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Operation SwapMeet
By Ann


Daniel Jackson stood outside General Hammond's office, poised to knock; however, the raised voice of the usually calm general caused the archeologist to pause, and he slowly dropped his arm to his side. Glancing over his shoulder to ensure that he was alone, Daniel placed his ear to the wooden structure to find out exactly why the normally in-control Stargate commander was so upset.

Fifteen minutes later, an out-of-breath, extremely frazzled Daniel scurried into Jack's quarters, slamming the door behind him. SG-1's team leader blinked at the unexpected visitor, and then tilted his head and raised his brow in silent question.

"Jack, we've got big trouble."

Knee deep in the waters of the clear lake, Sam cast her line once again. She was consumed with her personal vendetta against the huge fish that had managed to elude her yesterday afternoon. The fish had put up a massive struggle and was rewarded for his efforts by having the line snap just as Sam was reeling him in. The blonde had pouted the rest of the day until Janet had found a way to reward the major for her part of the fight, multiple times in fact and over and over again for good measure.

The line went taut, and Sam jerked back fiercely, landing something very large on the other end of her line. The major pulled back and reeled, and pulled back and reeled, repeating the process until she could make out the outline of a large silver fish. Sam smiled; she was certain that this was the same son of a bitch that had broken free the day before, but this time, she'd used a higher pound test line. The bastard wasn't getting free today.

The fish came closer and closer, and Sam reached for the net attached to her waders. Scooping the meshed net under the water, she quickly grabbed hold of the line and lifted the metal pole. The captured fish wiggled several times and then finally conceded to the blonde as he lay completely still. Sam grinned and turned towards the shoreline where her lover was just emerging from their tent.

Janet flipped her cell closed and stepped from the tent, her eyes scouring the area for her lover. Spotting Sam sloshing through the water, Janet quickly headed for the blonde, breaking into a jog as Jack's words reverberated in her head.

"Sam! Jack just called. We've got to get back ASAP. Operation SwapMeet has begun!"

Sam stopped several feet from the shore. Looking from her lover to the fish and then back again, her shoulders slumped, and she reluctantly reached for the line. The fish seemed to be watching her every move, and it started wiggling again when Sam began to remove the hook from its mouth. The major would swear later that the SOB actually smiled at her as she released it back into the lake.

Turning her attention to Janet, she hurried from the water. "We better get a move on. Did Jack say what's going on?"

Janet struggled to keep up with her lover's pace. "No. He just said the shit had hit the fan, and we needed to meet him at his place."

The two women made quick work of taking down the tent and stowing their gear in the car. Soon, they were racing down the country road on their way back to civilization and, according to Jack, into a possible career ending situation.

"Hurry up, Daniel. We need to fill up this side of the closet with Janet's old clothes. I'll set out the pictures and stuff, but we need to pick up the pace. Teal'c is doing everything he possibly can to delay the asshole marine so that we can get both houses set up. When I find the bastard who turned in our names, I'm going to kick his ass from here to Abydos."

Daniel hurried into the room, carrying an arm full of clothes. Grabbing the clothing by the hangers, he quickly began to fill up the rod left empty by Jack's removal of Daniel's shirts. "I sure hope Sam and Janet get here soon. It won't do any good to have women's clothing in your closet if you don't have a woman."

"Shut up and keep working. We're going to have to make this look good enough so that the jarhead doesn't want to check Janet's house. We only have time to setup mine and Sam's houses." Jack removed the picture of him and Daniel sitting on the beach and replaced it with him and Janet standing inside the infirmary. Granted, it wasn't very romantic, but it had both of them in it and that was all that matter at the moment.

The front door of the house flew open, and two harried women called out at once. "Jack! Daniel!"

"We're in the bedroom, hurry up and get your ass in here, Carter. We don't have much time left. I'm not sure how long Teal'c can keep the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' police away."

The four made quick work of the bedroom and den, hoping that the marine would stay out of the kitchen. Pleased at the results, they headed for the cars. One more house to go and Operation SwapMeet could officially commence.

"Soldier, are you sure you know where we're going?" The marine asked brusquely, scanning the area and only seeing miles and miles of highway and trees.

"Colonel O'Neil lives in a remote area. I believe he enjoys the solitude." Teal'c didn't bother informing his passenger that he wasn't a member of the armed forces, but instead, he continued to drive ten miles below the speed limit, much to the officer's unhappiness.

"Well, perhaps you could speed up a bit. I'd like to get there before dark," the officer stated sarcastically, glaring at the Jaffa.

