DISCLAIMER: Guiding Light and its characters are the property of Proctor & Gamble. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Angst. For Gilligankane who does it so well, and because I wasn't sure I could do it at all.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Rainbows Just Fade Away Anyway, Don't They?
She knew it was a mistake the minute the words had left her mouth. She knew it and still she smiled and died a little inside. She stood in front of her friends and family and Frank and dear God! Olivia and said "I do."
She should have run, down the aisle, screaming for freedom. She wanted to so desperately. Instead she did the right thing. She did what was best for everybody. She did what was expected of her. And she died a little more inside.
Olivia and Emma swirled around her and Frank as they danced at the small reception. She remembered clear as a bell. Emma pulling her away from Frank, stepping on her toes as she danced with the girl. Olivia and Frank moved together, dancing, watching, talking. Olivia smiled at her, but it didn't reach her eyes.
"Why are you crying Natalia?" Emma asked, so innocent.
"I'm just happy baby." She lied to protect the innocence. No need to worry the girl. Olivia would have enough to deal with as it is.
For a few weeks she thought of running again. Maybe it wasn't too late? Annul the marriage, escape into Olivia's world, maybe run away to San Francisco be a family together there.
And then she was trapped again. With Frank, in a life she didn't recognize or want and a baby on the way. Frank was thrilled, Emma bounced for joy, and Olivia smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. And another piece of her soul withered and died.
Olivia and Emma left Springfield for San Francisco a week after her son was born. Emails and text messages gradually became a photo and Christmas card once a year and that was it.
She glanced down at her watch and realized it was time to pick up little Nicky from school. The one shining light at the end of the dark tunnel of life she was travelling through. Her familiar safe world made up of home cooked dinners, going to soccer practice and doing laundry. Calling Rafe every Sunday to see if he needed anything for school. Checking with Father Ray to see if they needed cookies for the Bake Sale tables. Trying to pay attention to Blake as she rambled on about some new author they were pushing as she organized her workload. Kissing Frank good night before rolling away and turning the light off.
It was everything she was supposed to want. Instead she was in quicksand up to her throat and slipping deeper every second. Seven long years of being stuck, taking it's toll, wearing her down. She didn't think she had any more tears left.
The card came in the mail that afternoon, which she opened while waiting for Nicky. A wedding in San Francisco. Ava and Emma were proud to announce the marriage of their mother. To another woman.
"Why are you crying Momma?" Nicky asked, so innocent. She hadn't even heard the car door open or slam shut.
"I'm just happy baby." She lied. She was good at it now, it was just normal for her, the words flowing easily from her lips. Sighing she started her car and headed back to the farmhouse and her life, knowing that sometimes you just have to live with your mistakes.
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