cry.

"I get to go in the car," he murmured proudly, and those were the last words before he fell asleep again, the ball still clasped tightly in his grasp. Mbele gently bedded him on the front bench. Esther crossed her arms in front of her chest, the night feeling cooler to her than usual.

Maca walked up to the car in that moment, a small bag slung over her arm. She looked pale and determined, tension radiating off her body.

Everyone stood around the transporter worriedly and exhausted, mumbling a few hasty good-byes into the night. Esther didn't really think about the impeding good-bye from Maca until Maca turned to look at her. Both of them had been too worried about Azuka's state to notice that they would now be apart for the first time since they had met.

Even under Maca's tense expression, her eyes suddenly shone with tenderness for a moment.

"Take care," Esther whispered thickly.

Maca nodded, unable to say a word, and reached out to stroke her thumb across Esther's cheek. And Esther didn't know who of the two of them moved first, but then they simply kissed, in front of everyone. It was not an elaborate touch, just a quick, hasty kiss of good-bye. But it was a kiss, and even if just for a second, it made both of them feel strangely reassured even in the middle of all their worries.

Both of them missed Begoña's hurt and incredulous look at the open display of affection.

The transporter doors shut behind Mbele, Maca and Azuka, and Esther was left staring after the car that quickly disappeared into the darkness. The rumbling of the motor was audible across the wide space of Kasaï-Oriental long after the silhouette of the car had vanished into the night and Esther was left staring out over the planes, feeling as if her own heart had left her chest.

Part 27

Esther hadn't known what waiting was. Not until now.

In every free minute, she found herself at the village wall, gazing restlessly across the majestic wilderness of Kasaï-Oriental, and for the first time, she didn't appreciate its beauty.

Even the next day already, the day after their departure, Esther was looking out across the planes, her eyes scouring the landscape for the dust cloud of an advancing car in the distance. Perhaps they had had to turn around because of the weather. Perhaps Azuka had suddenly been feeling better. Even the most unrealistic scenario suddenly seemed plausible to her as she waited.

Esther had thought she had waited before. She had waited to finish medical school, the last few semesters draining her. She had waited for the replies when she sent out her first applications for a job. She had anxiously waited for the results of the pregnancy test when she – much too young, and barely into her first job – had been involved with Jorge, careless and stupid.

She thought she had waited for the letters from Miguel.

But that had not been waiting. That had not this all-consuming yearning which permeated every single of her thoughts, each of her heartbeats and all the nerves in her body. It had her in a state of suspended expectation as if there was a bow arched between the now and the moment of Maca's return, leaving her stretched across its distance with her entire being.

This was different from anything that she had ever felt before. Waiting was not something that she did, but it was something that she was, rising up from deep inside of her.

Vague images from her childhood flowed forward, reminding her of moments where she had been waiting with all her heart, singling out her want in a way perhaps only a child could and leaving her hoping for something so badly that she could not think of anything else.

She had waited for her father to take her to the carousel in the park on Sunday, like he had promised he would. Most of the time, he hadn't done it. And then he had been around less and less, until in the end, he hadn't come home anymore at all.

Later, she had waited for her mother, praying that the sun would stay out so that they would go for ice-cream, but then her mother had been tired from her shift when she finally came in, or they hadn't had enough money that week.

She remembered waiting for her mother – standing in the corridor, alone in the apartment, not yet quite tall enough to look through the window without a footstool. And she had been waiting for mother to get home from work, while the square of light thrown across the floor slowly moved from wall to wall.

But even all that had been mellow in comparison to what Esther was feeling now. It seemed to her that as a child, she had only wished with her heart. She hadn't had this adult body yet, not this mind, and her longing had been pure and focused. Not like now, not with this wild yearning that seemed to rush disparately through her entire self, robbing her of breath and sleep and clear thought. She couldn't sleep without Maca. She couldn't be without Maca.

And then there were the worries that kept her awake at night, about Azuka, about Mbele, about their safety. But when it came to Maca, she was downright frightened on a level that was so elemental that she couldn't separate Maca's well-being from her own anymore.

All of them listened to the radio in the evenings, anxious about news on the latest riots out in the East, and now also on the outskirts of Mbuji-Mayi. More often than not, however, there was no reception due to the rainfalls up North and Esther was left alone with her worries, taking them to bed with her, her mind drawing up a thousand scary scenarios, one nightmarish vision hunting the next until finally, dawn drew up and the first pale light of day fell in through the window openings.

