DISCLAIMER: CSI and its characters are the property of Jerry Bruckheimer and CBS.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Muck and Mire
I receive a call from Catherine asking for assistance at her crime scene just as I wrap up my current so-called case. The "victim" was found lying in an alley unconscious with a bloody nose. Greg and I spent an hour going over the scene. I collected blood samples, hair samples, a 'ew' urine sample, and a "ew, ew" sperm sample from the guy before paramedics took him away. I much prefer to take my samples from inanimate objects.
Greg and I had determined the vic was pulled into the alley and had his face smashed into the wall. We were having difficulty explaining the urine and sperm since they were both his. An hour later, we discovered his girlfriend had found him in the men's restroom with his dick in another man's mouth. She ran out and he drunkenly gave chase only to run right into the alley wall. She left the scene disgusted that he had peed himself.
I gladly leave Greg to finish our report as I tell Catherine I would love to assist her. I jump in the Denali and take off toward Lake Mead.
My thoughts immediately turn to Catherine as I drive down Highway 146 to my destination. We have been seeing each other for three glorious months. I am head over heels in love and it feels great.
I turn toward the north end of the lake and start to look for Catherine's Yukon. I finally spot it up ahead alongside a patrol car. I park and seek out my lover.
Looking around, I finally notice an officer pointing a spotlight down an incline. I call Catherine's name and can barely hear her response. I make my way to the top of the rise and look down.
Holy shit. Catherine is waist deep in the most disgusting mire I've ever seen or smelled for that matter. At least she has on chest high waders.
"Um, Catherine? What exactly are you looking for in all that mud and muck?"
"Sara Sidle, put on some waders and get your ass down here. There's a murder weapon somewhere in this putrid, fetid, foul smelling mire and we're going to find it."
Crap. Why couldn't this have been back when we hated each other? There's no way I would have followed her into this slimy marsh. Oh, the things we do for love.
Ten minutes later, I am standing beside Catherine with gunk up to my thighs in this offensive swamp. She is not happy that I am taller than her since she is deeper in the muck. I remind her that there are other times when she is ecstatic that I am taller than she is. She turns red and tells me to shut up and start looking.
A few minutes later, Catherine turns to me and excitedly says "I think I may have found something. It's under my left foot. Can you reach down there and see what it is?"
I look at her as if she has a third eye. "Why do I have to put my hand down there? You're the one who found something."
"Sara, if I reach down, my foot might slip off the object and then I'd have to find it again. Besides, your arms are longer."
Sighing, I move toward Catherine. I place my hand on her left thigh and begin my trek down her leg. I steady myself by putting my other hand on her waist. I can just imagine how this looks to the officer holding the light since my head is chest level with Catherine.
As the light begins to waver, I know for sure what he's thinking and I can't help but laugh. Unfortunately, Catherine does not see the humor. "Quit laughing, Sara. Let's get this over with. I can't wait to get out of here. It's going to take a week to get the stink off of us."
I finally reach her foot and am barely able to touch the item without my head going under. I smile when I realize I am definitely touching a gun. As I begin to pull the gun loose, Catherine begins to slip and fall backward. I grab the gun and reach out to pull Catherine back up. I am unsuccessful as she falls backward and I fall forward into the muddy, mucky, mire.
I quickly sputter to the surface and pull Catherine up with me. We both look as if we are auditioning for the lead in "The Swamp Thing." Catherine is covered in mud and muck and kelp looking things that appear as if they are growing out of her head.
I reach forward to remove the plants from her head while she does the same for me. It doesn't take long for us to both burst out laughing. The officer must be quite amused as well because it looks as if we're standing in a strobe light.
We finally make it to the edge as I assist Catherine to the shore. We bag the gun and start for the trucks. As I look down at myself and Catherine, I realize there is no way either one of us can get into our vehicles in this state.
Catherine is evidently having the same thoughts as she looks to me then to herself then to both SUVs. She then veers over to the officer and hands him the evidence bag. After a few more words, he walks over to the Yukon and retrieves a bag from the backseat. He smiles as he hands the bag to Catherine.
She returns and takes my hand leading me around the corner and down another incline. At the bottom of this particular incline is the lake. "Hey Sara, ever been skinny dipping in Lake Mead?"
I look back up the incline and then to Catherine. "We can't Catherine. The patrolmen are just around the corner."
Catherine laughs as she begins to remove her slimy clothes. "Well, I'm not getting back in the Yukon with this crap all over me." She walks toward the lake completely nude, well, except for all the mud covering her.
After a slight hesitation, I quickly strip and take off after her. I tackle her as she has waded out a bit. She comes up spitting out water and the fight is on.
Laughing, we eventually end up in each other's arms. The moonlight is shining down on us and Catherine has never looked more beautiful. I take advantage of our embrace as I lean down and kiss her thoroughly. Things heat up pretty quickly as our tongues begin to duel each other for control.
After a few minutes, I pull away and hug her tightly. "Catherine, as much as I want you right now, we really need to get out of here. I don't know how long those officers can resist checking on us."
She agrees after promising to pick up where we left off when we get home. We walk out of the lake hand in hand.
Catherine has packed some towels and a change of clothes for each of us in her bag. Reaching for a towel, I look at her suspiciously. "You had this whole thing planned, didn't you? How did you know I would be able to leave my scene?"
She smiles and answers "I didn't and there was always a chance I would find the gun right away. I just wanted to be prepared just in case, but I had no intention of us getting our hair in that disgusting slime. I have to admit it is much shinier now. I wonder if we can bottle it up."
I laugh and take her hand to lead her up the incline. "You know, Catherine. You look pretty damn hot covered in muck. There's this bar over on Industrial Road that has mud wrestling every Thursday night "
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