DISCLAIMER: Don't sue! I'm not the boss of the show. Jerry and the head honchos at CBS lay claim to that. I'll have all the players back before night time and will give them bus fare if they need it.
SPOILERS: Some spoilers for the show. I took Sara's DUI and made my own story around that. I even gave Sara her own office - of sorts anyway.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

Pain to Kill
By Corbeau's Alcove



I've got a whole stack of paper work to complete from a few recent cases and I suppose, in my turmoil it's the best thing to focus me. It just seems to be never ending. Just as I find I'm okay and actually enjoying life my past comes back to hurt me and potentially hurt Catherine too.

I know a talk about Brass is coming up. I felt her hurt in our embrace. At least I understand why and I'm willing to talk about it with her openly.

Hey, at least she held my hand for a while in the car.

Dominic Perchase is sitting in the interrogation room. Nick told me he feigned ignorance when it came to his past with Scott even when the facts were presented to him. His lawyer was showing up in the next ten to fifteen minutes.

"Hey Sara," Nick greets me with a smile.

"He's said nothing?" I ask.

"Other than it wasn't him? Nope."

"Who is his lawyer?"

"Michael Sporne." Nick says groaning.

Sporne of Satan is his nickname around the police halls. A great lawyer if you wanted the guilty to get off. He was meticulous in his research, he often managed to plant the seed of doubt with the jury. I made a mental note to triple check my work.

"Wonderful," I say with the same dread.

"Hear the good news?" Brass asks as he walks down the hall.

He puts his hand up before we answer.

"No need, I can see it in your eyes," he says grinning.

"No, you cannot take my client's DNA," Sporne says firmly.

"Look, we've shown the mug shots of your client to one of those who had their home broken into. He picked him out of twelve people." Brass says. "I'm waiting for Judge Buster to grant me a warrant so it won't be long till your client is in lock-up. He may have gotten away with it last time, making Scott go down for it but this time we've got him." Brass says triumphantly.

"My client doesn't refute the claim that he was at that apartment. He was shown through it by a real estate agent. Obviously the person who picked his photo out was suffering from stress and made an understandable mistake."

"He was shown through someone's home? It wasn't for sale," Nick says frowning.

"Mr. Perchase wanted to see how minimal the spaces were with standard furniture. As the tenants were home the agent asked if it was possible to show my client through the rooms."

"Are you expecting us to believe this story?" Brass asks.

"Well yes I am. It's the truth."

"Name of the agent?" Brass asks grabbing a pen from his jacket.

Nick offered to go with Brass to check out the story. I was fine with it as I hadn't seen Catherine since we returned. I wondered if she was avoiding me.

"Knock, knock," I say cautiously as I spot her in the garage.

"Hey there," she says smiling slightly.

"We okay?" I ask straight out. I don't really feel like small talk today.


"What does that mean?" I ask truly confused. Mostly? Huh?

"It means I love you but I'm not sure what else to say right now." Catherine says slowly.

For some reason that stirred something in me and I ran from the room the tears falling fast.



She hasn't come to find me. That's what is swimming around in my mind as I sit here in the darkness of Trace. Hodges has left for the shift and I give the pretense of working whenever I hear footprints. People don't really notice me anyway and if they did look up to see me they would more than likely just assume I'm working. I am Sara Sidle after all.

Catherine. She must have seen the tears. At the very least she surely should be puzzled by my impersonation of a track star hearing the cap gun being shot. I was out of there so fast I had to slow down to turn the corner.

So where is she?

My pager sounds so loud in here, it makes me jump ever so slightly.

"Warrant for Perchase's DNA just came – N."

Okay, well that's good.

"I can't put a rush on it. I'm sorry," Greg tells Nick and I as we try to hit him up for yet another favour.

"Come on man, I'll buy you a beer or five," Nick says trying to bribe him.

"Honestly? Catherine's homicide outranks your burglary. Sorry guys," Greg says shrugging.

"That's okay," I say after noticing Nick was about to say something. Greg always pushes us up the list and we always take advantage of it.

"How long?" Nick asks sighing.

"If I get overtime; tomorrow. If not, maybe two days?" Greg says turning his back to us.

Nick looks at me and I just smile.

"It's all he can do Nick."

"Hi," a shy voice shakes me out of my silent musings. I look up to see Catherine standing in the doorway, her hands in her jacket.

She looks nervous.

"Hi." I say looking back down at my folder. It's basically empty but I don't want to look at her.

"About what I said," she says coming in closer to me. "I love you Sara. I love you with my entire heart. I'm sorry I didn't back you like I said I would."

"You were mad I told Brass," I say looking up.

"Mad? No. Jealous. Irrationally jealous but it was there. I was ashamed at that response."

"We can't do this if you're going to get upset about the people I talk to," I say boldly.

Or stupidly.

"I'm a human being Sara, prone to bouts of fear about love and life. I can't say it won't happen again."

"It just hurts even more, thinking you were disappointed in me. In my lack of control."

"You didn't drink though baby. You called someone, a friend." She says coming to hold my hand. Her hand is wet. Sweaty.

I stand so we're even closer.

"I didn't call you first," I say sadly.

"Oh who gives a shit? That was just me being stupid. You call whomever you need baby. Just always come back to me." She says smiling.

"So when I asked you if we were okay and you said mostly?" I ask puzzled.

"I meant on my part. I felt like I let us down. I wanted to blame myself a little more first before I could come to you and anyway, you called me baby. You called me and you were honest."

"I can feel the tremors sometimes, I can feel the taste of the alcohol." I whisper.

"Sshh," she says wrapping her arms around me. It feels so good to melt into her.

"No, we can't forget this," I say moving away slightly.

"We won't. We can just talk about it when we get home. Right now I just want to feel your heartbeat."

"Home?" I ask hopeful.

"Oh you don't think I'm kicking you out do you?" Catherine says smiling.

"I, uh," I stutter. Oh, very eloquent.

"No way baby. You're cooking dinner tonight. I'm relaxing."

"Are you sure?" I ask, not wanting to get excited just yet.

"I may even need someone to scrub my back in the bath later on." She says, her hands running under my shirt.

I've got goose bumps.

"I love you," I whisper into her ear.

We break apart when we hear someone in the halls. Catherine steals a quick kiss before leaving.

"Come find me after shift, we'll drive home in my car." She says waving.



"You all set?" Catherine asks me as I hesitate opening the passenger side door.

"Yeah," I say a little shaky. I want to be alone with Catherine, I do. I just don't want to be alone with her.

Yes, that confuses me too.

"Wanna go get something to eat?" She asks pulling out of her parking space.

"Actually yeah, I'm hungry."

"Hey?" She says grabbing my hand. "It's okay baby, it's going to be okay."

"I'm just a little scared. I don't want us to fight," I admit.

"How about we just go home? I'll run you a bath," she says smiling.

"I thought I was running you a bath," I say returning her smile. How could I not when something so powerful is directed to me.

"Maybe we can help each other out," she whispers, her hand lightly tracing around a few freckles on my arm.

"Are you sure?" I say gulping a few times as her hand moves in closer to my breast.

"Sara Sidle, I want to strip you naked and worship you for hours but we don't have to rush things, so holding your wet naked body in our bath will do for now."

Say something witty Sara. Or seductive.

"Okay," I croak out. Oh yeah, suave.

Should I carry her over the threshold or is that too Mills and Boons for us? I mean, yes we've overcome a typical romance novel adversary but would she enjoy the sentiment?

I'm thinking about it too long because Catherine's already inside and I'm still standing at the doorway.

"Sara?" Catherine calls out.

I lock the door behind me and make my way into the house. I'm about to ask Catherine what kind of fragrant salts she wants dissolved in the bath when I see her standing near the couch.

In her bra and slacks.


"I changed my mind about that bath. Follow me," she says and I follow like a puppy dog. I see her back muscles ripple slightly as she undoes her bra and throws it down next to her. She doesn't turn around even though I want her to.

