DISCLAIMER: Los Hombres De Paco and its characters are the property of Antena 3. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Silvia's POV. Just a quick fix.
SPOILERS: Through episode 82.
Revelations
By igivenoclues
I could vaguely hear Sara saying my name, but I was too stunned to respond. I needed to process this bit of information my niece had just shared.
Pepa was going to sleep with someone to get herself pregnant.
I walked to the window, wrapping my arms tightly around myself. How could a woman so intelligent be so hopeless when it came to relationships? Not that I was about to win any awards – especially after the slapfest I initiated today. I don't recall ever feeling that way before. I was there, but not really. All I could feel was the pain that Pepa had caused. I don't even know what she was saying to me, but when she said that maybe having a kid wasn't such a bad idea something snapped in me.
It wasn't such a bad idea? After the way she railed against me? In front of everyone? In the middle of an operation? She said she pitied me. That she was my last hope. I don't need her pity. I don't need her charity. The thought made my stomach turn again. My knees buckled and I slid to the floor. Sara was there nearly before I landed, but her hands weren't the ones I wanted to catch me. Oh, Pepa. I hate that I need you.
I swallowed back my tears, and thought again to how I had acted over the past 48 hours. They definitely weren't my finest moments. I was playing them back, like a movie in my head. Pepa was saying that it was moving too fast for her. I didn't disregard that, did I? She did say okay? I was trying to remember, but I couldn't. She never actually said yes. Not since that night in bed. Did she have a look of fear in her eyes?
Then I was on the phone. They said they had an opening on the thirtieth. I was so excited. It was finally going to happen. I was in love, and the woman I loved was going to carry our child. I was finally going to have a child to shower with my love. Our love. I know I asked her if the thirtieth was okay. I know I did. She even repeated it back to me. But then she was gone, and the next thing I know I am hearing her scream about how she doesn't want a kid. She doesn't want to have a child with me.
I had to push away the pain, and not a little embarrassment, to focus once more on the task at hand. That's what I do. And I do it well.
She tried to come home. She tried to tell me she was sorry, and that she loved me, and just wanted to do right by me. I kept the deadbolt locked, and she sat out on the other side of the door for three hours before she finally said she would stay at Maca's. I was glad when she was gone. That's what I said. I said that to her. I told her it was about time she got the fucking picture. She didn't say anything else.
When she walked into the briefing this morning I thought I might die if she didn't stop staring at me. I could feel her eyes boring into me, and I couldn't bear it. I couldn't give in. I just wanted to run to her and feel her arms around me once more. It hurt so much. I needed comfort that only she could provide, but how do you seek comfort from the person who hurt you?
I allowed my tongue to slide to the right side of my mouth. The metallic taste of blood was a reminder of our fight. A reminder of what we had become. After fourteen months, and all of it was undone in 48 hours.
No. It was ridiculous. I loved her, and I knew she loved me, even though she didn't really know how to show it. She was going to do something we couldn't come back from, and I needed to stop it.
My eyes focused on my niece, and I acknowledged her for the first time since she had told me what Pepa was planning. I pulled her face to me, kissed her cheek, and then got up. If this saved Pepa and me, well, Sara would deserve more thanks than I could ever give.
I rushed to the door before remembering my keys. I grabbed them from the counter, and ran out of the apartment, leaving Sara calling after me in astonishment. I didn't stop. I needed to get to Pepa before she did something stupid.
I got to the door of the apartment I knew Pepa was staying at, and pounded at it with unrelenting force. "Pepa!" I shouted, "Pepa, open this damn door!" I was in middle of slamming my fist into it once more when it opened suddenly.
"Silvia, are you crazy? It's late!" The tall, brunette doctor looked at me with shock.
I pushed through the doorway, barely taking a moment to respond, "I'm sorry Maca, but I need to see Pepa. Where is my insane girlfriend?" I rounded the corner, and ran headfirst into a surprisingly hard body. Strong hands reached out to steady me, and my eyes flicked up to see Pepa staring back at me with a look of supreme bewilderment. I wrenched myself free from her grasp, still too pissed to allow myself to realize that it was the best thing I'd felt in days. "Are you insane? You would sleep with some random man?" I couldn't stop the questions from coming as I paced back and forth in the hallway.
"Silvia, what the hell is going on?" Pepa reached for me again, and I backed away.
"What the hell are you thinking, tonta?" I flushed angrily and continued, "Oh wait. I guess you aren't again! Do you really think that after what just happened we are ready for a child? Never mind the fact that you are trying to conceive it through cheating on me…"
She put her hand up to try and stop me, "No, Silvia. I need to—"
"No! You don't need to! Do you really think I want you to do this out of a sense of requirement? I want you to want to have a baby with me. I don't want you to just be an incubator because I can't have one! God, Pepa! You drive me crazy!" I paused to look at her.
Pepa shook her head furiously, "Ay, pelirroja. I drive you crazy?" She stopped for a moment, as if thinking better of what she was about to say, but then continued, "Maybe if you gave me a chance, and actually talked to me, I could have processed it." Her eyes flashed with rage, but then softened. "I never really wanted kids, but that was before I had you, Silvia." She reached out and took my hands.
The look in her eyes was so pure that I couldn't help myself, and I moved closer to her. Just slightly. "Pepa, did you really think that sleeping with someone was going to help the situation?" My stomach dropped as I realized that maybe she already had. "You didn't…" I trailed off, unable to complete the thought.
Pepa's look changed to alarm as she quickly replied, "No, I haven't! I just…I thought it was the only way I could make you happy." The last words came out so softly that I could have cried.
I reached up and my hand cupped her cheek gently. "Oh, Pepa. Tonta," this time I said it with a small smile, to let her know that it was said with love. "I know I went off the deep end for a little bit there, but you need to speak up. And if I don't listen, then you need to tell me more loudly. I'm sorry. But sleeping with someone else? That would never be okay. I know in your head it was to try and make things better, but you have to know it couldn't have ended well." I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, and let my hand drop. I took her hands in mine once more, and raised them to my lips. I watched her eyes close as I kissed her knuckles softly.
"About fucking time."
Pepa's eyes flew open and I spun to the source of the comment. Maca stood there with her hands on her hips, staring at us.
"I told her the same damn thing, Silvia." Maca gave Pepa a pointed look. "And I should know!" She shook her head in frustration. "But this one over here is so pigheaded!" She walked towards us, continuing, "Now that you've kissed and made up, do you think I could I have my house back? Esther is supposed to be back from dropping off the kids at Teresa's any minute now, and I would really like to be able to have uninterrupted sex." She finally grinned at Pepa, "No offense."
Pepa let out a shaky laugh, showing that she was not quite recovered from our conversation, and I knew I wasn't either. She looked at me with an unspoken question of "Is it okay?" and I nodded. We could talk more at home.
As we stepped out into the cool night air her arm slipped around my waist. "Are you cold?" Her breath warmed the side of my face when she leaned in tentatively.
I smiled softly and replied, "No, I'm good." The words had more than one meaning, but I knew that they would hold true. I was good. I recognized there were several problems that still needed to be remedied, but we were both aware of them, and that was already an improvement. I rested my head on her shoulder, and slid my arm around her slight waist, pulling her a little closer. My world was righting itself.
The End