Katanga was too close by to not take the recent guerilla feuds into account, and the latest rumors that patients brought into the clinic during this week did nothing to ease Esther's fears, those fears that left her feeling immobilized and helpless, like a fish on dry land, or a bird with torn wings or a mole that had been dug out of the earth and tossed into the harsh daylight, terrified by it like she was terrified by her own thoughts, images of Maca's beautiful body left marred and bloodied out in the planes haunting her fitful sleep.

And she couldn't sleep without Maca. Esther hadn't really given it much thought before, but she hadn't spent a night without Maca ever since that celebration for little Maria. It gave her pause and, unbidden, she realized that she had probably never spent that many nights in a row with Miguel. And she had never had much trouble sleeping in his absence, not like now where she found herself reaching for Maca in her sleep, coming up empty and waking disoriented, with just the pillow in her hands and feeling oppressed even under the thin gauze of her mosquito net.

A thousand little details about Maca pervaded her mind, some of them things she had never consciously noticed before, but that seemed achingly endearing to her now – like the concentrated frown Maca got when she was really focused on something, whether it was an operation on a patient or finding the perfect path for her fingers down the slope of Esther's stomach. The way she nipped at her thumb at times when she was nervous about something. Esther even thought the way Maca was cutting her dinner meat was particular. And then of course there was soft, happy smile that she gave Esther when Esther wordlessly pushed her ration of 'red can' meat over onto her plate. They had dubbed the canned meat rations after the colors of their containers since the taste was more or less indiscernible, apart from the 'red can' brand that actually still tasted like meat. All of them liked the 'red' best, so the first time Esther had just handed her ration to Maca, taking a 'blue can' portion instead, Maca had been baffled. – "But you like it just as much as I do!" she had argued. "Yes, but I mind the 'blue' one less than you do," Esther had pointed out practically, not minding at all, and then she had nearly forgotten about dinner altogether when Maca had given her one of the most enchanted smiles she could ever remember.

And there were other things swimming to the forefront of Esther's mind, things that belonged just to two of them, like the way Maca tended to bite her own lip when she lay underneath Esther, curved into her body, or the single strand of hair, the one to the right, that always fell into Maca's face when she moved. And, of course, there was the way her arms looked when she crossed them in one of her black little t-shirts, like the first time Esther had ever caught sight of her. Oh, and the way Maca said her name… Esther had never cared much for her own name, finding it neither beautiful nor special, but when Maca said it, it sounded like a precious jewel, held warmly in a loving hand – Esther…

"Esther!" Begoña was breathless when she stormed into the operating theatre where Esther was assisting Maria and Vilches. "Pablo needs you!"

Having learnt to run first and ask questions later, Esther hurried alongside Begoña, letting her fill her in on the way. Apparently, it was about a young girl, seven at most, with a large abdominal gash all the way down to her thigh, and Pablo and Begoña had barely been able to clamp the wound shut provisorily.

"You need to suture!" Pablo said tersely in greeting, nodding at the wound while he held the girl's thigh still, the thin limb nearly disappearing underneath his large hands.

Esther paused where she was hastily donning a new pair of scrubs. "What?!" She looked at Begoña who was checking the dose of anesthesia. This was what she would normally be doing, Esther thought. Or Pablo's task. But suturing?!

"My eyes are not good enough, and I can't even sew on a button!" Pablo said with a hint of panic to his voice. "Vilches and Maria are both operating and we'll lose her if we don't act now… so just do it!!"

"I'm not educated…" Esther swallowed nervously.

"Esther… you can sew on buttons, and you've seen Maca do this a hundred times!" Pablo stated, jerking his head towards the instruments that Begoña had laid out. His hands were still holding the girl's leg immobilized.

"He's right," Begoña agreed with a nod that had to cost her. "You have the most pediatric experience. More than I do."

"Okay…" Esther said slowly. She took a deep breath and picked up the needle, biting her tongue in concentration.

And it went well. "Really – you should have become a bloody surgeon!" Pablo stated in relief afterwards, clapping her shoulder.

"With those hours – are you crazy?" Esther waved off his comment, but she couldn't suppress a small, proud grin as she pulled off the bloodied scrubs.

Even Vilches congratulated her later over dinner, in his usual, gruff way – "Glad to hear you didn't kill anyone."