We get to her, I mean our bedroom and it's in here that she turns to face me. I can't look her in the eye, I'm distracted by her erect nipples, her beautiful torso. All that makes my Catherine the most sublime body I've even seen.

"Are you sure we should do this?" I ask in what could be a gigantic mood killer.

"Yes." She says coming closer to me. I feel her press up against my body, her arms snake around my waist and come to rest on my back.

I bend down for a kiss, wanting so desperately to taste her. She won't allow immediate access into her mouth, content to make me work for it. I always loved my work, this is no exception.

"Cath, please," I beg. Hey, if the direct approach doesn't work it's always best to try new avenues.

All I get in reply is laughter but she does finally allow me to take possession of her mouth. My tongue works like it's never have the opportunity to be in a wrestling match with Catherine's tongue before.

I move us so she's now against the cupboard door. I move away and lick her nipples. She hisses as I continue to do it but it's soon me who is moaning as she unzips my pants and cups my very hot crotch.

"Baby, God," she whispers in my ear, her fingers almost tickling the cotton fabric separating them from where they are most needed.

I'm shamelessly thrusting into her which makes her stop. I bite down on her nipple hard and she cries out. For I minute I'm worried I've bitten too hard until she pulls my head up and hisses, "again."

So I do. My hands move down to the zip on her pants but for that I have to move my head away from her wonderful breasts. With one last lick and a small kiss placed in between them I kneel in front of her.

"I have to sit down," Catherine admits.

"No," I say firmly, undoing her shoes. "Step out of them," I command. She does so and it makes me a little wetter knowing she's giving me complete control.

"Unzip your pants," I say smiling when she does it so fast I'm worried she'll catch her finger in the teeth.

I walk over to the bed and sit on it. Making sure she's watching, I slowly remove my top. It falls to the floor. Catherine simply stares as I rub my nipples through the fabric of my bra. She starts to come over but I stop her.

"Wait," I say softly.

Next my pants go. Not terribly seductively but I don't think we're being scored on our undressing ability. Soon I'm sitting in my bra and damp panties and I can smell our arousal in the air.

"Strip," I say.

She smiles and pulls her slacks down. Stepping out of one leg at a time, her panties coming off with them, she comes over to me. By this stage I no longer care about ordering her, I simply need her on me.

"Lay back baby," she says softly, climbing on top of me. Resting her knees alongside my stomach. I reach up to run my finger through her core but I'm stopped before I get there.

"No, my turn," she says as she moves off my body. "Sit against the pillows," she orders.

I do as she says, keeping an eye on what she's doing. She kneels, spreading her legs. Her hand cups her own core and I moan at the sight.

"I have something for you," she purrs, sitting on the bed, her legs spread.

Oh God. She's going to touch herself.



"Catherine?" I think I managed to get her whole name out, I know I wanted to say it but I'm mesmerized by her fingers moving towards her centre.

She moves up a little as her fingers dip into herself. We moan at the same time.

"Cath," I whisper, watching as her fingers begin to move in and out. I can tell she's entering herself because her knuckles appear and then disappear. Slowly her hips start to push down on her fingers and she looks right at me smiling.

I want to move over to her, touch her or simply kiss her but I can't take my eyes of this exhibition. She is doing this for me and it's making me so hot I'm worried I'll melt.

Her other hand, one that had been idle for the first part of this show massages her right breast and moves to the left. Soon Catherine is breaking eye contact with me, her head dropping slightly. Her beautiful hair falls over her face and down past her neck.

The bed is moving slightly as Catherine starts to pick up the pace of her thrusting and grinding. I don't know how she managed to get her hand in that position but she's twisting her fingers inside her.

Her hand, once on her breasts, moves down to meet the other. I'm about to ask why when I realise she's touching her clit.

"Sara, Sara, Sara," she whispers and I have to strain to hear it. Oh my God, she's chanting my name as she pleasures herself.

"Come on baby," I whisper as I move over to her. I don't touch her, I just want to be closer to her as she comes down.

She realises I'm right in front of her and it makes her smile. Leaning into me we kiss, her tongue is in my mouth in a manner of seconds. My hands are in her hair, keeping her balance slightly as she starts to boil over.

Her breathing is coming faster and faster as she reaches her orgasm. I so want to be there with her, inside of her but this experience is by far worth sitting back for.

She says nothing as she comes, her breath expelled sharply, her head falling heavily onto my shoulder. I wrap her in my arms and fall back so she's laying on top of me. She winces as I do it and then laughs.

"You okay?" I ask concerned.

She just nods, kissing my cheek.

My God that was breathtaking.

We haven't slept, I'm just holding Catherine in my arms as she relaxes. I want to tell her I'm in need of her but this feels good too.

But God my core is hurting.

It's as if she has some kind of telepathy because she's suddenly licking my nipple like she's licking an ice cream. They both go hard immediately but it doesn't stop her from giving them attention.

"You ready baby?" She asks smiling when I open my legs a little further in response.

Blowing on my nipples, making me moan she lifts her head up to kiss me. I run my hands down her back and feel her shiver as I brush her breasts just slightly.

"God I could do this with you forever," she whispers in my ear.

Don't cry Sara, this is not the time.

"Please," I beg. I can't hold on much longer.

Two fingers run down my torso and past my pubic hair. She wastes no time gathering my juices up and thrusting inside me. I push down on her and she laughs.

"Come on, that's it," she coaxes another hard thrust as she pumps three fingers inside me. I'm panting yet I know there is more to come. As I lay back to try and calm my breathing down something hits me. These fingers inside me were inside Catherine not too long ago.

That just makes me even worse, my libido doubled by that knowledge. I grab Catherine's hand and she looks up questioningly.

"More," I growl.

"Baby?" She asks frowning.

"More," I say louder.

"Okay baby," she says kissing my stomach.

I lift my pelvis up and Catherine smiles. Bending down she swipes her tongue over my wet core. I moan as she flicks my clit but the bigger moan comes when she pushes four fingers into me slowly. I feel a little discomfort as she pulls them out but when she pushes them back in my body shakes with arousal.

"You okay?" She asks concerned.

I nod, biting my lip as I try to set a pace that will bring the best release for me. She follows, pushing the four fingers inside further and further with every entry. Her thumb brushes my clit as she brings me over the edge into complete ecstasy.

I let out one almighty shout, and I can't be sure what I said exactly. All I feel is Catherine leaving one finger inside me and her tongue cleaning up my release. I have to pull her up because I'm afraid I'll never be able to walk again such was the force of the orgasm.

"Baby, enough," I beg.

"Never enough," she mumbles as she pulls her lone finger out of me.

I've run out of words, too tired to even pull her to me.

"Love you baby," she says as she covers us with a sheet.

It's the last thing I remember before closing my eyes.



"Baby, phone."

My eyes feel heavy and as I move towards Catherine's voice I feel the rest of my body complain.

"It's Gil," she whispers.

"Gris?" I say in a non too attractive voice.

"Ah yes, Sara," he starts.

"What Gris?" I ask impatiently.

"Your case against Rodger has been moved to tomorrow."

Ah, Rodger. Killed his two younger sisters in a drug induced rage. Then made matters worse by framing his neighbour. It took so long to get him, he looked almost too easy for it but nothing stuck to him. The case was supposed to be going to trial next month. Apparently not.

"Okay. I'll get my stuff ready," I say snuggling into Catherine's arm as she comes behind me.

"I'll see you later," Grissom says hanging up.

"What did he want?" Catherine asks kissing my neck.

"That Rodger case is going to trial tomorrow." I say enjoying the attention.

"Shit, that's not a lot of notice," she comments.

"It's okay, I only have to present my results, and it's all in the file."

"How are you feeling today?" She asks getting up and handing me a robe.

I'd forgotten I was naked.

"I'm sore," I say smiling.

"Good, me too." She says kissing me softly.

"What we did, it was amazing," I admit blushing as I remembered Catherine pleasuring herself for me.

