DISCLAIMER: Rizzoli & Isles and its characters are the property of Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and TNT television network. Lyrical content from the first part is from Florence + The Machine's 'Howl'. Content from the scene with Angela is from Florence + The Machine's 'Bird Song'
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ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Kiss With A Fist
The Saints Can't Help Me Now
Jane grabbed a fistful of light brown hair and held on tightly as she pinned the smaller woman against her door. "Please." Someone murmured. Maura freed her hands and wrapped one of them around Jane's waist, slipping it under her shirt and dragging her nails up and down the brunette's muscular back. Jane arched her back, her skin tingling with the sensation of the touch and Isles took the opportunity to move towards Jane's exposed neck, lightly nipping at the flesh with her teeth. This new sensation distracting Jane enough that she didn't realize that Maura had pushed herself off the wall and had reversed their positions. Her eager hands tugged at the hem of Jane's t-shirt and yanked up, breaking the contact only to allow the removal of the shirt up and over Jane's head. Maura went back to work, thorough and meticulous as always as she finished with the tender spot on Jane's neck and moving down to her clavicle and across to the other shoulder.
Jane was suffering from an out-of-body experience. Mentally she knew this shouldn't have been happening - that shouldn't be minutes from having sex with her best friend. But physically ah... where was she going with this? She tried to remember as she felt cool hands sliding up and down her sides, then fiddling with the button of her trousers - finally giving up and swiftly tugging down at the waist of her jeans until she was able to shimmy out of them. Maura shifted slightly positioning her hip just so - pressing against the taller woman in a now very sensitive part of her anatomy. Isles' mouth traveled south slowly, marking every inch of exposed flesh, then gliding over Jane's bra-clad breasts and taking a cotton covered curve and easing it into her mouth, timing the slow sucking to match with the slow press of her hip bone into Jane's sensitive flesh.
The taller woman saw stars. Literal stars. The world went black around her for a moment and pinpricks of light floated about her. She was never so thankful for the front door as she was at this very moment for providing her with the support that her legs could no longer give her. Her back against the wall, she began to slide down the wall. Maura stepped back, easing her soon-to-be lover down, "Jane, Jane. Are you ok?" She asked, crouching down to the other woman's level. She watched as Jane opened her eyes and looked at her, truly looked at her. There was something different in Jane's eyes - they went from dark brown to solid black, the pupil and the iris melting into one. Jane's mind had stopped its argument, knowing it was a losing battle. Instead it focused on the woman beside her, with swollen lips and tousled hair and an innate sense of how to bring her to her knees. Literally. This woman was all Jane could see. Later, she would see the mistake that this was, the bruises from the floor, the tell-tale tracks of Maura Isles' nails - but for now all she could see was herself pushing the honey-haired woman from her crouching position to laying flat on her back. Jane straddled Maura - a long leg on either side of her, and met her unwavering gaze as she easily held the other woman's arms above her head, using her free hand to slowly undo each and every button of Dr. Isles' blouse. Pushing the offensive silk off of Maura's trim body, Jane finally lowered her gaze and swallowed. Hard.
She had time to stop. She could scamper off the other woman and apologize. They would put their shirts back on, share an embarrassed laugh and leave it at that. "Jane, we don't have to do anything." Maura whispered, placing a steady hand on Rizzoli's firm belly. Jane simply moved her free hand towards the curved breast clad in black before her - every night for a week she had dreamed of this moment. Of that curve, and how it would fit in her hand and - Maura guided Jane's hand down to the valley between her breasts and placed it on the front clasp, a pleased smile on her face. Jane wordlessly undid the tiny snap and watched, mesmerized as the black material slipped back and revealed creamy, white flesh.
And with that, what tenuous grasp of control Jane Rizzoli had on the situation faded away.
If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart
Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart
They didn't talk much more than a word or two here or there - an instruction or a command. Jane was surprised at the strength and skill of Maura's hands, her forcefulness and the sweetness of her smile when she knew she was bringing Jane pleasure. She was also surprised at the ease in which she adjusted to moving against another woman's body - the soft takes against the hard gives of her own body. Jane was astounded at the way she knew how to move with Maura as two parts of the same unit instead of two bodies crashing against each other, the way her fingers knew how to curl just so and the way she could understand the ragged gasps of breath.
