DISCLAIMER: Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon and co, not me. This is for fun, not profit.
WARNING: f/f romance implied. Mass romance implied. (Nothing explicit.)
NOTE: This isn't a serious story, just one written for fun. No beta. *g*

A Love Less Ordinary

By Quew

‘Giles!!’ Buffy strode across the darkened cemetery. ‘What exactly are we looking for again?’ She called, stopping in front of her ex-Watcher and twirling a stake absently.

‘Keep your voice down, Buffy!’ The man hissed, eyeing the dangerous territory quickly. ‘I’ll explain it to you one more time.’

‘And in English this time, G-man.’ Xander quipped, wrapping an arm around Anya’s shoulders.

Willow and Tara were talking quietly a little way away from them and didn't hear what Giles said when he leaned in, but it didn't matter as he'd already made sure every member of their little group had had it drilled into them. ‘Tonight, as I’ve already said, the fabric of reality is dangerously weak, and the epicentre of this disturbance is somewhere in this cemetery. For a short time only, the weakness will take on some sort of physical representation, so we have to find it and destroy it before anything disastrous can happen.’

‘Ok…’ Buffy took the words in, mulling them over carefully. ‘So, we find what ever this weakness materialises as, kill kill, coffee?’

Giles sighed. ‘Something like that.’

‘Well, why don’t we go visit someone who knows all about the cemetery then?’

Spike burst out of his crypt, straight into the arms of a certain Slayer. ‘You will never hear me say this again, Slayer, but I’m glad to see you!’

The petit blonde extracted herself from the vampires arms and sighed. ‘What is it Spike?’

‘Well…I ain’t seen anything like it before…maybe the book guy will know what’s going on.’ The platinum vamp waved Giles forward, reaching over and cracking open the door of his temporary home so the ex-librarian could peer inside.

Giles gasped; the inside of the small crypt was illuminated only by…a computer? Sure enough, a battered white PC was resting in the middle of the floor, running merrily away by itself. He tried to peek further into the murky greyness, but for all he could see, the PC seemed to be the only thing working in there.

‘Giles…’ Buffy whispered, ‘Let me see.’

Cautiously, the older man opened the door further, affording the whole group to see inside. ‘It just materialised while I was watching T.V!’ Spike moaned, ‘Scared the living daylights outta me…it’s like, I’m watching the news channel – lots of blood and gore on there, makes the Texas Chainsaw Massacre look like the Tellitubbies…’ He grinned slightly, showing rows of pearly white teeth. ‘Anyway, I’m watching the news channel when POOF! There it is!’

‘I think we’ve found it, Giles.’ Buffy whispered, ‘This should be easier than we thought; all we gotta do is break the thing, right?’

‘Yes, but…’

‘Score, lets do it.’ She pushed inside, heading for the computer. The other followed grudgingly, gathering inside the entrance as Buffy sidled forward. She reached the computer and looked back, grinning victoriously as she raised her boot, ready to power it down into the brittle plastic shell of the nondescript machine. The Slayer started the downward motion of her foot, ready to leap back if the thing exploded. She didn’t get that far.

A collective gasp went up into the dank night air; Buffy’s foot had been stopped dead…By a hand…attached to a forearm…that seemingly had come from thin air. The Slayer was thrown back into a wall with what seemed like a casual flick of the wrist from the detached arm.

‘I knew it wouldn’t be that simple!’ Giles cursed, skirting round the edge to reach the fallen Slayer. She shook her head and growled.

‘It is that simple, Giles. Because I say it is.’

Really? A disembodied voice chuckled, Because you say it is?

‘Yes.’ Buffy stated. ‘Just because you’ve been around for however many millions of years, doesn’t mean you can come into my town and just start playing with reality.’

