DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are
property of NBC and Dick Wolf.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wow, a third one for me. I feel special. I thought of obsession at first, the way it eats us from the inside, they way it can burn so brightly into something visible. I hope you enjoy it. All feedback, bar flames, is welcome.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
I'm yours. Only yours. I have been since the day I first saw you. We talked in such a way that I was mesmerized and I couldn't help but fall for you. You listened to me. I think that's what drew me to you in the first place. No one had really listened to me for so long. It was quite refreshing actually. And your smile. Oh my god, your smile. If I had to describe what your smile does to me I wouldn't now how. I think that it's like this beam of happiness that you shine in my direction. You smile, I smile.
I love to gaze into your eyes. They are such a deep brown that it feels like I'm falling into them, yet being surrounded and held safely all at the same time. No one has ever had that effect on me before. It feels strange, but I like it. I like you. I would be perfectly happy to live out the rest of my life looking into your eyes, perfectly content.
I saved myself for you. I would wait by your side, by the phone, by your present location. I'd just wait, till I was called. And when I wasn't called I still wait, right now, this very second. It might seem like I'm busy, like I have other things, but I don't. I'm waiting for you. I know I shouldn't. I know I should move on, live my life content as friends. I have for some time now, and I probably will for some time more. But one day it will get too much.
Salvation is what I live for now. Salvation from the torment you put me through when we're together. I wish I could survive forever, have you in my life, but the burden of my love for you is getting too much to bear.
So here I am, standing at your door. Once again, I might add. I've been waiting here for an hour and 23, wait, 24 minutes. I thought you would have been home by now. Obviously you worked back a bit. Oh well, I'll wait till you get home, no matter what time it is. I'm getting tired of standing here. I'm used to standing but this is tiring me, this waiting.
I decide to sit down with my back to your door. It's comfortable enough for the time being. If I knew what was good for me, for you, I would leave, right now, just get up and leave. But I'm too far gone for logical thoughts. I have to talk to you. I have to confess.
I hear footsteps up the stairway down the hall a bit and realize that I had drifted off to sleep. I stand up and check my watch. I'd been here 4 hours. Shit. I didn't want to do that, look desperate but I was, and I knew it.
"Alex, what are you doing here?" Olivia asked, surprised but pleased to see the ADA waiting by her door.
"I have to tell you something. Can we go inside?" Alex was anxious. She now wished she had stopped by the pub before heading over.
"Sure. Is everything ok?" Olivia moved to open the door.
"Yes. Well, no, not really." Alex was starting to panic. Maybe she had made the wrong decision, maybe this wasn't the time.
As they entered Olivia's apartment Alex looked around as she always did, taking in the residence of the woman she loved. While Alex was momentarily preoccupied Olivia saw Alex's crumpled jacket. Had she been waiting long? Possibly sitting?
"So, what's up?"
Alex froze. "Ah the sky?"
Ok, here goes, Alex thought. "I ah "
Alex sighed in defeat. She just couldn't bring herself to say the words that had been burning to escape for so long now, three simple words that would change everything, probably for the worst.
Olivia could tell Alex was battling a conflict inside. She walked over to the silent attorney and laid her right hand on Alex's upper left arm. Alex relaxed and Olivia was glad she could help a bit, till she tensed again anyway.
"It's ok Alex, you can tell me." Olivia bore those brown eyes into Alex's blue ones as if trying to pry the words from her.
"I I love how you've moved the couch." Chicken, Alex cursed herself.
"That's not what you were going to say." Olivia held Alex's other arm now, stroking it absentmindedly. The sensation distracted Alex and she looked down just to make sure it was real.
"Sorry." Olivia stepped back.
Alex stepped forward. "It's ok. I liked it."
Olivia's brow creased. "You liked it?"
Alex nodded shyly.
This time Olivia took Alex's hands in her own, holding them gently. She wasn't sure if Alex liked this too, but it was worth a try. "What were you going to say?"
Those brown eyes broke Alex's barrier. "I love you."
Shock was the first thing Olivia felt, followed by relief, hope, happiness, desire and anxiety. It was her turn to confess. She had never been one for showing her emotions through words, so she did what she hoped she did best. Olivia leaned forward and pressed her lips to Alex's. They were just as Olivia imagined, soft.
Alex couldn't believe this was happening. Olivia Benson was kissing her, her of all people. Yes, she had dreamt of this for so long, but now it was actually happening. She just couldn't believe it.
Olivia pulled away and looked into Alex's bright blue eyes. "I love you, too."
I'm glad I waited. I'm glad I stayed by your door for 4 hours waiting for your return home. It was almost magical, the way you touched me that night, the way we knew exactly what the other wanted, how the other wanted, why the other wanted. It was like we were meant to be, we are meant to be. The next morning was just as good as the night before. Waking up next to you was one of the best things I have ever experienced. Your arms wrapped around me felt so right, like it is where I belong. I know why this is, it's simple. I'm yours. Only yours.
Return to Law & Order Fiction
Return to Main Page