DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters of Jesminder "Jess" Bhamra, Juliette "Jules" Paxton, Joe, and Tony or any other the other characters mentioned in the story (well, Mike, Will and Alicia are mine, but I'm not sure I want to take credit for them). They're the property of Gurinder Chadha and some other people I don't know.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story was inspired by the undeniable sexual chemistry generated by Jules (played by "Keira Knightley the sexiest tomboy beanpole on the planet" Bruce Handy, Vanity Fair) and Parminder Nagra. From the moment in the park when Jules jogs by Jess playing football (or Soccer as we North American's like to call it) and stares at her longingly, actually coming to a complete stop and ogling her for a good minute, to their first date (*cough* I mean, shopping trip), to them holding hands, and then flying off together towards the land of Starbucks (mmmm Chai Latte) at the end, it was clear to me that these two were destined to be together. So, this story is what I'm sure would happen in Bend It Like Beckham II, cause seriously, they so want each other, just watch the movie and see. Also, read the story ;)
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Cheering For Navratilova
Jess lifted her head up idly from where it had been resting at the foot of her bed when she heard the door to their room loudly open, watching as a nearly doubled over Jules rushed in laughing, her entire face lit up before she lifted her hand to her mouth to muffle the sound, in the process blocking half of her features. Closing the door softly, Jules then turned to look at Jess imploringly, a conspirital look on her face, before she lifted her index finger to her lips then nodded towards the closet a meter to her left before sneaking over to it and walking in closing the door behind her.
Jess stared at the closed closet door for a moment, a quizzical expression on her face before she heard some rather enthusiastic pounding on the door to their room.
"Eh, no need for that, come on in," Jess called out struggling into a sitting position as the door whipped open and Alex Ross came flying into the room.
"Where is she?" Alex asked looking at Jess, his face urgent and serious.
"You mean Jules?" Jess asked, trying not to smile as she imagined the blonde curled in the closet, body shaking with silent laughter.
"Yeah, yeah," Alex responded impatiently. "You know where she is?"
"Hasn't been by in an hour or so," Jess responded shrugging her shoulders and trying to plaster an apologetic look over her face. "What'd she do?"
"She," Alex started in a loud, agitated tone. "She," he repeated in a quieter voice. "Nevermind, it's not important," he then mumbled before staring at Jess for a moment, and then promptly turned and walked out of the room.
"Oh. My. God," Jules exclaimed softly, hanging onto the closet door as she became over run with another fit of the giggles. "It was brilliant Jess, absolutely fucking brilliant," she continued finally letting go of the closet door that had been supporting her and moving further into the room.
Jess found herself smiling at Jules' good mood, despite the fact that she'd been feeling rather depressed and confused moments before the blonde had come back to their dorm room. She waited quietly however, simply watching her lithe friend as she stumbled across the room before flinging herself, surprisingly gracefully, onto Jess's bed, shifting slightly once reclined so that her back was against the wall and her long, lean legs where hanging over the side.
"He's such an ass," Jules continued, though her words were spoken with genuine affection. She and Alex were always fighting and arguing, but it was in a comical, good-natured way that served as entertainment not only to themselves, but anyone who was fortunate enough to be in their immediate vicinity.
"What'd you do?" Jess asked knowing that whatever happened it was Jules' fault. Alex was the fall guy in that relationship.
"Nothing," Jules replied looking over at Jess with a wounded expression on her face. One that soon dissolved into a smile as her eyes darted away and she sheepishly added, "much anyway. Besides, it's hardly my fault that the guy's like the antithesis of athletic."
Jess raised an eyebrow, indicating that further exposition would be very appreciated, her lips twitching slightly as she anticipated the tale she was about to hear. She was feeling almost giddy. It never ceased to amaze her. Jules' moods were infectious. If the blonde was happy, it was impossible for Jess to be anything but as well. She didn't really understand it, but she'd come to treasure it.
"Alright, so, you know that couch in the lounge, the one with the wooden arms?" Jules' asked though she knew perfectly well Jess knew what couch she was talking about. "So, I'm telling him about practice right, and he's being a real smart-ass asking me if next I'm gonna tell him that the great 'soccer' gods have granted me the power to leap over tall buildings as well," she went on, ignoring Jess's amused look at the distaste in her tone when she said 'soccer'. "So, I'm all like," she went on pausing, a thoughtful look coming over her face before she frowned. "I've been in California too long," she muttered looking distressed that the words 'so, I'm all like' had even gone through her head, let alone come out of her mouth. "Oh, it's funny is it?" she asked turning to look at Jess, who had started laughing, a faux threatening expression on her face. "Stop that right now, my rapid decent into beach bunniness is not funny."
"Really?" Jess asked thoughtfully. "Then why am I laughing?"
"Because you're evil," Jules growled launching herself at Jess. "You're a creature of pure, undiluted evil and you must be stopped," she continued as she wrapped her arms around a struggling Jess, holding her captive in her arms.