Your town? Another disembodied chuckle sounded, and although there wasn’t a throat around to make it, it didn’t sound evil like disembodied chuckles were supposed to; it sounded positively jolly, as if it were finding the whole episode rather amusing. You are a feisty Slayer, aren’t you…in fact, this is quite a motley crew you’ve assembled… The hand began to gesture as the voice spoke, emphasising words …A Slayer, an ex-Watcher, two Witches, an ex-Demon, a Vampire and Joe Regular. The problem is, you don’t really understand.

‘I understand enough: I’m NOT going to let you mess with people, not when I’m around.’

Yes, well, that can be fixed my dear. The hand reached down and typed in a few words on the keyboard. At once, the group reacted.

‘Buffy?’ Giles called out.

‘I’m here Giles.’ The Slayer said, glancing at her friend.

‘Hey, Buff, where are you?’ Xander called out, wandering over to the back of the room.

‘Guys, I’m here!’ The Slayer called, waving a hand in front of Willow’s face.

‘Oh dear.’ Giles moaned, taking off his glasses.

Buffy ran round the room a few times, trying desperately to gain their attention.

It won’t work you know, The voice informed her casually, I made you invisible.

‘You did what?!’ Buffy exploded, stomping viciously over to the arm and waving her hands, ‘Undo it! Now!’


‘Why?!!…’ Buffy spluttered, but she couldn’t find the words to finish the sentence she was so angry.

Yes, Why? Oh, will you hold on a moment? The voice paused to address the others. Please, will you all be quiet a moment? The voice sighed, Buffy is perfectly safe, and she is touched by your concern for her safety…

‘I didn’t say that.’

I know you didn’t but it makes you look good…And it is very hard to talk to her when you are making all this racket. The gang sullenly shut their mouths, and the hand gave the thumbs up. Thank you. You can talk amongst yourselves, just don’t get too loud. And now, where were we? Oh yes, why? This is what you want, isn’t it?

‘To be invisible?!’ Buffy exclaimed, flabbergasted.

Yes. To be invisible…one of the crowd; just another nameless, faceless member of the public with a football player for a boyfriend and a Saturday job in the mall. That’s what you want. The hand flashed across the keyboard and left Buffy back in reality. Her friends gathered round, but she was quiet, thinking over what the voice had said. Over the melee of her friends, she suddenly heard the voice again.

Do you want to know what I want, Buffy? She nodded. I want to be mortal. I want to be able to stuff my face with Cheetos and watch the Superbowl or the F.A Cup or Wimbledon from the comfort of my sofa… As the voice continued, one by one the gang shut their mouths to listen …I want to have friends, and to be able to go out everyday of the year. But I can’t. Only once every thousand years can I materialise and have a little fun…Giles opened his mouth to speak but it cut him off …I’m aware your book says every hundred years, Mr Giles, but the book is wrong. So, don’t destroy me, because I’m only going to have a little fun. I don’t do the big stuff any more, not after the whole Atlantis incident…Anyway, enough about that; are you going to try and stop me or not?

‘Er, I guess not…’ Buffy said carefully, eyeing Giles as she spoke. Then she added: ‘As long as you don’t hurt anyone…’

A little bright red cartoon heart appeared, floating above the computer, and the hand reached over and covered it. Hand On My Heart. It said, and Tara and Willow giggled.

A huge plastic mouth appeared, shaped as a grin with huge pearly white plastic teeth, in response to the laugh, and the hand tossed the heart to Willow, who caught it deftly. Turning over the now solid heart – as best she could tell, it was a smooth and very pretty type of marble; red with cream blemishes running through it – in her hands, she noticed with joy that on one side was carved the name Willow, on the other, Tara. She showed it to the other witch who smiled in delight and they both said thank you.

Not a problem. See, I really am a nice non-person.

‘You think just because you can do a little jiggary pokary that we’ll suddenly think you’re the best thing we’ve ever met?’ Xander spoke up. ‘We’ve seen too much to be taken in by that.’

Buffy sighed. ‘Xander’s right-’

‘I am?!’

