DISCLAIMER: The characters herein are used without permission. No infringement intended.
SPOILERS: Season 2, set before Buried and Reset. Some reference to things mentioned in the Season 3 episode "3... 2... 1".
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
FEEDBACK: To ariadni.mou[at]gmail.com

Naughty Vocabulary
By Athena


"Fuck. Fucking."

Myka's foot froze midair.


Myka's eyebrows shot up as yet another word echoed through the open door, the accent clearly British.

"Cunt. Well that one is hardly unusual," Helena muttered to herself. "Crass, but not uncommon."

Myka chewed her lip unsure what to do.

"Balls," Helena continued. "Ah, bollocks!" she said and laughed.

Myka clapped her hand over her mouth preventing a giggle.

"Dick. Man meat. Schlong."

Myka couldn't take it anymore. She stepped closer and knocked on Helena's door as she slowly pushed it open. Helena looked up at her from her spot by the window. She was curled up on the loveseat with a notebook in her lap.

"Hello darling, please come in. Perhaps you can assist me?"

Myka blushed. "I heard you out in the hall. What in God's name are you doing Helena?"

"Studying!" Helena exclaimed chipper. She grinned at Myka and patted the seat next to her on the small loveseat.

Myka walked over and sat down next to her. She gave Helena a look and shook her head.

"What on earth are you studying that involves words like that?"

"Pete was…"

"Pete!" Myka growled. "I should've known that he was involved." She made a face. "If you need any help with an artifact related to football or porn," she mimicked Pete's voice. "Pete you're so dead," she muttered.

"Claudia was most…"

"Claudia!" Myka squeaked. "You involved Claudia in something related to porn?"

"Porn?" Helena said confused.

"Pornography," Myka clarified.

Helena skimmed her list and smiled. "Oh yes. Very disappointing," she mumbled.

Myka leaned her head back and looked up at the ceiling. "Give me strength." She glanced at Helena. "You, HG Wells, inventor of science fiction and God only knows how many other amazing things, have been watching porn."

Helena nodded in confirmation. "As I said, very disappointing. Those women were not spending, no matter how much they tried to sound like it."

"Huh?" Myka said confused.

Again Helena consulted her notebook. "They did not come," she said slowly, using a familiar word in an unfamiliar context.

Myka blushed and nodded. "Yeah, well, what do you expect? It's porn!"

Helena chuckled. "I've seen better performances a hundred years ago. At least there's something we were better at."

Myka stared wild-eyed at her. "You what?" She swallowed and licked her suddenly dry lips. "You had porn in England?"

Helena chuckled and ran her hand through her hair. "Not exactly the same. We had certain happenings and events."

Myka bit her lip and looked like her head was about to explode.

"Breathe darling," Helena said concerned and touched Myka's cheek.

Myka took a deep desperate gulp of air and then pressed her lips together again.

"I have upset you," Helena said and hung her head.

"Nope," Myka said in a strangled, slightly out of breath voice. "Shocked, perhaps, and definitely surprised."

Helena sighed and looked out the window for a moment.

"I'm sorry," Myka said softly. "I have no right to judge you or anyone."

Helena nodded. "Things were different back then Myka," she said softly.

"I am beginning to realize that." She chewed on her lip for a moment. "So you had sex parties," she whispered.

Helena chuckled and glanced at Myka out of the corner of her eye. "I guess that's what you would call them today. The actual sexual performances were mostly an enticing form or entertainment that encouraged other, more private encounters."

Myka nodded. "So you…" she started and blushed. "Never mind. It's not my business."

"Did I partake?" Helena teased. She caressed Myka's thigh and Myka jumped. Helena chuckled. "I did, darling."

Myka gulped. "You… in front of other people?" she whispered, eyes huge.

"It's not a big deal really darling. Most people are too preoccupied with their own pleasure to pay attention to anyone else. Once the entertainment part was over, couples would normally venture off on their own."

"Entertainment part," Myka whispered and blushed. "Victorian live sex shows. I would never have guessed."

"It unsettles you to be undressed in front of others?" Helena asked curious.