"How do you plan on doing that?" Jess asked laughing as she struggled, before hitching in a deep breath. "You're not going to sing are you?" she asked suddenly, stilling as her voice filled with horror.
"Hey," Jules exclaimed not having to completely feign her indignation this time. "I'm a fine singer. It's your ears that have the problem," she continued laughing as Jess started to struggle again, her arms unfurling to rain tickles all over Jess's body, her smile growing and her laughter getting louder as the girl beneath her shrieked and laughed, batting at her with her hands ineffectually.
"Alright, alright, I give, stop it," Jess yelled, exhaling with relief when she felt Jules stop moving against her, her fingers dropping away from Jess's body, though her arm remained draped over her waist. She could feel Jules' breath on the back of her neck and felt the vibrations running through the blonde's body as she continued to laugh softly.
"The winner and still champion, Jules," Jules mumbled softly behind Jess, before making the sound of applause with her mouth. "God," she continued shifting slightly, momentarily pressing herself against Jess's back before pushing up onto her arm and then scooting back across the bed, settling back into the position she had occupied before. "Beating you is hard work."
Jess remained in the position their impromptu wrestling session had placed her in, lying on her stomach, arm flung over the side of her bed. Her heart was racing a mile a minute and she found that she wasn't quite ready to move let alone speak. In fact she wasn't sure that if she tried to speak anything but a series unintelligible sounds would emerge. When she'd felt Jules' press against the length of her body, it had been like a surge of electricity shooting through her body. She'd become hyper aware of everywhere their bodies were in contact, felt the heat of Jules' body like there was a fire burning beside her, the press of the blonde's breasts against her back
Jess shot up suddenly, scrambling to stand almost falling off the bed in the process and not caring. Once standing she brushed her hands down her pant legs nervously and turned in circles for a few seconds trying to figure out what to do with herself before finally looking up and over at Jules, a befuddled 'Ah' coming out of her mouth before she ripped her eyes away from Jules' concerned and confused gaze.
"Are you alright?" Jules asked sliding off of Jess's bed trying to keep her voice steady and strong. There was more than a trace of panic in Jess's tone and movements and she didn't at all like that the other girl wasn't even able to meet her eyes. She felt like slapping herself in the forehead, then maybe banging her head against a wall a few hundred thousand times until she had beaten out the stupidity. She didn't know what she had been thinking lying around holding Jess in her arms after the brunette had called 'uncle'. It was stupid, it was severely stupid and she'd known that it was stupid at the time but still hadn't been able to help herself. The reality of quietly laying with Jess in her arms overcoming any common sense she had left. And, the idea that Jess had sensed something, that through bodily contact the other girl had managed to divine the more than friendly feelings she'd recently found herself harbouring, terrified her. "Jess," she continued softly, her hand coming to gently rest on the girl's shoulder.
Jess jumped when she felt Jules' hand on her shoulder, relieved when she felt the pressure immediately disappear as Jules pulled back her hand. She'd been so lost in the chaos of her emotions and disjointed thoughts that she hadn't even heard the blonde approach.
Jules stared at her hand for long moments after ripping it away from Jess's body when the brunette flinched at her touch. Jess had never flinched at her touch before. She turned her hand over repeatedly, looking at palm and back trying to see if anything looked different, if there was any visual evidence of the change that had alarmed Jess so. It looked the same, but she knew it wasn't. Jess must have figured it out, and now couldn't stand the idea of being touched by her. Jules let her hand drop to her side, as her eyes looked forward to gaze at Jess's back.
"I " Jules started, though she quickly trailed off. She didn't know what to say to make things better.
"It's Joe," Jess said suddenly, her voice a bit shaky though she turned around to face Jules nonetheless.
"Wha " Jules started meeting Jess's gaze, her brows drawing together in confusion. She wasn't following.
"Joe," Jess said in a firmer, more confident tone finally latching onto a reasonable explanation for the weirdness that was her emotions. That's what it had to be, she thought to herself, feeling a bit better now that she had some idea of what was going on with her. She hadn't had time to deal with the ramifications of the conversation they had just had. There'd been no quiet since Jules had come back to the room, which was within seconds of her having hung up the phone, so it was understandable that in the first moments of quiet since then it should suddenly hit her. It was perfectly reasonable for her to be feeling confused.
"Joe," Jules breathed out, as a battle raged in her mind between her desire to sigh with relief and her desire to bang her head against a blunt object. Her eyes skittered off to the side as she considered the oddity of her emotions. She didn't understand how it was possible for her to be terrified of Jess knowing and then disappointed by the fact that she didn't. Disappointed and relieved. It made no sense.
"We broke up," Jess said watching Jules closely, not sure how to interpret the look on the blonde's face or the fact that she suddenly seemed unable to meet her eyes. Jules had been supportive of her relationship with Joe, giving her more than enough support to make up for her family's reluctance on the matter, but throughout and presently Jess wondered if she really meant it, or if she was just being a good friend. Jules had told her that she was over Joe and not to worry about it, but looking at the blonde now she wondered, because Jules looked almost relieved.