She thought about this as she stroked Jo, sitting in the dark, her back against the same door that was her downfall earlier. Her eyes fell on Maura's body, finally shifting awake against the floor a few feet away. "Jane?" She called out, sleep dripping off her voice. Jane sat back, not talking. Talking would make it real for her. And while it didn't get more real that watching Maura Isles wake up at four in the morning on her floor, clad in nothing more than her black panties and a blanket, she didn't want it to be real. She had sat up for hours, just watching the rise and fall of Isles' body, her light hair splayed out around her. She looked beautiful, Jane thought, unsurprised. This was the woman who could look impeccable hunched over a bloated corpse, of course she'd look as stunning laying on the floor after a marathon session of floor sex. Who knew, Jane thought, this could be regular occurrence in the world if you looked like Dr. Maura Isles. The woman in question sat up slowly, easing her muscles into submission then slid herself along the floor to share the door with Jane. "Thanks for the blanket." She whispered, wrapping the blanket around her body and Jane's. "You ok?"
"I don't know, Maur."
"Mmmmmmm." She murmured, pressing her arm into the Jane's.
"How are you?"
"Sore. My trapezius muscles."
"Sorry. I didn't think I was so rough."
"Oh." Maura repeated. She knew the protocol would be to sit quietly and allow the other woman to think but she had been up thinking for - "Jane, how long have you been up?" She asked (she didn't like to guess).
So Jane had been up thinking for the last 3 hours, and in Maura's mind it was entirely too long. "Did I do something wrong, Jane? Because I would like to point out that I haven't had time to prepare. I like to prepare for new experiences."
"You didn't do anything wrong Maura."
"You know, maybe I should get some sleep." Jane pushed herself up off the floor and padded down the hall towards the bedroom, Jo Friday scampering beside her. Maura's eyes eagerly lit up as she rose to follow Jane but the door swung shut - the click of the lock echoing down towards Maura, taking the excited light out of them.
Maura Isles would be lying if she didn't know she was good at sex. Pleasing others physically was not a challenge for her - in fact it was easier to understand people's physical responses than their emotional one. It's why she was so good at flirting - because flirting led to sex, and sex meant that for once, she was not at a clear disadvantage but held the upper hand. Sex - in blunt terms, it was applied silence of all the things she knew about her given partner. Jane for instance liked to be in control - but she also didn't want to know she was in control - she needed someone who could initiate, demonstrate aggression but then allow her to take over. She also knew it'd been a while since her friend had had sex so she had to time out her actions, creating an ebb and flow of desire so the sensations wouldn't over-stimulate her. She knew Jane was anxious about this - so every moment had to be eased into. Despite her strength, she needed someone to hold her, to smooth her hair, to calm her down and to sooth her as she peaked.
Maura rose up, and made her way down the darkened hall, her hand along the wall to guide her and gently tapped on the door. "Jane." Nothing but silence answered her back. She tried to open the door, but something was blocking her way. "Oh. Well. Um. Jane, I guess you want some time. That's fine. I'm going to go home. I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked, waiting for a moment for a response. Nothing. "Oh, well. That's fine. Jane, are you ok?"
Maura walked down to the living room and picked up what pieces of her clothes she could find. She slipped into her rumpled pants and put on her shirt. She couldn't find her bra, she was sure Jane would return it to her. She hoped so, anyways - it was one of her favorites and part of a set. She left quickly - feeling like an intruder without Jane present. She wasn't sure what was going on. She hadn't bean sure what was going on from the minute she walked into Jane's apartment and she turned around one moment to take off her coat and when she turned back, there Jane was, hand in her hair, holding her close.
Jane curled up against her bedroom door, cocooned in her bedspread. She heard Maura, and felt the door try to open, but said nothing. She heard Maura's dejected voice and the front door click shut. Good. She would have enough to deal with tomorrow, tonight she would sleep. She sighed and closed her eyes, exhaustion finally taking over.
The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress
Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
Jane woke up blinking in the bright sunlight streaming into her eyes. Her first thought was to pull the blankets up over her head. The second was that her whole body was stiff. Her third was that there was entirely too much light for this time of day, quickly followed by a series of expletives as she saw that she was 2 hours late. She leapt up and scrambled to find her phone. No messages. Just a text from Maura asking if she wanted coffee. Maura. Instantly, the memories of last night hit her, causing a second stream of expletives. She had two options - go to work dirty and ragged, or just go to work later than she already was. She made her way to the bathroom and stepped into the shower, shocking her body into consciousness with ice water.
