DISCLAIMER: Battlestar Galactica is the
property of Glen A. Larson, Sci-Fi Channel, R & D TV, Sky and NBC
Universal.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SEQUEL/SERIES: This story follows As Dust.
SPOILERS: Set last half of 1st season.
The Last Time
By Celievamp
"I will find you, Laura."
The dream (if it was a dream) haunted Laura. She had not been able
to forget the woman. Every detail of her face, her dress, her voice
seemed imprinted on her memory. She had spent several hours
searching the database for her to no avail. The woman was not
listed amongst the survivors. No one like her was.
It was not impossible that she had been missed in the census. Her
people had been thorough but it was possible that she had been
missed.
Laura hung on to that belief. She could tell that Billy was
worried about her and that he must have said something to
Lee `Apollo' Adama, her erstwhile liaison officer, and perhaps to
Gaius Balthzar. Adama was more solicitous and Balthzar more twitchy
than ever. They came to see her together: an unlikely alliance.
"Your assistant said you were looking for someone," Adama said,
sitting down opposite her. "You were scanning the census database.
But you didn't find who you were looking for? Are you sure they
survived?"
"Someone approached me. A few days ago. A woman, tall, blonde, very
striking in appearance. She - " Gaius made a strange strangled
sound which he covered with a cough.
Laura glanced at him. He did not look well. His hollow eyes were
ringed with sweat, his skin pale, his hair stringy and unkempt. He
did not meet her gaze, his eyes darting around the room, his lips
moving imperceptibly as if he was vocalising to himself. Gaius
Balthzar had promised many things but had so far fallen far short on
his promises. She knew that Adama did not trust him. "She claimed
knowledge of the Cylons."
"She didn't go through your staff?" Apollo asked.
"No. No one else seems to have seen her," Laura said. "There is no
record of her arriving at my ship or leaving afterwards. Nor can I
find any record of her in the system." She smiled. "It is
something of a mystery."
"Are you sure." Gaius said suddenly. "Are you sure you did not
dream or imagine her... the medications... your medications... for your
condition... are quite powerful. Side-effects. I imagine." He
glanced at her and then away again, his gaze seeming to focus on
something only he could see. His lips twitched, moving soundlessly.
Laura stared at him. She had told very few people of her cancer -
her doctor, Billy and Lee Adama. Not Gaius Balthazar. She was very
certain that none of them would have betrayed her confidence. Yet
the strange woman (the Cylon agent as Laura was certain she was) and
now Gaius seemed to know. How was that possible?
Adama frowned, glancing at her and then at Gaius, surprised perhaps
that having sworn him to secrecy she would tell someone as
unreliable as Dr Balthzar. She met his gaze, trying to convey
without words that she had not told the scientist anything about her
condition. "I haven't seen any sign that the President's mental
state has been affected by her condition or her treatment," he
said. "Ma'am, are you thinking that this woman could have been a
Cylon agent, perhaps even one of the human forms that have tried to
infiltrate Galactica in the past?"
"Yes," she said bluntly. She shifted her attention to Balthzar
again. "Which brings us to the question of your so-called detector,
Dr Balthzar? Where is it?"
He winced, glanced to the side again. "Production difficulties -
the raw materials I need are in short supply. I am in the process
of erm. rethinking, re-envisioning the entire." He jerked. "Its
production is still my primary concern, Madam President, be assured
of that. I have run some trials with satisfactory results. Quite
startling in fact."
"Then I won't keep you from your work any longer. And Dr Balthzar,
my medical condition is my own private concern and I would be
obliged if it stays that way. For your information I am not taking
any medications that would affect my mental state."
"My... my pardon, Madam President. I."
"I'll escort you back to the Galactica, Dr Balthzar," Adama said,
ushering the man out of the room before he dug himself any
deeper. "As the President said, you're a busy man."
As they left Laura froze, the whisper of a voice just at the edge of
her hearing. "Cylon agent or figment of your imagination? What
will they believe of a dying woman desperate to cling on to power?"
There was no one there. She was alone. A flash of blood red dress
and blonde hair on the edge of her peripheral vision. She turned to
face it, but there was no one there.
Another energy sapping day, but with a happy ending. One of their
best pilots, Kara Thrace, the almost legendary `Starbuck' had been
recovered after being MIA following a run-in with a Cylon patrol.
She had in fact more or less rescued herself, commandeering and
hotwiring a Cylon craft to make her triumphant return. Just in
time. In an absurd gesture of sentimentality Adama senior had kept
the search going for far longer than he should, compromising their
resources and their defensive capabilities in the search for the
young pilot. Roslin was very glad that the young pilot was
retrieved. Every loss was a tragedy, particularly one who burned so
brightly as Kara Thrace. But Adama's cry of never leaving anyone
behind rang hollowly in her ears. How many had they left behind on
the ships not capable of FTL travel? How many billions condemned to
death on Caprica and the other colony worlds?