Teal'c continued to stare straight ahead; however, he slowly pushed his foot down on the accelerator. "Indeed."

Sam's house was much easier to 'rearrange.' Since, she spent most of her time at Janet's, there were only a few of Janet's things in the closet, and many of Sam's clothes could easily pass for Daniel's. Her love of artifacts also added to the illusion that the items could be Daniel's and, with the placement of a few photos here and there, the make-over was complete.

Janet glanced at her watch. "Whoa, we better hurry, Jack. I think we took too much time."

Daniel slid his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Um, Teal'c is driving the Pentagon officer; he was going to delay getting their car as long as possible, blaming it on the motor pool, and then he planned to drive slower than the speed limit. Oh, and he was going to take the Interstate."

Sam chuckled. "He'll have to drive around the mountain if he takes the Interstate; that should add at least another hour to their trip."

Daniel smiled. "I know."

"Okay, you two love birds stay here, and Janet and I will head back to my place." Jack walked towards the door, expecting only Janet to follow. Instead, his second in command accompanied both of them to the door.

"Sir, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I'd appreciate it if you kept your lips off my woman."

Jack grinned widely. "The same goes for you, Carter."

Sam nodded and stepped back, allowing her lover to walk through the door. Janet turned and winked at Sam before heading down the sidewalk, and a worried Sam watched from the window as the two drove away.

"How in the world does O'Neil get back to the command center in a timely fashion when there's an emergency?" The marine asked as they finally turned off the Interstate and started down a country road.

"I imagine he takes the direct route." Teal'c answered stoically.

"What? There's a faster way to get to his house? Why in the hell did you take the long way?" The marine raised his voice in an attempt to intimidate the Jaffa.

Teal'c very calmly glanced towards his passenger. "General Hammond said you'd enjoy the scenic route."

A series of curse words were muttered under his breath as the officer looked out the passenger window, watching the trees go by.

The corner of the Jaffa's mouth turned up slightly as he leisurely drove down the road.

Jack pulled into his carport, pleased to see that Teal'c had managed to delay his arrival with the homophobic police. He and Janet quickly climbed from the vehicle and stepped through the back door and, the minute the door closed, a car pulled in next to the curb in front of the house.

"This is Colonel O'Neill's residence."

The marine opened the door and stepped from the car. "About damn time."

Janet peeked out the front window, noting the officer striding up the sidewalk. "It's show time, Jack."

Jack moved next to his 'lover' and put his arm over her shoulder, grinning. Janet just shook her head and waited for the marine to knock on the door.

Three hours later, the foursome plus their partner in crime, Teal'c, sat around Janet's table, eating pizza and drinking beer.

Sam applauded Jack's plan. "I have to admit, Colonel. I had my doubts when you first conceived the idea of Operation SwapMeet, but you were right. Instead of just denying our relationships, shifting the focus to two completely different relationships was a stroke of genius. Although, I truly didn't think we'd ever need to put it into play."

"I told you, Carter. If someone comes looking for something and finds something completely different, it just adds to their doubt and causes confusion."

"And shock, don't forget to mention shock. Sam, you should have seen the look on the marine's face when he opened the drawer and pulled out the handcuffs and blindfolds." Janet laughed aloud, recalling the officer's expression.

"Well, my dear, it would have helped it you hadn't look so shocked yourself." Jack chimed in, and Daniel began to turn ten shades of red. He'd totally forgotten about their 'play' drawer.

Janet wiped the tears from her eyes. "He just thought I was embarrassed."

Sam moved behind her lover and pulled Janet against her. "Well, at least you didn't have to kiss Jack."

The diminutive doctor immediately whipped around. "What!"

"That asshole actually accused Daniel and me of not being affectionate." Sam defended herself, making sure to keep Janet in her arms.

"Oh, he has no idea how affectionate Danny boy can be," Jack teased, adding a whole different spectrum of red to Daniel's face.

"I'm just glad this is all over, but I'd sure like to get my hands on whoever gave our names to the Pentagon." Sam offered, turning the conversation back to the reason for the marine's visit.

Teal'c spoke up for the first time. "I believe General Hammond has filed a complaint and has asked for the name of the individual who started the whole charade."

Jack made a mental note to talk to the general first thing the next morning to find out who'd tried to set them up. If Hammond didn't know, he still had enough friends scattered around with ties to the marines and the Pentagon. He'd get the bastard that was for sure.

The colonel was pulled from his thoughts when Sam walked over to him. Glancing around sheepishly, she whispered, "Um, Sir? Do you think I could borrow those handcuffs for awhile?"

The End

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