Esther only wished that Maca would be there to share this with her. Maca would secretly squeeze her hand underneath the dinner table and be just as proud and happy as she was. When Esther closed her eyes, she could see Maca's smiling eyes in front of her, so clearly that she felt that she could reach out and touch her face.

She so badly wanted her to come back right now, at this very moment, that she could almost hear the motor of the transporter hum across the land, the car horn honking from afar…

Esther looked up from her plate, blinking in confusion. Had that been a car horn just then?

Not caring how it might looked like to the others, she jumped up from the table, leaving her dinner behind and rushing to the entrance of the village, her legs weak as she ran. She climbed up onto wall, like Azuka always did, and stared out across the wide planes. And there, still far in the distance, was the dust cloth of a car visible against the dusky evening sky.

Esther's heart was beating out of her chest.

She stared at the cloud of dust and the glint of metal as if she could will it to go faster by the sheer force of her gaze. And now, as she had them in sight already, the nervousness set in again, making her pray to some unknown deity above to let them be safe, to let them be fine, and most of all, to let Maca be safe.

Esther felt as if she were drowning, watching the faraway spot growing bigger against the surrounding land with agonizing slowness.

She vowed she'd do anything if only she saw Maca stepping out of that car unharmed and with a smile on her face.

She'd do anything.

Part 28

Long minutes passed until the car was finally in sight, the dust clearing enough to let Esther see the hood of the car in the evening light. Her heart dropped when she recognized the logo of the mail transport.

For a few minutes she held out hope, reasoning that perhaps the old transporter had finally broken down and that Mbele, Azuka and Maca were coming back like this, with the mail transporter, and if not that, then that they had perhaps at least sent a note. Perhaps Maca had sent her a card.

But everything the mail transport had to deliver to Esther was an irate and disappointed letter from Miguel, angry red stamps declaring in bold letters that it had been sent via express delivery.

Esther's first thought was that this was ludicrous out here since the mail transporter certainly didn't get to cut across the planes of Kasaï-Oriental any faster because one of the letters in its trunk said 'express'.

Miguel was mad at her, and Esther knew he was right. She felt horrible for cheating on him, and horrible for not telling him the truth, but she'd have felt even more horrible if she had told him via mail that there was somebody else in her life.

She didn't know how to resolve this situation – on one hand, she felt obliged to Miguel and the years she had spent with him, but on the other hand what she felt for Maca was defying everything she had ever known.

Esther had always reasoned with herself that this thing – whatever it was – with Maca had happened due to their exposed and isolated situation out here; a case of Jungle Fever, even if it didn't feel like just an affair. But either way, things would be far different when they returned to Spain, and apart from that, they would never have happened in Spain in the first place.

But now, Esther was beginning to doubt her own logic.

Miguel wrote that he was fed up with her tendencies to go off and save the world on a whim of naïve idealism when she couldn't even save her own relationship, and that if she wanted to prove she could care for someone, she better start with those who loved her and who needed her more than a bunch of complete strangers. And that he didn't understand her, at least not anymore. And that he was mad she had just told him about this, out of the blue, not ever even mentioning it before. And he said that he didn't understand what she meant by taking a break, since they were on a break anyhow, one that Esther had created, and that if she couldn't deal with it, she should finally come back home and face her responsibilities instead of running away further.

Esther felt duly chastised, but the regret she knew she was supposed to feel as well was oddly absent. The only guilt she felt was the bad conscience about not feeling more regret. And any other emotion she had was linked to Maca – worry about her safety, longing for her return, happiness at the shared past months – it had been almost two months already! In a way, she couldn't believe it had been that long already, but then again, just with the way they interacted, she felt as if she had known Maca for years, holding her in her arms at night, sharing her dinner favorites with her and trying to keep the hardest cases off her back when she knew that Maca was exhausted.

Esther impatiently put the letter from Miguel to the others, hastening back out to do the first late night round among their patients. She had no time for Miguel's angry complaints. They had lives to safe out here!

But in between checking on patients, she found time to contemplate the thousand different ways Maca's eyes could look when she gazed into them, and the way her lashes rested upon her cheeks when she slept.

Esther wondered whether she would have fallen in love with Maca just as well if they had met elsewhere – if she had been a colleague at the private clinic in Madrid where she had worked, or if some of her friends had brought her along to a dinner, or even if they had simply seen each other at a party, their eyes meeting across a crowded room.