"I've never done something like that for anyone baby, I want you to know that."

I cup her face, seeing the sincerity in her eyes and pull her closer.

"It makes me wet just remembering it," I say in a voice that I can happily say was husky. It makes her shiver.

"How wet?" She asks, her hand running down my robe.

I grab her hand and yank it towards my centre.

"Oh, quite wet," she says smiling as she feels what she does to me.

"Gently," I say softly as she undoes the robe and pushes it away.

She licks her fingers, tasting me on them and keeping her eyes on mine she enters with one finger. She begins to slowly pump in and out, taking care when she does it.

"Kiss me," she whispers.

I bite her top lip before pushing my tongue inside her mouth. Her hand continues to work magic within me as she adds a second finger. Twisting them both inside me makes me moan into her mouth.

She breaks away and kisses my chin then moves down to my neck. Ever so slowly she licks my breasts, nibbling at the flesh on offer.

"Shit," I hiss as I suddenly feel her tongue flicking my clit. She begins to lick faster but her pumping remains at the same pace. I can feel my flesh start to tingle, I feel my body temperature start to rise.

She increases the pressure and I orgasm with a small moan. Catherine pulls out of me, kissing my pubic bone before doing my robe back up.

"You're spoiling me," I say unable to move.

"Just took the edge off babe, thought you needed it." She says smiling. "Now come on, have a shower while I go call Linds at Nancy's."

"She's not coming back here?" I ask frowning.

"Nope, I called my sister before while you were asleep and she was happy to spend more time with her."

"When will we see her next?" I ask lethargically.

"Come on, want me to carry you?" She teases.

"Let me lay here a while longer," I beg.

"Fifteen minutes," Catherine says snuggling up next to me.

With her in my arms fifteen minutes is never enough.

"I heard about the case, that sucks," Nick says as we sit in the break room.

"Yeah, but hey if we can put him away it's worth it." I say smiling when I see Catherine come in.

"Morning," she says to us both.

"I like those pants," I comment, trying to act nonchalant.

"These? Yeah they're okay," Catherine says grinning.

I had begged Catherine to wear the tight slate colored pants she had on. She had said they were too tight but when I mentioned that I'd be horny all shift knowing she wasn't wearing underwear she decided to dress in front of me, leaving her zip undone and asking for my help.

I was more than happy to oblige.

"Yeah, whoa sexy," Nick said whistling.

I hit him, laughing when Catherine winks at me.

"I thought you were supposed to be a gentleman," I say to Nick.

"I am a gentlemen. A gentleman who thinks those pants look great."

"Someone splash some water on him," Catherine says sitting down next to me, her hand brushing my thigh.

Yeah," I say shakily. I'll be needing the same treatment soon. "Anyway, I've got work to do," I say needing to get out of there before I tell Nick to leave so I can jump on Catherine.

"Ready?" Grissom asks as I stand at his office door.

"Yeah," I say switching off the lamp.

"How are things?" He asks in a tone that shows how uncomfortable he is with small talk.

"Yeah, good."

Great. Terrific. Wonderful.

"Good," he says.

Well that was productive.

"Miss Sidle, you'll be up third, the defense will more than likely ask you if you, at any time found evidence that you couldn't explain. Or if you ever had another suspect. You know, generic questions. Just answer to the point, don't think you have to elaborate okay?"

"Sure thing," I say nodding.

"Wear a suit." He says to me as his phone interrupts us.

I nod again. I'm here to put someone away so I don't mind being told what to do. I'm not a lawyer after all. I don't think watching an episode of The Practice helps. I was a little perturbed by the fashion advice though. Did he think I'd show up in a pair of old sweats?

"He wants me to wear a suit," I tell Catherine over the phone. "I think I know how to dress myself."

"Oh, full suit, tie and all that?" She purrs. "I think that would definitely make me believe you if I was a juror."

"You mean you wouldn't believe the evidence?" I tease.

"Baby, if I saw you up on that stand I wouldn't be paying attention, I'd be too enthralled in your outfit."

"Are you saying you only want me for my looks?" I say grinning.

"That and the way you make me orgasm," she says.

I almost swerve into the other lane.

"Hey, Jim was looking for you before," she tells me.

"For what?" I ask.

"He just said he was looking for you." Catherine reports. "He's a good man."

"He is." I agree.

"I think, if you want that is, that you should confide in him if you need to," she says.

"We'll talk about all that after work," I say not ready for this chat just now.

"Sure baby."

"Love you," I tell her.

"Love you. Bye."

I hang up and make my way back to work. I hope Brass has more on the burglary case.



"Hey Jim," I say smiling as he looks a little surprised I called him by his first name.

"Sara. We got the warrant and guess what?"

"Well you've only get that look when it's good news," I say grinning at the possibility we found our second man.

"Yep. Sporne is in there already trying to get a deal done for his client."

"No deal," I say shaking my head. I was sick of criminals getting less time than what they should get because they had good lawyers.

"He's turning on Scott and has a little more to give us apparently," Brass says.

I'm sitting on the steel chair in the interrogation room wondering what this big bombshell is. I'm sure it's mainly theatrics but as long as he goes away I suppose I can spare a few more moments.

"Well, we're waiting," Brass says tapping his fingers on the table.

"Scott, he was looking for places to case right," Perchase says looking at his lawyer for guidance. A short nod from Sporne and he continues.

"He was also looking for a couple more in the area."

I sat down for this?

"Fascinating story but where's your proof?" Brass says.

"I know the next place he wanted to hit, he gave me the security code."

"Do you think this will get you less time?" I ask.

"I don't know, maybe."

"I suppose you're going to write down the address and the subsequent codes," Brass says still unconvinced.

"Yes but only after we seal the deal," Sporne says speaking up.

"Ah huh. Well how about you stay here while we check out that story," Brass says rising and signaling to a uniformed officer.

"I'm coming with you." Sporne says also rising.

"That won't be necessary," Brass says.

"Oh yes it is. He's my client."

I look at Brass and shrug.

"Fine but don't get in our way," Brass says leaving Perchase in the interrogation room.

"He said it was 4-4-G-J-M-7-3-7-9-2," Brass says reading it off the yellow pad.

I press the numbers and letters in and wait for the green light to lock in.

"It's the right code," I say a little disappointed. Yes, we averted another burglary but now the deal is in place for Perchase to get less time on his sentence.

"Okay well I'll be expecting a call then," Sporne says, a sly grin on his face.

I hate smug.

"Alright, let's go. Tell the Jackson's they can have their house back," Brass says to the uniforms at the door.

"So, I guess I was right then?" Perchase says, his grin even worse than the one his lawyer was wearing twenty minutes ago.

"Congratulations, you thwarted a crime and ratted on your violent co-worker." Brass says.

Perchase sits up a little straighter.

"How violent?" He asks concerned.

"Second rate scare tactics won't work here," Sporne interjects.

"They are anything but second rate," Brass says.

"I want to be moved away from him," Perchase says his eyes flicking to Brass and then his lawyer.

"We'll see," Brass says getting up.

I follow, worried that I'll smile a little too much. Doesn't look good to gloat.

"Well, another day, another case closed," Brass says smiling slightly.

"Yeah," I say nodding.

"So, how are you?" Brass asks quietly.

I take a deep breath, still not used to discussing myself especially in the halls of my workplace.

"Getting through," I admit. "It's hard," I say in a moment of bare honesty.

"It is, and you showed you're made of the right stuff Sara. Hold onto that and you may be able to get through those darker periods."

"Catherine thinks I should talk to you if I need to," I say embarrassed.

"Do you need her permission?" Brass asks in a voice I can't decipher.

"No." I say firmly.


"I talked to her and we're okay," I say smiling.

"It's hard, being addicted and trying to have a family life but I think you've got it there with Catherine and Lindsay. If I can be here as some kind of sponsor then I'll do whatever I can." Brass says.

"Thank you," I say quietly and sincerely.

