DISCLAIMER: The characters of Kate, Sun and any other characters or sitautions mentioned in here are not my property- they belong to other people, genius people I have no contact with.
SPOILERS: Spoilers for season one, particularly in relation to Kate and Sun.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Only A Confession
I have just heard her confess to being a criminal. She, whom I have watched on this island be as strong and confident and brave as anyone, was joined to the Marshal on the plane. They do not know I have heard. The doctor may have glanced over but neither believed I might understand the English they were speaking. Kate was so calm about it Calm about criminality. I almost feel at home here now.
Shaking some excess dirt from the leaves in my hand I proceeded through the jungle for a few minutes to perch on a rock. Each of the stems in my hand had a purpose, I thought. As we all did on the island. Jack's purpose was to heal, Michael's was to construct, I always assumed Kate's was to help save us.
Always in the thick of the action, always volunteering. I see more of it because she does not try to hide it from me. Of course, she does not feel she has to. Before an expedition her frown lines increase, only to the watchful eye. Anybody else might think she is calm about whatever she is about to do yet I see her concentration; the fear, anxiety and pain. I used to wonder what caused the pain. Now I have a clearer route to working it out.
What did she do, I wonder? Could Kate- our Kate- have done something unspeakable? I suppose I have a limited faith in criminal acts- my father and Jin scarred me in that respect- but I don't hate her outright as I'm sure I should. If it were Jack, even Michael, anyone else I would detest without even knowing the details. I wouldn't want to know the details. But it's Kate. And I want to know.
As I press the leaves between my fingers they split, staining my fingers. Instead of wiping it straight off I stare at it for a long time, trying to discern where the sap ends and my skin begins again. I am still looking when a rustling behind me steals my attention.
She is lost in thought, gazing at the ground as she manoeuvres her way through the long grass. She hasn't noticed me and I am loathe to draw her eyes up to mine where I might be faced with truth. I would prefer to wallow in her denial.
Eventually, of course, she stumbles and looks up. 'Sun.' Her eyes flicker sideways, perhaps she is recalling the fact I was in the caves, then they rest on my face. 'You don't know how lucky you are.'
Trying to appear uncomprehending, I slip to my left, allowing her to hop onto my rock. Her body heat radiates through my thin wrap and I lean closer. When she looks at me I see the tears glistening in her eyes and I nod. I want her to tell me. I want her to believe she can tell me.
Finally, she speaks while she looks into the distance. 'Jack He thinks he knows what I'm like, he doesn't trust me. Not really. Can't say I blame him. See, I'm what you'd call an unreliable narrator, I've got that many stories, that many names Sometimes I don't know what I'm saying.' She smiles her painfully secretive smile. 'I killed someone, Sun.'
I fight to keep my face impassive when she glances up. I have to hear more. She can't leave me with that.
'I was running from the police, he was in the car I crashed it.' My heart irrationally lifted. 'I didn't mean to I've been on the run ever since.' She looked over. 'You can't understand a word can you?'
I wanted to whisper my argument but I couldn't. My throat was frozen by the harsh environment. Instead, I took her hand in mine, traced my finger along her love line. Then I turned over, wrapped her palm in my own. When I raised my eyes hers were questioning. What could I say? I swallowed and slowly pressed my lips against her own. She was sweet, reminding me of a guava fruit. My tongue slipped forward in an unprecedented act of defiance whilst my hand gripped hers tightly.
To pull back meant facing reality. It had to be done but it was with reluctance that I did it. She frowned, released my hand. To my trained eye it appeared she was about to run. I'd watched her do it that many times since the crash I was resigned to it.
Indeed, she stood, turned, took a step. Then she halted. 'I won't hurt you.' Her voice was shaking.
Was she testing to see if I understood? I didn't know. But I rose anyway, moved behind her, nuzzled into her shoulder. 'You won't.'
She twisted painfully, searching my face. 'What did you just say?'
I lowered my eyes briefly. 'What you did before It was another life. We all deserve a fresh one.'
'Y-you speak English? Why didn't you..?'
'Jin doesn't know,' I explained, bowing my head at his name. The mention of it had stirred guilt in me. 'I didn't mean to lie to you.'
She squeezed her eyes shut. 'I thought you couldn't That's why I told you.'
'I know,' I answered. 'I'm sorry.' Tentatively, I smoothed her curls down. 'Did you love him?'
'The man in the car.'
Her face stiffened. 'Yes.'
'What was his name?'
'Tom.' She winced as a tear slipped down her cheek. 'I don't want to '
I broke off her impending arguments with a slow and searching kiss. 'It's okay. Kate, I want to I want to tell you something now.'
Nodding, she led me back to our rock. 'Go ahead.'
'My father is a bad man. He made Jin work for him, he ordered him to hurt people. I was supposed to leave Jin at the airport in Sydney and run away. But I stayed. I am glad now that I did. If I hadn't I wouldn't have had the chance to know you.'
'You're reaching for the wrong person, Sun. I'm not a '
'You're not perfect, I know,' I interrupted her. 'But who is? Sometimes you can't chose who you have feelings for, whether they're the most unsuitable person in the world. I was leaving my husband, I'm not perfect either.'
She was silent for a long minute. 'What do you want from me?'
'Nothing. I just want you to believe in yourself.'
'Don't want much, do you?'
'Please don't do that to yourself.' I ran my hand down her cheek, still smooth despite the weather beating it had received over the last few weeks. 'You've got resilient skin.' On her look, I added, 'It was a compliment. Resilient skin is beautiful and usually indicates a resilient inside.'
'Sun ' She was obviously struggling to get the words out. 'You don't know what I'm capable of, what I've done.'
I shook my head. 'I don't have to.'
'Please, Sun ' she whispered and I took her hand in mine, breaking her thought with a slow kiss.
'Look me in the eye and tell me you didn't feel something then.'
She couldn't, I noted triumphantly. Finally relenting she did look me in the eye and said, 'What do we tell the others?'
'That you're helping the poor Korean girl who can't speak English?' I smiled.
Her laugh is rich with warmth. 'Okay, you've got a deal.'
Return to Lost Fiction
Return to Main Page