DISCLAIMER: Gossip Girl and its characters are the property of Cecily von Ziegesar and Warner Bros. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Real Talk
By Janine
Blair made her way back up the stairs after seeing Isabelle and Kati out. When she reached her room she stopped the doorway and leaned against the frame lazily gazing inside, silently watching Serena as the blonde lounged on her bed holding a magazine above her head.
It had been a long time since she had seen Serena just lying around in her room like that. She had missed it. In the year before Serena had left the blonde had practically taken up residence in Blair's house and it had just made everything seem that much colder and lonely when Serena had left her.
Feeling Blair's eyes on her Serena turned her head towards the doorway, a perfectly shaped blonde eyebrow creeping up on her forehead when she saw Blair staring at her.
"Wha--" Serena started to say, but before she could get more than that out of her mouth, Blair grinned at her mischievously and then charged towards the bed, launching herself at the mattress landing half on it and half on Serena.
Serena grunted as Blair impacted with her body, the magazine falling from her fingers as her arms moved to wrap around Blair's waist, struggling with the brunette to get off of her body as Blair laughed, her efforts only getting them more tangled up which eventually led to Serena giving up and laughing as well as they lay tangled together in the middle of Blair's bed.
Blair moved her hand to rest on Serena's hip.
"You should come to the hair and make-up test with me," Blair said softly, her lips brushing against the warm skin of Serena's shoulder where her face was pressed against the blonde as she spoke.
Serena breathed in deeply, her fingers tentatively moving to brush against the hand Blair had on her hip before she began to trail them slightly up Blair's arm, a smile coming to her lips as Blair shivered and buried her face even further into her body.
They'd agreed to call a truce and try and go back to being friends over two weeks ago, and for the most part they had been remarkably successful. The fact that they both wanted it so much probably helped, but Serena had been delighted with how quickly they had been able to regain some sort of normalcy in their relationship. The only thing that seemed to have changed was that Blair was extremely hesitant to get to close to her, or touch her. Before she had left they had gotten very close, bordering on 'romantic friends' territory before 'the incident', and Serena missed the physical contact they used to share.
Considering what had happened though, she couldn't say she was surprised that Blair had been avoiding anything more than casual contact with her.
For weeks before that damned party she and Blair and had been completely inseparable. Out of the fourteen nights before the party Serena had spent ten of them in Blair's room. They couldn't stand to be out of each others sight, and whatever they were doing they had found someway to be touching each other. If they were watching TV, Serena would lay down with her head in Blair's lap. If they were painting each other nails, Blair would sit in between Serena's legs and Serena would wrap her arms around her and paint them from behind. Everything, absolutely everything in Serena's world had been about Blair then.
Her feelings had begun to alarm her. She realized that what she was feeling for Blair was a bit excessive for 'best friends', but Blair seemed to be in the same headspace as her and somehow that made everything seem manageable.
And then the party had happened, and she had had too much to drink – as usual – and she had Blair had been stumbling through the hallway laughing at nothing and clinging to each other for balance before practically falling into one of the hotel rooms they'd rented for the girls, even though neither of them could remember why they were there.
And Serena had swayed and fallen into Blair's body, and Blair had wrapped her arms around her laughing and had somehow managed to navigate them both to the bed where they collapsed. Then, breathing heavily, Serena had leaned over and kissed Blair's neck and told her that she smelled good, and Blair had laughed and told Serena she was drunk. Serena had laughed too and said that she was most definitely drunk but that Blair still smelled good, and tasted good, and then she leaned down and kissed her lips. Blair froze beneath her for a second but then the brunette was kissing her back, and their hands were running over each other's bodies and Serena was moaning, and somehow her hand found its way between Blair's legs, and it was so warm down there, and she wanted more and then somehow Serena's fingers had slipped under Blair's underwear and her fingers were rubbing at the slick flesh between Blair's legs.