"Okay, well look, I've got work to do." Brass says smiling.

"Me too. See you later." I say walking away.

"Congrats on the case," Greg says sliding off his stool.

"Thanks Greg. Listen, how is your field work going?" I ask. I should have asked before.

"It's hard. Different but good."

"I know but you've got the head for science. Just don't think you have to impress Grissom too much." I say grinning.

"Okay," Greg says nodding.

"Stick with us, we'll show you all the stuff you need to know."


"We all appreciate you Greg, don't forget that okay?" I say in a rare moment of praise.

Greg looks surprised also but he takes it in stride.

"I hope I can help you all out on the scene like I did in the lab."

"We've all been where you are Greg, just remember that if we yell at you okay?" I tease.

"Will do."

I think I'm smiling. I feel like I am. I feel pretty damn good so who cares if people stare at me.

"You busy?" Grissom asks as I enter his office.

"Paper work," I say waving the file at him.

"Have you got everything for the Rodger's case?"

"Yes Gris, I have it all." I say a little annoyed.

"Stick with the facts," he lectures unnecessarily.

I almost roll my eyes but he's looking up at me so I stop myself.

"Okay, see you later," I say about to leave.

"How's Catherine's place?" He asks all of a sudden.

I turn replying, "it's good. Why?"

"I was wondering how you were coping now having a smaller area to live in."


"I'm fine Gris, it's been good."

"It seems funny that you would move in with Catherine," he says looking at his computer screen.

"Funny how?" I ask.

"Well you are closer than before yes but you have never really seemed the flat mate kind," he says.

"Well we're good so far."

We're great so far.

"Okay," he says.


"You'd better get your paper work done," he says.

I walk out at that, confused as all hell over what just transpired.

"Hey there," Catherine purrs into my ear as I sit on the bench in the locker room.

"Hey," I say smiling.

"You were deep in thought," Catherine says unzipping her jacket.

"Was I? Sorry."

"Work?" She asks concerned.



I stand and lean against her locker door.

"He was really weird. Asking me about living with you but not really making much sense."

"You think he was giving you an opening to explain some more?" Catherine asks smiling as I hold her jacket for her.

"I'm not sure," I answer honestly.

"Do you want to tell him?" She asks, her hand running up my arm.

"Honestly? I'm not sure."

"I can tell him if you want."

I know Catherine wants Grissom to know but is it worth the drama?

"Would it make any difference?" I ask and notice Catherine tense up slightly.

"It shouldn't which is why it shouldn't matter if Gil knows." Catherine counters.

"That's a little naive don't you think?"

"Look, I know he has a thing for you. I know about your weird sub-textual history. If you're concerned with his feelings that's understandable but I just hate the current state of play."

"So we should come out to make ourselves feel better and fuck the consequences?" I ask a little angry.

"You were the one who said you'd come out Sara," Catherine astutely points out.

"Let's do it when we both feel it's right," I say.

Catherine sighs but still she allows herself to be pulled into a hug.

"Okay, that's fair," she says kissing my cheek before pulling away.

"I love you, it's not about that." I say concerned.

"I know babe." Catherine says smiling.

Okay, I need a coffee.

Yay, I didn't crave an alcoholic drink there. Progress?



"Sara, it's time to go home," Greg says smiling as I'm sitting in the break room once again going over the Rodger file for court. If there is anything I hate it's waiting and that's all I've been doing since lunch.

"I know Greg, I'm just waiting for Catherine," I say smiling as I think about driving back to our place together.

"What are you like her husband or something?" Greg jokes.

I look up sharply, wondering if he meant anything by that remark but he now has his back to me.

"She's been held up at the scene," I say.

"She's with Brass, I saw them earlier," Greg says frowning.

"She's with him now?" I ask confused, checking my cell for a message.

"Yep, she told me she was speaking to him and then coming back here."

"Oh okay. Thanks Greg," I say getting up. I guess I'll just wait outside, have a cigarette.

I see her car before I light up my fourth cigarette so I put it back in the pack and push myself off the wall with my right boot. I had sent a few messages to her phone but they all went unanswered so I assumed she was interviewing but now that I see her parking I have to admit I'm a little confused. Why didn't she reply as she was leaving?

"Hey," she says smiling as she spots me.

"Hi," I say a little flat. She doesn't seem to notice, in fact she's walking past me most probably expecting me to follow.

When she notices I'm still standing near the wall she turns and frowns.

"You having a smoke first?" She asks looking down at my hand.

"Already have."

"What's wrong?" She asks noticing my posture.

"I messaged you," I say almost sounding like a sulking child.

"My cell is dead, no batt babe," she says dropping her work on the floor.

"Oh," I say feeling pretty foolish.

"Yeah, I was with Jim. We had a warrant and then took a woman in for a few questions. You were waiting, I'm sorry."

God I feel like a jealous husband, Greg was half right.

"Sorry," I whisper.

"I would call if I could Sara, you know that right?"

I know it yet I always fear I'm expecting too much.

I don't reply but Catherine doesn't seem to need one, she wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me tightly.

"I thought maybe," I start to say but shake me head at the idea.

Catherine lifts her head to look at me.


Damn mouth, always opening when I want it closed.

Taking a deep breath I prepare for this sentence to come out and the consequences it could bring.

"I thought you were talking to Jim about me."

Catherine's face is one of shock and then I see a flash of anger. The latter disappears as fast as it burned in her eyes but I move back from her anyway, my back hitting the wall.

"You think I'd betray your confidence like that?" She asks me, hurt.

"No," I say shaking my head. Damn mouth, I must remember to tape it shut.

"Sara?" Catherine's voice sounds pretty tight, I don't think she believes me.

"I don't," I say, my voice raised.

"Then why this?" She says waving her hand between her body and mine.

I light up my cigarette and take a long drag, coughing slightly. I can't look at her and I'm really starting to hate that. I have come far but perhaps not far enough.

"Shit, I don't know." I sigh.

Catherine takes my cigarette and stubs it out on the wall next to my arm.

"Try talking to me without an addiction," she says angry.

That was a low blow.

"Catherine," I say a little hurt. She doesn't even flinch and I wonder what I've exactly gotten myself into here.

"Sara I would never, even under torture, talk about your drinking in depth with anyone. I certainly wouldn't break the confidence you have in me and I would never ask Jim to break the confidence you have in him." Catherine says.

"Shit," I mutter as I realise I fucked up again.

"Look, I'm going back inside. I just, I just," Catherine picks up her files.

I let her go even though I know she's going to cry. I bend down and relight the cigarette Catherine put out.

I wish I had brought a jacket out with me. The air is a little chilly and I wonder if a sore throat will be my punishment for the latest issue.

"Here," I see a black jacket before I see the person.

"Thank you," I mumble, wondering what to say to her.

Does she always have to be so damn nice? I know I shouldn't hate that she's a better person than I am but right now I'm angry with myself and transferring it to her makes me feel better.

"Why are you here?" I ask and I can see her flinch.

"I knew you'd be stubborn," she replies after a few seconds.

I see a tissue in her hand and I immediately soften. My issues are my own and I love this woman so much I just can't be a bitch when I know she's hurting.

"Come in Sara," she says holding out her hand.

I follow, keeping my hand in hers even as we enter work. It probably doesn't look funny to the staff walking the halls but I know once we spot someone I know it would look weird.

Yet I continue to hold her hand.

"I love you," I whisper, kissing her hand.

The look on her face makes me laugh.

"What?" She asks.

"You look a little shocked," I say letting go of her hand and moving some of her hair out of her eye.

"It's just that we're at work," she says slowly.

"I'm not going to push you up against the wall and stick my tongue down your throat in case you're worried," I say teasing but slightly upset at her reaction.

She takes my hand back in hers and whispers, "I wouldn't mind if you did."

"I'm sorry, shit I say that a lot," I say as we stop in the halls.

"I know you are baby and yes you say it a lot but I know it's sincere." Catherine says, dropping my hand when she hears Nick.

