DISCLAIMER: None of these characters belong to me – I have borrowed them for a while for this story! (Except Lisa Black – she is mine!) This story deals with a loving relationship between two women.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first attempt at any sort of creative writing (except the drivel I produced in high school) feedback would be great but please be gentle and constructive! Ltlenara@hotmail.com. 'thoughts' "speech" – enjoy the story.
SPOILERS: Iddy biddy ones up to Rite of Passage – this is set around season 3 and 4. Not episode related in any way.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Sea of Dreams
By Lenara
Chapter 1
Sam Carter wearily dragged herself to her bed roll and flopped down. Guard duty on an uninhabited planet had made for a cold, lonely two hours. Checking that Teal'c was stoically standing guard she flipped open her note book and felt in the almost hidden pocket at the back. She found the picture she was looking for, it had been at Cassie's 14th birthday party and all the gang were there, Jack, Daniel and Teal'c were at the back with their arms protectively around the women in front of them, centre was Cassie, the little sister, adopted daughter that she had come to love, either side of Cassie was Sam herself and Janet, the reason she needed to look at this picture now, Janet. The moonlight filtering through the trees gave just enough light for Sam to see the picture but she knew that she was merely recalling memories of the woman she loved. It was no use denying it, she loved Janet. Her, Samantha Carter, doctor in astrophysics, major in the USAF was in love with another woman. It had been a long time coming. At school she'd had crushes on some of her female friends but she had put it down to losing her mother at such a young age. She had hidden herself away at the academy and had buried her heart, deep within herself in order to succeed, to be the best, to prove to the world and her father that she could make it on her own. Then there had been Lisa.
Lisa Black was the cockiest female pilot in the RAF. She and Sam had been based together during Sam's brief stint at the USAF base in Britain. They'd had a one night fling following a drinking session but had quickly fallen into being close friends. Over the years they had been there for each other. Friendships were difficult enough in the forces but having the Atlantic between them had made it even harder, fortunately they were blessed that even if 6 months went without talking to each other, it was like yesterday when they did eventually catch up. The last time they had spoken Sam had poured her heart out to her friend about Janet. Lisa was typically helpful "just tell her babes, if she is as good a friend as you make out then it won't bother her, you can't live your life thinking 'what if'!"
For the closeness that they had shared, Sam had never loved Lisa, she had not even loved Jonas Hanson, the man she was engaged to. She had never really loved anyone in her life, until Janet and Cassie. Daniel had summed it up in one sentence, "You never have felt love, have you?" Sam did not need to answer then just as she could not answer now, the woman she loved could never share her affection, Janet had been married for god's sake, she was in the air force, "Don't ask, don't tell" that was the name of the game. There was also the chance that Janet would be so disgusted that she would never want to see Sam again and would not let Sam see Cassie.
'If only I could tell her,' Sam thought, 'I can't risk losing her! Silently she wiped the tears that had started to roll down her cheeks, flipped the photo away and curled up clutching her P90, she slipped into a dreamless sleep her heart breaking at the loss of the love she could never feel.
Janet Frasier eased open the door to Sam's house. As always when Sam was off world, Janet popped over twice a week to check mail, water plants and keep the place looking lived in. Truth be told it was calming to the petite doctor. Just being here made her feel closer to Sam. The first time Janet met Sam she thought that the blonde astrophysicist was cold and arrogant. Fortunately it did not take her long to change that opinion. When Sam risked her life to save Cassie, Janet knew that this woman would be a big part of her life.
As she pottered round the house seeing to this and that she looked at the small collection of photos that Sam had scattered on the mantle, there was an obligatory one of family and of course of Sam's beloved mother. Then there was one of Sam during her time in Britain with a group of smiling women, one had her arm around Sam in an innocent, friendly pose. Janet was completely unprepared for the short flush of jealousy that washed over her. Janet quickly left that picture and looked at the last one on the mantle, it had been taken during a visit to the lake, Sam and Cassie had been messing about in the water, and Janet had snapped them as they emerged from the water together, Cassie, Janet's beloved adopted daughter, looked as cute as she always did, but Sam. Sam had risen from the water like a goddess, her every movement graceful. The water streamed off her athletic, tanned body leaving Janet, then and now breathless. That was the first time that Janet had truly realised the beauty of her best friend, that was also the time that Janet's thoughts had moved beyond friendship. It hit her now like a go'auld staff weapon blast. She was falling in love with Sam Carter. Her best friend, her confidant. She was in love and she didn't have a clue what to do about it.