"When? Why?" Jules asked finally looking over at Jess, deciding to contemplate her contradictory emotions later.
"Today. Just now, before you got back," Jess responded her voice cracking a bit. She was beginning to feel overwhelmed again, though she didn't particularly want to think about why. She wanted a hug was what she wanted. She wanted to take a few steps forward and feel Jules wrap her arms around her and press a kiss to her forehead. However she suddenly felt the thought of wanting that alarming and the idea of getting it even more so, so she stayed where she was and brooded for a moment. "It just wasn't working."
"You seemed," Jules started then stopped certain that that wouldn't be the best thing to say. She knew for a fact that the way things seemed weren't always the way they were. "Was it the distance?"
"Maybe," Jess said tiredly, reaching out for her desk chair and dropping into it. "I don't know," she continued sounding confused as she watched Jules move to the side to take a seat on the edge of her bed.
"Did he " Jules started her back straightening as she looked over at Jess, her eyes narrowing slightly. If Joe had broken up with Jess because
"No," Jess interjected stopping Jules' inner diatribe. "I it was my idea, you know," she continued allowing her eyes to drift around the room a bit.
Jules remained silent, not certain what to say. It was like she had been about to say before, Jess seemed happy. For that matter, Joe seemed happy from the few times they had spoken since they'd gone to Santa Clara. She couldn't think of a reason why Jess would break up with him, and from the look on the other girl's face she wasn't certain that if she asked Jess would be able to answer her.
"It's gonna sound terrible," Jess said softly looking over at Jules who was patiently watching her.
"If it's the truth it's not terrible. Terrible would be to deny it," Jules replied, shifting further back onto the bed so that she was resting against the wall again.
"The novelty wore off," Jess said, her voice barely audible as she looked over at Jules through her eyes lashes.
Jules had to try extremely hard not to laugh at that. She wasn't trying to be insensitive or unkind, it was just that she understood exactly what Jess was saying. Joe's novelty had worn off for her months ago, though she realized that her reasons were probably far different from Jess's. She couldn't have guessed it at the time, but her mother had been right about her. Not with her crazy theories about slacks and sports bras, but she'd seen her attraction to Jess before Jules herself had become aware of it. And as her eyes drifted over to the Mia Ham poster tacked on the wall by her bed, Jules realized her mother had been onto something with the poster thing too. In fact, Jules was now of the opinion that Joe had been her first and only real crush because he'd been so pretty. The man had high, delicate cheekbones that were to die for, and luscious, full lips that were rare on men. Not to mention the trim, compact body. It was no wonder she'd found picturing him with long hair to be such a fulfilling mental exercise.
"How do you mean?" she asked turning her attention to Jess. Joe may have been a pretty man, but he had nothing on the girl sitting in front of her, and she could've saved herself a lot of heartache and dramatic brooding if she'd just realized sooner that it wasn't Jess she was jealous of in Germany when she'd found them on the balcony about to kiss.
"I don't know," Jess said sounding a bit frustrated. "I mean I'm just not excited you know. At the beginning it was great, and I used to get all knocky in the knees whenever I heard his braggart voice over the line," she went on. "And I mean it's not like I don't like or want to talk to him now, it's just that "
"Your knees are no longer in perilous danger," Jules stated starting to get an idea what was wrong.
Jess simply nodded.
"It's not terrible. It's human, it happens to everyone," Jules stated moving forward a bit on the bed so that she was leaning towards Jess. "We fall in love with the idea of being in love instead of with the person we think we're in love with," she continued trying to think about how ironic it was that Joe was that person for both of them. Poor guy.
"I'm not a completely ungrateful prat?" Jess asked looking over at Jules.
"Ungrateful? Nah," Jules said waving her hand. "Prat? Well, that's another story," she continued laughing as Jess picked up a sock off of the floor and threw it at her. "Oh my god, are you trying to kill me?" Jules asked catching the offending sock in the air before it hit her and holding it up with two fingers for Jess to see. "This is like a biological weapon, you could take down a small nation with this," she continued waving the dirty football sock around before flinging it back at Jess. "Talk about fighting dirty."
"Oh, shut up," Jess muttered glaring at Jules who merely grinned at her saucily in response.
"You feel better now?" Jules asked turning serious again a few moments later, drawing Jess's attention to her from where she'd been playing with her sock.
"Strangely, yeah," Jess responded bringing the sock to her nose. "These are fine," she went on a second later pointing at Jules with them.
"Well, I'll admit that as far as foot smells go, yours is rather aromatic, but " Jules started, but before she could finish Jess was out of her chair and in front of Jules waving the sock in front of her face before pressing the object in question against Jules' nose.
Jules lifted her hand to her face a few moments later and picked up the sock Jess had discarded, tossing it across the room as she felt the bed depress, Jess dropping down to the join her on the mattress.
"How'd he take it?" she asked looking over at the brunette who was staring at the ceiling.