"I'm so in love with you it's like I'm trying to fuck things up just so I can see how far we can go before snapping," I admit, moving closer to her.

"Sara, Nick's coming," Catherine warns me.

I smile, putting my hand on her belt.

"Sara," her voice is low.

I keep my hand there and just wait.

"Hey guys!" Nick greets us. He comes over smiling, his eyes going to where my hand is.

"Hi," Catherine says trying to move away from me. I don't let her.

Nick just stands there not sure where to look. I'm smiling but as I look at his face and Catherine's it almost makes me want to laugh. I'm the only one smiling.

Wait. Why isn't Catherine happy about this? Did we not just come out?

I feel her lift my hand from her belt and watch as she stands up straighter.

What's going on here?



"So, what's wrong?" Nick asks Catherine.

"Nothing Nick, why?" Catherine replies. I suddenly feel invisible; a feeling I hate but should be used to by now.

Nick says nothing and it's almost like I can feel his mind ticking over trying to process the intimacy he saw from me.

"I've got to go," I say loudly and I see Catherine look right at me.

"I've got to go too," Nick says looking at Catherine and then me. He turns his attention back to Catherine. "You okay Cath?" He asks her.

Oh please, like she's in any danger with me. Get back on your white horse Nick.

"I'm fine," Catherine says smiling and patting Nick on the arm.

One more look at me and he's gone.

"Sara," Catherine says quietly, her hand reaching out for me. I don't take it, instead I take a few steps backwards.

She comes to me and I'm trapped.

"Sara Sidle what was that little show you just put on for Nick?" Catherine asks demandingly.

"It wasn't a show Catherine, it just seemed like the right thing to do." I say shrugging with a calm I certainly don't possess.

"Come with me," she orders.

In her office I notice one thing, she's pissed off. It's hard to notice anything else but that. A herd of horses could gallop through this very room and knock me to the ground but still I would only see and feel her anger.

"I don't know what to say," she says, her back to me.

"It's what you wanted," I say. I see her back straighten. Great, I've already said the wrong thing.

"I wanted to tell Gil Sara. I wanted to let him know first."

She turns to face me yet we don't make eye contact.

"Is it a race?" I ask.

Wrong thing number two.

"You insinuate that you don't trust me, you tell me you didn't want anyone knowing and then from nowhere you are quite possibly giving Nick something to gossip about with Greg and Warrick!" Catherine shouts.

"I trust you," I say softly.

"When you feel like it yes, but I can't live with you feeling paranoid that I'm talking about you. It's either one hundred percent or it's worthless."

"I trust you Catherine. I love you."

"Love and trust don't necessarily go together." She points out.

"They do for me Catherine. You know that it was important that I had both with you." I say hoping I'm making sense.

"I love you Sara and I need you in my life but if you can't trust me then I can't have this. And I won't be fodder for gossip. Either we do it right, or we don't do it all."

I rush to her and grab her forearms, wrapping her in a hug that I never want to part from.

"I trust you, I do. One hundred percent. You are my angel and I'm not letting you go." I whisper in her ear.

"I don't think it's as easy as that," Catherine says sadly.

I take a deep breath and pull away from her so I can look into her eyes. I've been thinking about this for a while but have been too afraid to voice it to anyone.

"I'll get help." I tell her softly but sincerely.

She blinks a few times the shock evident.

"From whom?" She asks.

"From anyone, I don't care. We'll make the decision together if you like. I want to prove to you that I trust you. I want to prove to myself that I can do this."

"I'm not sure," Catherine admits.

"I've done a little research into Alcoholics Anonymous, you can be involved too. There's a booklet for people who have an alcoholic in their lives. I've not read it but it may have a few helpful things in there." I say hopeful.

I will need her support if I am to go through with it and try as I might I could never pick up that phone and make the first call without her by my side.

"Are you doing this just to prove something to me?" She asks wary. "I'm not going to participate in that Sara. I don't want you to tell me everything you think I want to hear."

"Yes and no. I need to do it for myself. I know I have a problem. A long time ago I would never had admitted that but I perceived life a different way then. I know that this is my problem, that yes a certain event in my life triggered it but then I continued on from something that happened a few times to something that happened all the time."

Catherine pulls me down to the floor and I curl up into her body.

"Catherine, I need to stop altogether. The trip to the bar, even though I drank nothing, showed me that I'm not as together as I was fooling myself into believing. Ever since Jim stopped to talk to me, to take the time to do that, I knew this addiction wasn't something I could fix just by having a good life. I know there are triggers and I know I need to talk to someone other than you. I was fooling you into it as well and I don't want to do that. I thought I needed the drink to live my life. It turns out I needed your love to live, I needed your belief in me to live. Now I need to continue that by getting help. Through your love you've made me like the person I am."

"Baby, I'm not the sole cause of your life turning around," Catherine says interrupting.

"You are a strong part of it. I wanted to be with you. I wanted a life where I was happy to wake up and live the day."

"I don't want to be your new addiction," she whispers.

Careful, you have to make sure you answer this one correctly.

"You're not."

"I'm feeling like it," she admits.

"You have helped me from becoming someone who could have lost their job to a person who has a family. It's not an addiction to love you and Lindsay. It's life." I tell her softly.

"I love you but I don't know what is best here. I mean, I understand about addiction in one sense but I can't lay claim to understanding alcoholic urges."

"Catherine, you don't have to give me your advice or opinion, I'm doing this for me first and foremost." I say smiling as she kisses my head.

"If you decide to do this I will support you all the way," Catherine says. "But please, please think about what you really want to do. I don't have enough strength to be tossed to and fro all the time."

"And if I don't?" I ask nervously.

"I'll still be here for you Sara. I won't force you into anything. I will push, but I will always respect your decision. It's just my nature to push okay baby? It doesn't mean I want to change who you are. Only you can do that."

"You mean that?" I ask.

"Yes. After all, I asked you to live with me and Lindsay. That is a display of my trust in you."

Okay, okay. This could work. I don't think I would have actually gone to an AA meeting if I hadn't said it aloud. I'm scared. No, I'm terrified. I hate discussing my feelings at the best of times. I don't know if I could do an open visit, Catherine knows all about me but I just don't know if I could talk in depth about the urges that flow through my body with her there.

"So this Nick thing?" Catherine asks as we still sit on the uncomfortable floor.

"I did it because I didn't feel like hiding," I say shrugging.

"You didn't just want to push the boundaries?" Catherine asks me. She knows I have moments like that, so I don't feel offended that she asks.

"No. This is something serious Catherine, I want to do it right. I just don't how to do it right. A cake maybe?" I smile shyly.

"So if he asks about it?" Catherine trials off unsure.

"Tell him I wanted to kiss you," I joke. "Seriously, if he asks tell him whatever you like and I'll play along. I don't want to be gossip fodder either Cath. But I don't really know how to let everyone know without a big statement. I don't want to do it that way."

"You know I want to tell people," Catherine says standing up, leaving me on the floor.

I stand too smiling as she helps me up.

"I know you do and you know what Cath? I'm okay with that."

"Yeah, until you change your mind again."

Got me on that one.

"I know I can be a little unpredictable, but it's not down to uncertainly. I'm scared baby. But Catherine if you want to tell people I'll back you. In fact, I'll go right now and put it over the system if you want."

"Don't tempt me," she says smiling. "But it would fly in the face of not making a large statement," she smiles.

"As I was outside I was thinking. The truth is, I'm sick of hiding Cath, I want to be able to touch you and not have people stare and wonder if I'm manhandling you." I admit. The look in Nick's eye made me sad to think that how I was acting with Catherine was out of line.

"We may have to stop working the same shift," Catherine says.

"I'm sure Grissom would try to work around it for you," I say hopeful.

"I want people to know Sara but I don't want it to be a stressful thing for you."

"I love you and not being able to be myself is stressing me," I counter.

"Okay." Catherine says nodding.

My smile is wide as I hear that one word.