Janet had been sitting on the sofa, lost in thought for about half an hour when the shrill tone of the phone disturbed her. Immediately she jumped up, thinking it could be the mountain. Remembering where she was, she left it for the ansafone to pick up. As she listened to Sam's voice, she felt a tug at her heart, oh boy, she had it bad.
"Hi Sam, how is the sexiest fly girl in the states doing? This is you counterpart, Lisa from England." the breathy female voice was unmistakably English and undeniably flirting. Janet scowled and listened to the message, unable to move.
"I guess cos I am speaking to this marvel of the twentieth century that you are out having fun, doing your thing. Just calling to catch up and have a natter I have the BEST news to tell you babes!"
Babes, babes who was calling Sam BABES! Janet unconsciously tensed her shoulders and willed herself to leave, she was eves dropping on Sam's messages, as much as she wanted to know who this woman was, she could not intrude into Sam's private life, with a huff she walked out the back door to tend to the back yard.
The disembodied voice continued into the now empty front room
"Well babes I have to go, duties and all that, call me back when you have a mo. By the way have you told that delicious doctor that you are sooo head over heels? Luv ya, bye."
Janet dropped the last of her paperwork into the out tray and stretched her hands out above her head. At last the infirmary was deserted, all patients had been discharged and no SG teams were off world. SG1 had passed their post jump physicals with no problems, except for Col O'Neill who grumbled continually until Janet threatened him with the biggest needle she could find. Now she had 3 weeks' leave with a grumpy and bored teenager to face. Janet smiled at the thought of her daughter, Cassie, the teenager she had now bore no resemblance to the scared little girl that Sam had rescued from a deserted planet almost 3 years ago. How was she going to entertain Cassie for three whole weeks without screaming at her or having a nervous breakdown?
"Hey Janet, why the scowl?" Sam Carter sauntered into Janet's office and propped a hip on the edge of Janet's desk.
"Oh, nothing, just thinking about how I am going to entertain Cassie for three weeks during the Easter vacation. You know how she is, too young to be out with friends all the time but too old to do anything with Mom!" Janet sighed
"Well, as you are at a loss on how to entertain Cassie and I have been told not to show my face in the mountain for the next three weeks how about we go off for a short holiday, just the three of us?" Sam searched Janet's face for any reaction to that suggestion.
"Holiday? What's that?" quipped Janet "That would be great, just the three of us, no SGC, no stargate."
"Mmmm sounds good, doesn't it? Where do you want to go?" Sam's brilliant blue eyes seared into Janet making the doctor breathless.
"Erm.. I don't know, why don't you come over for dinner tonight and we can talk it over."
"Great!"
"Right – see you at 7?"
"7 – Sure see you then" Sam flashed Janet one of her melt your heart and take your breath away smiles as she left the breathless doctor in her office.
'Great move Frasier' Janet silently admonished herself 'holiday with the woman you love but the one person you can't have. This should be easy.'
Sam pulled her car into the driveway of Janet's house and turned off the ignition. Maybe this holiday was a bad idea, but Sam just wanted to make Janet smile again. The doctor had been unusually quiet during her post jump physical this afternoon and when Sam had enquired about her house Janet just answered in monosyllables, yep something was up with the diminutive doctor and Sam was determined to find out what it was and to help Janet through it. 'So what if we can never be more than friends, you love her Carter and that means being there for her, whatever' with this in mind Sam jumped out the car and strode to Janet's front door. Before she had a chance to knock the door opened and a whirlwind of Cassie emerged.
"Sam, Sam Mom says we are going on holiday! Are you really coming too, can we go somewhere hot, will there be other kids. This is going to be soooo cool, will I need new clothes? " Cassie managed in one breath without pauses
"Well Cas, let me in through the door and we can discuss it over dinner" Sam affectionately ruffled the teen's hair which earned her a humph and a glare.
As she entered the house Sam felt the usual tug at her heart. In complete contrast to her stark abode this was a true home, there was love, laughter and genuine warmth. The smells from the kitchen made her stomach rumble, the vision now standing in the kitchen door made it do a flip flop and her heart skip a beat or two.
Janet was casually dressed in worn jeans that hugged her figure in all the right places and a tight sleeveless top in simple white. She was wearing the necklace and earring set that Sam and Cassie had bought her on Cassie's first Christmas on Earth. Sam thought she had never seen anything so beautiful in all her life.
"Sam, are you paying me any attention at all?" Janet swatted Sam with the tea towel in her hand. "I asked if you wanted soda, beer or wine?
"Er.. wine thanks Janet." Sam spluttered as she followed Janet into the kitchen.