"He was confused," Jess sighed. "Couldn't or wouldn't really grasp what I was saying. Telling me that if it was about my family they'd understand. He already had my Father out playing cricket two days a week. Truthfully, I don't think I was explaining it very well. I mean, how do you tell someone you liked the idea of them better than the reality without sounding like a complete arse?"
"You don't. It's just better to do it sooner than later," Jules responded. "He just needs some time."
"How did you " Jess started to ask, before trailing off, certain that it wasn't at all appropriate to ask Jules how she had gotten over the guy that had picked her instead.
Jules looked over at Jess, and in her mind pictured herself telling Jess exactly how she'd gotten over him. 'Well,' she'd start. 'I realized I was falling in love with my best friend, that'd be you in case you were wondering, and the rest seemed to fall into place.'
"Gold Medal Ribbon," was what she actually said.
"What?" Jess asked looking over at Jules questioning.
"Ice-cream," Jules responded smiling and shaking her head at Jess. "Come on," she continued grasping the brunette's hand and tugging. "Come on, come on, up we go," she continued planting her feet and tugging until she got Jess upright.
"Where're we going?" Jess asked in a beleaguered tone though she was smiling.
"Downstairs. Cafeteria. Ice-cream bin," Jules responded dragging Jess towards the door. "You're going to sit and listen to me finish my story yeah I remember," she continued smiling as she nudged Jess's arm playfully. "Then I'll sing some bitter anti-love songs for you, cause I know how soothing and melodic you find my voice."
"I swear," Jess said rounding on Jules and pointing a finger into the taller girl's chest. "If you sing to me I will beat you to death."
"Even if I smile all dapper like this, and dance about like this?" Jules asked smiling dapperly and making some ridiculous movements with her arms and legs that had Jess almost doubled over with laughter in a matter of seconds.
"You're an idiot," Jess declared a moment later once she'd gotten herself under control again.
"I've made peace with it," Jules told her seriously. "Now for my musical selection, would you prefer something gross or objectifying?" she continued opening the door and tumbling into the hallway while batting Jess's hands away from her.
One month later
"Oh, don't be stupid," Jess said glancing up from her pancakes to look at the redheaded boy sitting across from her. "There are plenty of girls about," she continued encouragingly. She'd spent her entire breakfast listening to Mike complain about how he was going to have to build himself some kind of robotic girlfriend in order to get a date.
"That easy for you to say," Mike grumbled poking at his eggs and pouting.
"What's that suppose to mean?" Jess asked wondering if it was her or if everyone else in the world, besides maybe Jules and Tony, were just insane.
"Well, it's just that of course it seems like there's tons of options out there, you're not looking," he said pointing his fork at her before resting it on his plate and glancing at his watch. Jess nodded, she supposed that was true enough, things always looking greener on the other side and all that. "Not that I blame you," Mike continued reaching for his backpack, shoving his bottle of orange juice inside before pushing his chair back. "If I had a girlfriend like Jules I wouldn't be looking anywhere else either," he went on swinging the bag over his shoulder.
Jess looked up sharply at that. "Eh, what "
Mike tossed up his hands. "Come on, you gotta know we're gonna look, even if it's strictly no touchy," Mike responded. "Catch ya later," he called a second later from half way across the cafeteria.
"We're not " Jess started finally locating her verbal skills. "Together," she muttered under her breath watching Mike's back through the glass of the cafeteria doors as he hurried down the hall.
Jess blinked rapidly, forcing her eyes to focus as she heard a clattering sound close by. Shaking her head slightly and leaning forward she saw Alicia, one of the girls from down the hall plop down on the other side of the table.
" so I told her that if she didn't just start picking up her Jess, yo, is anybody home?" Alicia asked moving her head back and forth as Jess blinked at her.
"What? Yeah, who?" Jess asked her face scrunching in confusion. She had no idea what the girl was talking about. She couldn't believe that she had spaced out. Glancing down at her watch she was rather relieved to see that she'd only been gobsmacked for a couple minutes.
"Guess that answers that," Alicia muttered to herself. "You okay?"
"Oh, yeah I mean I just had the most bizarre chat with Mike," Jess responded shaking her head before looking over at Alicia appraisingly. Suddenly she wondered if Mike was alone in thinking that she and Jules were a couple.
"Isn't that like any conversation with Mike?" Alicia asked shaking her head. Mike was kind of weirdo. "What'd he say this time?" she asked knowing instinctively that whenever someone had a weird conversation with Mike it was Mike's fault.
"He was talking about looking at Jules, and " Jess started.
"He's had a thing for her since day one. I think he likes that she could kick his ass. I think he's a submissive," Alicia responded. "I wouldn't worry about him."
Jess nodded, trying not to think too hard about Mike being a submissive when the last part of Alicia's statement registered with her.
"Why would I worry about him?" she asked suddenly dreading what Alicia's response would be.
"You shouldn't," the other girl responded glancing over at Jess. Resting her elbows on the table she leaned forward. "I mean, short of hypnotism or a love potion nobody could get Jules to look twice at them."
