DISCLAIMER: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all the slayerettes belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Originally posted to my fanfiction.net account under the same title.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
FEEDBACK: To howlingturtle[at]hotmail.com
One Dance Can't Change the Past
Faith sauntered into the Bronze with her hair loose and her leather pants tight. She drew eyes from all around the room just by being there. It was like her presence was magnetic, pulling all the people in, and she reveled in it. She knew she was sexy, played up the fact, and had no problems using that to get what she wanted. And why should she? Life had dealt her a crappy hand, might as well use what she had to her best advantage. And what she had was a killer body and an appetite for sex.
But she couldn't get any until she drew in a partner, so she raised her arms and swung her hips and sidled across the dance floor attracting boys like flies to honey. A grind here, a squeeze there, grinning all the while she teased and tortured anyone that got close enough. But none of those approaching her were good enough, they were missing that special something she was looking for. The spark, the electricity, the hunger to match her own. None of these drooling boys had it and they wouldn't fulfill her needs. But she knew there was someone here who could.
She could feel Buffy nearby. Her Slayer sense identifying the other Slayer with a tightening knot in her gut, a directional tug low in her belly, and Faith looked around until she spotted the blonde.
Heartbreakingly beautiful, as always, Faith thought.
The petite blonde was staring back at Faith with a glazed look in her eyes, not really seeing her. If Faith didn't know any better she'd have called that look lust. But she did know better. She knew Buffy didn't feel that way for her, couldn't feel that way, never would feel that way...especially not since Faith had betrayed the Scooby gang. Betrayed Buffy.
At least, that's how they would see it. A betrayal. That's not how it was, not really. It's not like any of the Scoobies had been there for Faith. Not like they wanted to hang out with her when there wasn't a monster of the week, not like they gave her the time of day, not like they ever asked how she was or how she felt, not like any of them actually cared about her. They didn't care. They just wanted to use her up and toss her aside, just like the Council, just like Evelyn Post. She was only good as a stand-in for Buffy and even then they found her lacking. So she wasn't little miss goody two-shoes. So she didn't bow down and worship at Buffy's feet. So she didn't always follow the rules. So what? That didn't make her a bad person. Didn't mean she was worth any less. Except they obviously thought it did. So sue her. She wasn't perfect, wasn't like Buffy, but that wasn't her fault. They couldn't blame her for learning different life lessons than the golden girl. Couldn't blame her for believing in 'want, take, have' when it's all she'd known growing up on the streets of Boston fighting off gangs, drug dealers, prostitutes, and cops trying to feed herself and stay alive. But they did. They blamed her for every little thing she might have done wrong. Blamed her for not living up to their impossible standards. Blamed her for not being a carbon copy of Buffy. But it wasn't her fault. It wasn't! And still they blamed her, looked at her with disgust and pity. She didn't want their pity, didn't deserve their disgust. They'd never let her be a part of the team, never included her, never accepted her as one of their own...just because she wasn't 'good enough' for them, just because she wasn't Buffy two-point-oh. Can't betray a team you were never really on, can you?
It hurt. It hurt that they'd never really let her in. Never let her be a part of the group. It hurt that she made one mistake and they all dropped her like a hot potato, like they'd all just been waiting for the excuse. She'd thought they were friends, if not best buddies, but she'd obviously thought wrong. And that pissed her off. It pissed her off that she'd let her guard down so far, that she'd let them all get so close, and that at the first opportunity they'd all turned their backs on her. So when the Mayor came to her, smiled at her and looked at her the way he had, it had been easy for her to believe what he said. He'd treated her like no one ever had, he'd become her best friend, he'd been the father she'd never known and she was sure he was the only person to have ever loved her just for being Faith, for being herself.
She had thought, hoped, at one point that Buffy had felt that way about her. Loved her for being her. She'd thought the connection they shared, the bond of their powers, meant they were more to each other than anyone else ever could be. Faith had let herself believe that sister Slayer crap, wanted to believe it because it meant she was connected to someone, let herself love Buffy in a way she'd never loved before. She'd shown Buffy all the parts of herself she'd never shown anyone, had let Buffy see the cracks in her facade, had cared what Buffy thought and felt, had opened herself up and laid herself bare and bled from all the wounds in her spirit just hoping that Buffy, her sister Slayer, would look at all of that mess and love it and help heal it. She had hoped so fiercely to be accepted by this one person who meant more to her than she could ever put into words...but Buffy had dropped her too. Had rushed to blame her for one mistake. Had broken Faith's heart, her spirit, more thoroughly than the almost daily beatings she'd gotten on the streets...more thoroughly than seeing her first Watcher, the first person to really care for Faith, broken and dying because she'd tried to protect her. Buffy had abandoned Faith when she'd needed her most, had rushed into the arms of her murdering vampire boyfriend and never looked back. She had judged Faith to be irredeemable, and that fucking hurt. If her vampire boyfriend, an undead thing that had spent centuries murdering innocents, could be saved then why couldn't Fatih? Faith had only made one mistake. She'd had one stupid accident and suddenly she was untouchable.