The question haunted Esther until late into the night where she lay awake for hours, only falling into a fitful sleep just before dawn.

The restlessness remained with her, increasing as the days passed. Maca, Mbele and Azuka had been gone for over a week now. Esther remembered how she had only need two days from Mbuji-Mayi when she had first arrived. Of course, that had been before the rain season, and before there had been all those rumors of skirmishes on the Southern outskirts of Mbuji-Mayi. She wanted them to be careful, of course, avoiding all the dangerous areas, even if it took them endless detours. But on the other hand, she just wanted them to finally come back.

The radio had had reception for two nights in a row, and Esther didn't know whether it was unsettling her more to listen to the news, or to have to guess at them. Either way, she was worried sick. On tonight's news, there had been a notice that two European Red Cross personnel had been kidnapped just out of Katanga. Of course, Katanga was a different thing than Mbuji-Mayi, but Esther had still felt an icy hand closing around her heart.

For the first time, she honestly asked herself what she would do if something were to happen to Maca out there, and her first, instinctive thought was that she would die, simply from a shattered heart.

The thought gave her pause, making her realize that not only had she never felt something like this before, she had also never felt this much for a single person. The fact that Maca was a woman suddenly seemed a whole lot less important.

Even now, in Maca's absence, it was if she was linked to her somehow across the distance, all the way up to Mbuji-Mayi. It was a sensation of wholeness that was overwhelming when Maca was with her, but that even persisted in her absence.

Esther thought that if this feeling was Jungle Fever, it was far more overwhelming than what Maria had described to her. But underneath, she already knew – and not without trepidation – that this had become much, much more.

Thinking of Spain and of Miguel and her life there, Esther asked herself what she really wanted. And when she closed her eyes, the first thing she saw, the first happy image when she thought about home was walking down the streets of her neighborhood, holding hands with Maca and showing her where she had grown up.

When Esther thought about what she desired most it was not a plane ticket to Spain, or a shared apartment and a shared life with Miguel, but it was being with Maca, right here and right now, laying on her bed in the evening. Maca would reach out to play with her hair and perhaps she would talk more about growing up in Jeréz, and Esther couldn't imagine falling asleep to a nicer bedtime story than Maca telling her about all the times she had fallen of a horse.

It was not without bafflement that Esther realized that actually, she and Maca had been living like a real couple for these past two months, with their little patterns and quirks, defiantly developing a way of sharing their life, living it together even out here in the wilderness and despite all the chaos around them.

And Esther only knew that when their time here was be over, she would still want to be with Maca, no matter where. Whether it was Kasaï-Oriental or Spain or Kuala Lumpur or Antartica: She didn't care. She loved Maca, and she would have fallen in love with her anyway, regardless of time or place.

Startled, Esther repeated her own thought to herself – She loved Maca… – And even though a frissom of fear went through her chest at the magnitude of that phrase, she knew that it was true. It fit into place within her like the last, central piece of a complicated puzzle that suddenly, made sense and showed her a perfect picture.

She loved Maca.

Part 29

Maca was walking across the markets of Mbuji-Mayi with Mbele, relaxing somewhat for the first time in days.

The first two nights after Mbele had brought them here driving like a devil in a mere thirteen hours had been tough, sitting at Azuka's bed in the hospital, waiting for him to recover. Maca hadn't minded staying up with him, though.

When, during the third night, she allowed herself to rest on a additional cot in Azuka's room, after it was clear that Azuka would recover, she had found that she had difficulty falling asleep without Esther by her side. Again and again she found herself reaching out in half sleep, seeing Esther's smile in front of her as she lay awake, listening to the quiet and steady breathing of Azuka a few feet away.

As he was recovering, Mbele and Maca were left with the sad task of informing the orphanage of their arrival, and after a first good look at the central orphanage in the city, Mbele had suggested that perhaps Azuka would be happier at the smaller branchlet a little out of town.

