How do I manage to get myself in these predicaments? It's not like I
actively seek out uncomfortable moments. Why did I accept Janet's offer to
join her for a quiet dinner at her home...alone? She shyly informed me
Cassie is spending the night at a friend's, and I'm afraid Janet may have
had a hand in arranging the sleepover. With Cassie gone, there will be no
buffer between us tonight and that scares the hell out of me. Yeah, the big,
bad major is afraid of the tiny doc and all the emotions that run rampant
every single time I see her. That would make the colonel laugh. I know for a
fact he is also afraid of her, but for entirely different reasons. She's one
of the few people who can verbally spar with him and win most of the time,
not to mention the needles she wields on a regular basis. I think she saves
the biggest, dullest hypodermics just for him.
Me? I'm afraid to be alone with the woman I secretly love right now, ironic
to say at the very least, since I have spent so much time and energy just to
get her to notice me as more than a fellow officer. Now that I have her
attention, I have no bloody idea how to proceed. I initially intended to see
if she could ever be interested in me as a friend, and once that objective
was met, I planned on taking our relationship to the next level. The
friendship part surprisingly came naturally to us and it blossomed into an
easy camaraderie. We quickly enjoyed more and more time in each other's
company, whether it be at work or at home. She filled the empty space
residing in my heart ever since my mother died so many years ago, and then
Cassie came into our lives and cemented our close bond irrevocably.
So, why indeed did I accept Janet's offer? Simply said, she intoxicates my
senses. I cannot resist her smile, I drown in the depths of her brown doe
eyes, and I lose my breath when she speaks my name. In a word, she is
Now I am at a total loss. I guess I never really expected to get this far
with her. We are good friends...no, best friends. Therein lies my dilemma,
do I really want to risk telling Janet what she truly means to me and
jeopardize losing her forever? I would never forgive myself if I ruined the
best friendship, hell the only friendship, I have ever had. Sometimes I
wonder if she feels the same way about me when I catch an occasional glance
directed my way that lingers just a bit too long, or when she lightly grazes
her fingers along my arm when she speaks to me sending shivers up my spine.
Is it just wishful thinking on my part or does Janet feel the same about me?
Goddammit, I can understand wormhole theory, but not the simple affections
of my beautiful best friend. I would die without Janet in my life and I don'
t think I can risk pouring my heart out to her and face the possible
rejection and subsequent breaking of our relationship. I hate myself for
being such a coward.
Me? I'm afraid to be alone with the woman I secretly love right now, ironic to say at the very least, since I have spent so much time and energy just to get her to notice me as more than a fellow officer. Now that I have her attention, I have no bloody idea how to proceed. I initially intended to see if she could ever be interested in me as a friend, and once that objective was met, I planned on taking our relationship to the next level. The friendship part surprisingly came naturally to us and it blossomed into an easy camaraderie. We quickly enjoyed more and more time in each other's company, whether it be at work or at home. She filled the empty space residing in my heart ever since my mother died so many years ago, and then Cassie came into our lives and cemented our close bond irrevocably.
So, why indeed did I accept Janet's offer? Simply said, she intoxicates my senses. I cannot resist her smile, I drown in the depths of her brown doe eyes, and I lose my breath when she speaks my name. In a word, she is overpowering.
Now I am at a total loss. I guess I never really expected to get this far with her. We are good friends...no, best friends. Therein lies my dilemma, do I really want to risk telling Janet what she truly means to me and jeopardize losing her forever? I would never forgive myself if I ruined the best friendship, hell the only friendship, I have ever had. Sometimes I wonder if she feels the same way about me when I catch an occasional glance directed my way that lingers just a bit too long, or when she lightly grazes her fingers along my arm when she speaks to me sending shivers up my spine. Is it just wishful thinking on my part or does Janet feel the same about me? Goddammit, I can understand wormhole theory, but not the simple affections of my beautiful best friend. I would die without Janet in my life and I don' t think I can risk pouring my heart out to her and face the possible rejection and subsequent breaking of our relationship. I hate myself for being such a coward.
