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TIMELINE: Sometime pre-wedding.
Killing You Softly
She was the one who gave you life. With the gift of Gus's heart, she gave you a second chance, an opportunity to live again. At first you didn't want it. You even fought against it. But when all you could see was darkness, she helped you find the light. She led you through and she brought you back to life.
But now you're dying all over again, and this time, she's the one killing you. Slowly, sweetly and softly, but killing you nonetheless.
Or perhaps it's you. Perhaps it's you, killing yourself. Killing yourself by pushing this thing when you know it's not what either of you want, deep down. Killing off that part of yourself that makes you who you are. Love, passion and desire are the perpetual casualties of your crusade.
But what else can you do, when admitting what you know you both want would kill her? Not instantly perhaps, but slowly, surely her love would eat away at her, just as yours is doing now. Slowly, everything you know as her, everything that's caused you to fall so deeply in love, would wilt and die off and you know you're not strong enough to protect her from that. You can let her kill you, but you can't do the same to her, not even in self-defense.
You used to be so ruthless. You used to be so strong. You close your eyes and try to remember a time before her. A time when she wasn't so beautifully intertwined into every fibre of your life. But you can't. You've come to far to ever find your way back there.
And what's more, you don't want to. You know that you could never go back. Even if it kills you, you're so grateful to have lived.
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