Blair had grabbed her wrist then and yanked her hand away, staring up at Serena with shocked eyes as Serena blinked down at her with a confused expression on her face. And then Blair was pushing at Serena, rolling her off of her until she had enough space to slip from beneath the blonde and off of the bed.
"You're drunk," Blair had said, her voice monotone as she stared down at Serena. "Just … just stay here and sleep it off," she continued shaking her head and then she'd walked over to the door and left the room and Serena.
But Serena, convinced that she had just irreparably screwed things up with Blair, had not stayed in the room. She had decided that she was far to sober to deal with what had just happened and that she needed to get drunk until she passed out and forgot everything. So she left in search of alcohol and she got good and pissed out of her mind, only the second time she found herself alone with Nate, and he didn't stop them.
"Would that be okay? With your mom?" Serena asked in an equally quiet tone, her fingers still lightly skimming over Blair's skin as she tried to push the memories of that night out of her head.
"Of course," Blair responded shifting slightly so that she could capture Serena's hand with her own and lacing their fingers together. "She loves you. She's been like creepy happy that … you've been around again."
Serena laughed, flexing her fingers before entwining them with Blair's once more. "Lily's been like that too," she responded.
"Even after the Ostroff thing?" Blair asked squeezing Serena's fingers as she did, silently trying to apologize again. Mrs. Van der Woodsen had been looking at her absolutely murderously after her little speech.
"Yeah," Serena responded answering Blair's squeeze with one of her own. "I was already an embarrassment so it was just more of the same I guess."
"S," Blair said so quietly Serena almost couldn't hear her, the brunette's head tilting up so that she could see Serena's face.
"Yeah," Serena whispered looking down at Blair, her breath hitching at the sight. Blair was so incredibly beautiful that it took her breath away sometimes. She was powerless against Blair's big brown eyes and full pink lips, especially when the brunette looked up at her like that, her gaze open and soft.
"Will you come tonight?" Blair asked again, her eyes searching Serena's face, her gaze hawk-like and hopeful.
Serena nodded and then whispered, "Yeah, of course," smiling before jostling their hands a little bit, trying to relieve the sudden tension that had arisen between them.
She'd made plans with Dan but she'd just have to cancel them. She liked him but Blair was … well, Blair and making things right with Blair was her number one concern. She could handle Dan fading away, but she knew that it would kill her to lose Blair again. She had to be careful this time; she had to treat Blair right.
Blair smiled. It was a real smile that reached her eyes. The type of smile Serena used to see all of the time, but had hardly seen since returning to New York. The type of smile that used to make her crawl over to Blair and press her head into her stomach as she hugged her waist because she just had to be near her and touch her right that moment or else she would die.
Serena smiled back her eyes holding Blair's until she was afraid of what would show through in them and averted her gaze.
They lay in silence together for a few moments, and then Blair shifted drawing Serena's eyes over to her. But before Serena could say anything or even process what was going on Blair's lips were on hers, her lips pressing against Serena's firmly as she drew their entwined hands around her waist before removing hers leaving Serena's arm around her.
Serena smiled uncertainly, breathless and surprised as she stared at Blair. "I … I thought," Serena began blinking rapidly as her lips twitched uncertainly once again.
"I didn't want us to be drunk," Blair said softly moving forward to press her lips against Serena's jaw.
Serena's eyes closed and she breathed in deeply, tears stinging her eyes. She'd thought that … but … of course Blair didn't want it to happen like that. Blair had told her enough times how she wanted her first time to be perfect, candle light and soft music, and strawberries and rose petals. Blair wanted losing her virginity to be special, and Serena had tried to take it on a hotel room bed by pushing her panties to the side while fully dressed and smelling of vodka.