‘Yes. You’re right, Xand; we’ve seen too much to trust you right away. Plus, it’s kind of hard to trust an arm floating round on it’s own.’

You’re right. Sorry. I don’t spend a lot of time with humans. But just because I’m not of this world doesn’t mean I am evil. That’s a very narrow minded view if you don’t mind me saying so. Although, don’t get me wrong, I can see why’d you have a view like that living on the Hellmouth. Another arm materialised and the hands clasped, bending the fingers out to stretch them until the joints popped. Next came a leg, the knee bending as weight was put on it from an invisible torso. When the second leg was through, the movement stopped.

Oops. Nearly forgot clothes. The voice muttered, sounding a little sheepish. In the blink of an eye, the exposed legs were clothed in ordinary stonewash jeans, the arms in a baggy cream jumper. That’s better.

Buffy grinned at the smile she heard in the things voice. She watched fascinated as next came a shoulder, dark brown hair draped across it and disappearing toward where a scalp should be. The breasts were the first part of the torso out, followed by upper arms and a stomach section. That just left a head, and when it came out, it shook casually, loosing the hair to fall naturally around her chest and shoulders. The new girl grinned and then glanced down at herself.

Not bad…Oops…She worked her jaw and cleared her throat. ‘That’s better.’

‘Pretty impressive.’ Spike said, ‘But do you think you could all clear out of here now please? You’re cramping my style.’

Before even Buffy could loose a sarcastic remark, the girl started giggling, ‘Your style?’ She exclaimed, ‘ok, ok, we can clear out. Where’d you all want to go? Any suggestions?’

‘How about Hawaii?’ Xander suggested.

‘No, Spain!’ Anya asserted, pinching him.

‘Rural England,’ Giles murmured, looking wistful. The girl smiled at him and immediately she was speaking in a crisp English accent.

‘Yes, rural England, I haven’t been there…well, for a long, long time.’ She sat down at the computer and her fingers blurred as they passed over the keyboard. Suddenly, blinding sun hit their eyes, soft grass cushioned their feet and bumblebee’s and birds passed close by, clogging up the airwaves.

Spike instinctively ducked and covered, but as he desperately hid under his coat, the girl snapped her fingers and the coat disappeared.

‘Hey!’ He snarled, until he realised the sunlight was having no effect on him. ‘What the bloody hell is going on?’

‘I’ve made you temporarily immune to the sunlight.’ The girl said, sitting on the grass next to her machine – which Giles then noticed didn’t have a power lead – who’s screen was lit up.

‘You, you can do that?’ Willow blurted.

‘Sure can,’ The girl smiled, ‘I can do pretty much anything. But the big stuff gets boring, you know? It’s like watching an action movie over and over; yeah, the explosions are cool but after a while you just want the characters to interact.’

‘I can sympathise.’ Spike muttered, ‘Or I would sympathise, if I could. It’s not easy living for ever, you know!’

‘Boo Hoo.’ Buffy muttered.

‘When the chip comes out, Summers…’ Spike warned, stepping up toward her.

‘Hey, hey! Am I going to have to separate you?’ The girl asked, jumping up from her seat. When the had quieted, she nodded. ‘Good, good. Now, lets have some fun.’

‘What are we going to do?’ Giles asked.

The girl sat back by the machine and stared at the screen thoughtfully. ‘I’m really in the mood for a good comedy. Or maybe a bit of drama…Hmm.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well…I’m going to have fun, through you. I’m not actually allowed to mess with things directly; for example, I couldn’t go up and kiss the blonde witch there, but I could make anyone of you do it. That’s what I do when I get a chance. I just have some fun. Don’t worry, you won’t remember a thing…or you might do, I haven’t decided yet.’

‘Wait a minute!’ Buffy yelled, ‘You can’t just manipulate us like that! It’s not right! I-’ She and the others froze as the girl waved a hand, typing a few words into the keyboard. She looked at their prone figures and chortled.