I haven't been this nervous since high school. Whatever possessed me to arrange for Cassie to sleep over at a friend's tonight? When she learned Sam was coming over for dinner she wanted to stay and spend time with her 'moms' . God, she actually said we were her moms. I practically begged her to sleep over and then all of a sudden she smiled and relented. I am too anxious to even begin to think about what that is supposed to mean.
Here I stand in my kitchen preparing a romantic dinner I plan on sharing with my best friend, and if the night goes as intended, I will be sharing more than dinner with her. My fingers are starting to tingle and I don't have to be a physician to know what that means. Take a deep breath, Janet. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Much better, I'm not seeing stars anymore.
I am taking a huge chance with Sam tonight. I cannot have read the signals wrong. I know she cares for me, more than just as a friend. I have seen how she looks at me when she thinks I'm not watching. How she practically undresses me with her beautiful blue eyes. Yesterday, I swear, she actually licked the drool off her bottom lip. I almost ran to her and sucked that succulent morsel deep into my mouth, but she quickly recovered and bolted out of the infirmary with some pathetic excuse. I should have followed her and pressed the issue right then and there, but duty called and I had to answer. Sometimes I hate my job.
All of my second-guessing will be resolved tonight. I will not let Sam out of my sight until all of my questions have been answered. Does she love me as much as I love her? Will she turn a blind eye to everything ingrained into her military mind and follow her heart? I need to know these answers, one way or the other. I will be crushed beyond reason if she rejects my love and wants nothing more to do with me and Cassie, but I must know, the uncertainty is slowly destroying me. I fear I can no longer hide my affection for her and do not want to push her away with my ambiguous indecision to tell her how much I love her. This agony ends tonight.
You can do this, Carter. I stare at my shaking hands and rake them through short blonde hair in one of the nervous gestures I've acquired over the years. I refuse to chew my nails. It's only Janet. Who the hell am I trying to fool? Only Janet? Only the woman who possesses me...heart, body, and soul? I climb the stairs, two at a time, and quickly find myself standing in front of Janet's door. I dropped the damned keys twice before finally opening the lock and with a twist of my wrist the door slowly opens and then closes with a thud, sealing my fate.
"Sam, is that you?" A faint mellifluous voice echoes down the hall. "I'm in the kitchen."
"Yeah." I am embarrassed to admit my voice actually cracked. "Be right there."
My feet were slow to respond as though heavily laden with weights as I gradually approach the kitchen and ultimately my doom with my head bowed and breathing like I had just sprinted a mile. I have faced Goa'uld System Lords with more courage than I am feeling at this exact moment in time. Where was Hathor when I really needed her? I could use a good brain squeeze right about now.
I look everywhere, take in the aromatic smells of the meal Janet has no doubt spent hours preparing, but avoid locking eyes with her. A cursory glance through to the dining room reveals a table set intimately for two. The lights are turned low and the burning red candles provide a ghostly illumination. I shouldn't have been so worried.
I sense her presence before feeling cold fingertips grasp my hand. "Sam?"
Her brown eyes, wide and brimming with unshed tears break my heart. I don't know how long I stood there alternately staring at the intimate setting and back to her questioning face, but it was apparently long enough to give her the wrong impression. I embrace her before she can pull away and time slows to a crawl. Her silky skin is rose-petal soft and her hair smells of jasmine and vanilla. A perfect teardrop rolls down her cheek and I wipe it away with the soft pad of my thumb. We stand completely still gazing into each other's eyes and slowly our breath intermingles as our mouths become one. The sweet, undemanding kiss ends all too soon as all the oxygen is sucked from my lungs. I know I have the silliest grin plastered to my face, but don't give a damn. I just kissed Janet and never in my wildest fantasies did she taste so damn good!
I cannot believe I am standing here in Sam's loving embrace with our lips locked in a passionate kiss. All of my dreams have finally come true. "Why did we wait so long?" I ask her through tears shed in happiness I have never known before. "We have wasted so much time." I can't stop crying.