"Okay? Really?" I ask like a teenager being told I can stay beyond curfew.

Catherine laughs and kisses me gently.

"Really." She says pulling me down for a more intense kiss.



We break from our kiss after, I think, we both realised it was time to head home. There could be more than just kissing going on in our bed back there. It would be a sight more comfortable than this floor too. Not to mention the things I want to do to Catherine will probably lead to her making a little bit of noise. Yes, I'm cocky.

"I've got work to do, can you look after Linds and start cooking?" Catherine asks me, wiping what is probably her smudged lipstick off my lips. I dart my tongue out to lick at her finger, she smiles and pulls her finger away.

"You don't want me to wait?" I ask smiling at the prospect of leaving before her. Usually it was the other way around.

"I'll really just be too busy babe, I'm running a few things in the lab."

"Okay. Anything in particular you want me to cook?" I ask. God I'm so domestic.

"I'm not too fussed Sara, it's what we'll be doing after it that I'm already thinking about." She says, running her fingers down the button fly on my jeans. She always wins these little competitions.

Oh Christ, I'm ashes right? I've just managed to finally prove to Warrick that humans can spontaneously combust.

"Love you," I whimper.

"Go on, get out of here before I get in there," Catherine teases, motioning to my pants.

I have to move her hand away forcefully otherwise my resolve will simply become a mute point.

"Oh, my baby is a little tense," Catherine purrs like a really bad porn queen.

Wait, are there any good porno queens?

"I'll see you later," I say almost fleeing the room. I think I left a trail of smoke.

I had managed to convince Lindsay that Nemo was better when you watched the special features as well so I could shower leisurely. Truth be told, I wanted her attention diverted while I took care of what Catherine started in her office. My core was so hot by the time I had pulled the car out of work I was worried I was going to run the risk of getting a disease from having to use a dirty old rest room.

I slipped my fingers inside, wasting no time with any kind of slow thrusting. The shower dropped its water upon my head, my hair was flat against my skull. I could feel the water slide down my hunched back as I tried to find a position that would balance me.

I couldn't manage to get comfortable so I had to crouch on the tiled floor. I could see the water swirl the outside of the drain before being sucked into it with force. Again and again the water tried to bypass it but, like the time before, the drain proved too powerful.

I could feel my peak being reached so I quickened the pace, hoping Lindsay didn't wonder why I was taking so long. Soon, my head was thrown back and I released a small sound that was easily covered by the water. I had to sit down, my legs turning to jelly from the constant pressure of my body. I didn't enjoy my orgasm as much as I would have had Catherine been there. I knew later on we could experience it together.

"Sara? Baby you almost done?" Catherine's voice, while muffled carried to me in the shower. I took a deep breath and stood, turning off the taps.

Opening the door in a towel just in case Lindsay was with her, I was surprised to see Catherine had changed. She was now only wearing sweatpants and one of my t-shirts.

"Hey. How long have you been home?" I ask giving her a quick kiss.

She comes into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

"About ten minutes," she says, ripping my towel off.

The kiss I wanted to give her in her office is eagerly accepted by her now. She moans, her hands firmly dug into my sides. I press against her and feel the thin cotton fabric rub against my skin.

"You just climaxed," Catherine says rubbing my cheeks.

"From one kiss? You're full of yourself," I joke.

"I can tell. Look, your neck is red. Your cheeks are red. Those eyes, dead give away."

"Okay, but it was your fault." I complain.

"My fault?" Catherine says innocently, running her fingers across my nipples.

I hiss and grab Catherine's hair, pulling her away from my neck so I can kiss her. She giggles at my force but is silenced by my tongue plundering her mouth.

Her hand travels down to my core but I pull it away.


"No, you," I mumble into her hair. To demonstrate what I'm trying to say I slip my hand into her pants. I smile as I realise she isn't wearing anything else and my smile gets wider when I feel her part her legs.

"Linds?" I ask as I kiss her neck.

"It's fine," she says thrusting into me.

My teeth nip at her neck but find resistance at the collar of the shirt. I sigh in frustration pulling my hand out of her pants to pull the shirt off.

"Find a better place," Catherine whispers. I'm not sure what she means until I realise we're standing in the middle of the bathroom with no real support for our bodies. The bed is too far away and poses a Lindsay problem so I move away from her letting her strip while I lay the bath mat on the ground.

Catherine smiles as she realises what I've done. Kneeling she runs her hands up my legs and over my ass. Even though I've just come I can feel it building within me once more. I kneel in front of her, my hands kneading her breasts as my tongue licks its way to join my fingers.

Catherine parts her legs and grabs my hand, pressing it against her clitoris. I feel her arousal and decide not to waste too much time. I circle it smiling as I feel her breathing become faster. I press inside her with one finger but quickly enter with a second. She pushes me back softly and I leave her warm core as she positions herself over my torso. She begins rubbing her juices on me, brushing my hand away when I try to regain my position inside her.

Leaning down she bites my neck, licking it soon after. I feel her rise off me and I grab this chance to flip her. Of course, it isn't as smooth as in the movies and she hits her shoulder on the cabinet door. She laughs but I stop anyway to see if she's okay.

"I'm fine," she says rubbing her hand down my chest.

Taking that as all the assurance I need I nip my way from her neck to her thighs where I bit a little harder. I know this excites her so I continue to do it. The tiny quivers in her flesh tell me I'm pushing her closer to what she really needs. Flicking my tongue across her clit I enter her with three fingers. I thrust with her movements, kissing the scar on her torso, thanking the powers that be she came back to me, thanking them for bringing her to me in the first place.

She's close, her panting is a little increased so I press the flat of my tongue against her clit until she rides out the wave. I place my head on her breast, listening to the beating of her heart. My fingers slowly move out of her even though they want to remain inside.

"Baby?" Catherine strokes me hair feebly and I look up at her. The look in her eyes is of concern and I wonder if I hurt her.

Her fingers come up to wipe my eyes. Until that moment I didn't know I was crying.

"Aren't I the one who is supposed to have the tears?" She jokes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong." I answer honestly.

She gives me the look I've seen her give Lindsay and a guilty suspects for that matter. The one saying she's not buying it.

"Are you hurt?" She asks.

"No. Are you?" I ask trying to change the subject.

"Please tell me," Catherine says sitting up.

"I'm just happy Cath. That's all." I tell her, kissing her fingers clasped in mine.

"Are you sure?"

I smile a wide smile because I know it's the truth.

"Yes. I've finally found the strength to allow myself to be happy." I tell her.

Catherine returns the smile as I pull her up to stand with me. We hug, I'm holding on tight, not because I'm afraid of losing her but because I want to let her know I'm not hiding from who I can be anymore.

"Come on, let's got eat." Catherine says picking up the t-shirt. I pull her to me and kiss her.

"Oh, I like this little aggressive streak today Sara," Catherine says grinning. She stops herself though, saying, "not that I like aggressive in that way, I just meant..."

I stop her with a method I really love; by kissing her.

"Sshh, I know what you meant and it's okay. Being sexually aggressive with you isn't about unlawful possession. It's the arousal I feel within me whenever I see or think of you. I want to possess you but in the same breath you possess me with that very same fire." I say, hoping I make sense.

"Unleash it baby, I want it." Catherine says biting my lip before unlocking the door.

I watch as she pulls her sweatpants up, smiling when I see the pattern of the bath mat imprinted upon her backside.

"I just might," I say in what sounded to me like a growl.

Whatever it was it made Catherine's eyes light up. I can't wait until we get back in this bedroom later today.



"Hello, my name is Sara and I'm an ..."

Shit, I can't say fucking the word. Why can't I say the word?

When I was drinking I thought I was fine. I thought the cunning, lying nature I presented to everyone was just known to me. It turns out people are pretty observant even when it comes to me, the one person at work who people like but don't really invite over to their place for coffee. Yes, there is still resentment there.

