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I looked back at Olivia. She looked at me and remained where she was sitting, emotionless. I walked to her and wanted so badly to reach out and touch her. To hug her and let her know that I was there. But I couldn't, there was no way I could show her physical affection where witnesses would be able to testify to our feelings for each other.
Olivia got up in front of me and walked out of the court house. Together we walked out and somehow we made it to my apartment. I felt like someone was tugging on my heart with a deadly force because I couldn't touch her. I couldn't do anything to let her know what I felt, to try and help her through this time.
We were inside and the door was shut, allowing us the safety of privacy like it had done so many times before. The outside world couldn't touch us and both knew now we were free to do or say whatever we wanted. I made the action first, I pulled her to me and held her. The tugging on my heart stopped and things felt a little better. I pressed her body to mine and wanted so badly to stop the world, to stop everything but I knew I couldn't and my wishes were childish.
Olivia shuddered, no tears, no sobs, she just shuddered once and that only made me hold on to her harder.
She went to pull away and I could feel it starting already. She was putting up the road blocks that for so long had stopped us from going forward in our relationship. I felt my eyes shutting all on their own, trying to block out the reality that was doomed to come crashing down on us.
I held on stronger, not willing to let her go.
"Casey please." Olivia pleaded with me, looking me in the eyes, her own eyes welling with tears that she didn't want to fall.
"No, let me." I pleaded back, my voice nothing more then a whisper for fear that if it was louder it would make everything came down crashing.
"Let you what?" Olivia asked, she wasn't looking really looking at me anymore but past me. She had already made up her mind to pull away.
"Let me protect you."
Olivia laughed at the ridicules statement. "I can take care of myself."
"I know." I forced out a smile that was everything but. "Guy comes at you, threatening you, I know you'll take him down in a second."
Olivia gave a tiny smile and it gave me hope that maybe I could pull her back to that edge she had run away from.
I wanted her to fall over that edge, I wanted her so badly to lead because she knew, she trusted me to be at the bottom to catch her.
"I want you to allow yourself to feel your emotions-"
"I don't want to." Olivia insisted at once.
"Please don't shut me out Liv, can't you just trust me that I'll still be here?"
"I don't want that part of me to come out."
"What part? The part that makes you human?" I argued softly.
"I don't know if I can handle it." Now the tears were even closer to falling.
"Then let me."
I pulled her back and Olivia hugged me furiously and breathed out in my ear, "Okay."
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