‘Of course I can!’ She laughed, ‘What did you think we were going to do – Have tea?!’ She collapsed into helpless peals of laughter for a few seconds. ‘Have tea!’ She repeated to herself, chuckling as she returned her concentration to the computer. ‘Now…what can we have some fun with? Lets bring up your files shall we? Ahhh…I see…very interesting.’ For a moment she stopped speaking to herself long enough to type in some commands. Around her, more statues were appearing, frozen in the shape of the last action they were doing when they were snatched.

‘Lets see, did I get everyone? Oh, it doesn’t matter, I’ve got plenty…Let’s just set it up…’ The next five minutes were a blur of fingers and commands, scrolling down the screen. Finally, two words flashed at the bottom of it, and she smiled.

Execute Programme? Execute Programme? Execute Programme?

Her smile turned into a grin as she hit the enter button and sat back into a chair that appeared around her as she relaxed. She pulled a beer out of thin air and took a deep drink as a cigarette appeared in her left hand, and she watched avidly as her programme came to life.

Giles was the first to move, heading over to Spike – who came to life – and getting down on one knee.

‘Oh Spike!’ He cried, ‘I’ve loved you ever since I first saw your platinum blonde locks; Oh you feisty bloodsucker, be mine!’

Spike turned away with a mock cry and a theatrical flourish: ‘As much as I find you attractive, I can’t! My heart is promised to someone else. Mrs Summers!’ He said, heading over to her, ‘Joyce…I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused you…I only wanted to show you how much I cared!’ He reached up and touched her face, and she flinched, coming out of her stupor to move away from him.

‘Spike…I’m sorry…But I have already lost my heart to Xander, Buffy’s beefy young male friend.’

‘Joyce! Nooooooo!’ This time, the voice was female, ‘All I want is to be with you!’ Willow sobbed, wrapping herself around Buffy’s mothers legs.

Someone gasped and fell to their knees next to the prone witch: Faith. ‘Hey red! I thought you said you’d be mine! Everything would be five by five if you came with me!’

‘Slayer!’ Drusilla growled, grabbing her hair: But then her voice turned pathetic and she started nuzzling Faith's neck. ‘Miss Edith said you would love me, Slayer.’ She mewled, ‘And Miss Edith is never wrong. You have to come with me; we’ll have such fun…you’ll never go hungry again…’

‘Dru!’ Oz sobbed. ‘Awww, come one, Dru! I know we can make it work!’

Someone’s arms wrapped around Oz’s torso. ‘You’ve been a very bad boy, Oz.’ Jenny Calender whispered suggestively in his ear, ‘I think you might have to come with me for…Detention.’

‘Excuse me, Miss Calender.’ A nervous voice piped up. Kendra stood behind her. ‘I have to tell you Miss Calender, that I love you. I just thought you should know.’

‘What can I do to win your heart, you sexy Slayer you.’ Amy asked, standing in front of Kendra, ‘Tell me; whatever it is, I’ll do it. You want anyone turned into a rat?..’

‘Turn me into a rat, Amy! I’m begging you! You’ve done it before, you can do it again!’ Buffy implored, ‘You can turn me into a rat to your hearts content!’

‘Please, Buffy, you have to be with me! I left Sunnydale because it was too painful for me to be around you anymore!’ Cordelia moved toward the Slayer, her short skirt flapping in the light breeze.

‘You didn’t think I granted you that wish because I had to, because it was my job, did you?’ Anya exclaimed, ‘I wanted to help you so badly because I have loved you since the moment I set eyes on you!’

‘Anya, oh sweet ex-demon of terror.’ Angel gushed, ‘Your beauty sends my soul into rapture…’

‘You know there is no future with you and her don’t you Angel?’ The mayor asked, grabbing his arm, ‘You need to be with me, only I can make you truly happy, you see that, don’t you? Only I can live with you forever!’