At first, Maca had been spooked when she realized that the orphanage was on the Northern outskirts of town, but after she had visited it – she wouldn't let Azuka go to any place that she hadn't personally made sure was the best he could get – she was relieved to find most of her worries alleviated. Even though it was formally run by a catholic organization, it didn't show. And where Maca had, horrified, expected a group of severe-looking nuns, she instead found most of the teachers to be local, about half of them actually Luba. Of course, she still hadn't liked to take Azuka there when he was released from the hospital on day five, but even she had to admit that it was a warm and friendly place, with a lot of other children for him to play with. Azuka had been dragged out into the yard by a few curious youngsters before Maca and Mbele had even finished their talk with the teachers, and when she left and went to say goodbye to him, she had found him ensconced between two other kids, constructing a small hut out of little wooden bricks, chatting away in Luba.

Of course Maca had been playing with the thought of simply taking Azuka back with them, out to Kasaï-Oriental, and then to Spain when their time was up. She was confident that she could have gotten the adoption papers, especially since he already related well to her and was an orphan, but Mbele was right in that she didn't have any right to rip him out of his environment.

"The city outskirts will already be strange for him," Mbele had observed gently. "He is a kid of the planes. He wouldn't be able to breathe if you put his feet on asphalt." They had sat in a run-down bar during this conversation and Mbele had waved at the waiter at that moment, signaling for another two shots of whatever it was they were having. "And I'm sure Spain is beautiful, but he is Luba. He'd be an outsider there, with a strange language, in a strange culture… He'd get sick from the food, and that would be the least of your problems."

"He'd get used to it," Maca had argued weakly, even when she had already known that Mbele was right. She reached for her glass, not caring what it was as long as it kept her mind off the fact that she would have to leave Azuka here. Esther would be devastated. Maca took another long swallow, thinking that there wasn't enough alcohol in this entire bar to make her stop worrying about Esther. She had heard a few stories around the hospital that just made her want to rush home back into the wilderness as quickly as possible, needing to know that Esther was all right. The first nights in town, dozing at Azuka's bedside, she had been plagued by nightmarish images – returning to find the clinic burned to cinders, all her colleagues and friends gone, and Esther nowhere to be found.

"This is his home." Mbele was still talking about Azuka. "Don't uproot him like that."

Maca had sighed, but then she had nodded. "Will you look out for him after we go back?" She asked him. "Money is not an issue. I want him to go to school. I want him to have a bloody chance out here."

Mbele had taken her hand, something he rarely did with anyone. "I promise, Maca," he had sworn.

Now that Azuka was feeling better – all it really had taken was a small surgical procedure under proper anesthesia and some different antibiotics – they slept in an empty office at the headquarters for the different help organizations in the province, including 'Médecins Sans Frontières'.

After the first night there, Maca had found Mbele glaring back at her tiredly in the morning. "What – do I snore?" she had asked teasingly and she had been surprised to find Mbele blushing under his dark skin.

"More like talk in your sleep," he had muttered, making Maca blush furiously in return. She had dreamed of Esther that night, but she had done so every night since they had left the clinic.

This morning, they had picked up the last of the medical supplies Vilches had been able to order and then the two of them had gone a little overboard on the market, buying as much food for their colleagues as they could.

"Another week of 'blue can' meat, and they will start to kill each other," Mbele had stated and Maca couldn't have agreed more, the blue brand made her skin crawl. Even though she didn't have to eat much of it anymore, not with how Esther tended to give up her 'red' rations for her instead. Maca smiled stupidly, thinking once more that Esther was the kindest and most amazing person she had ever known.

Which was why right now, she was dragging a more and more tired looking Mbele to every booth she could think of, trying to find a gift for Esther. Maca would gladly have walked into the next store and gotten her a diamond ring, but that might have been a little overwhelming. Besides, after the donation for the orphanage, she was sure that her bank didn't want to talk to her for the time being. In the end – and after holding at least a dozen earrings up to Mbele's ears, insisting that his were good enough to hazard a vague comparison – she got a pair of filigree earrings with tiny polished gemstones, and a soft, silky shirt in a bright turquoise color she knew Esther would love. And then, when they actually were about to leave – to Mbele's great relief – she came across a booth that had simple Chinese styled paper lampions. It was probably a ridiculous gift, but Maca thought that one of these would fit the little oil lamp in Esther's quarters that they often kept burning at night. She chose one in orange and reds that would give off a nice cozy light. It even had a stylized lion's face printed on the sides, and she only hoped Esther that wouldn't laugh at her when she gave it to her.

In the afternoon, Maca and Mbele drove out to the orphanage again, this time with a heavy heart because they would have to tell him goodbye. Mbele wanted them to be on the road back to the clinic before nightfall.