Jess stared at her silently.
"I mean Christ, if I could find a boyfriend like her I'd butter my front and let people ride me down and let's just forgot I ever even started this analogy and go with I'd be very, very happy," Alicia continued before shaking her head in horror and wincing with embarrassment as she finished.
"Oh my " Jess exclaimed her hand coming to cover her mouth as her eyes skittered around the cafeteria. "You think Mike thought too does everyone think we're a couple?" she asked her voice rising slightly, before softening again for the end part of her question.
Alicia opened her mouth, before closing it to consider Jess's question. "Everyone's cool with it," she finally said. "I mean, half the floor is from West Hollywood and it's the 21st century, and you're both hot which helps and you two totally aren't a couple are you?" Alicia finished having seen Jess gape at her as she tried to explain how cool everyone was with their relationship that didn't exist.
"No," Jess said shaking her head still staring at Alicia. "The whole floor?" Jess asked confounded.
"Uh," Alicia started not certain how to go about confirming that, let alone telling Jess it was more like the whole building or anyone who had ever been around her and Jules at the same time for more than five minutes. "You're really not dating, cause everyone's cool with " she continued not quite able to wrap her mind around the fact that they weren't going out.
"We're not shagging!" Jess exclaimed, immediately turning her head to the side to avoid some glancing from other people in the room who turned at her exclamation.
"That's cool too," Alicia said nodding, watching as Jess pushed her food tray to the side and dropped her head onto the tabletop.
Suddenly Jess lifted her head off the table and turned to Alicia. "Why?"
"Ah, why what?" the other girl asked taking a large cup of her chocolate milk, suddenly desperate to be finished with breakfast so that she could find a big hole to go crawl into. She now knew how her father felt that time he'd asked a plus sized woman when she was due, only to realize that she wasn't pregnant.
"Why does everyone and their brother think we're shagging?" Jess asked, the mental image of her and Jules that accompanied the word giving her pause. 'It's cause we're footballers' Jess thought to herself.
"You just I mean, do your really want to know?" Alicia asked desperately to avoid replacing her foot in her mouth. Stupid fucking weird Mike and his stupid conversations, if it wasn't for him she never would've gotten into this landmine of a conversation.
Jess simply nodded.
"Well, you guys are like close and stuff," she continued noting Jess's unimpressed expression. "I mean it's like you just seem to look at each other a lot, and like casually touch a lot, and smile at each other a lot and obviously, it's not but it just comes across like flirting, or foreplay," she finished softly avoiding Jess's gaze.
"It's not," Jess stated.
"Oh, yeah, I totally get that now. It's kinda funny actually, if you think about it," Alicia responded glancing over at Jess only to see that the brunette did not find it funny at all. "Ironically or something," she finished clearing her throat uncomfortably.
"Hilarious," Jess replied slumping down in her chair.
A week later
"Listen if you don't want to talk about it that's fine, but if it throws off your game it's not just about you anymore," Jules ranted as she throw open the doors to their wing and rushed inside, spinning around to face Jess again. "Coach is bloody pissed, he's talking about sitting you next game hello, earth to Jess?" Jules called waving her arms in front of Jess's face, blocking the other girl as she tried to walk past her. "Do you remember what happens if you get kicked off the team?"
"What do you think I'm a bleeding idiot?" Jess shot back far more harshly than she intended the wounded look on Jules' face making her feel lower than dirt once the words were out and she couldn't take them back.
"I'm beginning to wonder," Jules responded sounding exasperated and hurt, her eyes drifting to the side noticing that they'd gathered a bit of a crowd.
"What's going on here?" Jenny, the floor's resident adviser asked pushing her way through the group that had rapidly assembled. She'd been further down the hallway when she'd heard the raised voices, the accents letting her know it was Jess and Jules, but she was a bit surprised to see that half of the floor had already moved to see the show and that the rest were coming.
"Lost the game," Will supplied helpfully from over on the couch. "Lover's quarrel."
"Oh bugger off," Jules shot at him turning around to level him with a downright arctic glare, missing the almost stricken look that came over Jess's features.
"Whatever," Jenny said clapping her hands together loudly, breaking Jules and Will's staring contest. "It's good advice, all of you break it up and bugger off," she continued waving her hand about to indicate that the crowd should disperse. "You two," she went on a second later as the bodies that had been milling about started to move. "Work it out," she said looking between Jess and Jules. "You," she said turning to Will, "stop being a jerk," and with that she headed back to her room.
Jules stared at Jess for a moment, then turned on her heel and headed down the right corridor towards their room.
"Listen," Jess said closing the door to their room. "I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to yell," she continued hovering by the door as Jules tossed her bag onto her bed before flopping down on to it herself.
"Okay," Jules said, placing her hands behind her head and closing her eyes. She didn't have the energy to go another round with Jess after almost a week of altercations and fights, and she knew that saying anything more than what she had was only likely to set Jess off which she didn't want to do.
