DISCLAIMER: Criminal Minds and its characters are the property of CBS. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Huge thanks for my beta audiopineapple. I also want to thank to whoever put up this video because somehow I could not imagine Paget Brewster kiss another woman before but hey, I'm most certainly happy that I was mistaken :D Maybe I should mention this is my first fanfic ever so feedback is always appreciated. Let me know if you like the story.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SPOILERS: Up to Season 4.
How we lose, how we win
It's all messed up. I'm standing in front of Garcia's door, wondering what I'm doing here at this late hour, in Washington instead of being in New Orleans with Will. Will...the baby...I'm a mess.
But I raise my hand and begin to knock on the door.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I'm waiting, hearing steps coming closer...did I just hear laughter? I didn't even consider that Garcia might have company, it's Friday night after all. One more moment and the door is opening...
"JJ? Wow, what are you doing here?"
"Who is it Emily?" - says Garcia as she appears in front of me.
"JJ!! Gosh, how did you get here? Where's Will? Is the baby okay?" - she starts with the questions while she is hugging me at the same time. It's funny how she jumps from question to question but I'm not surprised. I am the one who is knocking at her door at 1am in the morning.
As we part from our hug I can see Emily is clearly confused as to why I'm here, alone, looking like a wreck. She is worried, that much I know, observation is one of my skills I took up at the BAU.
"It's a long story" - a weak smile crosses my face - "Will's probably in New Orleans and the baby is just fine, don't worry" I say as I unconsciously caress my belly. He will be a beautiful baby boy. "Can I come in?"
"Sure" says my long time friend and I catch a raised eyebrow as her and Emily's eyes meet. Emily grabs my bag without a word and I'm ushered inside.
"Sorry guys if I interrupted your movie night" - I can see popcorn, sodas and a DVD holder on the table. With a little bit of regret I remember back to our movie nights...finally, after really trying cases we would just rent several films, pop on the couch and watch them all night until we fall asleep. I don't know what to do so I just stand in the middle of the room. Sensing my edginess, Emily is the one who recovers the quickest.
"I, uh, should probably go anyway, it's really late and I will have an early day tomorrow. JJ, it's great to see you again, I hope everything is fine." She says it with so much sincerity that I'm taken aback. She's on the move and before Garcia can say anything she has her coat and is already at the door. The tech analyst strides to stand next to my other co-worker and after a quick goodbye - I'm sure I hear Emily saying she is pretty concerned and Garcia should call her when she knows something - she is out of the apartment.
Meanwhile I move to the kitchen bar and sit down on one of the chairs. I hear Garcia closing the door and walking up to me.
"Girl, now tell me everything, you look like you've just lost someone...oh my God, is it Will? Something happened to him? But you said he is fine in Orleans...What's the matter?" - I can really tell she is freaking out.
"Garcia, calm down! He is okay, happy in the South. I just...I pff, I will just say it...I left him. I didn't know what to do. His baby is growing inside of me and all I could think of that I don't love him. I just couldn't go through with it. Couldn't pretend that I'm happy in that relationship. I...I don't want to be with him. I thought I could but I just can't...we had problems, he thought it's just the hormones but I knew what it was. So I told him, packed a few things and came back. Couldn't go to my empty apartment yet. I know I should have called first but I was...lost."
"No, no, don't you dare start explaining yourself, you've come to the right place! Are you sure it's not just the hormones or the nervousness because of the baby?"
"Yes. I couldn't think about anything but this. I know now for sure."
"Good, just checking." - says Garcia with a gentle smile on her lips. I know why I chose to come here. Besides being my best friend I know she always wants what's best for me.
Oh God, I'm so tired, drained. That must project on my face as well because, with one quick movement, Penelope goes to her bedroom and comes back, carrying a pillow and a blanket with her.
"You take the bedroom, I will sleep on the couch. No objections. I'm the Goddess of Everything and Anything, so I might just order you."
I must say, I can't argue with that.
"Although I'm not done with you yet, but more talk can wait till tomorrow. If you need anything you know where to find me."
