DISCLAIMER: CSI and its characters are the property of Jerry Bruckheimer and CBS. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Written as part of the 31 Aspects meme. Prompt from A. Magiluna Stormwriter.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author

By ralst


I can see her, watching me, judging me. Gone are the gentle smiles and offhand touches; in their place rests distance and disappointment. A wall has built up between us and this time it is of her construction, not mine.

She knows and I am suffering in that knowledge.

I watch her talking with Catherine or Nick, her look intense and a smile verging on full blown. Their company is welcomed just as mine is shunned. I never thought I'd miss her friendship, I never even realised she was a friend - until it all disappeared.

I look for Grissom and try to convince myself that I made the right decision but, in truth, there was no decision to be made. He was the only thing I saw, the only option I thought available to me. I want to blame her for not convincing me of other choices but I know she tried. The comments, the looks, the warmth: they all make sense in retrospect, but knowledge after the fact isn't worth a damn.

I have what I've always wanted, a man as emotionally withdrawn as I've always hoped to be, and I realise it's killing me inside.

The End

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