"Uh, yeah!" Myka said and made a face at her.

"My society dictated a very strict dress code, Myka," Helena said seriously. "But within your own home, or as an invited guest you were allowed certain discretions. Nudity amongst trusted friends and lovers was never an issue."

"For you perhaps."

"You are a beautiful woman Myka. Surely you have nothing to be embarrassed about in regards to your body," Helena said and smiled.

"I guess not, but it's not so much that," Myka said and made a face. "It's private," she mumbled.

"How many lovers have you had?" Helena asked and turned to face Myka.

"Helena!" Myka exclaimed and blushed an even deeper red.

"It's a pretty easy and straightforward question dear. May I not ask?"

Myka sighed and her shoulders slumped. "I guess. We are friends, right?"

"Of course we are," Helena said and smiled as she squeezed Myka's hand.

"Five," Myka mumbled.

"Five what?"

"Lovers," Myka said and rolled her eyes.

"Men?" Helena asked and tilted her head.

Myka nodded, a little surprised by the question.

"Never a woman?" Helena pushed on.

Myka blushed again. "Only a kiss," she mumbled and looked away.

Helena laughed and squeezed Myka's hand affectionately. "How wonderful. Was she beautiful?"

"Helena?" Myka looked confused at her.

"Many of my lovers were men, Myka, but most were women," Helena said and smiled.

"What?" Myka said and stared at her.

"I generally find a woman's companionship much more satisfying than a man's," Helena explained.

"Wow," Myka whispered.

"I know I had plenty of dalliances Myka," Helena said with a sigh. "No matter what, I always made sure that we used a French Letter."

"You did what?" Myka said and frowned.

Helena skimmed her notebook tracing her writings with an elegant finger. "Ah, there it is," she said triumphantly. "A condom." Helena grinned, proud of her success at finding the right word.

"Good to know," Myka said and made a face.

"It was terribly important," Helena said seriously and took Myka's hand. "Syphilis was rampant in London in the late 1900s."

Myka just stared at her. "I'm glad you took precautions."

"I did. And then of course there was the Warehouse," Helena said and smiled.

"What about the Warehouse?"

"Surely it must still have the contamination filter in place," Helena said and looked Myka straight in the eyes.

"It does. I didn't realize that it dated back to Warehouse 12."

"It doesn't."

"Then how?" Myka said and frowned. "When?"

"Warehouse 8. At the time of the Black Death, mid 14th century."

Myka shivered and sighed. "The Plague, of course. That makes sense."

"Anyway, let's not dwell on sadness of the past. Perhaps you can assist me with my homework?" Helena teased.

"What homework?" Myka said and looked a little warily at Helena.

"Practice," Helena purred.

"What?" Myka squeaked.

Helena laughed. "Just teasing," she said and winked. "Though I did not realize that the idea of being intimate with me was that upsetting to you darling?" Helena said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"No, Helena," Myka stared at her. "Not at all. I mean, that's not why at all."

"So being intimate with me does appeal to you?"

"Helena," Myka whispered. "I've never… you and I… oh God!" Myka hid her face in her hands and groaned.

"Don't worry about it. I will never bring it up again," Helena said softly.

Myka could almost feel the pain in Helena's voice. She closed her eyes so hard it hurt. "I'm attracted to you too," she whispered.

"You are?" Helena whispered surprised.

Myka sat up and sighed heavily. She glanced at Helena and nodded. "It scares me."

"Why? Does the thought of being with me repulse you? Are you conflicted inside?"

"Valid questions," Myka mumbled. "But no, that's not it. It's just uncharted territory you know. What if I'm no good at it?"

"I can teach you," Helena said huskily. A tiny smirk lingered on her beautiful lips.

"Helena!" Myka groaned. "You're' not helping."

"I'm sure you would excel at gamahuching in no time."

"I would what now?"

"Tipping the velvet?" Helena tried again. Still no response from Myka. Helena glanced down the list in her notebook. "Oral sex, darling," she said and grinned.

"Oh…" Myka blushed and swallowed.

"I do enjoy that," Helena said and winked.

"Noted," Myka mumbled.

