DISCLAIMER: I don't own Law & Order SVU or any of the characters represented in the show. They're owned by Dick Wolf NBC and the powers that be. No copyright infringement is implied/meant/deliberate in any way, shape or form, and no money is changing hands/no profit is being made, etc.
CHALLENGE RESPONSE: Submitted for the Passion & Perfection Xmas Challenge 2005
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
An SVU Christmas
By Del Robertson
When down the dark alley there arose such a clatter,
Benson and Fin ran to see what was the matter.
Down the alley they raced, drawing their guns,
If it was a perp, wouldn't they have fun?
They'd tackle him and kick him and punch him, too.
They'd beat him until he was black and blue.
Scream "Police Brutality"? He wouldn't dare,
Huang would vouch for them He wouldn't care.
He'd take the stand and mouth off some psycho mumbo-jumbo
Hey, it always worked for that guy named Colombo!
When what to their wondering eyes should appear?
But a woman in high heels her dress cut up to - here
She was smart and good-looking. Her blonde hair was true
Benson had seen her naked, so of course, she knew.
To guess who it was took no powers of detection.
Anyone could see it was Alex Cabot, back from Witness Protection.
Velez, the drug lord, for her exile, he was to blame.
When she spotted her detectives, she called them by name.
"Oh, Fin! It's good to see you. You, too, Detective Benson."
"Don't you know it's your hot love I've been missing?"
"Velez is dead. We flew to New York; Hammond said I'm free."
"Can you believe it? All on Christmas Eve."
They hugged and kissed as lovers are wont to do,
Fin didn't care they were lesbians; He already knew.
So, in that dark alley they kissed and they kissed,
And Benson found the lover she'd missed.
There'd been another ADA who wanted her, too.
But, poor Casey; Benson hadn't a clue.
She dressed in power suits, some shade called eggplant green
Munch and Stabler made fun of her. Weren't they mean?
With her sensible shoes, she lurched when she walked,
About her, the detectives gossiped and talked.
She often bragged about playing on a softball team.
To get Benson alone in the showers, that was her dream.
Once Cabot was gone, she'd come in from White-collar division,
To convict child molesters and sex offenders that was her mission.
She practiced and practiced in front of the mirror,
In court, she wanted to make her arguments clearer.
They countered her objections. She lost every motion.
How she passed the bar, they hadn't a notion.
Cragen said, "Be patient just give her some time."
How many times would he use that tired line?
So they waited and waited. Things just got worse.
It was enough to make Stabler spit and curse.
That's the storyline; the plot as we know it.
I almost forgot the murder; We better get to it.
Alex was free and back in town.
But, Novak had her job so, of course, she was down.
Because of incompetence, conviction rates were in the crapper,
How would Alex and Benson have their happily-ever-after?
They needed a solution, that much was clear.
But after Southerlyn, Branch wouldn't fire another lesbian Oh, dear!
So, in the heat of the moment, Alex came up with a plan,
She paid someone off some homeless man.
After a tough case, Benson took Novak out and they ate,
Poor Casey; she probably thought it was a date.
She made a pass- Benson was mad she blew off the red-head,
The next thing you know, Novak was dead.
She'd walked home alone. She'd forgotten her bat.
With a college education; How smart was that?
He'd seen her coming, he knew what he had to do.
The homeless man stabbed her and stabbed her until her lips turned blue.
And, in that dark alley where Casey lay dead,
ME Warner examined the wounds where she bled.
Her findings were conclusive, of that there was no doubt.
They needed a cover story before the press found out.
On Christmas Eve, ADA Novak had died,
With thirteen stabs wounds to the chest, it was ruled suicide!
My work here is done. My plotline is through.
I kept it clean. The comedy wasn't blue.
Ralst made the challenge. I read the rules. In order to qualify,
I had to mention Christmas or Hanukkah, or risk being nullified.
I've mentioned Christmas. I've said it twice,
If you'll accept my submission Well, wouldn't that be nice?
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