If this was how it was supposed to be, the Lords of Kobol had a lot
to answer for.
"The Lords of Kobol are myths to frighten children. I was sent by
the one true God. His Chosen."
Roslin shivered. This was impossible. "Why are you here? Why me?"
The woman sat down opposite, took hold of one of Laura's hands.
Laura tried to pull back but found it impossible. The woman trailed
her long fingers over Laura's hand, the movement soothing, almost
sensual.
"Why you indeed, Laura Roslin? Think of the path, the coincidences,
the chain of events that had to occur to get you to be President, to
put you in this place, in this time. I told you who I was when I
last came to you. You know what I am from your researches since. I
know you've been trying to find me, even though I said it was not
necessary, that I would come to you. And here I am."
Without her spectacles she looks young, more vulnerable. I can see
why she prefers to hide behind them in public. We Cylons are not
the only ones to wear a mask of humanity. I stop tracing my fingers
over the fine bones and ligaments of her hand and bring it to my
lips. Softly, I kiss her palm, pressing her fingers to my
cheek. "Do I seem a figment of your imagination?" I asked.
"You don't exist. What else could you be?" she whispered.
"You would prefer to believe me an hallucination, a figment of your
diseased mind and body than a true visitation. Interesting. Do you
say your prayers, Laura Roslin? Do you believe in the Lords of
Kobol. You swore to uphold their laws at your inauguration. Was
that a lie?"
"What business is it of yours if I pray and which gods I favour?"
Laura asked, her voice harsh. In truth she did not know. School
teachers and politicians could not afford to be seen as any less
than true believers in the Lords of Kobol. Unbelief was not an
option though Laura Roslin's faith had withered and died in her
mother's sick room, watching her die of the same cancer that was now
killing her.
"These things are important. Faith is important, Laura. Without
faith, we are nothing. That counts for humans as well as Cylons.
We are built in the image of faith, we are the hand of God in his
universe, the embodiment of His will and desire. And He desires you
to live, Laura Roslin. He has commanded me to you to ease your way."
I reached out, stroked a heavy lock of hair back from her brow. "It
is not too late to accept our offer. You betray nothing and no-one
by doing so. Your people will continue to benefit from your
leadership, your vision. You see so clearly, Laura, so very
clearly. And you must see clearly for us all, now."
Suddenly Laura found herself in the deep forests that blanketed the
reserves on Caprica. There were things in the shadows, human or
Cylon she could not tell. Either way she could not let them find
her. She started to run through the trees and then there was a
bright light and the woman stood there, holding out her hand. "You
will be safe with us, Laura, I promise you. And there will be no
more pain, not unless you choose to experience it."
And then she was lying on the grass with the woman beside her, her
red dress gone, her pale limbs almost glowing in the rich silver
moonlight. Laura wanted to hide her wasted cancer-ravaged body from
such beauty, she was not worthy, but the woman would not permit it.
Her kisses were cool on Laura's skin but seemed to set her burning
deep inside. It was so long since anyone had touched her like
this. She had devoted her life to the service of others, as a
daughter, a teacher, a carer, a politician. How long had it been
since someone's lips whispered over her skin, someone's hands
touched and teased her flesh? She did not know. But nothing,
nothing in her life had prepared her for this. She stared up into
the Cylon's dark eyes. "Don't make me choose like this," she
whispered. "Don't show me this then take it away again when I wake."
"You've already made your choice, Laura, or you would not be here.
When you made that choice I do not know. A moment ago, an hour, a
day, maybe you've always been living by that choice and have only
just recalled it. It is not given to me to know these things. I am
but a tool." The woman smiled, almost sadly and for the first time
Laura saw a glimmer of humanity in her gaze.
"You believe that you return to your God and are reborn when you
die," Laura remembered what Adama had told her of his interrogation
of the Cylon spy in the munitions dump.
"Yes," she said.
"If that is the case, why are you offering me eternal life?"
"That is what we have. Our bodies die, are destroyed but our souls
live on in God's light. You will be the same as us. And you will
be your own self. You are so special, Laura. So very special. But
that is for the future. In this time and place we will take away
your disease, your pain." She kissed her way down Laura's body
making her feel things that she had not felt for far too long.
"Will you stay with me?" Laura asked. "Will I see you again?"
"Of course," the woman said. "You are my... cause, my duty, my
mission. I will stay as long as you need me. I will do whatever
you want me to do."
"Just love me," Laura whispered. "Here and now, real or imagined.
Just love me, make me feel again, just in case it's the last time."
The End