"I've been told that I am quite good at it too," she quipped. "I'm sure your sweet little cunny will enjoy my attention."

"Helena!" Myka choked out. "I can't believe this," she groaned and rested her head in her hands as she leaned forward. "HG freaking Wells is talking dirty to me in Victorian slang."

Helena laughed and gave Myka a half hug as she leaned over Myka's back. "I can be much more daring than that darling, should you so desire."

"No this is fine, more than fine," Myka assured her.

"So how do you prefer to…" Helena glanced at her notes. "Have sex with a man? Do you want him to put his cock in you doggy style? Or…"

"Helena," Myka whimpered as if in pain. "Please, don't. I don't think I can handle you talking dirty in modern American slang either."

Helena sighed and hung her head. "I'm sorry. I have offended you and I have failed in my effort to update my seduction vocabulary."

Myka gently touched Helena's arm. "You don't need those words," she said softly.

"But I do!" Helena exclaimed and looked at Myka with a slight desperation in her eyes. "You don't know my words. How can we ever communicate about intimate things?"

Myka sighed and nodded. "Fine, but perhaps you can learn the real words and not the crass slang ones?"

"These are not real words?" Helena said surprised.

Myka shook her head. "Not really. They are mostly made up words, slang. People tend to pick their favorites. That's why there are so many of them."

Helena nodded enthusiastically. "I think I understand. We did the same. A woman's sex would not always be called her cunny, sometimes you would say fanny, or quim or maidenhood or…"

"Helena!" Myka blushed furiously.

Helena laughed and leaned closer to kiss Myka's cheek. "You are endearingly shy for someone who's not a virgin," she teased.

Myka rolled her eyes. "Did this flattery work for you in the past?" she muttered.

Helena laughed more. "I haven't even started the flattery yet, darling."

Myka swallowed.

"I fear that if I do, you might spend from the experience," Helena said huskily.

Myka choked as she coughed. She gave Helena a pained look. "You're going to be the death of me."

"Nonsense, darling. The only death you might be experiencing is le petit mort, and it's not really that bad when it comes down to it," Helena said and winked at her.

Myka leaned back on the sofa and rested her head against the soft cushion. "You are a wicked woman, Helena Wells," she muttered.

A sudden weight in her lap startled Myka and she opened her eyes. Helena looked up at her. She was now on her back with her head in Myka's lap, legs hanging over the armrest.

"Is this all right, dearest?"

"Sure," Myka mumbled, embarrassed.

Unsure of what to do with her hands she folded them on her stomach. Helena gently took her hand and placed it on her own stomach. Myka made a little noise that made Helena chuckle.

"I so enjoy your touch Myka," Helena whispered.

"Really?" Myka mumbled.

"Yes!" Helena said and laughed. "Would you mind terribly touching my hair?"

Myka chewed on her lip as she slowly ran her fingers through Helena's hair. She had wanted to do this since the moment she had seen Helena with her hair down, that day in California. Helena's hair had brushed over her face and hand as Helena had swept them up in the air with her grappler. Myka had dreamt of that soft touch, never really anticipating experiencing it again. And here they were, on Helena's loveseat with Helena asking for her touch. Myka sighed and smiled down at Helena.

"Your hair is so soft," she whispered. "I've wanted to touch it for the longest time."

"I know," Helena mused.

"You do?" Myka gaped.

Helena nodded. She touched Myka's cheek. "Would I get slapped should I try kissing you?"

Myka smirked and chewed on her lip. "Nope. I don't hit beautiful women."

Helena giggled and sat up. She rested her hand on Myka's thigh as she leaned closer. Cupping Myka's cheek she brushed her lips against Myka's in a soft kiss. Myka sighed and pressed closer. Helena touched her tongue to Myka's lip. It actually surprised her when Myka met her halfway and stroked her tongue against Helena's. Helena sighed and grabbed Myka's thigh harder.

"Wow," Myka whispered.

Helena giggled. "Delightful."