The director of the orphanage stepped out of his office to greet them personally, nearly falling over himself with friendliness and Maca thought that if she would have asked him to walk on his hands, he would have done that as well.

She had needed to pull a few stunts at one of the more trustworthy bank offices downtown, but Maca had managed to leave a sizable donation at the orphanage, underlining wordlessly that it was in everyone's best interest to take good care of Azuka. She didn't care whether it was called nepotism or favoritism or blackmail, as long as Azuka would be fine.

She followed Mbele and Maca into the large dayroom that was littered with small, brightly colored wooden chairs, the walls covered with a huge blackboard and dozens of children's drawings.

"He did this for a colleague of yours, I think," the director said, handing Maca a small painting. "Something about a lion?"

And when Maca looked at the picture, after a minute, she could distinguish the jagged mane of a lion.

"What are those?" Mbele asked, looking over her shoulder and pointing at some small light blue circles that were drawn into the lion's mane.

Maca was clueless for a moment, but then she laughed softly. "Those are the ribbons Esther uses to braid her hair." She turned her head to look at Mbele. "Remember how she tried to teach him that?" And just then, Maca didn't care about the orphanage or the papers they had set up so carefully, or about what was reasonable. She just wanted to take Azuka into her arms and take him back out into Kasaï-Oriental with them.

One of the teachers brought Azuka into the room then and he quickly walked over when he saw Maca and Mbele, his limp hardly impairing him. He had his ball under his arm, and was smiling broadly. "I get to play soccer again!" he declared proudly. "I teach them!"

"That's great," Maca agreed softly, kneeling down to be at eye level with him. "Listen, sweetie.. Mbele and I have to go back to the clinic. You know, to heal people…" He frowned, holding more tightly onto his ball. Maca took a deep breath, not liking what she had to say. "But you can stay here."

Azuka smiled, clearly liking the idea to stay, and part of Maca almost wished he would be unhappy instead so that she would have an excuse to take him back with her. "Can you and Esther and Mbele stay here, too?" Azuka asked hopefully.

"No," Maca tried to say as gently as possible. "But we can visit you," she added immediately, seeing his fearful look. "We need to heal people out at the clinic, remember?" She stroked through his short, curly hair, blinking against tears when her leaned his head against her shoulders. "And you can send us letters with the mail transport," she continued. "Like you did with Esther, do you remember that?" She felt him nod against her shoulder. "And we will send you letters, too."

That seemed to comfort Azuka, and he drew back to look at her again. "And can I visit you with the plane?"

Maca smiled. "Sure you can." And she knew that he would probably have long forgotten about her and the people at the clinic by the time he was old enough to take a plane anywhere. "But before I take the plane back to Spain, I will visit you here, all right?"

Azuka regarded her thoughtfully. "Esther, too?"

"Yes, of course," Maca promised. "Of course Esther will come with me." And if Maca had any say in it, that was exactly how she would like things to remain infinitely, Esther with her wherever they went.

Two other boys and a small girl stepped up to them at that point, looking at Azuka and the ball he had still wrapped in his arms. Maca had to smile when she saw him glance over repetitiously to his new friends. She gave him a long hug in farewell, and Mbele did the same, saying a few phrases in Luba to Azuka that Maca didn't understand, but it made Azuka nod seriously, with all the earnestness a five-year-old boy was capable of before he rushed off with the other kids as quickly as his limp would allow him.

He stopped once more and turned to waved at her, smiling happily. Before Maca had even passed through the door, he had run out into the yard with his comrades.

Maca could hear him laugh, the sound mingling with the excited voices of the other kids. She blinked against the tears in her eyes and thankfully accepted the tissue that Mbele was wordlessly holding out to her. This was not about her, she reminded herself, but about what was best for Azuka.

Still, having to leave him behind, even though it was in his own interests, broke her heart. All she wanted at this moment was to fall into Esther's arms and let her hold her for a while.

Esther… For a moment, Maca asked herself with fear what she would do if Esther decided to end their involvement when they returned to Spain and she was uncertain whether she would survive that. But then she resolutely pushed the thought away, reminding herself that they had more than five months left, and that by this time tomorrow night, she would hopefully be back at the clinic, holding Esther safely in her arms.

Part 30

"Esther!"

