DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, Showtime, Gekko etc. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SPOILERS: Insiders, Uninvited

A Little Warning
By Geonn


Vala slipped her arms through the bars of her cell and toyed with her thumbnail. "So now what?"

"Now, we get to be prisoners," Sam said from the next cell over. They'd barely made it through the Stargate before a group of primitive villagers had descended upon them like a cloud of locusts. The team was shackled and led away from the Stargate to a small cavern.

The prison had been carved out of the cave wall, crude tool marks visible all over the cupped walls. A lattice-work of rusted iron bars ringed the room and each cell was separated from the next by a chicken-wire grating. Teal'c and Cam had tried to knock one of the walls down, but found the bottom of the partition walls had been welded to the rock. "Maybe we could ask how they did that," Cam said. "If we ever get out of here."

Sam's cell was the only one with a seat. She leaned against the wall and rested her head in her hands as she surreptitiously eyed the guards standing outside in the front room of their prison. They looked to be in their teens, but that only added to the problem; if it came to a jail break, she really didn't want to hurt a kid who would be barely old enough to have a driver's license.

Vala was in the cell beside Sam and she looked down the row of cells to the rest of the team. "So. How long will we be staying, then?"

"As long as it takes," Sam said quietly.

"What if it takes until... execution?" Vala said.

"It won't come to that," Sam assured her. "Sit down, relax and be... patient..."

Vala rolled her eyes and lowered her voice. "Well, what if I have a plan?"

Sam sighed.

"I do, you know. Have a plan. Could get us out of here like that." She snapped her fingers and raised her eyebrows. Sam shook her head. "Oh, come on! I got us into Ba'al's stronghold. And, if you'd listened to me, I would have caught that giant thing in the woods without a problem! You should listen to me once in a while, you know. I did manage to survive in the big bad universe all by my lonesome before you lot came along."

Sam glanced at Vala and shrugged. "All right. Fine, what have you got?"

"Stand up and come here."

Sam glared at Vala and glanced at Daniel in the next cell. He shrugged and Sam pushed herself off her bench. She walked over to Vala and held her hands out palm-up. "Well?"

Vala slipped her hands between the bars and grabbed the belt of Sam's trousers. She pulled Sam forward until her body was tight against the bars. "What the hell...?!" Sam snapped. Vala wrapped her arms around Sam's waist and pinned her to the wall.

Flattening both hands against the small of Sam's back so she couldn't escape, Vala raised her voice so the guards could hear. "Oh, I know, my love! I miss you, too! But we'll just have to wait until we're freed to satisfy our... lusty urges."

"Lusty urges?!" Sam hissed. She struggled against Vala and looked over her shoulder. Daniel, Teal'c and Cameron were all staring at her. Wonderful. She cleared her throat and whispered, "Vala, whatever your plan is..."

"Oh, sweetheart, restrain yourself!" Vala said. She slapped Sam's ass and Sam growled in anger.

She glanced at the guards and saw they were also taking an interest. "Vala..."

"Yes, my dear..."

"We're attracting an audience."

Vala turned her head and looked through a wave of her hair at the guards. "Oh. Hello, boys!"

The youngest of the guards frowned. "What is the meaning of this?"

Vala smiled coyly. When she spoke, her voice had taken on the sickly-sweet tone of a Valley Girl. "Well, you see... my love and I came to this world for a... romantic interlude. You captured us and our... praetorian guard... before we had a chance to... really connect." Her fingers dug into Sam's ass and Sam yelped.

The guards exchanged a look.

"I don't suppose..." Vala said, "You'd be willing to help a couple of young ladies out... would you? I mean, if you'd just put us in the same cell..." She bit her lip and ducked her head. "Well... nature could take its course."

The silent guard nudged the other. His eyes were wide and he gestured wildly at the locks. Sam groaned. It was true; the universe only had one species of man, and it was pig. The talkative guard withdrew a key from his pouch and walked to Vala's cell.

