DISCLAIMER: JMS owns all that he sees. Except for Jeremiah, which he had to change a lot for the network apparently. But that's neither here nor there...
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Takes place during "Divided Loyalties," because... well, this *really* is not my fandom, so I have to resort to clichés like... takes place during "Divided Loyalties." ;-D Title is from "True Love Leaves No Traces" by Leonard Cohen.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Originally written for the femslash_today Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines Ficathon.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SPOILERS: "Divided Loyalties"
Like Stars Against the Sun
She tells me that I'm the only person on the station that she trusts. I think for a moment she's going to kiss me and I think maybe that wouldn't be so bad... before she turns and walks away. I hate myself. I hate myself for inviting her here, opening myself up to the situation where we're both lounging around, wearing our evening clothes, sipping tea and confiding our inner-most thoughts to each other.
Well, maybe not our inner-most thoughts.
I follow her into the main room and, when she turns, I get a hint of something from her. I push it aside, but not before the feeling registers. She wanted to kiss me a moment ago. She only stopped because she was afraid. I step closer to her and move my hand up, using the back of my hand to brush through her wet hair. She is so lovely. I lean forward and do what I have alternately ached for and feared since meeting her.
She is a telepath. She is lovely. She is leaning into my kiss.
Susan is hiding something from me. It doesn't take a teep to know that she has some secret she doesn't want me to know. I feel a tug, a hint, an inner prompt to move forward, to find out what she's hiding. It would be as easy as turning over a rock. But I don't insist on anything. I move away from her, aware of my nakedness, aware of how easy it would be to accidentally take advantage of her if we were to kiss.
I walk away from her instead. I will sleep on her couch, I will leave in the morning whether my quarters are fixed or not. The temptation to remain here is too great.
I sense her behind me and I turn, about to voice an apology when she touched my cheek. I close my eyes and she slides her foot across the carpet. We kiss, our mouths lightly brushing together before her tongue ventures out. I part my lips and slip my tongue across hers. I lean into her and close my eyes, closing myself off to keep anything from slipping past my defenses.
I don't want to see her past lovers, I don't want to know about her first kiss. I just want to experience her latest kiss.
Talia's hands push my robe off and it puddles around my feet like a breeze. Her fingers hook the straps of my nightgown and now, she looks at me, eyes glinting, lips parted to reveal the pink tip of her tongue as she waits for my permission. I slide my hands up her sides and cup her breasts, feeling the hard nipples against my palms and I whisper her name.
Her hands move apart and the straps are pulled down my arms. I shrug and the material plummets. I stand naked in front of her, shaking, eyes focused on a point just over her right shoulder. She brings her hand over and touches my chin, directing me until I'm looking into her eyes. "Susan," she says, half-smiling and then looking down, looking at me naked before her.
Susan is flawless. Perfect. I can't resist touching her nipples, watching them react under my fingertips. I bend down and kiss the hollow of her throat, kissing my way down the flat plain of her chest. My knees bent, I kiss her cleavage before choosing a nipple to nurse. I slit my eyes and look to the side, see her hands hovering out in mid-air. She's touching her thumb against her middle finger as if it is taking all of her willpower not to touch me.
I drop to my knees and kiss her flat stomach, covering her navel and brushing my tongue over it like a paintbrush on canvas. Pale white flesh, warm against my mouth, slightly moist from sweat.
I stare at the ceiling, eyes closed, hands out to my side, counting silently. I focus my mind into a narrow tunnel, aiming it like a beacon at the far corner of the room. All of my thoughts, every secret I have, I focus into that single beam.
The beam wavers every time I think about Talia, on her knees, her lips upon me like a supplicant, her hands on the back of my thighs.
My heart is pounding. I feel as if I've just run the length of the station and will keep going, shooting through the back wall until I hit Earth. I lick my lips and finally put my hand on the back of her head.
I urge her lower.
I smile up and her and lean in, kissing her through the thick patch of brown hair between her legs. She's wet, the smell rising to me and incensing my nerves like fireworks. I extend my tongue and curl the tip, brushing it over her lips. Susan makes a weak sound, a mewl, a plea and I kiss the crux of her thigh.
I push her back and she helps me stand. I lick my lips, reveling in my brief taste of Susan. She stares into my eyes as her hands move to my waist, groping blindly - she dare not look away - and untying my robe. I shrug the thin silver drapery off my shoulders and stand before her, unashamed and eager for her touch.
Susan looks me over and brings a hand to her lips. She waves her hand in front of her mouth like a magician, her tongue flickering against her fingers. She steps towards me without warning, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me insistently towards her.
There will be no saying no and I smile.
She puts her hand between my legs and touches me with her wet fingers. I groan and close my eyes, arching my back. She kisses my neck, two fingers scissoring against me. As I thrust against her invading fingertips, I picture my mind as a cloth sack. I imagine ribbons binding the sack, weaving back and forth around it, holding it tightly, the contents completely concealed.
Nothing gets out, nothing gets in. It's safer that way.
My fingers are inside Talia when I bow my head, licking her neck. I enclose my mind behind a steel door, triple-bolting it, sealing everything within. Nothing will escape. Nothing will slip out and nothing will peek in.
I am hidden from her.
She will not see the secrets I'm hiding, the terrible truths about who I am, what I am.
Right now, at this moment, in her arms, I am simply...
She comes on my fingers, her lower lip trembling. I study the crease on her brow, the way her face tightens during her orgasm. I hold her, watching her, eyes locked on her so my eyes are the first thing she sees when she opens them again.
I open my eyes and see Susan staring at me. Possessing me. I capture her lips with my own and take her, pushing her, dragging myself along as I push her towards the bed. We fall in a tangle of sheets and blankets, my thighs closing around her in a vice grip, her hair crisscrossing her bare breasts like a spider web. I bury my face in the strands, biting her nipple, pressing my thigh into her pussy and riding her.
Susan groans, meeting me thrust for thrust, arching her back and becoming slick against my skin. I hold her tightly, my lips on her nipple, my hands clinging tightly to her hips as she cries out.
We hold each other and she finally opens her eyes. I am the first thing she sees.
Distracted, the bindings on my cloth sack fall apart. I attempt to close it again but not before I catch a fleeting glimpse of one overwhelming thought.
I draw Talia's face to mine, observing her from a lover's distance, seeing her eyelashes and the minute imperfections that aren't visible even a foot away. I kiss a divot in her flesh, remnants of a long-forgotten scar, and then move my mouth to hers. I slant my lips across hers and accept her tongue into my mouth.
As we kiss, something begins peeking around the edges of my bolted steel door. I get an undeniable echoing of bright yellow light, burning insubstantially like stars burning against the sun.
Something deep inside of me recognizes the feeling as love.
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