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Alex Cabot hadn't felt so good in a long time. Even as she lingered in a state of sleepy limbo, the blonde Assistant District Attorney knew she wanted to smile. That in itself proved just how content she was feeling right now, because the no-nonsense woman just did not find herself waking up smiling like someone out of a bad romantic comedy. Her line of work was gruelling, and previously, before this unexpected twist in it, so had been her life.
Alex did not paint her upbringing or her life now as bad. On the contrary, despite having been born with a silver spoon in her mouth and being forced into living up the dutiful obligation to conduct herself like a New York socialite, she had some fond memories. She had learnt quickly as a child, that acting was an essential tool when circulating amongst the rich of this city, and every other alike. All you needed to do was flash a tight smile, correctly and politely pronounce the words in your flattering conversations, sit the right way, walk the right way and basically live up to the standards and expectations that came with being the daughter of rich parents, and then you were home free. Alex had talked the talk, then lived her life the way she had wanted behind closed doors. A double life one may say, but she had been willing to live it for the sake of her parents. However much it annoyed her that they pandered to the snobbery of the circle around them, they were still her parents. They had given her everything she wanted, they cared for her and they had loved her. She gave back what they gave to her. She never told them of her dreams, her own expectations that according to everyone else were too high above her head. Alexandra Cabot, as a child and teenager, remained silent about her ambitions. She just continued to be the perfect daughter, gaining high respect for her intelligence, beauty and poise.
Sometimes it had been difficult of course, carrying this curse. Walking a path alone that she knew was seldom walked by the rich and powerful. Or often walked, considering it was the rich and powerful. There was always two ways to look at it when it came to these people. However, she had never faltered once. Alex had worked hard to get the grades to enter law school, and she had worked even harder to keep her innocent and good girl image. Little did her admirers know that the intelligent, beautiful and poised blonde had never had the inclination to fall into the arms of a man. They did not know she harboured secret feelings for certain women in her life, or carried out those feelings with the ones that returned them. Alex simply rarely spoke of friends, male or female, and when asked about marriage and children, she would always give the same response. That she was too young to think of such an obligation of family, and would instead continue with her studies.
Of course, maintaining such an act was a difficult duty. As Alex grew older, her precious blue eyes were exposed to the brutalities of the world. The depravity of human nature began to haunt both her soul and conscience. She found herself constantly being outraged by the crimes people perpetrated against one another. A brutal rapist being set free on a technicality that another human being thought up to get him off the hook. A serial killer that got his thrills murdering small children. Organised crime, branching out to the most surprising of corners. Drugs working their way into schools. Children left to raise themselves, carrying weapons to reassure themselves that when they returned home they would still be alive. Corrupted cops, racial, homophobic and religious hate crimes. It had all jarred Alex out of her convenient double life. No longer would she remain silent, no longer would she keep secret her ambitions. She replaced one obligation with another. Now, she pushed aside the obligation of keeping her parents and their social circle happy and had replaced it with a grander one. Now this intelligent, beautiful and poised blonde would solemnly swear to take on the duty of helping to stop some of this disturbing depravity. However low any of her so called peers considered working for the City, she did not. To her it was a glorious vow she undertook, to forgo the luxuries private practice could offer and instead use her dynamic mentality as a weapon against crime.
The work she did was difficult, high pressured and self-destructive. She had devoted her whole self to it, often foregoing a real life for herself. Crime never stopped, so she had decided, neither would she. With every young woman she saw violated, every child's trust abused, every unnecessary death, Alex worked that bit harder. It was her belief that her efforts might not stop crime in its tracks, but at least she was doing her part to getting the bad guys off of the streets. One by one, she was helping to wield the sword against the dragon in this city. Now, that weapon had changed subtly in a way she never thought possible. After living in what she had considered darkness, being surrounded by the worst of circumstances everyday though in a pretty office to try and dull that significant realisation out, she had finally let herself step out into the light. It was this, this unexpected twist in her life, that had changed all things. That was now making her wake up with a smile still warm on her lips.
Alex had met a kindred spirit. A woman that understood what kind of a responsibility she felt towards the victims of this harsh world. A woman that understood that entering this life was immediately sentencing yourself to personal sacrifice. Those who took it, took it wisely and bravely. They were the real soldiers. The ones that worked without praise, without thanks. They hovered in the shadows, working as the soldiers to protect the innocent. It was certainly not a heroic, idealistic, noble or romantic situation. There were no epic stories you could tell of this life. The battle was gritty, sickening and bloody. Alex had lost count of the times she had returned home after a day of slaughter to finally throw the contents of her stomach up into the toilet bowl as her mind paraded the heart breaking details of the victims before her. Lost count over the number of times she had cried herself asleep, or in contrast, lain awake in her bed because her mind could not be put at ease.
Now, she had found something to counter-balance the sacrifices in her life. Now she no longer just saw darkness, but light too. She saw hope again, and had come to the startling awakening that she had nearly lost herself. The water of her work had nearly pulled her under as she had begun to miss the joys of this world. She would see a teenager help an old lady across the road, a child give her Mother a hug, a couple simply holding hands whilst walking in comfortable silence and it had all been invisible to her. It had been a close call, but now she saw again. Alex could look into the mirror, and see her eyes were fresh again. She had a focus in her life, a passion and loyalty. She had love.