Jess sighed dropping her bag by the foot of her bed, before moving to sit down cross-legged on her mattress, her eyes over on Jules. Like her the blonde had changed out of her uniform after the game, but Jules was still wearing shorts though they were cotton casual, and a form fitting blue t-shirt covered over by a hooded sweat jacket. She was lying with her legs dangling over the side of the bed, but she hadn't settled down properly so she'd messed up her clothes. Her shorts had ridden up slightly so that they settled near the top of her thighs giving her an almost complete view of Jules' legs, and her shirt had ridden up slightly exposing the now tanned skin of Jules' abdomen.
Jess sighed and looked away. She'd found herself doing that more and more since her conversation with Mike and Alicia a week ago. Checking Jules out, she thought to herself with a shake of the head. She wanted to say that it was a new thing, the idea put in her head by her conversation with those two, but she couldn't do that anymore. She realized she'd always had a love/hate relationship with Jules body. She'd loved to look at it, and hated to admit it. She could distinctly remember, when she bothered to honestly think about it, watching Jules change with something close to awe that first trial she'd had back home, and having to force herself to look away. If she'd thought about it at all back then, she was sure she'd have written it off as appreciation of such a fit physique which wouldn't have been a complete lie, since Jules' body was perfectly toned and honed but she had to admit that there was more there, and she was finally beginning to understand what the more was. Attraction.
The thing was she didn't know what to do about it. She didn't know if she wanted to do anything about it. All she knew was that seeing Jules' stomach frosted with sweat in the afternoon sun and wondering what licking the damp flesh would feel and taste like, was agitating her and that that in turn had caused her to be rather unlikeable for the past couple of days.
"I'll get it together," Jess said watching as Jules shifted, moving up the bed so that her head was resting on her pillow.
The blonde then turned her head to face Jess, her lips pursed slightly in thought before she simply nodded. Jess had noted that Jules had a tendency to do that, purse her lips so they were all pouty and seductive when she was deep in thought, of course she'd only come to think of it as seductive recently. Before the farthest she taken a description was 'cute' and she wouldn't have thought about why she found it cute. As things were, it was taking all of her will power not to get lost in a contemplation of what it would feel like to kiss those lips, to run her tongue along them and press hers against them until they become red and puffy.
"What is it Jess?" Jules asked finally, seeing a far away and then troubled look come into her friend's eyes. It had been beyond aggravating living with Jess and her mood swings for the past few days, but Jules was more worried than anything else. She had a good idea what was going on with the brunette after Alicia had sought her out a few days before. What she didn't know exactly was why Jess was taking it so hard this time. When Jules had explained her mother's outburst at Pinky's wedding to Jess, telling her that her mother had thought they were dating, Jess had seemed to find it pretty amusing. She didn't understand why this time would be different, unless Jess had figured out that for her it was, and that was what was causing her problems. "Listen, I talked to Alicia. I know what everybody was saying. I've straightened it all out. Will was just being a prat out there," Jules continued a second later, deciding to just get everything out there, hoping that it would get Jess to talk, because she sure as hell couldn't take much more of it.
"You didn't have to " Jess started looking over at Jules with a touch of surprise. She didn't think the blonde had had any idea about the rumors.
"I think I did," Jules said moving into a sitting position mirroring Jess's. "I mean, it was obviously bugging you. You've been a million miles off all week," she continued looking down at her lap. "Anyway, everyone knows its bollocks now so there's nothing to worry about."
"I wasn't worried about it," Jess said drawing Jules' eyes over to her. Skeptical eyes she noted. "I didn't say anything to anyone but Ally. I could give a shit," she continued.
"Right," Jules responded drawing out the word to leave no doubt that she meant it as sarcastically as humanly possible.
"I mean it," Jess said more emphatically. "I really could give a shit if the campus thought we were shagging or not. I would've denied it otherwise, wouldn't I?"
"You did," Jules pointed out.
"Don't be a smart ass," Jess shot back at her. "Just to Ally, and only cause I was surprised. I didn't bother to correct anyone else, didn't take out any ads did I?"
"Why not?" Jules asked suddenly wondering why Jess hadn't bothered to make sure everyone knew what she'd told Alicia. It was true that Jess's behavior had become somewhat unpredictable and challenging over the last week, but she was right in saying that she hadn't tried to change anyone's ideas. It didn't come together properly.
"Well, why should I have? There's nothing wrong with it is there?" she asked knowing full well that it was lie, but not willing or able to admit to Jules that she didn't correct them because even as she was shocked and confused, she felt that there was a certain truth to it. Of course she and Jules weren't sleeping together, but even then a part of her knew the idea wasn't totally ridiculous, and now that she knew it wasn't even something she'd be opposed to she couldn't go around denying the rumor. Darkly, she thought to herself, that maybe she couldn't do it because a part of her was hoping it would become true.
"Of course not," Jules responded immediately drawing Jess's eyes over to her.
