DISCLAIMER: Suburban Shootout and its characters are the property of Feelgood Fiction, Five and Paramount Comedy. No infringement intended.
CHALLENGE: Written for the second 24 Hour Challenge.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

A kiss is still a kiss
By Angie


Hilary watched from behind designer sunglasses as Lillian held the car door open for Joyce. She smirked as Lillian took the opportunity to stare for an inappropriately long time at Joyce's backside as she made her way up the drive to the house. Eventually Lillian got back into the driver's seat and started the car. Hilary allowed the silence to remain for a few minutes.

"If I were you, I'd have fucked her senseless by now."

The car swerved violently to the right as Lillian executed a handbrake turn into a conveniently vacant disabled parking space. She switched the car off and grabbed Hilary by the throat in one smooth motion.

"Don't. Ever. Talk about Joyce like that again. She's not a gutter-dwelling slag like you are. Got that?"

Hilary nodded and Lillian released her. Hilary straightened out her jacket and checked her hair in the rearview mirror, taking her sunglasses off and slipping them into her bag.

"All I meant was, darling, that you should bloody well make a move on her instead of mooning over her like some lovesick teenager. It's really quite revolting. And boring."

Lillian glanced over at Hilary quickly before returning her eyes to the dashboard, seemingly finding a little smudge of dirt very interesting.

"I don't moon over her," she muttered.

"Oh, Jesus Christ! It's like some bad TV-movie that you'd find on Channel 5 after the watershed. An hour and a half of tortured longing with a real letdown of a sex-scene somewhere in the middle, all hazy and badly lit. Just fuck her and get it over with."

Lillian continued to look uncomfortable. Hilary looked at her for a moment, before laughing in disbelief.

"Oh God, you've never done it with a woman before, have you?"

"Have you?" Lillian shot back, embarrassed.

"Of course I have," Hilary scoffed. "Why the hell do you think we kidnap Pam with such alarming regularity?"

Lillian's eyes widened.

"You mean…Pam Draper?"

She spat the name out, like it was distasteful. Hilary winked at her, wearing a wide smile. Lillian's eyes were narrowed as she tried to assimilate this new piece of information with her current understanding. True, Hilary was generally the one who suggested that they kidnap Pam to show Barbara exactly who ruled Little Stempington. And Hilary always insisted on being on guard duty while Camilla and Lillian went out with the ransom note. And Hilary often came out of the room where they kept Pam looking sweaty and with her hair in disarray.

"So…you mean, you weren't beating her violently that last time?"

A slow smile spread over Hilary's lips.

"No. We save that for special occasions, sweetheart."

Lillian shuddered. The idea of Pamela Draper and Hilary Davenport engaged in sexual activity with each other just didn't add up. Another question occurred to her.

"So, is she any good? Looks like a total prude to me," Lillian stated, crossing her arms over her chest, trying to ignore the little part of her that found the whole conversation arousing.

Hilary raised an eyebrow.

"She's…how can I put this delicately for you? She's the best fuck I've ever had."

Lillian's eyes almost bugged out of her head. Hilary nodded in confirmation.

"She has a lot of pent up energy, you see, and it has to go somewhere. And if she insists on putting it into going down on me, who am I to complain?"

Lillian's mouth was hanging open. Hilary continued.

"I wouldn't get your hopes up about Joyce, though. I can't see her being up to much in the sack. Far too vanilla for my tastes." She reached over and patted Lillian's shoulder. "Alright for you though, break you in gently and all that."

"But Joyce is…married," Lillian offered weakly.

"So are you! So am I! So is Pam!"

"I…I wouldn't…how would I start?"

Hilary rolled her eyes and leaned across the space between the two seats, pressing her lips against Lillian's. Her mouth was hot and wet and her tongue was skilled. When she pulled away Lillian was rendered speechless.

"Something like that ought to get you started, I'll leave you to figure out the rest by yourself," Hilary drawled, reaching into her bag and slipping her sunglasses back on. "Now do start the car, darling. I have a sudden hankering to kidnap Ms Draper."

The End

Return to Miscellaneous Fiction

Return to Main Page