Helena settled in with her head on Myka's shoulder and arm around her neck. Myka, content with the arrangement, just held Helena close. She turned her head when she felt something poking her hip. It was Helena's journal. Grabbing it Myka opened it to the page Helena had been reading. She squinted as she tried to decipher the old-fashioned handwriting.

"Your handwriting is different than when you write notes to me," Myka mumbled.

"It seemed like the right thing to do," Helena mumbled. "I want to blend in."

"Please Helena, your handwriting is gorgeous," Myka said and spared Helena a wide smile.

Myka read the words Helena had written down, occasionally smiling at a comment Helena had made about the odd modern term. A couple of the words had no modern equivalent, but most of them Myka could figure out even without an explanation. A few of them made her blush, some were just strange.

"Riding St. George?" Myka said and laughed. "What does that mean?"

Helena smirked. "When the man is on his back and the woman mounts his prick by sitting down on it."

Myka blushed furiously. "I see. I would call that being on top."

Helena chuckled. "Do you like it?"

"Helena!" Myka squeaked.

"Dearest Myka, we really do have to do something about this shyness. You're a grown woman, not a blushing maiden. Can we not speak about these things as one experienced woman to another?" Helena said and sighed.

"I'll try," Myka said with a tiny whimper.

Helena brushed her lips along Myka's jaw. "My brave girl."

Myka chewed on her lip and nodded. She went back to reading the rest of the list and muttered curses at some of them and her eyebrows shot up at one particularly bad one. She closed the journal with a snap and flung it over on the bed.

"That's it Helena. You're done with that list. If there's anything you want to know, ask me."

"What may I call your precious womanhood dearest?"

Myka swallowed and tried not to blush. "Well, its name is vagina."

"That's so clinical," Helena said and made a face. "It's not even remotely romantic."

"And cunt is?!" Myka exclaimed and waved at the discarded journal.

"Perhaps not," Helena said and looked pensive.

"How about precious flower? Or center? Sex?"

"Naughty bits?" Helena teased.

Myka laughed out loud. "If you like it, why not?"

"And if I wanted to gamahuche you?"

Myka swallowed. "Ask if you can taste me perhaps?" she whispered.

"Or kiss your precious flower?" Helena whispered and brushed her lips against Myka's ear.

Myka shivered and nodded. "Yeah, that's definitely hot."

"What about your pretty boobies?" Helena asked and brushed her fingertips over Myka's breast.

Myka inhaled deeply and a little tremble went through her body. Helena chuckled and bit her lip. She grinned at Myka and cupped her breast.

"Boobs works, though it is a little immature, don't you think?"

Helena shrugged. "How about titties?"

"Tits is kind of cute. I call them the girls."

Helena laughed and kissed Myka. "I like your girls."

"They like you," Myka whispered.

"How delightful!"

"Anything else?"

"Do you like to be frigged darling?"

Myka's eyebrows shot up. "Do I what?"

Helena sat up and cupped Myka's sex. Myka yelped and grabbed her wrist.

"Easy there tiger," she said and laughed.

Helena grinned and removed her hand. "Do you like if your lover uses his or her hand?"

"Ah," Myka said and exhaled. She took another deep breath and tried to get the tingle Helena had caused under control. "I would ask you to touch me, or touch my clit," Myka whispered. "Maybe just put your hand there. And yes, I do like to be touched by my lover's hand, as long as it is gentle of course."

Helena nodded. "For some reason the word clitoris was pretty daring," she whispered.

Myka caressed Helena's cheek. "If you don't like it, then don't use it."

"You have been ever so much more helpful than Pete and Claudia," Helena mumbled softly against Myka's chest.

"Because you are important to me Helena," Myka whispered and kissed her dark head.

"You are the most important person to me darling."

"Even more important than your Victorian dalliances in their corsets and garter belts?" Myka teased.

Helena laughed out loud. "Yes, even more important than them."

Myka smiled and caressed Helena's hair.

"You would look lovely in a corset and garter belt darling," Helena mumbled.

Myka swallowed and bit her lip. Whatever the future with Helena would hold, it was sure not going to be boring. Myka made a mental note to check out corsets online later. Perhaps she could surprise Helena and get the upper hand, at least just once.

The End

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