"Then why'd you run around making sure?" Jess challenged, wishing she'd kept her mouth shut when she saw Jules' offended look. She'd only said it cause a little part of her was bitter at the idea that Jules might find the idea so distasteful she had to make sure everyone knew it was false. She knew that wasn't fair of her, but she couldn't help herself.
"I did that for you!" Jules exclaimed a moment later. "Every time I got near you, you'd run away like I had some sort of deadly disease. I was feeling like a leaper. How the hell was I suppose to know that 'you could give a shit' when you looked at me like I had two fucking heads?" she continued. "Don't know why I bothered, obviously it made a huge difference," she muttered under her breath a moment later lying back down huffily.
"Don't do me any favors," Jess muttered, though she spoke loud enough for Jules to hear, wondering what the hell was wrong with her even as she did. In her head she was thinking that it was beyond sweet of Jules to worry about how it was effecting her and go to all the trouble of trying to clear things up for her. Her mouth however, was set on once again verbally punishing Jules for what she herself was feeling.
"Don't worry, I won't make that mistake again," Jules replied really wishing she'd stuck to her plan of one word answers and then pretending to be asleep.
Jess sighed, looking over at Jules once more. The blonde had practically curled up into a protective little ball and was glaring at her. It was extremely cute and also made her feel like an ogre.
"I didn't mean that," she mumbled looking away from Jules to contemplate the floor.
"I did," Jules replied somewhat militantly even though she knew she didn't.
"It's just " Jess started.
"You're a big, stupid jerk?" Jules suggested frowning once the words came out of her mouth and instantly regretting them. "That came out far more second form than I intended," she muttered a moment later with an apologetic tone.
Jess smiled at that despite herself. "I think I earned it," she admitted realizing that Jules had been more patient with her than she deserved.
"That's true," Jules admitted smiling a bit and stretching out somewhat. "Listen, if it wasn't everyone thinking we were together that got you, then what is it?"
"Did you mean what you said before?" Jess asked looking over at Jules.
"What? I said a lot of things before. For the supposed silent party, I've been very chatty," Jules responded smiling as Jess looked over at her and grinned.
"About it being no big deal, being a lesbian and all?" Jess asked trying to keep any hint of where she was going out of her voice.
"Yeah, sure. Of course," Jules responded shifting a bit on the bed until she was upright once more.
"It would be," Jess replied, refusing to look over at Jules. "In my family," she continued.
"In my family too. I mean you've met my mum right? Have I told you her theory on Sporty Spice? We're not old like them, and we can't let them decide how we feel and think about things," Jules responded, clamping down on her immediate urge to assume that Jess was going with this where she wanted her to be going, because she didn't think she could take the disappointment if it wasn't true.
"But that doesn't change how they feel," Jess replied, her mind drifting back to Tony's quiet confession that day in the park. She'd done for him that day what Jules was trying to do for her now, and she realized now why he hadn't been as comforted as she'd hoped. He knew. He knew that despite pockets of support, and being happy with himself that he would be separated from the rest of the family, from the community. She knew what he was feeling now. That even if she weren't disowned, she would always be apart.
"No," Jules confirmed. "But what is, is. Denying it to make other people feel better isn't going to do anything but make you miserable. You tried that already didn't you, tried to quit playing but you couldn't," she went on her voice intensifying. "It's the same with everything else."
"I don't know," Jess said hedging, her shaky tone in complete opposition to Jules' stability.
"I do," Jules said her tone firm, her eyes on Jess willing to wait until the other girl looked over at her.
Jess looked over at her sharply at that, not sure whether she was getting what Jules meant from her words.
"Mum was right about me, I just didn't know it at the time," Jules said keeping her eyes focused on Jess. She was going to have to let on sooner or later, and she doubted there'd be a better opportunity. Besides, she wasn't so scared of what Jess's reaction would be now.
"But you know now?" Jess asked more for the sake of buying time to organize her thoughts than anything else. From Jules' tone she knew she was sure.
"Now I know, too bad she doesn't anymore," Jules replied smirking at the thought of having to tell her mother that she was right after all.
"I don't think she was so off about my feet either," Jess said holding Jules' gaze though her hand was nervously playing the material of her tracksuit bottoms.
"Law of averages I suppose, after a forty odd years of being wrong she had to hit the jackpot sometime," Jules responded resisting the urge to jump up and pump her arms up and down and yell 'in your face' even though she didn't know who's face it would've been in anyway. After all, just because Jess was admitting to some Sapphic feeling it didn't mean that they'd be directed at her.
Jess smiled widely at that, meeting Jules' grin before the room lapsed into silence again. The night hadn't turned out anything like she had thought it would, she still had next to no idea what she was feeling, there were various issues brought up by her feelings that she hadn't even begun to get over, but despite all of that, despite all of the many other things she could be thinking and obsessing about, all she could concentrate on was her intense desire to kiss Jules, and how she had no idea of going about actually doing it.
"Well, this is stupid," Jules declared long moments later breaking the silence. Jess looked over at her questioningly. "Well, things should be easier now shouldn't they?" she asked.