"Shh, baby." Sam hugs me and I bury my wet face into her shoulder. "Time spent in your company was never wasted."
"Kiss me?" I need to feel those soft lips again and she does not disappoint me. Lost in her sweet embrace, I vaguely become aware of a sensation pulsating between our waists. Only when Sam ends the kiss do I realize exactly what that vibration means.
"Fuck!" The curse rolls off my tongue with practiced ease as I reach for the pager clipped to my belt. I peruse the text and cannot believe my misfortune. "I'm sorry, honey. I'm needed back at the base." I cannot hide the pout that forms on my face. I promised myself I would have Sam tonight, but work again ruins the evening I have repeatedly dreamed about for over two years.
Warm arms tighten around my waist as Sam hides her face in my neck and seductively whispers, "We've waited this long, baby. A few more hours won't change how I feel about you."
I don't know how she can possibly make me love her more than I already do, but she has said some of the sweetest things to me tonight. Who knew Sam Carter was such a romantic?
"I don't want to let you out of my sight, Sam. I'm afraid all this will have been a figment of my overactive imagination." I can't get the whine out of my voice.
Sam gently pushes me an arms-length away. "How about I come with you?"
She has no idea what she just said, but I am more aroused than I have ever been and I'll be damned if I voice the double-entendre. We would never leave my house and, despite my earlier objections to my job, I don't want to be listed as AWOL.
This is an interesting twist. Janet is off-world with SG-9 trying to smooth over some ruffled feathers made by an off-handed statement about antiquated medical practices, and I am sitting in the commissary drinking enough caffeine to raise the dead. I can find nothing to occupy my time until Janet returns safe and sound. She assured me the mission won't take long, a few hours tops. It has been two hours, forty-seven minutes, and fifty-one seconds since she stepped through the gate. I am slowly losing my mind without her. I can't believe, just a few short hours ago, I held Janet's body so intimately close to mine and tasted her lips for the first time. I cannot wait to taste the rest of her. The shiver coursing throughout my body runs unchecked.
I absently stare into my empty coffee cup and contemplate the wisdom of consuming yet another cup of caffeine when a soft touch to my left shoulder jolts me from my reverie.
"Hey, Sam, what's up?" Daniel sits next to me and digs into a stale piece of apple pie; at least it looks like apple pie. Around here, especially this late in the evening, you never know.
I nonchalantly shrug my shoulders and rub my weary eyes. A non-committal response I know, but it's the best I can do.
"Waiting for Janet?" He asks and looks at me with such understanding he scares me.
"Um.... yeah. We drove together and I'm waiting for her so...we can go home." I openly wince at the audacious prevarication and immediately begin damage control. "I mean we had dinner tonight...well not really...it was interrupted before we could..." I stop the ridiculous ranting when Daniel places his hand over mine.
I refuse to look at him.
"Sam?" His voice is more forceful this time. "Sam, look at me." Not gonna go there, Daniel. "I know." Two simple words uttered with such conviction I have no choice but to meet his unwavering blue gaze.
"You know?" My voice is reduced to a whisper. How the hell could he know when I didn't even know? Could this night get any more surreal? "What do you think you know, Daniel?"
The sandy haired conspirator glances around the room; a solid clue the jig is up. "That you are in love with Janet." Before I can deny his claim, he places a soft finger over my parched lips. "I also know that Janet loves you. It's okay, Sam. I think it's wonderful." His finger lightly caresses my chin and he once again takes possession of my trembling hand.
I have absolutely nothing to say in my defense. In all honesty, after the initial shock of being outed, I am profoundly relieved to know someone is happy for me....for us....and willing to support our relationship.
"Anyone ever tell you, you're too smart for your own good?"
"About as many times as you've been told, Sam."
I have to ask. "Does anyone else know about us?"
"No, not that I know of." His smile is reassuring.
We simultaneously look at our clasped hands and mine are still visibly shaking. He nods toward my empty cup. "How many of those have you had?"