‘Ooh, your fiendish plots just set me alight with passion!’ Wesley cried, ‘Please, Richard, I beg of you, hold me to your chest and whisper sweet nothings to me!’

‘Wesley,’ Xander gasped, ‘How could you betray my love like this? I thought you said you’d make me happy?’

‘I-I can make you happy, Xander, If y-you let me.’ Tara exclaimed shyly. ‘I can show you things you’ve never even dreamed of. I can show you the wonders of the supernatural.’

‘And I can show you the wonders of physical training.’ Riley said softly, ‘I’m a fit marine, Tara, and I’ll take care of you like no-one else could!'

The scenes froze and the girl in the chair was red faced with laughter; beer soaked her jumper were it had been spilt; a burn hole smouldered on the air of the chair, all victims of her outburst of humour. Finally, she managed to calm down.

She was about to type in something else when something caught her eye; something in the minds of two of the participants…well, four, but it was strongest in the minds of these two. She narrowed her eyes, checking again to make sure she wasn’t mistaken and thinking to herself. Finally, she typed something into the board and all but the two disappeared. Snapping her fingers, she woke them up.

‘Buffy…Faith, come here a moment.’ She called. A sofa appeared and a six pack of beer. Faith slumped down and grabbed one, chugging it quickly. Buffy perched herself on the edge of the seat and twirled her beer in her hand, sipping it nervously.

‘Where are we?’ Faith asked, eyeing their surroundings.

‘Rural England. Long story.’ The girl replied.

‘And who are you?’

‘The personification of a weakness in the fabric of your reality.’ She said, raising an eyebrow as if daring the brunette to try and dispute that. ‘I’ll let Buffy explain it to you later. Anyway, before you ask me where the rest of them are, I’ve sent them to a cottage not far from here; you two however, are not going.’

‘Why not?’ They asked in unison.

‘Because, even though I’m not allowed to break rules by interfering directly, I can bend them.’ She eyed them carefully. ‘Not, what I’m about to say is going to be brief, and quite obscure, but if I go into detail, I get into trouble.’ She took a breath. ‘You two…have been lying to one another. You know you have, and I can see it in your hearts so there is no point denying it. You…how am I going to put this…you could…I know…lets just say you have a chance at something, alright. You two will stay here and…talk or whatever. By midnight, you’ll go back home.’

‘You mean out here? On our own?’ Buffy asked.

The girl sighed and rolled her eyes for Faiths benefit. ‘Buffy the planner. Ok, ok, here.’ A cell phone materialised in Buffy’s hand. ‘You want to go earlier, phone. You get in trouble, phone. You need anything, phone. And…’ She leaned forward and pounded a few keys. A small, homely looking cottage materialised next to them … ‘There’s food in the fridge, drink in the cupboards and a bathroom. See you at midnight.’ And before they could say anything, she was gone.

‘Buffy…’ ‘Faith…’

They both looked a bit flushed and Buffy signalled for Faith to speak first.

‘She’s right, you know.’ The Slayer said, finishing her beer.

Buffy sighed, grateful that it hadn’t just been her. ‘Yeah, I know.’ Se reached across, tentatively, and grabbed Faith’s hand, leading the younger Slayer into the cottage.

The girl leaned back from the screen smiling; their situation had been resolved more easily than she had hoped; at least they would be happier now, knowing the truth. That was it though, should they remember? The rule was, no-one remembers. It wasn’t good for their sanity, and could cause some major shifts in the timeline.

I mean, what would happen if one of the others remembered? She thought, watching the writhing mass of sweaty bodies illuminated only by a log fire in front of her. She tipped her head to one side as she watched, Someone’s been reading up on their copy of the Karma Sutra, She thought absently. Then she sighed, My God, what’s wrong with me? I’m not supposed to get all sentimental about these people. They’re just fun, dammit! It’s not like I’m a normal human with emotions…and stuff…where the bloody hell did he learn to do that?…but still…She frowned and turned away from the spectacle; it was distracting her as she tried to think things through. A furrow worked it’s way into her brow, lodging above her eyebrows for many minutes until finally she sighed, releasing the tension and focusing her attention back to the slippery performance laid out at the end of the room.

DINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING…!!! The alarm clock went off in Buffy’s ear, jolting her straight upright. Her head whipped from side to side as she tried to get her bearings; finally it dawned on her that she was in her dorm room at the college with…

‘Willow!’ Her room-mate was sleeping with a wide smile plastered across her face. The Slayer grabbed her by the shoulders and started shaking her, ‘Willow, wake up!’

‘Wha…?’ The groggy Wicca asked, the smile only grudgingly leaving her features as she sat up and yawned.

‘Where were we all night?’ She asked desperately.

‘Asleep, Buffy. Are you ok?’

‘Yeah…I think so…you don’t remember anything about last night?’

Willow’s eyes narrowed as she thought. ‘I remember going to the cemetery and bumping into Spike…then we came back and went to bed. Buffy, I had the weirdest dream…it was so vivid…’

‘Can you remember what it was about?’

The witch nodded and opened her mouth, but then her eyebrows knitted and a blush tinted her cheeks rosy red. ‘You know what…I can’t remember…I thought I would be able too, but I can’t. Oh well.’ She stuttered. She stretched and swung her legs out of the bed, heading toward the bathroom.

As Willow left the room, the phone rang. Buffy picked it up, sighing as she did so. ‘Hello?’ She asked, thinking that maybe it was all a dream.

‘B?’ Buffy nearly dropped the phone as she heard Faith’s quivering tones on the other end.


‘Yeah…look, do you remember…hanging out, last night?’

‘Yes!’ Buffy nearly jumped for joy, ‘Yes, I do!’

‘You do? That’s excellent! No-one else seems to, it’s like it never happened or something…but you remember…’

‘Yes. No-one here remembers either. I was worried that maybe you wouldn’t-’ She was interrupted by Faith chuckling.

‘Hey B, I wouldn’t forget. Hey listen…do you want to, er, meet…or something?’

It was Buffy’s turn to chuckle at Faith’s hesitation. ‘I’d love too.’

Once they’d got it sorted out, Buffy put the phone down; she was feeling strangely elated and she smiled widely to Willow when her room-mate came back.

‘I know.’ Willow agreed.

‘Know…what?’ Buffy looked perplexed; she hadn’t said anything.

‘Don’t you just feel…great this morning? I don’t know why but I feel really good today, really happy. That’s why you were smiling, right?’

‘Sort of, yeah…’ She smiled at her room-mate but didn’t say anything else; the phone was ringing again. ‘Hello?’

Hello, Buffy.

‘Oh, hi! It’s you!’ Buffy smiled off the strange look Willow gave her, cradling the phone between her shoulder and her chin as she spoke, using her hands to write ‘It’s Mom,’ on a nearby pad. ‘So, I didn’t expect to hear from you today.’

No, well, what I’m doing is very much against the rules. I just wanted to say…well, thank you. I thought this way was more discreet than appearing in a vision or speaking to you in the middle of class…although that would have been fun…

Buffy giggled at the voices teasing tones. ‘Hey, I should really be thanking you-’

No, not really. I think you would’ve figured it out eventually; remember, I only come down once every thousand years or so – although I’m trying to get it lowered – so I appreciate what you did for me more than what I did for you.

‘What did I do?’ Buffy asked.

Only give me the best visit I’ve had for over ten thousand years! So thank you.

‘Why was it the best?’

Lets just say…It was nice to get back to the characters instead of focusing on the explosions. Goodbye, Buffy.

‘Goodbye…’ Buffy smiled to herself as the line went dead. Willow was right; she did feel good today.

The End

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