"God, I was such an asshole," Serena moaned drawing her hand up to Blair's cheek cupping it firmly. Blair had felt the same way. If she had just stayed in the room like Blair said, they could have talked it out in the morning and after revealing her feelings by kissing her (and more) they might have even been able to start …
"I'm so sorry," Serena continued shakily. "I never meant to … I wouldn't have … I mean I never dreamed about us being together like that either. And then when … I thought that I had fucked things up with you completely and I was so upset I went got totally pissed. I could barely stand and … I … I never wanted him Blair, I wanted you … it was always you," Serena said closing her eyes, unable to look at Blair while relating her sins. "I'm so sorry, B."
Blair nodded before angling her face away from Serena. It hurt her to think about that night about what Serena had done, but she had agreed to try and forget it and move on so she couldn't dwell on that hurt. She had tried to hate Serena, she had tried to shut her out of her life and out of her heart, but it hadn't worked at all. She still wanted to be around Serena all the time, the blonde's smile still made her light up inside, Serena's touch still made her shiver.
"I know," Blair responded leaning forward again to press her lips against Serena's.
She had agreed to forget now she had to forgive.
"We can't just pick up where we were before," Blair said once she pulled back for Serena's lips.
Serena nodded seriously. "I understand," she said softly. She had hurt Blair deeply and she would have to earn the brunette's trust again, she would have to prove that she was worthy, that she had really changed.
Blair made a soft sound in her throat and allowed Serena to snuggle closer to her.
"Lose that boys phone number," Blair said as Serena kissed her neck.
"What boy?" Serena asked pulling back, a small smile playing across her lips.
Dan had been good to her and she would meet with him in person to explain that she just wasn't up for seeing anyone at the moment, that she had issues she needed to deal with on her own before she could be with someone else, and that she hoped he understood. It wasn't the truth but it was an explanation and that was the best she could do.
"And Nate?" Serena asked softly as Blair tilted her head back giving her better access to her neck.
"I'm sure he'll be relieved," Blair sighed. "We've been a routine for a long time."
Serena was silent after Blair spoke though she remained close to her, touching her softly. She wasn't sure how to respond so she was glad when Blair leaned forward and kissed her again, wrapping her arms around Blair's waist hugging the brunette into her body.
"Should I call Lily and tell her I won't be coming home tonight?" Serena asked as Blair's teeth raked against her chin.
"Mm," Blair said nodding. "But you're not getting lucky."
Serena was going to have to earn her entry to her secret garden.
"I already am," Serena responded staring into Blair's eyes, holding her gaze.
Blair broke out into a wide grin at that, warmed by Serena's response even though it was almost unbearably cheesy. "Not chill," Blair moaned shaking her head. "Do not want. I hope you know that you just instantly became like 2% less hot."
"You think I'm hot?" Serena asked grinning. Logically it made sense that Blair thought she was attractive if she wanted to make out with her, but Blair had never told her that she was hot before and she liked actually hearing the brunette say it.
"No, I always kiss people that I think are utterly and completely repulsive," Blair responded blushing slightly. "Of course, I think you're hot," she continued looking away from Serena her blush deepening, "especially in those jeans."
"You picked these out," Serena commented looking down at the jeans. One of their first activities after calling the truce had been to go shopping together and Blair had practically ordered her to buy the jeans she now had on.
"I know," Blair replied looking up at Serena and grinning. They were good jeans. Great jeans even.
"You're like a dirty old man," Serena commented smiling brightly, leaning forward to kiss Blair's lips. "What's next, dropping a pencil on the ground and asking me to pick it up so that you can see me bend over?"
"That's not a bad idea," Blair responded with a mockingly thoughtful expression before she smiled and leaned up kissing Serena. "I think I'll save that trick for when you're in your uniform though."
"Up-skirt fantasies, Blair?" Serena asked wiggling her eyebrows. "What have I gotten myself into?"
"Nothing yet," Blair responded suggestively. "But give it time."
Serena groaned and dropped her head back onto the pillow beside Blair's. Once settled she turned her head to face Blair and smiled brightly.
"I'm very, very happy right now," Serena said softly unable to stop smiling.
"Me too," Blair said taking Serena's hand in her own, holding it firmly, "me too."
The End