Looking up from where she was bandaging a small girl's hand, Esther saw a breathless Karim standing in the door to Maca's office. She held her breath, hoping that it was not another emergency, or she'd have to ask Begoña to cut her lunch break short and come back early because she had three more children waited outside who couldn't wait as it was, and if each of them was as scared of taking pills as this one had been, it would take a while yet.

Esther had more or less turned into the replacement pediatrician in Maca's absence, a responsibility she'd gladly hand back over to Dr. Wilson upon her return. Esther reached up, pushing a few loose strands of hair out of her vision with the back of her forearm. "What is it?" she asked, thinking that she'd be glad about Dr. Wilson's return for a variety of other, much more important reasons as well.

It had been thirteen days now, thirteen endless days without Maca, without a single life sign. The days were wearing Esther thin with worries, and she welcomed the exhaustion of the long work shifts that allowed her to fall into some kind of sleep at night, temporarily silencing her body that was coiling into itself with restless longing.

On the good nights, she dreamed of Maca's hands, waking in breathless frustration. On the bad nights, she dreamed of Maca being kidnapped or worse, waking bathed in cold sweat, her heart hammering with fear.

"Didn't you hear the car horn?" Karim asked incredulously, cutting through Esther's musings. "They're back!"

Esther dropped the half-wrapped bandage and rushed to the door without another thought, stopping only with her feet already over the threshold, turning around once more. She hadn't even finished with her patient yet.

"I can take care of the little one here." Karim waved her away with a smile. "You go welcome her back!"

"Thanks, Karim," Esther called back breathlessly over her shoulder, running already.

She had waited for so long that now she felt almost sick with anticipation, and her only thought as she rushed along the huts on shaky legs was that they had to be alright, that Maca had to be alright.

She arrived at the entrance of the village just as the transporter drew inside the wall. Not looking left or right, Esther pushed through the crowd of curious patients, her eyes hefted onto the transporter. She knew nothing but that she needed to be with Maca.

And when the door to the right opened, Maca's long legs uncurling from the front bench of the car, Esther's eyes tore over that coveted body, anxiously checking for bruises and wounds, and she wanted to cry with gratefulness when she found Maca without a scratch, safe, and even more breathtakingly beautiful than she had remembered.

Maca's eyes trailed over the crowd until they found Esther's face, lighting up with a hungry smile. The clinic and the people around them disappeared, and then Maca stood in front of Esther and she enfolded her in a breathless, wordless embrace, trembling as they seeped into each other's bodies like water into dried sponges, surrounded by the scent of their hair and the fragrance of their skin. They held onto each other as if they would fall otherwise, unable to stand upright without the other, blinded with the renewed feel of each other under their fingertips and against the palms of their hands.

"Where is Azuka?" Esther asked when she finally drew back, looking around in puzzlement.

"Esther…" Maca said gently, reaching for her hand.

Esther instinctively took a step back, her expression frightened. "Tell me he didn't die…"

"No. No." Maca shook her head. "He is fine. He is fine. He's at the orphanage."

Esther stared back at her incredulously. "I didn't even get to say goodbye…"

"I'm sorry…" Maca shrugged helplessly. She had known that Esther wouldn't like to hear this. Esther was the one who had spent the most time with Azuka, other than Maca and Mbele. And the two of them had had the chance to get used to the idea over a couple of days, and they had gotten a chance to say goodbye. Esther hadn't had that.

And even though Maca could understand the angry disappointment, it cut through her when Esther turned away, wordlessly reaching for the next bag of supplies Mbele was handing down from the truck and walking away with it.

Maca blinked against a few tears that were rolling down her cheeks despite her best efforts.

"You shouldn't get too attached," Vilches muttered next her.

Maca didn't know whether he was referring to Azuka or to Esther or both, but she didn't want to hear it either way. Silently, they began to unload the transporter, carrying boxes and bags to the storage tent, walking back and forth like a convoy of fire ants.

"Could you drive the normal route?" Maria asked, but Maca didn't answer, forlornly staring after Esther who hadn't looked at her since she had had to tell her that Azuka had stayed in Mbuji-Mayi.

"We did two detours, but just to be on the safe side," Mbele said next to her. "We didn't encounter anything directly, although rumors are that the Southern outskirts are somewhat out of control at the moment…"

"Yeah, and we never heard that one before," Vilches grumbled. He handed Maca another stack of sealed scrubs from where he stood inside the transporter, noticing her sad expression. "Hey Wilson," he called out to her, trying to lighten the mood. "Did you know that your girlfriend turned into a fucking surgeon in your absence?"

