DISCLAIMER: CSI and its characters are the property of Jerry Bruckheimer and CBS.
DEDICATION: To Nic, cause she's STILL awesome!!! :) And to AJ, because she Beta'd the whole darn thing!!! :)
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SERIES: To Let Go.
Don't Let Her Go
I was sitting in the break room with the rest of the night crew laughing at Greg's little rain dance. It was better to laugh at him than to cry about the way I'd left things with Sofia a few moments ago. I knew I'd probably hurt her, but I didn't know what to do. Almost a month ago, I discovered something about her, and about me, that scared the crap out of me. While I knew that I'd been ignoring her, I just wasn't ready to share yet. I wasn't sure I'd ever be ready. As I started to lose the smile on my face thinking about her, Grissom and Brass walked into the room and took their seats for the end of shift meeting. I focused on them instead and Grissom began.
"Where are you at with the DB at the Bellagio, Catherine and Nick?"
"Case is closed, Griss. The brother murdered the victim because he was stealing from the family business to pay off gambling debts."
"Good job, guys. Warrick? The break-in on 53rd street?"
"I ran the prints that I found through AFIS but there where no matches. I'm waiting on the results from the DNA lab from the gum that was found in the door jam."
"Okay. There is a bit of a backlog in DNA tonight but it should be done by the time you get in tonight. Sara and Greg, any news about the liquor store robbery?"
I let Greg speak for us because I really wasn't in the mood to talk and he needed the practice.
"Not really, Grissom. The owner doesn't have surveillance cameras and stated that the robber didn't touch anything. There was an eyewitness and Detective Vega is trying to track him down. Until that happens, the case is at a dead end."
"Alright. Check in with Vega when you get in tonight and we will see what's next for this case."
We all started to get up but Grissom halted our movements.
"One last thing, folks. Sofia has transferred out of CSI, effective immediately."
I sat back down and tried to process his words. I wouldn't have to see her so much anymore. It had become hard to ignore her every day and she always said that she was going back to police work. Now I would only see her at crime scenes, and it was much easier on both me and her.
"She finally got transferred to you, Brass? She's been wanting that for quite awhile." Nick said, with a smile on his face.
Brass wasn't smiling back and I knew that I wasn't going to like this. He looked away and cleared his throat.
"Actually, no. She transferred to the Boulder City Police force."
"What?" Greg asked, his question simultaneous to Nick's "Why"?
"She said that she had to let go. I don't really get it myself, but if that's what she wants, I'm happy for her." Brass said with a shrug.
Everyone started to get up to leave, but I couldn't move. I couldn't breath. I couldn't do anything. I didn't notice that Grissom had stayed behind until he touched my hand. I jerked back and looked at him.
"Sara? Are you okay?"
"What? Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" I said as I looked away from him.
"Sara, I know that you're not fine."
"What do you mean, Grissom? I'll see you tonight," I said, as I got up to leave. As I reached the doorway, he spoke again.
"Sara? Don't let her go, without giving her a chance," Grissom said softly.
"What are you talking about?" I said, as I turned around slowly. I could see the recognition in his eyes and looked at the floor.
"Sara, I've noticed what's been going on. It's okay to love her, Sara, but it's not okay that you are going to let her walk away without even giving her a chance."
"How? How did you know? I've tried so hard to hide this, even forget about it, but I guess I didn't do that good of a job at it." I could have sworn I was starting to have a panic attack.
"I don't think anyone else has noticed, Sara. You told me a long time ago that you thought you were in love with me, but we both know that it would never work because we're too much alike. I knew that you were in love with her, because you never looked at me the way you look at her."
"What do you mean? Of course I was in love with you " I stuttered out.
"Passion, Sara. Did you ever think about that, when you thought about us? I have never seen passion in your eyes until you looked at Sofia. I may not be able to really explain or even understand what love is, but I can see it and I know that you love her. Don't let her go, Sara."
I looked at the floor and thought about what he said. I knew he was right. I could never love him the way I love her and I've been denying it for far too long. How could I let the love of my life walk away and not even try to make her understand? All of the times I hurt her, I was also hurting myself, but what if she doesn't feel the same way. I looked up to ask Grissom, but he cut me off before I could utter a word.
"She does, Sara. And before you ask, I know because she looks at you the same way."
"Oh my god. I have to go," I said, as I started to turn around. I paused and walked back to Grissom. "Thank you, Gil. I hope that one day, you will be able to love someone the way I love her," I said, as I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and ran out of the room.
"I already did, Sara" He whispered to the empty room.
I had to get to her before I was too late. Grissom was right on all counts. I could never be in love with him because I never knew what love was until I met Sofia. Now I just had to tell her that. I think I'm breaking every speed limit to get to her place, but I don't care. I need to get to her. I slammed on the brakes and turned the car off outside her condo and ran to her door. I started banging, but she wasn't answering. I must have been making quite a racket as her elderly neighbor opened his door and asked me what I was doing.
"I'm looking for Sofia Curtis. Have you seen her?" I asked desperately.
"Who are you?" he asked, suspiciously.
"Sorry. Sara Sidle. I work with her at the crime lab." I whipped out my badge because I just knew he was going to ask for it.
"Oh. Sorry, you just can't be too careful. Anyways, you just missed her. She left a little while ago."
"What? Do you know when she'll be back?" I asked. He looked me over again, but I don't blame him. I probably looked like I was a crazy woman.
"She's not coming back. She asked me to hold onto her keys until she could sell her condo. Are you okay?"
I stopped listening after his first sentence. I slowly leaned back against her door and slid down with a thump. I can't believe I let her go, was my last thought as I gave into the darkness that overcame me.
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