DISCLAIMER: The L Word and its characters are the property of Ilene Chaiken and Showtime. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to Mari-Anne from the beta.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
How To Save A Best Friend
Alice could hear them from the other end of the apartment. She heard Helena shriek and then giggle. If she could deal with Helena having sex with Papi (right after she was having sex with her), then she shouldn't have a problem dealing with Helena having sex in her bedroom. After all, Helena was OK (mostly) with her having sex with Phylis.
She heard another shriek, this time not Helena's. She wasn't sure why this woman was bothering her so much.
That's not true. She knew exactly why. This woman was using Helena.
Helena might be a grown woman, but in a lot of ways she was very naive. Alice didn't think she came to terms with her "new found" financial state. She tried to help, but Helena seemed so helpless and hopeless at times, and Catherine's flash lured her.
She was worried, and she didn't know who to talk to. Shane was her stoic old self, all Yoda again, but deep down Alice thought Shane didn't really understand her part in where Helena's life was right now. Jenny was as crazy as always, crazier than Alice was when she stalked Dana. Kit was drinking again and Bette was too busy seeing someone new. Max was totally not the right person, which left Tina.
Alice wasn't even sure how it happened, how did Tina become the last resort. Who cares if she's sleeping with some flaky guy. Wasn't she, Alice, the proud bi-sexual of the group? When did she start hating women who dated both? Maybe it's because she didn't have any real bi friends (Jenny's a psych and Tina isn't really bi), or maybe it was that between her pregnancy scare and Lisa the lesbian man, that she just preferred women now.
Or maybe it was Dana.
She may not show it, but there isn't an hour in the day she doesn't think about her. She never stopped, not when she was with her, not when she was pretending to get over her, not with Ursulla, not with Papi, Phylis, and most of all - not with Lara (but at least then it was mutual). She keeps wondering what would have happened if she hadn't behaved the way she did. If they hadn't broken up. If she would have been the one to find the tumor. If Lara would have found it sooner. If Dana hadn't pushed Lara away. If she hadn't bumped into Tonya outside.
Most of all, she wonders what would have happened if she hadn't kissed her.
Would she just feel a great loss of a best friend, instead of this sinking feeling, the fear that she will never love or be loved again?
The love of her life, she's sure that's what Dana was. Is.
But she still didn't have a clue what made her go to Dana that night.
There was a sound of loud whispers in the hall, and then a door opened and closed. Alice sighed, finally Catherine was gone. She crept quietly into the kitchen to find Helena sitting and eating cereal from the box.
"Helena, what are you doing?"
"Eating," She answered, "Burned a lot of energy," she giggled.
Alice rolled her eyes "With Catherine, what are you doing with Catherine?"
Helena just shrugged, but Alice could see the sadness in her eyes. At that moment she knew why she went to Dana that fateful night - it was to help her best friend out of a situation she didn't know was bad for her, and she would do the same for Helena.
She crossed the kitchen floor to Helena and engulfed her in a hug, and the last thought that went though her mind before her lips touched Helena's was: "I'm only doing this to help my best friend."
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