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A Very Ravy IDF
By mel


"Oooh, click on that one Ivy," Jenks said, flying up off of the vampire's shoulder he'd been perched on to point indicatively at the laptop screen in front of them.

"This one?" Ivy drawled, sliding her finger on the touch pad below the keyboard and guiding the cursor onto the link the pixy was pointing at.

Jenks bobbed up and down in front of the screen, a light yellow trail of dust falling from his wings. "Yes, yes, yes!"

"Okay," Ivy chuckled at his excitement. "I actually like that pairing myself. And this time," she looked menacingly out the corner of her eye at the pixie who had returned to his perch on her shoulder, "read the words in your head. I don't need your little voice ruining the dialogue for me like you did on the last one."

"Suck it," Jenks muttered under his breath as he started reading the first paragraph.

Ivy smirked and started reading as well, occasionally tapping the down arrow with the middle finger on her right hand to bring up more text. "Whoa," she murmured, leaning forward in her seat as if it would get her a better view of the words on the screen.

"You got that right," Jenks agreed, cocking his head to the side as he read, as if by doing so he might be able to perv his way through the screen and actually see the scene play out for real. "Wow."

Now, on any other day both Ivy and Jenks would have been alerted to Rachel's presence the very moment the witch's car turned onto their street, but today, with the promise of desk sex hanging thick on their monitor, they heard nothing. They heard neither the sound of Rachel's car turning onto their street nor the sound of that same car coming to a stop in the garage beside the church. The front door slamming open was equally silent to their ears, as were the witch's muttered curses as she fumbled with the bags in her hands, upset that Ivy hadn't come out to help her bring them all in.

It was in this distracted state that Rachel found her lover and their friend as she entered the kitchen, her arms full of groceries and small plastic bags from a few other stores she'd visited.

She frowned as she spied Ivy and Jenks sitting silently at the kitchen table, their upper bodies slanted toward the computer that held their attention captive. This in and of itself was bizarre, not Ivy so much, but certainly for Jenks, but the fact that there was no bickering going on between the pair was beyond weird. Part of her wondered if she had crossed into some alternate universe. Her brow furrowed in confusion as she studied them carefully; both Ivy and Jenks seemed a little flushed, and she could have sworn she just saw Ivy squirm a little in her seat. Now, what the Turn are those two up to?

She crossed over to the island and dropped the bags she was carrying with a quiet huff, her attention focused on the vampire and pixie who still had yet to react to her arrival, before she tiptoed across the kitchen to stand behind them. Her mouth formed a perfect 'O' of surprise as she saw that they were both reading something – from their expressions when she'd first walked in she would have guessed that they were 'researching' lesbian porn… again – but, reading?

Rachel started to scan through the white words on the charcoal gray screen, but found herself lost as to what it all meant as she was obviously picking it up in the middle of whatever it was. "Soooo, whatcha reading?" she drawled, unable to contain her smirk at the way both Ivy and Jenks jumped in surprise at being yanked so rudely from whatever story they had been immersed in, and she laughed at the identical, sheepish grins that creased their faces as they realized they'd been caught. "God Em, stop teasing and just fuck me already," she read aloud one particular sentence which had, for obvious reasons, grabbed her attention, and arched a brow in surprise. "What is this?"

Ivy cast a look at Jenks who just shrugged and gave her a look that quite clearly said, This one is allllllllllllllllll you, Tamwood. "Wuss," Ivy whispered in that voice only she and Jenks could hear before she cleared her throat and turned her attention to Rachel. "Um, I believe that it would be best classified as… erotica."

"Erotica," Rachel repeated dubiously as she scanned through the next paragraph. "Oh," she hummed as she read, Emily bit her lip as she obliged JJ's request, driving her hips forward and burying the length of the toy she was wearing deep inside her lover. "And, these characters, are they those women on that serial killer show you like?"

Ivy nodded. "Yes."

"The ones you say are totally into each other," Rachel continued.

"Please!" Jenks interrupted. "Even I can tell that they're totally eye-shagging each other during those briefings."

"Oh! And when they're paired up to go interview suspects or whatever!" Ivy added. "The little touches, the protective way Emily stands around JJ?"

"So obvious," Jenks agreed. "And! Do they really think that nobody's noticed their interchangeable wardrobe?"

"I know!" Ivy agreed enthusiastically. "They're like, always wearing each other's clothes!"

Jenks nodded excitedly, his little head practically bobbing off his shoulders. "That's 'cause they probably spent the night before doing the horizontal tango."

"Wait – what?" Rachel asked.

Jenks scoffed. "Geez, Rache – how is it that I am more in tune with the homoerotic subtext in a television drama than you are? I'm straight! You're… well, you're boning Ivy!"

Ivy laughed. "Boning? Really, bug? That's the best you've got?"

"Bumping uglies?" Jenks grinned.

"Still bad," Ivy informed him.

"Just wait a minute!" Rachel yelled, trying to draw their attention back to the matter at hand. "So, you two aren't the only ones who see this?"

"Nope," Jenks announced with a wet pop.

Rachel shook her head and waved her right hand at the screen. "And, you're reading this… why?"

"Besides the fact that it's freaking hot?" Jenks asked.