"Thanks Garcia, I...we will talk tomorrow. Good night!" And with that I quietly go into my bedroom for the night. I just hope I can sleep.
Next time I open my eyes the clock on the wall says it's 6:47 in the morning. So much for a restful sleep. I'm eavesdropping just for a few seconds but find no sign of an awake Garcia, and I'm not surprised. She can sleep through a bomb attack, that much is sure, and she needs her 8 hours beauty sleep anyway.
So I lie awake on the bed, trying to go to dreamland again but it's not happening. I'm constantly thinking back to the moment where Emily opened the door and I saw her smile and then her confusion at the same time. Of all people, she was the one I least expected to meet on my first night back in D.C. She was in her black pants, and a red blouse which fit at all the right places, emphasizing her perfect body. I was always mesmerized by her glow. No one would believe what that strong exterior hides. She can be seen as a rigid, determined FBI agent who just only cares about her job, but it's not even close to the truth. After a bit talking, she opens up and you can see all the wonderful things which make Emily Prentiss. I'm amazed by her sense of humour, empathy and sense of justice. The caring, protective side of her.
When she joined the team I could tell after 3 seconds that she would adjust quickly and we would hit it off immediately. I was not wrong. We - she, Garcia and I - often went out for drinks; started our Friday movie nights, whenever we had that time, shared many times talking about our last cases or just forgetting them - together. I should have known then. Should have known that all the subtle touching, lingering glances and playful banter would cost me one day. Should have known that Emily Prentiss, SSA Agent of the FBI, would be so burnt in my everyday life so that I could not easily get rid of her. Not that I wanted to, at least, not back then.
I knew what I was getting myself into, or at least I liked to think that way. My appreciation for the brunette had grown so fast that when I was alone in my apartment or in my office, I was often thinking about her, her stories, the moments we shared and I wanted to be with her. Just to be there, together, the presence of her always had a calming effect of me. She was always there, talking to me if that was what I needed or just sitting next to me in a completely comfortable silence. She knew what I needed, always.
Suddenly I hear a knock and I glance at the clock. 7:32am. What is Garcia doing up so early?
"Come in." - I say sleeply.
"Sorry to wake you but I just got called in, Hotch needs me for something for a few hours. Just wanted to let you know I will be heading out but you can stay as long as you want to. Food is in the fridge, you have my number, call me anytime. But when I'm back we will have that little conversation, okay?"
I sigh but with a little smile I say "Yeah, okay. See you in the afternoon." I know I sounded a bit weak and she sensed it immediately.
"Will you be okay? You really should eat something...you know, for both of you...will you take care of yourself?"
I know I gave her the right to worry but I just need a few more hours of sleep, a bit of breakfast and I will be okay so I assure her that's what I will do. She's a bit more relaxed after that and our Goddess of all Knowledge is on her way to Quantico once again.
I get up just after 11am, sensing that Henry baby is vividly kicking my bladder so I start for the bathroom. God, I should really get myself together, I just can't recognize the woman facing back to me in the mirror.
First of all, I have to eat something, so after going through all the materials in the fridge I decide that scrambled eggs combined with orange juice will be life saving.
Throughout my meal I check my phone and the little envelope on the screen tells me that I have three new messages on my phone. I know Will has probably tried to reach me and I'm not mistaken, I hear him pleading me to go back and talk about 'our situation'. I know I can't deal with him right now, so I decide it is best that I call him back tomorrow. He has to wait a bit.
The second message is my beloved blonde friend checking in, saying she will be back at around 3pm and she is bringing her arsenal with her, meaning two big bowls of ice creams and tons of French fries. How I love this woman!
But the third message gets my undivided attention as I hear Emily's crystal clear voice. "Hey, it's me, Emily. You surprised me last night and truth be told I am a bit concerned about you, so I just wanted to let you know that I'm always available if you happen to be in a, you know, need-a-friend mood to talk to. No pressure at all but if you need anything and I mean anything I'm here." A long pause and then "It was indeed great to see you again...I...missed you. Uh, anyway, take care and call me."
I'm speechless. The feelings that I forced down so successfully are starting to come up all over again, bursting out and I can't stop them.
I missed her too.
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