Three hours later they were still no closer to the solution. Having decided that they would go for a week, the exact holiday remained a mystery. Cassie wanted fun and exciting with loads of other kids, Janet wanted quiet and relaxing with lots of sun and cocktails. Sam was content with a mixture of the two. (Privately she thought sun sand and just Janet would be good but had to rid her mind of these thoughts very quickly)
Finally Sam had a revelation; "How about fun and exciting for Cassie AND quiet and relaxing for Janet?"
The two Frasier women stared at Sam, the quietest they had been for the last three hours.
"And how do we get that Sam?" Janet pierced Sam's blue eyes with her soft doe brown ones.
"I've got an idea but I'm not sure if I can get it at short notice, how about I surprise you?" Sam suggested.
"Well… I'm not sure Sam, how much are we talking about?"
"Not too much I promise, Cassie and I can go into town tomorrow and book it – how about it squirt?" Sam swatted the teenage girl who was looking bemusedly at the two women who had come to mean everything to her.
"Yeah mom, you trust Sam right? Can I go call Sandra and tell her all about it? Please mom?" Cassie turned her puppy dog eyes on her mother.
"Yes you may, after you have put the dishes in the washer!" Janet in Mom mode was not to be argued with.
"You want more wine?" Janet tipped the bottle towards Sam.
"No thanks, actually I had better head off home; I need a good night's sleep if I am going shopping a la Cassie tomorrow!"
"Oh.. Ok" Janet tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice. "You can always stay here if you want – you know the spare room is yours whenever you need it."
"Thanks Jan, but I need to make a few calls tonight. Can you tell Cassie that I'll pick her up at 10?"
"Sure." Janet watched Sam put her leather jacket on, damn! She looks good in almost anything she wears, even the hospital gown at the SGC! On impulse she drew Sam into a big hug. "Thanks for this Sam; you are the best friend I could wish for"
Two days later Janet, Sam and Cassie stood excitedly at the airport.
"Ok ready for stage one of your surprise?" Sam looked at the two Fraiser women with an amused glint in her eye.
"Yeah Sam come on tell us!" Cassie was practically bouncing up and down with excitement; Janet merely looked at Sam with those soulful brown eyes of hers.
"Ok we have to get on a plane to……Miami"
"Miami – we are going to Miami – cool" enthused Cassie "err.. Mom.. Where is Miami?"
"Florida sweetie" replied a bemused Janet. This was the big secret? What was Sam up too?
"No – we're flying to Miami but that's not where our holiday is!" Sam flashed a smile at the two women then turned to the check in desk.
More bemused than ever the mother and daughter could only follow Sam and trust her.
Strapped into the plane that would take them to Miami, Janet allowed herself to observe Sam. She was beautiful, and the people she met, radiated that beauty right back to her, she obviously cared for Cassie, that made Janet love her all the more, but what of this mysterious Lisa? Was she just a friend or more – Janet had always thought that Sam was straight, after all she had been engaged once and had had more than her fair share of male admirers. 'Not that that means anything' Janet internalized; 'after all, you were married.' Janet was more confused than ever about the tall blonde major. 'What would happen if you told her? You could lose your best friend. And if she felt like it you could lose your job, your career and your daughter.' Janet paled at the thought of not having Sam and Cassie in her life. ' I can't allow that to happen, never, she must never know how I feel about her.'
Sam turned away from an excited Cassie to look at Janet. She looked dreadful, she was clutching the arms of the chair as if her life depended on it and was paler than Sam had ever seen. Panic gripped Sam's heart at the thought that Janet might be ill.
"Janet, Janet are you ok?" Sam placed her hand over the doctor's hand and gripped it tightly.
"Uh.. Oh Sam yeah I'm fine."
"Ok…. if you're sure" Sam was not convinced that Janet was fine, and the watery smile that Janet sent her did nothing to appease her. Still she gave Janet's hand a reassuring pat and went back to the book she had brought on for the flight.
Janet and Cassie were still none the wiser as they sped to Sam only knows where in a taxi. Soon the ocean twinkled and shimmered in front of them. Not long after that the taxi turned into the dockyard and the gleaming yellow funnels of the cruise ship peaked into view, a few moments later the rest of the vast ship appeared.
"Ta da" Sam motioned to the ship with her hands
"Oh Samantha!" Janet's breath was taken away; one of her dreams had always been to go on a luxury cruise with the one she loved.
Sam looked at Janet with a huge smile on her face – it had all been worth it for that goofy grin that was being sent her way by the beautiful brunette sitting next to her.