"It's the International Day of Femslash," Ivy answered Rachel's question.


"Tink's titties!" Jenks cried. "How is it that you haven't had your lesbian card revoked?"

"Just tell me what it means!" Rachel retorted, stomping her foot dramatically.

"Femslash is a subsection of fanfiction which focuses on romantic and/or sexual relationships between two women," Ivy explained, rolling her eyes at her lover's complete obliviousness. "And, between that explanation and the fact that we were reading a JJ and Emily story, for the love of blood you better not ask what fanfiction is."

Rachel frowned as she worked out her own definition of the… genre. "And these stories are just on the internet?"

"Yes!" Jenks crowed casting a look that quite clearly said, Thank god she's finally figured it out!, in the witch's direction.

"Do the people who write these stories get paid?"

"In a manner of speaking," Jenks muttered.


Ivy shot Jenks a look and answered, "No. They do it because they like to write and their payoff, if you can call it that, is just the comments that people who've read the story leave them."

Rachel pursed her lips and furrowed her brow in what Ivy thought was a most adorable way as she pondered everything that she had learned in the last couple minutes. "Okay. So amateur writers write these stories and just put them up on the internet for people to read, hoping that some random stranger somewhere will leave them a note about it."

"Pretty much," Ivy drawled.

Rachel waved a hand at the laptop. "Do you two read this stuff often?"

Ivy and Jenks both blushed and looked down at the tabletop, looking every bit like a couple of teenagers whose Playboy library had been discovered. "Umm…," Ivy stalled.

"Define 'often'," Jenks piped up.

"Not helping bug," Ivy muttered.

Rachel laughed, their reactions answering her question clearly. "Forget I asked. Is this a good one? A good, femslash fanfic?"

Ivy licked her lips and nodded. "Um. Yeah. I'd say it's pretty good."

"It's smutalicious," Jenks chirped, waggling his brows suggestively. "What I wouldn't give to have that blonde bent over her desk like that…," he continued, his voice only trailing off as he caught the death glare Ivy was shooting at him. "I mean. It's okay."

Still unconvinced, Rachel waved at the screen. "Go back to the beginning; I want to see what had you two so distracted when I got home."

Jenks shrugged and Ivy sighed resignedly as she scrolled back up to the top of the page. She started rereading the story, again tapping the down arrow to move through the text, and she smirked at the screen as she smelled Rachel's pheromones fire up. They kept reading, each of them lost to the visuals the writer had painted with her words, and when they hit the end all three let out a shaky breath.

"Wow," Rachel hummed.

"I'll say," Jenks muttered.

Ivy growled, unable to do or say anything more because between the story she'd just read, the thick clinging air of pheromones surrounding them, and the smell of Rachel's obvious arousal she was barely holding on as it was. And the last thing she needed was to lose control when Jenks was still in the room, the stupid pixie would hold it over her head for the rest of his life.

"Bookmark this page," Rachel told Ivy.

Ivy wordlessly did as instructed as Jenks asked, "So, my little twitchy-witch, you liked this, huh?"

"It was…," Rachel cleared her throat, "interesting."

"Yeah right," Jenks cackled tauntingly before he turned his attention back to the vampire he was sitting on. "Go back to the homepage and click on the next one."

"There are more?" Rachel asked, her voice rising in surprise.

"TONS!" Jenks cried happily. "It's the IDF! There are more stories posted on this day than any other day of the year! It's like, lesbo-palooza!"

"The I… D… What?"

"International Day of Femslash," Jenks groaned, slapping a hand to his forehead in disgust. "We just explained all of this to you not even ten minutes ago! That's it, seriously Rache, give me your lesbian card and let me cut it up."

"I don't have a lesbian card," Rachel retorted.

"And that explains so much," Jenks muttered. "Look, Iv, just leave the computer on when you're done and I'll come back and read more later."

Ivy nodded infinitesimally and a heartbeat later she and Rachel were alone in the kitchen. "Um, so, what did you think dear heart?"

Rachel grinned and slid between Ivy and the table to settle herself comfortably on the vampire's lap. "I liked it."

Ivy grinned and ran her hands up the redhead's legs, her long fingers wrapping around the witch's hips and holding her tight. "You did?"

"Mmhmm," Rachel drawled, moving the cursor to the next story on the screen and clicking on it even as Ivy's hands began massaging her stomach. "Now, don't bug me, I'm reading," she mock threatened as she leaned back into her lover and started the next story.

Ivy smirked and lowered her lips to Rachel's neck, purposefully letting her breath fall in hot cascading waves across the redhead's scars. "You got pretty worked up after that last one," she murmured thoughtfully. "How many more before you let me take you to bed and have my way with you?"

Rachel smiled even as she squirmed under Ivy's mouth. "I'll… I'll… ah… fuck it, let's go to bed."

"I thought you wanted to read?" Ivy teased.

"Turn it! Just shut up and do me now, Tamwood!" Rachel retorted in mock exasperation, turning on the vampire's lap and claiming her lips in a deep, hungry kiss. She giggled as she felt herself soar into the air, safe in the haven of Ivy's arms, and couldn't help thinking, as she was lovingly lowered onto their bed, that femslash was the best invention ever.

The End. Happy IDF!

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