I loved the drink. It never hurt me, it never made me cry. It protected me and, in turn I was loyal to it. The power it had over me was empowering. I almost said intoxicating but I'm trying to cut down on the bad puns. I'm not as funny when I'm sober am I?

My own reflection seems to be laughing at me. It's taunting me like it did when I used to liquor up. It hasn't done that for a while.

I don't like it.

"Leave me alone," I hiss.

"Sorry," Catherine says looking slightly confused.

"Shit, no not you." I say grabbing Catherine's wrist.

"Hiding another woman in here?" Catherine jokes.

"Don't need another woman, I have you." I say pulling her into a hug. She is surprised but snuggles into me anyway. I feel better already.

"So what has you so worked up?" Catherine asks, pulling away from me.

"Nothing," I say trying to act casual.


"Really, just some issues with my reflections." I say smiling.

"Talk to me," Catherine says quietly.

Damn, she manages to get me to do anything just by talking to me.

"I'm afraid of the meeting," I admit, my eyes averting from hers. I don't want her to see my fear and I don't want to see her disappointment in me.

"I can't tell you what to do," Catherine says sadly. I know she feels like she can't help me.

"I know."

"I will drive you and pick you up, support you, cover your shifts and be here in our bed ready to embrace you." Catherine says kissing my lips.

"Okay." I say nodding.

"Come on, work awaits." She says swatting me on the ass.

My reflection looks a lot better now.

"Sara, Gris wants you to come with me," Warrick says grinning as I spot him. Doesn't Grissom ever speak to me directly anymore?

"Where to?" I ask.

"Some insurance matter, quarter of a million in comics stolen from a local basement comic store. Brass thinks there's more than meets the eye so Gris has put us on it."

"Comics?" I ask raising an eyebrow.

"Big enterprise." Warrick says still smiling. "Maybe I can find the first edition of Catwoman."

"Catwoman?" I ask smiling. Michelle Pfeiffer was hot in the film but I don't know if I'd buy the comics. Not the same.

"Hey, I used to love comics."

"Yeah right. You liked Halle's lack of clothing in the film." I say grinning.

Don't even get me started on the bad Halle Berry version. It was expected to hit top in the box office, it never did. I'm still a little disturbed by Halle's birthday wish to Oprah. She was in the full gear and cracked the whip. I felt like I was back at Lady Heather's for a few moments.

Wait, why was I watching Oprah?

"I watch films for the acting ability," Warrick says snapping me out of my little daydream. "Most of the time."

"Come on, let's go." I say still smiling.

"So can you tell me why we're here?" Warrick asks Brass.

I'm walking down the slippery stairs wondering the same thing. Opening the squeaky door I almost manage to slip a second time.


"You okay?" Warrick asks grabbing my elbow.

"Comics," I say looking down. There are numerous comics on the floor, I recognise some of the titles but others are a mystery to me.

"Damn, what a mess." Warrick agrees.

"Door was unlocked but there is not other sign of entry." Brass says.

"No back exit?" I ask.

"No. Only other way in is through that window." Brass says pointing to a small glassed area. Only something like a cat could fit through there.

"So whoever ruined this place came in the door." Warrick surmises. "Which wasn't forced."

"Maybe your Catwoman?" I tease.

"Funny," he says dryly.

"Okay. We'll dust for prints and then take a look around here." Warrick says.

"Is the owner here?" I ask Brass.

"Yep, come with me. Be warned, he's a little emotional."

"Oh my God, and my Dick Tracy and Batman comics in the first edition box had been stolen, Superman and The Flash are also gone, some of my exclusive..."

"Sorry, I'll have to interrupt you." I say holding up my hand. Brass was right.

"Do you have any idea what all that costs?"

"No Sir so we'll need a full list of what is missing." Brass says.

"I've got a list I sent over to me insurance company, I'll send you one too."

"Get anything?" I ask Warrick, taking my time down the stairs this time. I don't think Catherine would forgive me if I broke a bone. We'd had enough drama in our lives to last a few lifetimes.

"A few prints from the door and too many from the boxes." Warrick says sighing.

"The owner is distraught."

"No wonder. It may not be some people's idea of fun but comic collecting is mammoth. Comic collecting and sci-fi conventions; huge revenue."

"Science fiction I get. Comics, well comics are different." I admit.

"That's because you don't collect stuff." Warrick says grinning.

"That's probably true," I admit. "I'm not begrudging them at all." I say sincerely.

"I know girl." Warrick says.

"So. Let's see what else we can find." I say opening my kit.

"Hey Sara, can I join you on your case?" Greg asks jumping in front of me as I'm coming to the break room.

"No Greg, you can't." I say in a tone I've heard Catherine use on Lindsay.

"Oh but ..."

Now he's sulking like Lindsay.

"But you can help me with my research." I say suddenly. He has experience with this kid of field, it only seems sensible to include him.

"Can I?" Greg says jumping up and down on the spot.

"Only if you stop doing that." I say grabbing his shoulders.

"God, I didn't know there were so many different kinds of comics," I say pushing them aside. I'm trying to make a complete catalogue of what is missing as opposed to just misplaced. The comic store was a mess, I don't want to leave anything to chance.

"These are so cool," Greg chimes in. "Hey, did someone steal one of the Speed Saunders's comics? I loved those. I remember my neighbour, he had them in protective coverings and I accidentally ripped it one day. He was so mad. Anyway, Saunders was a detective. I guess I always liked him because of his name." Greg continues in his mile a minute ramble.

"Are you working or playing?" Grissom asks, popping his head in.

"Working," I say before Greg can fluster a response out.

"Okay," he says, returning his trek down the hall.

"Come on, let's get this done." I say, picking up my pen and marking down the issues of comics once more.

"Hey there," Catherine says to Greg and I as we grab our coffees.

"Hi." I say smiling.

"I'm still processing," Greg says to Catherine's unspoken question.

"Okay." She says nodding.

"Anyway, I'll go document the rest of the comics," Greg says eagerly.

"Okay, let me know when you're done." I say watching Catherine as she sits on the couch.

"Come on," Catherine says patting the couch once Greg is gone.

I don't need another invitation, sitting close enough to her to feel her body heat.

"So are you going to tell me more about what was wrong this morning?" Catherine asks softly.

"We're at work," I say a little tersely. "Plus, I already told you."

"I know you told me a little. I think there is more to it. I just want to know if I upset you," Catherine says looking down into her mug.

"No." I say firmly. I grab her hand and she looks up at me. "I love you. I need you. What happened this morning, it was just me."

"No, it's us now Sara." She says shaking her head.

"I will tell you, I just need to organise it inside here first," I promise, tapping my head.

"Okay." She says smiling slightly. "Look, I've gotta go. See you end of shift?"

"Sure thing," I say smiling with a little more confidence than I actually feel right now.

Tick. Tick. Tick. This shift is dragging. I want to be home with my family. I spent a little time online researching the comics that were stolen. Warrick was right, there is a lot of money in some of these first and second editions. I almost wish I had collected them, only they probably would have looked out of place with my forensic and gun magazines.

"Hey, you coming?" Catherine says tapping on the door almost giving me a heart attack.

"There is still about an hour to go." I say frowning.

"I know but I convinced Gil to let us go get breakfast." Catherine says grinning.


"I just asked."

"Really?" I ask amazed.

"No. I have a good relationship with him but it's not that good. We're still on the clock babe."

"Okay." I say grabbing my jacket.

"He was going crazy, like a cat in heat," I say smiling as I re-enact Greg's excitement over the comics we were going through.

Catherine's hand rubs up my thigh and I shiver at the touch.

"I'm like a cat in heat too." She purrs.

Bad line but it sounded perfect in my ear.

"Cath, we're in the diner near work," I whisper.

"I know, isn't it exciting?" She says in my ear. "Come on."

I know where we are heading and I have to say, my heartbeat rose at the prospect of what I could do to Catherine in this bathroom.