On this warm, Sunday morning, Alex opened her eyes with that one thing on her mind. She had love. It struck an unusual but delightful sensation in her, one that she knew she had never felt before. It excited her, filled her entire self with radiance and enthusiasm. This Sunday morning she had woken up knowing with conviction that she had fallen in love. What was more, she had fallen in love so hard it astounded her. How could someone as astute as her not notice until now? Alex supposed that what they said was true, that love worked in mysterious ways. Because it certainly rang true in this case. The woman she had fallen in love with had been the last person on earth she would have considered to do so, given that their first encounter with one another was less than impressionable. Actually, it was extremely impressionable, just not in the good way. Alex always smiled when she thought about that first meeting, when they had come to clashes with their seemingly vast differences in opinion. Since then however, things had smoothed out. Into that of a trusting friendship, moving on into a caring and passionate relationship. One Alex knew she could never see herself giving up.
Turning now, she rolled gently from her back to her side, indulging in the warm and comfortable sensations she received by being wrapped up in soft bed sheets, next to the lithe body that she had gotten used to sharing bed space with long ago. One that she could tell was still asleep, due to the peaceful and shallow breaths she could both feel and barely hear. Half of her felt guilty that she was about to wake the sleeping beauty from her slumber. Many a time Alex had caught herself watching her lover sleep, being mesmerised for hours at just how angelic she looked in rest. Countless times she would just stay there, tangling her fingers with silky dark hair as she let her heart beat to the sound of her breathing like soft music meant only for her.
On the other hand, the other half of Alex wanted to wake her girlfriend as quickly as possible. She wanted to share this feeling of absolute love with her. Wanted to tell her over and over again what she meant, and how significant she was to her life. Alex had come to be astutely aware that this was it for her. That this magnificent woman besides her, who had waged the same war on crime, was the only one who could ever provoke these emotions from her. There would never be anyone else, Alex could feel it. It might have scared her once upon a time in her life, perhaps when she was still leading her double life and unwilling to admit she didn't think she'd ever be ready to stop adding to her conquests. Now she was, and this was her biggest conquest. Nothing about this was scaring her, so there was nothing preventing her from prodding her companion awake.
Alex didn't even attempt to restrain the smirk that danced onto her lips as she heard the soft, slurred drawl of her lover. However, she remained both still and silent as the taller woman turned slowly onto her back, eyes still firmly closed as she pulled the covers up to her neck like she couldn't bare to have the morning air disturb her yet. Alex drank in the picture before her, simply moving a hand to stroke through silky dark locks that were ruffled from a night's sleep.
The touch provoked her beautiful angel to open her eyes, letting dark orbs look up towards her sleepily, yet contentedly. Even though just pulled out of sleep, those eyes remained as dignified as ever. They had never once lost their enigmatic edge; Alex had noted that from day one. The penetrating pools were always turning thoughtfully, always taking everything in and summing things up. They held so much within them and Alex was always awed at how quickly they could change. From compassionate, to sad, to excited, to thoughtful and even furious and sharp when the times called for it. They were so expressional, so emotive that the blonde knew she had fallen in and could never get out.
''I love you. I mean, wildly, crazily love you.''
As soon as the confidant, sincere words had left her lips, Alex knew that she had done the right thing. She felt almost high as the words poured out easily, packed to the seams and more with gravity and conviction. It felt so right to say that, and the moment she had stumbled across seemed perfect. Wrapped up cosily in bed, relaxed after spending a good proportion of the weekend together with no interruptions. Everything was working for her, and the acknowledgement of her feelings brought the light further into her life. No longer would she lead a double life in a misguided obligation to sate her parents' wishes. No longer would she pretend to be something she never wanted to be in the first place. And no longer would she let the work she was doing systematically destroy her soul. Alex could never give up the war, but because of the love in her life, the weapon she wielded could now get that much stronger. Because now she knew what she was fighting for. She, for the first time, was living what she was fighting for.
''I love you too. I mean, wildly, crazily love you.''
Another, wider smile burst onto Alex's lips. She felt herself get even higher having the true declaration said back to her. Yes, she was indeed living what she was fighting for. What they were both fighting for. And both were going to be better off with the love that they felt for one another. Alex Cabot could safely say that she was the happiest woman alive. Her journey to this point had been well worth it, however much she had thought otherwise at certain points in her life. Now she felt like everything had come together. She shrugged off every bad experience, every time she'd cried alone, every time she had felt the sting of loneliness as she walked along a rocky path. Now she felt like her life had fallen into place, like she had been given her ultimate reason. Like the secret of everything had been revealed to her because she loved someone so much, and received that love back. Yes, she knew she would be stronger now. She was living what she was fighting for, because she had love and love returned by the woman she loved. And she had never once expected it to be Abbie Carmichael.
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