Surprised, Maca turned to look at Esther who was balancing two boxes of antibiotic vials. "…you what?" Only then did she realize what exactly Vilches had said, warmth bubbling up her chest at the simple statement. Oh, but she liked the sound of that.

"I just had to suture," Esther stated modestly.

"Yeah – a gash of two feet length, and she got it in a near perfect line!" Vilches added gruffly, as if he was uncomfortable at handing out such praise. "Really."

"That's great…" Maca turned to her with such a happy smile that Esther couldn't help but smile back.

This was so typical for Maca, Esther thought – no envy and no questions. She was simply happy for her, and perhaps even a little proud. And when she finally looked up into Maca's eyes, she couldn't even remember why she had momentarily been angry with her.

They both walked to the storage tent with their latest loads, a little closer to each other than necessary, easily falling into step with each other.

Maca dropped the stack of scrubs onto the nearest shelf and turned to pluck the antibiotics out of Esther's fingers, carefully depositing them on the medical fridge before she stepped closer, cupping Esther's face in her hands and leaning in to kiss her, gently, tenderly, over and over again, a soft reacquaintance that had them sink into each other like coins into water – slowly, unhurriedly, without resistance.

"I'm sorry about Azuka," Maca said when she drew back after long minutes, giving Esther her most beseeching look, the one that made Esther's stomach flutter with a thousand butterflies' wings.

Esther shook her head, unwilling to let Maca apologize for something that had not been her doing. "No, it's not your fault… I should have known." She leaned her forehead against Maca's shoulder, knowing that if she let Maca gaze at her like that just one moment longer, she would forget about everything else, including the fact that they were standing in the middle of the storage tent. "I just miss him," she sighed against Maca's shoulder. "Is he doing okay?"

"He's already teaching the other kids to play soccer," Maca related with a teary smile, pride in her tone. "And he drew you a picture that I brought for you… and I promised him that we would write to him."

"Of course we will," Esther affirmed, a few tears still audible in her voice.

Maca wrapped her arms around Esther, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead in comfort just when Maria entered the tent with Pablo and shook her head at the scene in front of her. "Hey lovebirds… you can celebrate your reunion later, the antibiotics mustn't get warm!"

"Aw, Maria, have a heart!" Pablo chided her gently. "We might actually get to see a sunset again, now that Esther will stop staring holes into the horizon in the evenings…"

Esther blushed against Maca's shoulder, and that blush only intensified when Maca drew back a little, searching Esther's gaze with a happy little smile. "Holes into the horizon, hmm?" she asked, her eyes sparkling.

Esther nudged Maca's arm in reply. "Well, there is a lot of horizon out here," she said defensively, thinking that Pablo definitely deserved some buckets of ice water in his next morning shower.

Maca smiled fondly at the blush that crawled up Esther's cheeks, feeling endlessly happy to be back and to know that Esther had missed her. She couldn't resist and leaned in again to press another quick kiss to Esther's temple. "I missed you, too," she murmured. "And in Mbuji-Mayi, I didn't even have a horizon to look at."

Behind them, she could hear Maria clearing her throat, but when Maca turned her head to glare at her, her arms still protectively wrapped around Esther, she found Maria winking at her with a smile.

And small smiles seemed to remain on everyone's face during the afternoon, relief over the safe return of their colleagues mixing with plain happiness over the prospect of a real meal without any kind of 'red' or 'blue' meat. They talked about the latest skirmishes out in the East while they sat down for dinner, and even though Esther knew that the situation was dire, right now, with her fingers threaded through Maca's under the cover of the table, she was so happy that she felt as if she could face anything. Besides, rumors about raids and upheavals arrived almost daily, it was nothing out of the ordinary.

"Please – this is the Congo!" Maria rolled her eyes. "Tell me something new."

Vilches shook his head as well. "I spent two years living here, and we've never had any bigger riots around here. This is the outback. Folks are too poor to care about politics, clinic personnel included." He rubbed his hands together in anticipation when Pablo and Mbele set down a large casserole on the table. "And now let's enjoy the food while it's fresh!" he commanded with a huge grin. "We won't have to eat blue can meat for a week!"

Part 31

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