Faith wanted to hate her, she wanted so badly to be able to feel nothing but rage when she looked at the other Slayer, but she didn't. She looked at Buffy and she still felt that wretched hope in her heart, still felt like Buffy was a piece of her, still felt like if she just tried hard enough they could be on the same side again...but she knew. She knew that Buffy would never let that happen. Buffy would never let her back in again. But that didn't stop Faith's heart from wanting her to try, which is why she did what she did next.
She slid up into Buffy's personal space and spoke softly, huskily, almost tauntingly, "Didn't think you'd be in the mood to get down with your bad self, B."
She watched Buffy's eyes flash and the snarl form on her lips, couldn't stop the stab of hurt as Buffy pushed her back and growled, "You'd know since you caused my mood."
She battled back that pain and put on the evil bitch facade she knew was expected of her now. She grinned teasingly while playfully fluttering her eyelashes and fanning herself, "Well, shucks B, didn't know you cared." She pressed in close again, throwing Buffy off her game by touching her skin and finding herself enjoying the contact, "Looks like I've got you all hot under the collar."
"You wish," Buffy sneered at her while slapping her hand away.
But Faith could see she was flushed. Her blush was visible creeping up her neck and turning her ears red. Faith thought she'd never seen anything quite so pretty. She chuckled knowingly, "Whatever you say, B."
Knowing Buffy's eyes were on her she put an extra sway in her hips as she returned to the dance floor. Her presence immediately drawing people to her sides.
She kept looking at Buffy side-long, knowing the other Slayer was watching her as she danced. She decided to put on a show. She gyrated and bounced, teased and taunted, let hands roam over her form, pulling in as many men as looked at her and pushing them away again. She watched Buffy watch their hands, saw the blush grow stronger, saw her eyes darken and saw her lick her lips. Long minutes passed as the beat pounded in her ears, setting the pace for her thumping heart, until she finally caught Buffy's eyes fully and beckoned her with a crooked finger.
And she came in halting steps. Faith grinned, knowing Buffy still felt pulled to her, drawn to her as Faith was drawn to Buffy, magnetic. When the other Slayer was close enough she reeled her in with hands on her hips and pulled their bodies flush together. And Faith felt that electricity she'd been looking for, felt that spark that wasn't in anyone else, felt that feeling rush straight to her core and burn her up from the inside.
She pulled Buffy a little tighter to her and danced, guiding her to the beat thrumming all around them and within them. This was how it was supposed to be, Faith thought. This closeness, this desire, this need tying them together. This is what they were always meant to be. One piece, one entity, one whole. She let the feeling take her. Faith closed her eyes and let it overwhelm her senses, let Buffy overwhelm her senses. It was all scent and touch and sound. Buffy's perfume, Buffy's skin, Buffy's gasps. Faith had her, had her in the way she'd always wanted her, the two of them falling into a rhythm. Sinking them deeper and deeper into their connection, twining them together until they forgot where one ended and the other began. Faith held Buffy close, lips and tongue tasting and teasing the skin of Buffy's neck, ears straining to hear breathless whimpers, hands spreading and feeling heat all along goose bumped flesh, leg fitted between Buffy's own providing a different kind of heat.
But the song ended, the haze lifted, Faith opened her eyes and Buffy stepped away. Abandoned her again. Faith felt the loss and was sure it showed on her face, as it did on Buffy's, before they both stepped into their roles once more.
With her heart in her throat Faith managed to husk out, "Catch ya later, B," and melt into the crowd until she could escape the sweltering atmosphere of the Bronze.
She stumbled into the late night air, cool and crisp against her flushed skin, and right into a vampire feeding. Frustration and rage suffused her, Buffy had gotten her all riled up. The vampire looked up with blood stained lips, dropped the dead girl, and grinned, "Hey Faith, the Mayor's lookin' for you."
Faith didn't even think, she staked the vampire and stomped into the night intent on wreaking havoc all across town. She knew the Mayor wouldn't be happy with what she would do, wouldn't be pleased to lose his minions, but she also knew he'd forgive her. Her rampage would confuse the Scoobies but it wouldn't do what she longed for it to. It wouldn't win her back their trust. But it just might make her feel better.
If she couldn't have Buffy, couldn't have her place in the group back, she could at least have a little violent fun. Faith cracked her knuckles and grinned. Sunnydale's night life wouldn't know what hit it.
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