DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are
property of NBC and Dick Wolf.
SPOILERS: This fic is meant to take place immediately after 'Loss'.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
By Stephanie T
I thought I was dreaming when I saw the door of the black SUV open. Alex, alive? My head began to spin. Could it really be her? It all happened so fast. There were so many things I wanted to say.
They only gave us a minute or two. At the end she looked in my eyes and quickly thrust and envelope in my hand. Then it was over and she was gone. I had lost her again.
Elliot drove me home in silence. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. After he dropped me off I sat on my front stoop and tore the envelope open.
I'm to meet with you and Elliot in two hours. They warned me against writing anything down but I had to. This must be burned after you read it, I am to leave no trace of my former self.
This is the hardest letter I'll ever write. I can't imagine going a day without you, let alone months or years. I'll see your smile each time I close my eyes. I took one of the sweatshirts you left at my apartment so I won't forget your smell.
I know when I see you in two hours I will not hold you or kiss your lips one last time. I think if I even reach I to touch you I will break.
I love you Olivia. Please know I much I love you. I've been praying I've told you enough times so you will always know. My world in incomplete without you there.
I'm sorry I had to go, but they would never have stopped. This was the only way, please understand that. I wish we had run off to a small island together, instead of just joking about it. In retrospect, there are so many thing I wish I could have done differently for you.
This is incredibly hard for me to say, but I mean it with every ounce of my being. One time you said you would do anything for me if I just asked, so I am asking now. Olivia, promise me you will go on with your life. Promise you won't wait for me. I love you too much to want that life for you. As much as it pains me to imagine you in another's arms, it would hurt me worse to imagine you alone. You deserve nothing but happiness.
I could fill volumes with everything I want to say to you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Olivia. I am so blessed just to have had chance to know you. I'm so sorry for everything that went wrong. I love you so much.
I folded the letter and walked upstairs to my apartment. Tomorrow I would burn it as she asked, but tonight I would sleep with it clutched to my heart.
Return to Law & Order Fiction
Return to Main Page