DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are
property of NBC and Dick Wolf.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I was looking at someone when this came to me. The start of it anyway. I just thought about what Olivia could be thinking when she saw Alex. Then I decided that this could mirror "Only Yours". I really hope you enjoy the alternate version. All feedback, bar flames, is welcome.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
I wish you were mine. Only mine. Oh, to be able to go talk to you, not about work but something, anything, personal. I'd like to know if you like opera, chocolate, late night movies, 2 sugars in your coffee. I want to know everything about you.
I'm sitting here on my couch, holding my knees to my chest, shaking. I've been watching you on the news, making your statement to the press. I wish you were here, I wish I could hold you. I would hold your waist and pull you close, kissing your neck. Holding you is what I long for. To be able to wrap my arms around you would be the greatest privilege of all, the greatest honour.
Your skin torments me. I just want to reach into the screen and cup your cheek. Sometimes I swear you like teasing me, that you like me craving you, craving your glance, your perfume, your presence.
I can see your neck. How I long to kiss it. I wish I was there with you, so when you went back inside the courthouse I would follow you and we would sit in your office and talk. You look into the camera and I see your eyes. Wow, those eyes. Even through the camera your eyes drill into me, seeing me. It's like you're looking into my soul.
I wish I could walk up to you and say "What do you want for dinner tonight Alex?" and for you to say "I don't mind. Everything you make is lovely Liv." The nights would be spent talking, laughing and just relaxing. It would be wonderful.
I should ring you after you get off, ask you to dinner. A dinner to celebrate victory in court of course, no hidden motives. Well, not many I wonder if you'll say yes. I hope you do. We could go to Huh? My cell's ringing. It must be Elliot.
"Benson." I answer.
"Liv, Cragen wants to see us in his office. A new case has come up and he wants us to look over it. He's being very hush hush about this one." Elliot says on the other end. He must be still at work. That guy really likes to get all his paperwork done for the weekend.
"Alright. I'll be there soon. Bye Elliot."
"Bye Liv." I hung up the phone. Great, now I can't ring Alex.
6 and a half hours later Olivia was walking back up the last flight of stairs to her apartment. She reached her floor and pushed the door open. She saw the woman she had been thinking about the whole time she was gone.
"Alex, what are you doing here?" Olivia asked, surprised but very pleased to see the ADA waiting by her door.
"I have to tell you something. Can we go inside?" Alex was anxious. She now wished she had stopped by the pub before heading over.
"Sure. Is everything ok?" Olivia moved to open the door. She could tell there was something wrong with Alex. She should be happy; she had just won a case.
"Yes. Well, no, not really." Alex was starting to panic. Maybe she had made the wrong decision, maybe this wasn't the time. Olivia was concerned.
As they entered Olivia's apartment Alex looked around as she always did, taking in the reasonably small residence. While Alex was momentarily preoccupied Olivia saw Alex's crumpled jacket. Had she been waiting long? Possibly sitting?
"So, what's up?"
Alex froze. "Ah the sky?"
"Alleexx?" Olivia got extra worried when Alex made jokes to a serious situation. It meant something was seriously wrong.
Ok, here goes, Alex thought. "I ah "
Alex sighed in defeat. Olivia wondered why Alex was having so much trouble saying whatever it was. Although they weren't overly close friends, they were friends none the less. Olivia wanted it to be more but she always seems to take her time when it comes to relationships.
She could tell Alex was battling a conflict inside. She walked over to the silent attorney and laid her right hand on Alex's upper left arm. Alex relaxed and Olivia was glad she could help a bit, till she tensed again anyway.
"It's ok Alex, you can tell me." Olivia bore those brown eyes into Alex's blue ones as if trying to pry the words from her.
"I I love how you've moved the couch."
"That's not what you were going to say." Olivia held Alex's other arm now, stroking it absentmindedly. Alex and she looked down at her hand and Olivia suddenly become conscious of what she was doing.
"Sorry." Olivia stepped back.
Alex stepped forward. "It's ok. I liked it."
Olivia's brow creased, confused. "You liked it?"
Alex nodded shyly.
This time Olivia took Alex's hands in her own, holding them gently. She wasn't sure if Alex liked this too, but it was worth a try. "What were you going to say?"
Olivia tried to look as open and supportive as she could. Obviously it worked because Alex finally spoke. "I love you."
Shock was the first thing Olivia felt, followed by relief, hope, happiness, desire and anxiety. It was her turn to confess. She had never been one for showing her emotions through words, so she did what she hoped she did best. Olivia leaned forward and pressed her lips to Alex's. They were just as Olivia imagined, soft.
Alex couldn't believe this was happening. Olivia Benson was kissing her, her of all people. Yes, she had dreamt of this for so long, but now it was actually happening. She just couldn't believe it.
Olivia pulled away and looked into Alex's bright blue eyes. "I love you, too."
Wow, that was one hell of a night! It was the best night in my entire life! The way we opened up to one another in the most intimate way was almost magical. We didn't even have to say a word; we just knew how to be together. I've never been one to enjoy sharing a bed with someone, but somehow we just fit together. We would both move in a semi-conscious state so that one of us was holding the other. You rolled, I rolled. I rolled, you rolled. I think I know why we did this, why we are obviously meant to be, why we just fit together so well. It is because I'm yours and you're mine. Only mine.
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