DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, Showtime, Gekko etc. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Special thanks to the lovely mrswoman for the beta.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Rub-a-Dub-Dub
By Ann
Sam closed her eyes and rested her head on the rim of the tub. Her latest mission had been long, tedious, and dirty, very dirty. When she'd finally stepped through the event horizon after ten days of scaling dusty mountainsides and searching cave after cave for evidence of any sign of civilization on the planet, she'd wanted nothing more than to crawl into a nice, hot bubble bath. Then, and only then, would she allow herself to think about making up for lost time with Janet.
"Hey, if you don't get out of there, you're going to become the new spokesperson for California raisins." Janet entered the room and smiled. Crossing over to the linen closet, she pulled out a bath towel and started towards the tub.
"I'd rather be a raisin than a giant dirt clod." Sam looked up at her lover, noting for the first time Janet's clothing. The usually neat as a pin doctor donned a pair of well worn sweat pants which consisted of more holes than material, but Sam's main focus quickly shifted to the very tight tank top. The fact that Janet had chosen to go braless wasn't lost on Sam. In fact, her eyes fastened to the two pert nipples that were straining to be freed from their confines, and Sam figured she was just the person to emancipate them.
"C'mere, you." Sam grinned, crooking a finger at her lover.
Janet stood her ground for a moment before slowly moving towards the lips she knew so well. Leaning down, she gently kissed Sam's lips, pulling away just as Sam reached up for her.
"Oh no, my dear; if you want me, you'll have to get out of that tub."
Ready to do just that, Sam moved to climb from the water, but she immediately halted her attempt when a sudden pain got her undivided attention. When she'd reached for Janet, she'd shifted awkwardly in the tub, and somehow, her right big toe had found itself lodged in the faucet. Sam slowly moved her gaze to the end of the tub and sighed.
"Uh oh."
Janet frowned when Sam used one of Cassie's favorite sayings, knowing that her daughter only said the short phrase when something bad had happened. The doctor followed the path her lover's eyes had taken.
"Oh no, Sam; please don't tell me . . ."
"… that I've got my toe stuck in the faucet?" Sam completed Janet's rhetorical statement, continuing her attempts to slowly remove said toe from its snug little hiding place.
"Just try to relax. It'll only be worse if you tense up."
Sam glared at her lover. "How could it be worse?"
"Hey, don't get terse with me. It's not my fault you got your toe stuck. I didn't shove it up into the faucet."
"You may as well have. You were the cause for my distraction."
"What? How did I distract you? All I did was come in and get you a towel. I barely even kissed you."
"Have you looked in the mirror?"
Janet sighed and turned towards the full length mirror, hanging on the back of the door. So what if her pants had holes, none of them were showing anything significant. Janet slowly moved her gaze up her body, noting the tight fitting shirt and the . . .
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh," Sam answered with a touch of sarcasm. "Now, let's figure out how to get me free."
An hour later, Janet sat on the commode lid, staring at the different items lining the bathtub's edge. They'd tried everything from gel to butter, and nothing had worked. Sam's toe hadn't budged.
"We've got to call for help."
Sam immediately jumped, almost sending the cold water over the tub's edge; the bubbles had disappeared long ago.
"No! I don't want anyone to know about this."
Janet stood and knelt next to the tub. "Sam, we've tried on our own. We need help. I could call a plumber."
Sam's eyes almost popped out of her head. "No! I'm not going to have some stranger come in here and ogle me."
"Okay, then. Let's call the guys."
"No way!"
Janet blew out a cleansing breath, calmly explaining, "Sam, it's either the guys or the plumber."
Jack stepped into the bathroom and chuckled. "You always bathe with your clothes on, Carter?"
After they'd decided on whom to call, Janet had lifted the stopper and drained the tub. The two of them had dried Sam off the best they could, and Janet had hurried into the other room to retrieve her lover's clothes. The bra and t-shirt were easily taken care of, but the rest of the garments were virtually impossible to put on since they weren't able to slide anything over Sam's right leg. Sam was almost in a full blown panic when Janet suddenly remembered an old wrap around skirt she had.
"Yes, Sir, that way I kill two birds with one stone."
"Huh?" Jack asked, moving further into the room.
"She means she washes her clothes while she bathes." Daniel stepped around the confused colonel and headed towards the faucet. "She was kidding, Jack." Turning his head left and right, he studied the problem.
"I knew that, Daniel. So, Carter, why are you bathing at Janet's?"
Sam took a deep breath. "It's my house, too, Sir."
Jack shook his head. "You're a regular comedienne today; everyone knows your house is over on Paramount Circle."
"Not anymore, Sir."
Daniel pulled a frowning Jack back to the problem at hand. First, they needed to free Sam; the coming out party could wait.
"Hey Jack, there's not much room to maneuver here. What do you think?"
"Well, we could cut if off." Jack walked over and shrugged.
"Sir!"
"The faucet, Carter, the faucet."
Janet stepped next to the two men. "Removing the faucet just might be the solution. I think the gel will work if we can put some on both the inside and outside of the faucet."
Jack grinned. "So we get to tear the faucet from the wall?"
"What if we just removed the tile holding the faucet?" Daniel suggested, knowing that Jack would more than likely try to use brute strength to remove the fixture.
"Yeah, I guess that'd work." Jack nodded. "But if not, we'll just rip it from the wall."
Several minutes later, the two men had chiseled the tile free, leaving the faucet still attached to Sam's toe, but thankfully, not to the wall. Sam slowly eased her leg downward to ease the cramps in her calf muscles.
"Ah, thank you, Sir. That feels so much better."
Jack grabbed a nearby tube and squeezed a generous amount of lubricant into the faucet until the substance was slowly oozing out the other end and around Sam's toe.
"Let's give that stuff a couple of minutes to work, Carter. I bet your toe slides right out of there."
Jack held the faucet steady and waited just a few seconds before he moved one hand towards Sam's toe. Holding onto both ends of the faucet, he suggested, "See if you can pull it loose."
"I thought you said a couple of minutes?" Sam wasn't looking forward to the pain.
"Minutes, seconds, whatever, just give it a try."
Sam grimaced and slowly attempted to pull away from the faucet. A loud pop was heard when the swollen digit was finally freed. Janet quickly moved to Sam's side.
"C'mon, let's get you out of there. We need to get some ice on that toe."
Pushing herself to her feet, Sam climbed out of the tub with assistance from Janet and Daniel. Jack gestured towards the door.
"Why don't you two go on in the kitchen, and Daniel and I will clean up this mess."
"Thanks, Jack. I really do appreciate this." Janet helped a hobbling Sam from the room.
"Alright, Danny boy, let's pick up this mess." Jack rolled his thumb across his fingertips and frowned at the slimy substance which had clung to his hand.
"What the hell is this stuff?"
"You mean this?" Daniel held up a tube and waited until Jack looked towards him before rotating the label towards the other man.
Jack squinted and slowly began to focus on the words. Wide-eyed, he raced to the sink and frantically began to wash his hands.
Daniel laughed and placed the cap back on the tube of K-Y Jelly as he gathered the rest of the items from the tub's edge. Judging from Jack's reaction, Daniel figured the coming out party would be postponed indefinitely.
The End