"Too many to count." I laugh and pull my hand away to rest on my thigh. "I didn't want to lose myself in my lab and risk missing Janet when she gets back. Besides, my concentration is a little off tonight."
He cast a curious glance. "How so?"
"Well, you may have known about us, but we didn't get around to admitting it to each other until this evening."
I nod my head in affirmation.
"Huh." Daniel has a beautiful, faraway expression on his face and I can't help but think he is reminded of Sha're and what they once shared together. "I'm happy for you, Sam."
I'm glad it's Daniel and not the colonel. I know he has unresolved feelings for me and I really don't want to be forced to deal with that right now. Daniel has always seemed like a little brother to me, more so than my own. It's comforting to have such loyalty in a friend.
"If you want, Demetri needs help cataloging some plants he brought back from PX0-213. I know he would welcome all the help he can get and it would pass the time faster. You wouldn't have to worry about blowing anything up." He laughs, but I don't see the humor.
"I don't know. I was just going to wait in my lab, she shouldn't be that much longer." I really didn't want to take the chance of missing Janet once she's back home. We have some unfinished business. I'm not afraid anymore, at least not about going to my grave without ever being intimately involved with her.
"I'll drop the plants off and then make sure Janet is notified to report here as soon as she's back." He was gone before I knew what hit me. He can be a manipulative bastard when it suits him.
Fifteen minutes later and I'm staring at a book full of different varieties of plants. My gaze shifts to the box of latex gloves, several surgical gowns, and an ugly-ass plant resting on the table. Daniel tells me to be careful because this particular plant has a nasty sting when it comes in contact with unprotected flesh and the oil can survive on clothes for a long time. Be careful? Didn't I tell him my concentration was off tonight? There' s no way in hell I'm touching that thing.
Regardless of my objections, I gravitate towards the table and then casually flip through the book and actually find a similarity to the Spiny Nettle, a member of the Euphorbiaceae family. The book informs me these plants can have toxic oils and the spiny variety have venomous hairs. I quickly check out the plant, without touching it of course. Venomous hairs.... check. Oily leaves...check. I glance several times between the items on the table. Gloves and gown...check. I really could use one of Janet's HazMat suits.
What was Daniel thinking? A slow smile spreads across my face. He was thinking I would get so caught up in this strange plant and not worry so much about Janet's absence. Clever man.
I've never been happier to be back in my own infirmary. My post-medical was finished in record time, I think the infamous Dr. Fraiser glare had something to do with expediting my exam. I should be ashamed of myself, but I'm not. I've had years to perfect my badass demeanor to compensate for my...diminutive stature.
I am so anxious to see Sam again that I haven't changed out of my cammies. I doubt she will mind. I need to see and touch her again. I need to feel her strong arms embrace me like I have belonged there from the beginning. I need to feel her lips and mouth devour my own...taste her tongue for the first time. I take a deep breath and slowly exhale. I don't have to fantasize anymore, I will have the real deal as soon as I step foot into her lab.
She is so engrossed in a book that she doesn't detect my presence. I take advantage of the opportunity and memorize her every move. Her blonde bangs are hanging in her face and she is chewing on her right thumbnail. She has a scrub gown tied around her waist and has a latex glove on her left hand. I glance at my own clothes and quietly chuckle at the paradox of our attire.
She must have heard me because she is now looking at me with such love it takes my breath away. She is more beautiful than I remember...a vision of pure magnificence. She could be considered the Eighth Wonder of the World.
"Hey." Her voice is soft and sexy.
"He-ey." My smile is so wide my face hurts.
We gravitate toward each other though pulled from an unseen force. I want her to envelope me in her strong arms and kiss me like there is no tomorrow, but the door is standing wide open.
We stop our forward progress to stand mere inches away, not close enough by my standards, but it will have to do for now. Sam is staring at me so intently she is making me feel self-conscious.
"See something you like?" I teasingly ask.
Sam closes the small distance between us to lightly run her latex covered hand in my hair. Samantha Carter, astrophysicist geek extraordinaire, is actually leering at me. Be still my beating heart! She leans so close I feel her breath hot and ragged on my neck. "I like what I've seen so far, but there is so much more yet to discover."