No sooner had she locked the door she had ripped my shirt open. I was glad I had my jacket with me, this shirt wouldn't be much more than an old rag when we got home.

"God," I whisper as she pulls my breasts out of my bra and immediately takes one of my nipples in her mouth. I bang my wrist on the toilet roll but the stinging goes as I feel her hand massaging my breasts. I'm so close which is funny because two minutes before I didn't even envision this happening. Unzipping my pants and pulling them down I hear a muffled laugh come from my chest.

"Ready baby?" She whispers, not letting me answer as she licks my lips and draws me into a long kiss.

I feel her hand cup my centre and part my legs for her so she can enter me.

"No, you have to wait baby." Catherine whispers, teasing me.

I grab her wrist and press her hand to my core.

"No." I hiss.

"Oh, someone is demanding." She laughs.

I'm in no state to respond as she enters me. I feel my back sink but I soon stop as she presses her body against mine to support me. Two fingers pump fast within me and I'm pushing down with my hips as she twists her fingers inside, causing me to jump slightly.

I'm trying to be quiet but I can't. Not when she is inside me and her mouth is licking my breasts. I'm close, I can feel the internal volcano getting ready to erupt.

"Cath," I let out in a half moan, half whisper as I climax. Catherine pulls out of me faster than usual which is good because I don't know how many times the floor of this cubicle is cleaned and I'm about to collapse on it.

"You're so beautiful, even in this public restroom." Catherine whispers as she kisses my neck.

I just smile, loving that she thinks I'm worth complimenting. I may not think I'm everything she says to me but it does make me feel like I make her happy.

"Pants," I say. I've got no energy to reach down.

I feel her pulling my pants up and smile as she kisses my torso on her way back up.

"I love you," I say wrapping my arms around her. "I loved this shirt too," I joke.

"Sorry," she says blushing.

"That's okay. I was a little surprised at your strength but I didn't mind it at all."

"I'll buy you a new one," She says surveying the damage "Shit."

"It's okay, I brought my jacket."

I did my jacket up before we left the bathroom, smiling as I heard Catherine's giggles behind me.

"Cut it out," I say good naturedly.

"It's funny." She says sitting back in our booth.

"It may be funny to you but I'm not used to showing this much flesh. I can't believe you not only ripped my shirt but snapped my bra strap. Where did that strength come from?"

Catherine just smiles and kisses my cheek.

I look down and I'm convinced everyone can see more than I ever wanted to show. The buttons just did up over the lower part of my breasts, just over my nipples. If I don't raise my hands up then no one can see my nipples.

God I hope Grissom doesn't page me.

"I have to go somewhere today but I'll meet you for a meal before work okay Cath?" I say worried.

"Where babe?" She asks turning to me as we head home.

"Ah, I've got a meeting." I say.

"A meeting?"

"Alcoholics Anonymous." I clarify.

"Oh okay. You'll need a new top first," she says smiling, her hand resting on my thigh.

"Yeah," I say agreeing.

"Okay then. So I've been thinking about our bedroom. Want to come shopping with me on the weekend and buy some new sheets and towels?" Catherine asks.

"Sure. Any particular colour scheme you were thinking about?" I ask.

"We'll pick one. Maybe we'll get Linds a new set of sheets too."

"Whatever you want to do babe, as long as I can spend my time with you and Linds."

"It's your home too Sara, you should have a say in things." Catherine says shrugging.

It's funny. I was expecting a long winded discussion on AA but we just fell into a comfortable conversation. I said what I needed to say, her support resonated through her actions and then we moved on.

I'm nervous. I've never been this nervous.

I asked Catherine to drop me off a block away so I knew, in some small part, that I was doing this for me. She didn't say anything, she simply kissed me on the cheek and wished me luck. There wasn't much more to say really.

I think she realised I needed some time to myself and as she has told me before, this ultimately is my decision to make.

"Hello, welcome."

I look into the eyes of a man, probably in his early forties. He was dressed in jeans and a blue sleeve shirt with a navy blue tie. He was balding slightly, his beard making the baldness obvious.

"My name is Doug. Are you here for the meeting?"

"Ah, yes." I say nervously.

"It's very daunting but you've come this far. I like to think the actual hardest step is the one where you walk from outside into here."

"I think it's all pretty daunting," I admit smiling slightly.

"True but you are here with the support and strength of people who have been afflicted by the disease of alcoholism. It is in these walls that people agree with you, that the first drink is a choice but the alcoholism is a disease. I hope you will find the cure here with us."

I felt like I was being preached to which made me a little uncomfortable but Doug's body language told me he wasn't trying to talk down to me, he must have had some public speaking experience in his background.

"I'm not sure what to do." I admit.

"Come with me, we can talk in my office and then, if the group allows it you can sit in and see how we go about things." Doug says ushering me into a small room with a large window. As I look around I see the usual paraphernalia expected in a place like this. I also see a huge notice board with messages from fellow suffers, notices on get togethers and a few other signs.

"I won't ask for your story now but I would like a little background on yourself if you feel up to it." Doug says.

"My name is Sara. I have a full time job, a family. I've struggled with alcohol for a long time. I can't tell you exactly how long. I know I am okay yet I know I'm not at that place where I have confidence in my ability to rise above temptation." I say letting it all out. I was quite shocked that it all came out.

"Good, good. Admission is vital in recovery." Doug says nodding.

We talked for a while longer, he took me on a tour of the place and I was surprised to find people actually lived here. There were five dorm rooms, a kitchen and dining area and even a small gym.

"I battled with the bottle. I'm still battling. You never fully recover. When I mention recovery I mean you can realise drinking isn't what sustains you. Love, spirituality, that is what redeems you." Doug tells me as we come to a door with a sign 'meeting in progress' tacked to the door.

"I'll just go in here for a moment, can you wait?" Doug asks me.

I nod, not sure if I really want to but knowing I should.

"Sara? Come in." Doug says opening the door and waving me in.

God I'm nervous. My entire body feels like it is moving in slow motion. I hope I don't have to talk.

"Sara, meet the group. Group, this is Sara."

"Hi," I say shyly.

A chorus of hello's answer me.

"Sara's going to join us soon."

"Come sit with us," a young man says, offering his chair to me.

"Oh no, I can stand thank you." I say. "I don't want to intrude."

"Okay, let's get back to it. Mandy, you were next." The man in the middle of the circle says.

As I stood there I started to hear stories that were so sad. I wondered where I would fit in. Would they look upon me as someone who was just weak willed and not someone who could really be worthy of their trust?

I left before anyone could talk to me.

"So, was it okay?" Catherine asks me as we drive home. I gave her the condensed version but I think she still felt the fear I had.

"I'm not sure." I admit. "I felt like my issues weren't as important as everyone else's."

"Baby, don't say that. Someone as strong as you would need something severe to have that strength broken. When you were assaulted you lost that confidence but I've seen a confidence in you since we first met rise up. Now I see you holding my hand in the streets, I feel your love. I feel your protection and love for Lindsay, I feel it for me."

"I don't know if I can be that person," I say ashamed.

"Take some time, think it over. Call this Doug man and talk with him. If, after that you can't do it then I'll back you baby." Catherine says holding my hand.

I can't sleep. I even had a few nightmares which hadn't happened for a while. Climbing out of the bed I share with my Catherine I got changed and headed out. I just needed some time on my own so I didn't leave a note. After all, I had no idea where the car would steer me. I prayed Catherine would stay asleep, I knew if she woke she'd panic.

Parking after driving past the place that haunted me a few times I got out of the car. My hands shaking I enter a place I didn't think I'd enter again. I was ashamed. I hated feeling like this but it seemed to come like second nature.

Taking a deep breath I push the door open. My mouth is dry and yet I'm being looked at, I know I'm supposed to speak now. I'm afraid once I say it I'll be in danger of dropping the walls I've put up. They protect me. They comfort me.

Taking a look around I finally realise I need this. Making eye contact I speak up.

"Hello, my name is Sara. I'm an alcoholic."

The End

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