Jane had heard men talk about the primal feeling during sex - that sense of possessiveness. She never understood it before - it was fun, but nothing more than something to do between innings while watching the game, or to work off some tension. She caught a glimpse of the red marks on her shoulders and had no doubt that a matching set could be found on Maura Isles. She just slept with her best friend. She slept with her best friend, a chick. And sidebar - Jane thought as she scrubbed her skin free from the marks of last night - who knew Maura would be the best sex of her life? Not that it would ever happen again. She was straight. And she was smart. Smart enough to know that sleeping with her best friend was one of the dumbest things she'd done in her life. And as her brother would be the first to tell you, she'd done plenty of dumb things in her life. It wasn't that Jane had a problem with gay people, it's just that she wasn't one. She had fought her entire life against those stereotypes - from when she liked sports as a little girl and knew how to install a new toilet with her eyes closed (thanks Dad), to when she joined the force and decided to get into Homicide. She'd heard those whispers her entire life and while she liked to think they rolled off her back, they didn't. They stung and hurt. And they made her question that maybe, just maybe others saw something that she didn't. That they knew something more about herself. Isles must have, otherwise she wouldn't have kissed her that night, would she?
Ok, Jane thought, toweling off and tossing on some clothes, new strategy. Her mind drew a blank. The old strategy of cutting off contact with Maura didn't work - four days into it, and the woman in question showed up at her apartment demanding answers and the next thing she knew, they were on the floor - unable to make it to the bedroom (And again, really? Jane thought, Maura Isles. Incredible at ... whatever!). Options, Jane asked herself:
She couldn't ignore the other woman completely - no, they worked together.
She could request a transfer - no, she was here first, Maura should be the one to leave.
She could just give up and give in - no, that was crazy talk.
Ok - Jane summarized, new strategy would need time and she would need to get herself to work.
She arrived at her desk and her heart dropped - there was a white coffee cup with its familiar green emblem. "Doc dropped it off for you," Korsak mentioned, walking by, "Said you had a late night or something?"
"And you believed her?" Jane asked, dropping into her seat and picking up the cup. It was cool - but it'd have to do right now. She took a sip and grimaced.
"It's the Doc, she can't lie. What'd the two of you get up to? Girls night in or something?"
"Yeah, or something."
Well I didn't tell anyone
But A bird flew by, and saw what I'd done
Maura's head snapped towards her phone.
She had been buried in paperwork all day to clear out some of the backlog her office was facing. She was anxious. She was anxious all day. She hadn't heard from Jane, and it was well past lunchtime. She may be getting used to this feeling when it came to Jane Rizzoli, but she was not enjoying it. She wished a corpse would drop onto her lap - that was a common thought in moments of tedium like this, but had learned not to verbalize these desires. She mentioned it once and Jane had to remind her that those bodies were people. It wasn't as if Maura didn't know that. She did. By the time they got to her morgue however, it was all too late. The blockage from decades worth of cheeseburgers and cigarettes had taken their toll and there was nothing that she could do for them. She wasn't wishing death on people, the circumstances had been set in motion - natural or unnatural - long before they found their way down to her.
The ringing phone would have to do as a means of distraction until a suitable body could be found. "Hello?"
"Maura honey, it's Angela. Angela Rizzoli."
"Is everything alright? Is it Jane?" Isles' heart leapt into her her heart. It couldn't have been Jane - if it was she'd have heard about it, would've known about it.
"She's fine, listen, I'm in the neighborhood. Do you have a couple of minutes?"
It set up a nest outside
And sang about what I'd become
He sang so loud
He sang so clear
I was afraid all the neighbors would hear
Maura saw Angela sitting on the park bench as agreed. It was only early afternoon but the winds had kicked up, rustling the hem of her green dress and navy peacoat. She was glad she made the detour for coffee, if anything else, it would keep their hands warm. "Maura," Angela smiled - the look not making it quite up to her eyes.
"Mrs. Rizzoli," Isles responded, offering her a cup of coffee, "Black," She answered before the question was asked, "Jane mentioned it before."
"And you remembered?"
"I remember a lot of things." Maura spoke, taking a sip from her coffee.
"Listen Maura, you're a sweet girl. A little weird, sure, but sweet. So I'm not gonna yank your chain or anything. What's going on with you and my Janie?"