I feel a ghost of a wet tongue along my right ear and cannot swallow the low moan the cat-like motion elicits. I have learned one very important lesson...I should not tease a gorgeous woman who is so willing to give herself to me without having a backup plan. I do not want to have sex in Sam 's lab...not for our first time, but it does have possibilities. My lips curl in a predatory smile.
She pulls away from me and the phantom kiss is gone. Her dilated pupils are haloed in cerulean blue and her heart is pounding like a jackhammer in her chest. Her appearance must certainly mirror my own. The need for distance is clear...if we don't separate right now, there will be no turning back.
We shyly smile at each other recognizing this special moment and the promise of so much more yet to come. "That was nice, Sam. I love the feel of your hands and mouth on my skin." Suddenly, a fleeting image sears my brain. "Tell me you didn't touch that plant."
I know she is talking to me, but my attentions are focused a bit further south. Did she just say she loves how I feel? God, woman, you are making me insane with desire. I wish we were snuggled in Janet's warm bed and not standing in my oh so open lab pretending we aren't two seconds away from ravaging each other. The blood pounding in my ears like a river flooding over its banks is making me dizzy and I faintly hear Janet's voice in the distance. I can't quite make out what she is saying, but her face tells me she is nervous and maybe even afraid.
I turn to the door expecting to see General Hammond waiting with SF's to take us to a holding cell, separately, of course. Can't promote that kind of fraternization. No, we are alone.
"Sam. Did you?" Her voice is demanding.
No, but almost. Wait...she's asking me about the plant? Jesus, I thought she asked whether or not I... I can't finish the thought. Way too embarrassing. It finally dawns on me what exactly she is asking me and I will never admit how close I actually came to answering. No pun intended of course. I have obviously taken too much time in responding to her question because she begins to repeat herself.
"Did you touch that plant, Sam?" Each word is deliberately pronounced.
I am mortified to think how close I came to totally embarrassing myself in front of Janet. "No, no I didn't." A relieved sigh escapes my lips and I flash a smile I know makes Janet weak in the knees. Someday, when I am more comfortable with us, I will tell her how close I came to making a complete and utter fool of myself.
"How do you know about the unique properties of this particular plant?" My voice is filled with awe mixed with a hint of jealousy. She never ceases to amaze me.
"I am a gardener, you know." She twirls an invisible moustache. "There are some things you don't know about me, Sammy." Her grin is infectious and soon we are both laughing more than the joke deserves...a nice way to release all the sexual innuendo and tension permeating the recycled air.
"Can I take you home now, Doctor? I believe we have a wonderfully romantic dinner awaiting our return." I have already peeled the glove off my left hand and turn to slingshot it into the trash. It sails in a perfect arc to land in the middle of the can. Yes...three points! I grin and turn back to face my beloved. She is leaning against a very closed door. I audibly swallow the brick lodged in my throat.
"I'll be ready in a minute." She is wearing a deliciously wicked smile and has crooked her forefinger in a silent invitation. My body glides closer to her by its own volition until I am standing in her personal space.
She is going to kiss me and I can think of nothing more in this world, or any other I have visited, I desire more. Her soft mouth claims mine and begins to map every minute contour until I feel an insistent tongue lick my bottom lip and then thrust into my open mouth. She continues her meticulous probing and when I can't take anymore, I demand entrance into her mouth to begin a thorough exploration of my own. Her tongue slides along mine and an erotic duel ensues. I have backed her up against the door and am wrapped like a second skin around her tiny body. Two sets of hands roam over skin long denied and finally come to rest around each other's waist. I don't know how we have managed to continue our heated kiss without replenishing our oxygen supply and I really don't care. As all good things must eventually end, she slowly relinquishes my kiss-swollen mouth to rest her moist forehead against mine. We stand ensconced in each other's arms for several minutes until our breathing becomes more regular and our heart rates approach a more acceptable rate and rhythm.
"Now, Sam. Take me home, now." And I do.
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