DISCLAIMER: Sara Sidle and Sofia Curtis are the property of Jerry Bruckheimer and CBS and their parent company.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Love and Affection
Because we're at a crime scene standing ten feet away from each other and the hairs on the back of my neck rise. I feel you watching me. Moments pass and I smell you before I see you, but I know you're grinning. And when you're right behind me, leaning dangerously close, almost brushing your hips against the rise of my ass, you simply say, "Denali, 5 minutes and...bring the gun."
I turn around just in time to see you saunter off and the Nevada desert gets just a little more hotter.
Because it's a rare rainy day and I'm in the recliner reading the latest forensics journal and you're lounging on the couch watching a baseball game. You look over your shoulder and give me a knowing smile. And with that one gesture I know that there is at least one person on the godforsaken planet who gets me. I marvel at your ability to know not only what it exactly is that I need, but when I need it. So it doesn't surprise me when you hand me a mug of coffee and kiss me softly on my cheek before you return back to the couch.
I can't think of a more perfect day.
Because I find your pre-caffeinated crabbiness endearing and in those moments my affection for you grows in leaps and bounds. We're all sitting in the break room and I think about how no one else in the room knows that you hum in your sleep or that you like a touch of fresh mint with your tea. I think about how I see a side of you that no one else sees, the parts of you that you rarely show anyone, even me. But you do.
In a town where the odds are always against you, I realize just how lucky I am.
Because the details on the radio are sketchy and I feel my world start to collapse. Just the very idea of losing you is more than I can bear, so I know for a fact that I could never survive the reality. I think about wasted moments and missed opportunities and how unfair it all is because we've only just begun our life together. I just need you to be safe, to come back to me. Then I know I can breathe again.
So when I see you in the hospital corridor with your arm in a sling, I forget the hot trail of tears and the shocked stares of on lookers as I push my way through a crowd of hospital and police personnel. I need to know you're alright. I need you to be alright.
I don't hesitate when you're within reach and I envelop you in my arms and kiss you with an abandon I could never allow myself to give in to.
Now I can breathe.
Because you're vegetarian and I've yet to meet a piece of meat that I didn't like. And I can say with complete honesty that choosing meals has never been this complicated. Sometimes I wonder if there was this much energy needed to negotiate the Treaty of Versailles. I've really never had much use for compromises, that is until now. Certain concessions are worth making just to see that look in your eyes. You know, the one that says..."gotcha!"
In you I've found more than just an equal. You compliment my life perfectly. We fit together...perfectly.
Because we're in the middle of an argument and you storm off. Days pass by and neither one of us calls the other and I ache. But my foolish pride won't allow me to pick up the phone. You're just as pig-headed and unyielding as I am and I wonder why I allowed myself to be placed in a situation where I needed anyone, let alone anyone like you. You, who drives me insane with irrational emotions.
When I see you in the parking lot after my shift, coffee in hand and eyes apologetic, I know you feel it too.
Because you've had another one of your nightmares and wake up dripping wet with sweat. The feel of your cold sweat chills my skin as you press yourself into me for shelter against whatever demons are haunting your dreams. I want to slay those demons, but the best I can do is hold you like this. As I slightly rock you side to side and stroke your back soothingly, you begin to relax. You eventually drift back to sleep and I make silent promises to always be here to protect you no matter what.
You make me feel like I'm everything you've ever needed.
Because you tell me you love me.
And I believe it.
Because you tell me you want me.
And mean it.
Because we're laying in bed and you whisper in my ear, "My beautiful Sara. My lovely, sad Sara..."
And when I ask you why you call me "my beautiful..., my lovely..." You give me that crooked smile of yours and tell me that's what I am, your beautiful, your lovely, sad Sara.
Your words touch me and I can't help but smile. Half jokingly, I ask if that's your way of saying that I belong to you. Your face turns a kind of serious that I seldom see in the cool cerulean of your eyes and my heart stops, breath hitching. Nothing could prepare me for what was to come next...
"It's my way of saying that you are my heart, my joy, my salvation, my life, my...everything."
If it's at all possible, I fall in love with you even more than I already have.
Return to C.S.I. Fiction
Return to Main Page