"Ohh," Vala said. "They're going to do it. I shall be with you in a moment, darling." She leaned forward and kissed Sam through the bars. Sam's eyes widened and she tried to protest. Vala tilted her head and pushed her tongue into Sam's gaping mouth. Sam nipped at the invader with her teeth and Vala yelped. "Oh!" She pulled back and touched the corner of her mouth. "Kitty likes to be rough?"

Sam blushed and finally managed to squirm out of Vala's grasp.

The guard opened Vala's cell door and said, "Hurry!"

"Oh, we can't promise that," Vala said as she sauntered out into the main room. "It's been... oooh, so long." She stepped between the two men and brushed her hand down the front of one's chest. "Of course... the more the merrier..." She parted her lips and ran her tongue over the corner of her mouth.

The silent guard bent down to kiss her and she balled her hand in his shirt. As his eyes closed, she pulled back and tugged him forward. His head met the chin of his partner with a solid "CRACK!" and they both tumbled. She moved from between them and kicked the talkative guard in the face. He fell back and dropped the key ring.

Vala made sure they were both out cold before she picked up the keys and went to Sam's cell. "You, dear, are a good sight kinkier than I expected."

She threw the door open and Sam snatched the keys from Vala's hands. "Don't do that again!" she said. Her face was red and her hand was shaking as she aimed the finger at Vala's face. "Do you understand me?"

Vala's eyes were wide with shock at the outburst. "Yes. Of course."

Sam turned on her heel and went to the rest of the cells, unlocking them without making eye contact with her team. They gathered their vests and weapons before they left the sleeping guards and the cave prison behind.

Vala was alone in the commissary at one in the morning, finishing off something called a 'parfait.' The commissary worker approached and smiled. "Well?"

She pointed at it with her spoon and said, "That is delicious. I think we have a new front runner."

"Well," the cook said, "I think you'll find this of particular interest." He pulled a bowl from behind his back and placed it on the table next to Vala's empty glass. "It's called fried ice cream."

Vala's eyes widened and she pushed her glass away. "What the heck. I'll give it a shot."

She dug in as the cook returned to the kitchen to prepare her next taste test. She whirled her spoon in the latest concoction and was about to take a bite when Sam appeared at her elbow. "What the hell is that?"

"Fried ice cream," Vala said. "Like some?"

Sam took a seat across from Vala and made a face. "No thanks."

Vala swirled her spoon in her ice cream and tilted her head at Sam. "So, I take it you've forgiven me."

"I'm on my way," Sam said. She picked up Vala's empty parfait and swirled the spoon in the glass. She gathered a bit of the remaining melted ice cream and licked the spoon clean.

"You'll lick my spoon, but you won't suck my tongue?"

Sam coughed and covered her mouth, looking to see if anyone had overheard that. She cleared her throat and said, "Kissing is a little different than sharing a spoon."

Vala shrugged.

Sam sighed. "Kissing... is special for me, all right? It always has been. I don't kiss people that I don't..." She shook her head and put down the glass. "You know what? Forget it. Have a nice night."

Sam stood and headed out of the room. Vala took another bite of her ice cream and hurried after her. "Wait!" Vala said. She caught up with Sam at the elevator. They were alone in the corridor and Vala clasped her hands behind her back. "I'm sorry I kissed you."

Sam sighed. "It wasn't just what you did. It was a good plan. But... I don't like to be shocked. I don't like to be surprised. I love kissing and... I-I like to enjoy it. You caught me off-guard. A little warning would have made all the difference."

Vala nodded. "Really. Well. In that case... Sam?"

"What?" Sam sighed as she swept her ID card through the elevator scanner.

"I'm going to kiss you."

"What?" Sam said. She turned and was silenced by Vala's mouth on hers. She moaned in defeat and closed her eyes, stepping back and brushing her hand over the elevator door. She pulled Vala inside with her and blindly jabbed at the 'door close' button. As the doors shut, Sam grasped Vala around the waist and spun them until Vala was against the wall. She pulled back and looked into Vala's half-lidded eyes. She scoffed and said, "It's one in the morning and I'm making out with Vala Mal Doran in an elevator."

"There are worst ways to end a day," Vala said. She sounded breathless. "Kiss me again."

Sam, unable to find an argument, did just that.

The End

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