"Excuse me?" Maura was not expecting this. She wasn't sure what she was expecting when she received Angela's invitation to meet, but it certainly wasn't this.
"Janie, and you. You always seemed close, closer than I've seen her with other girls, but I thought, 'Hey'" She shrugged, "But then I saw you kissing outside the house. And not just a peck on the cheek, or whatever, but -" she dropped her voice "-makin' out. So I thought I'd ask. What's going on?"
Maura took another sip of coffee and looked down at her lap. This was not the best timing for this conversation. She didn't know herself. She wasn't expecting domestic bliss off the bat, but waking up alone on Jane's floor, only to be shown the door was not what she was expecting either. If this was how Jane treated all potential mates, no wonder she wasn't paired off yet. She supposed she should at least be thankful for the blanket however.
"Honestly, I don't have answer for you."
"Try." Angela responded in a dry tone.
"I don't know - we weren't exactly 'making out' as you called it, but yes, we kissed -"
"And... that is all I can say right now. Is there something going on that's more than platonic? I think yes, can I tell you something more, I can't. You're asking me to guess. Besides," Maura asked, regaining some composure, "Why not ask Jane?"
"Because that girl'd lie through her teeth, and you can't. That's why I'm coming to you."
So I invited him in, to reason with him
I promised I wouldn't do it again.
They sat in silence for a bit, sipping their coffee. As loud as the Rizzoli women were at times, Maura discovered their need for silence as they thought things out. "If...we were... involved, which we're not. I don't think." Maura began, breaking the peace, "How would you feel?"
Angela looked at her and shrugged. "It's not my place to judge. It was a little weird, seeing my baby kissing another girl, but it wasn't much of a surprise."
"They've always whispered about Janie - I could hear 'em; she was better at sports than the boys, stronger than the boys, and then this cop business? Besides, I could see how much she really liked you. She liked you a lot - I hadn't heard her talk so much about anyone before 'Maura this and Maura that and Maura cut open this guy and - really dear, do you work dressed like that?" She pointed to Isles' shift dress peaking out beneath her coat.
"Oh I change. Scrubs." She explained.
"Good, I'd hate to see such pretty clothes get ruined with blood. It's so hard to get out."
"Tell me about it. This one time - never mind." She smiled, "Jane said that's not an appropriate story to tell people when they have 'food or drinks' in their hands."
"Probably best to stick with that then," Angela smiled, raising the coffee cup to her lips. "I could just tell, Janie cared for you more than was you know, normal. Not that it's not normal what you girls do. I guess I just didn't want to see it. She hadn't had a friend like you in years. Mostly just married guys from the force."
"Would you be upset?" Maura asked, curious.
"It's different times now." She smiled sadly, "I wouldn't exactly be thrilled," She gazed out in the distance to some kids kicking around a soccer ball, "But then again, I wasn't exactly thrilled when Jane joined the force, or got stuck with that sicko bastard." Her hand moved toward Maura's and held it, "And if Jane was going to be with a woman, at least it's someone I like, who'll care for her, and protect her, and even try to smooth out some of her rough sides - don't think I didn't notice that that dress she wore to dinner was new - " Maura smiled in spite of herself. "I want those things for my kids - and if those things come in a woman's body... Just promise me one thing Maura. It doesn't have to be right away, but think about it - grandkids. That's all I'm going to say."
"I doubt Jane will ever talk to me again, but if she does, I'll bring it up."
"She owes me - what with the shootings and the serial killers, remind her of that, will you? Do you love my daughter Maura? Because believe me, she's a tough one."
Maura paused for a moment, unsure of how to answer. She knew the emotions of love, and had felt them for Garrett. She knew she had similar feelings for Jane, but stronger, and different in a way.
"Love is a series of chemical reactions. Hormones released by our brains to allow for us to feel lust, attraction and bonding in order to mate, create offspring. On a personal level, it's an entirely subjective experience."
"Well aren't you a romantic?" Angela chuckled.
"I care for Jane. More than I have ever cared about another human being. I would do anything I could to keep her safe and to see her smile. I drink beer now."
"Sounds like love to me, but what'd I say, different times now. Maybe love's different too. I should go. I'm sure you got something gross to poke at and I need to start dinner." Angela patted her on her hand and got up off the bench. "I always wanted Janie to bring home a doctor," She smiled down at Maura Isles, "You're not as tall as I'd like, but I suppose you'll do."
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