"I suppose," Jess replied knowing exactly why things weren't easier but unwilling to say it. Gay or not gay, admitting to having feelings for your best friend and roommate if they didn't feel the same way could be an utter disaster, and after averting one hurdle Jess wasn't sure she wanted to get back on the track and give it another go.
"Right," Jules declared in the same disbelieving tone she used earlier before standing up and crossing the small distance between their beds until she was standing in front of Jess. She just couldn't take the silence and awkwardness anymore, even if she came to realize that it was a big mistake in the morning, she was just gonna have to go ahead to do something, cause nothing wasn't working anymore. Reaching down she picked up Jess's hand and tugged slightly until the brunette got the hint and stood up as well. "I'm gonna do this and then it'll be done," Jules said and with that she leaned forward and gently brushed her lips against Jess's, her hand trailing up Jess's side before moving to the back of her neck, pulling her closer to her body, when she felt Jess press her lips more firmly against her own, her mouth opening to Jules a few seconds later.
"So," Jules breathed out when they finally had to pull apart, her chest heaving up and down as she drew in unsteady breaths. "Thoughts?" she asked wondering what the hell she was saying even as the word came out of her mouth, finally blaming it on the fact that the blood in her body definitely wasn't flowing towards her brain at the moment.
"Not really," Jess replied just as breathlessly as Jules before drawing the blonde's head back down towards her and capturing her lips once more, caressing them hungrily as she molded their bodies together, the soft groan escaping from Jules' throat doing things to her body she'd only heard Pinky's friends talking about before. She felt like she was free falling.
Jess gasped softly as her back made contact with the mattress of her bed, before surprising herself and moaning as she felt Jules' body cover hers. She didn't think she could make sounds like that, but there she was making them again and again.
"Sorry," she heard Jules whisper by her ear, the girl's warm breath tickling her skin and causing one of those strangled sounds to come out of her yet again, before the blonde moved down, kissing her way along Jess's jawbone, before dipping her head down and attacking the chocolaty skin of her neck.
Jules kissed and nipped her way around Jess's neck, tasting every inch of skin available to her, her mind swimming with the taste and feel of the other girl underneath her and in her mouth. The soft texture of her skin, the smell of her mixed in with the scent of shampoo lingering from her recent shower, to the clean salty taste of her skin, leaving her in a hormonal daze. She liked making out.
Jess placed a finger under Jules' chin managing to entice the blonde's head up a few moments later so that they were looking at each other. Jules' eyes were clearer than she had ever seen them before, and there was a delicious flush to her skin, her lips more pouty and redder than usual and slightly parted as she gazed down at Jess.
"We should " 'continue doing this until we both pass out' Jess thought to herself as she looked up into Jules' eyes watching as they slowly began to clear and the blonde blinked trying to focus on her. It was all she could do not to surge forward and attack her lips once more. Everything Jules was doing was driving her absolutely wild. And she had been saying something, she realized as she watched Jules lick her lips. What had that been again? Oh yeah "go slowly," Jess continued finishing her original sentence far, far later than was probably coherent.
Jules nodded, before mumbling 'mmmhmmm' and nodding some more. This was followed by her lips descending on Jess's once again, and Jess tangling her fingers in Jules' blonde locks drawing her down more firmly, while straining up to increase the contact between their bodies.
Jules' eyes fluttered shut as she felt Jess stroking the skin of her stomach with her thumb lightly, the play of the brunette's fingers under her shirt contrasting with the feel of the material rubbing against her heated skin producing some interesting feelings. After the initial bout of suppressed lust had been realized, they had actually managed to settle down into a rather controlled make out session. Jules was rather pleased with herself, she was managing to be an adult about things, and not completely ravage Jess the first chance she had, even though the brunette's roaming hands had thoroughly tempted her from time to time.
"What?" Jess asked feeling Jules' eyes on her.
"It's just," Jules started biting down on her lip to stop from smiling. "Do you own any turtle necks?" she asked finally, beginning to lose the battle with her laughter.
"I think I've got one. Why?" Jess asked suspiciously as she felt Jules' body begin to shake with laughter.
"That's good. Cause people would've started talking again," Jules replied smiling, reaching up a hand to touch a patch of now discoloured skin on Jess's neck. The hickey wasn't as obvious with Jess's darker colouring as it would've been on her own fair skin, but if anyone got within a meter of the girl tomorrow and bothered to look at her they would notice it.
"You didn't," Jess said acting appalled though she was secretly kind of pleased at receiving her first hickey.
"I'm sorry," Jules said losing the battle and surrendering to her laughter. "Colour looks good on you though," she continued dropping her head onto Jess's shoulder, as her body shook with laughter.
"I'm gonna get you for that," Jess replied wrapping her arm around Jules' still trembling form.
"Please do," Jules responded immediately looking up into Jess's face as she turned them over so that Jess was now leaning over top of her.
"Saucy lush," Jess accused playfully before leaning down capturing Jules' lips as her hands slipped underneath the blonde's t-shirt once again. She hadn't forgotten about the tickle fight.
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