Janet caught Sam's eyes and was immediately drawn into the blue orbs, she could not tell how long she and the tall blonde looked at each other for – she could have stayed here for a lifetime had it not been for a small interruption.
"Huh?" Cassie looked at the adults from her seat in the front of the taxi. "What's so great about going on a boat?"
"Well Cassie," Sam explained "it's more than a boat, it's a ship, it has lots of cabins, a kids play area, a teenagers club, swimming pools, night clubs, arcades, beauty salons… do you want me to go on?"
"Wow!" the teenager was truly impressed "so will there be other kids on board?"
"I am sure there will be honey – that will be our first job on board, to find the teen club for you!" Janet reassured her daughter and then looked at Sam.
"You really are the greatest Sam!"
Fortunately the bulk of the check in was done with as the Frasier party pulled up to check in, Sam took control of everything and soon the excited Frasier women were giving their particulars to the desk clerk. Cassie felt very grown up at having her own cruise card.
"Ah well, they only had a few cabins left so I had to take whatever I could get." Sam tried to sound convincing, "I am afraid we will have to put up with pretty basic cabins – I am sorry." Sam hung her head to hide the fact that she was smiling broadly.
"Oh honey – this is fine, I'm sure what you have got us will be great." Janet ran her hands over Sam's arms, causing sensations that made both women go goose pimply.
"Come on you two let's go!" Cassie pulled at the two adults, eager to explore this new adventure.
Sam opened the cabin door and motioned for Janet and Cassie to go inside.
"Oh Samantha" Janet exclaimed for the second time in an hour. She stood with her daughter in the largest suite either of them had ever seen. The sitting room led out to a balcony and the master bedroom was just off to one side. The door to the most beautiful bathroom Janet had ever seen was to the right of the sitting room and to the left another door was shut.
"What's this for?" Janet motioned to the door
"Aha – that is to the other bedroom!" Sam opened the door to show them "I thought that I could….."
"Oh wow I got my own room!" Cassie rushed past Sam and jumped on the bed, "Cool – look mom I have my own bathroom, and a balcony! Sam Sam thank you this is great!"
Sam found herself engulfed in the young girl's hug and could not bring herself to explain that she had intended to sleep in there herself. She looked and Janet who merely nodded her head.
As the great ship pulled away from the dock side Janet turned to the tall blonde standing next to her on the deck.
"You know Sam, I don't even know where we are going!"
"Oh, the usual Caribbean islands, US Virgin Islands, I thought I could take Cassie snorkeling in St Tomas. Look Janet I am really sorry about the cabin and the bed – if you feel awkward I can ask if there is another cabin available." Sam shot a sideways look at the now smiling doctor next to her.
"And have you spend more money? No way – I don't know how I can repay you as it is. We will be fine; we are mature adults after all!" Janet looked out to the rapidly shrinking shoreline. 'Yeah – who are you trying to kid Frasier'
"Mom!" the teenage whirlwind was back "mom there are soo many cool kids on board this ship – can I hang out with them tonight?" Cassie turned her puppy dog eyes on Janet
"Sure honey -just be sure to check in with Sam and I before you go to bed!"
"Thanks mom – you're the coolest!" With that Cassie was gone before either of the adults could blink an eye.
"I think that is the last of her we will see for a while! Come on Sam I want to check out the champagne I saw in our room!" Janet pulled at Sam's arm not realizing that she sounded just as excited as her teenage daughter.
'Well Carter, you really have done it this time haven't you!' Sam admonished herself as she lazed by the pool in the brilliant sunshine. Not only had she had to endure a nearly sleepless night next to Janet, she was now faced by 5'6'' of doctor Janet Frasier clad only in a bikini. Janet was toned to perfection, slim legs leading to nicely rounded hips and the cutest butt that had ever graced this earth. A small waist and nicely rounded breasts. Sam burned the image of Janet Frasier into her mind, the copper colored bikini the only thing covering the flawless body.
"Earth to Sam… hello?" Janet debated throwing some cold water over her friend.
"Huh… pardon Janet?" Sam was very grateful that she was wearing dark glasses so that Janet could not tell were her eyes had wandered to.
"I asked if you could put some lotion on my back for me." Janet motioned the bottle of sun lotion towards Sam.
"Oh yeah – course. Lie down and I'll do it." Sam took the bottle from Janet and tried to clear her head.
'Oh shit – she is good with her hands' Janet felt her body go limp at the touch of the major's hands to her back "Oh that's good Sam" she breathed. ' I don't think Sam realizes how sexy she looks in that swim suit?' Janet allowed her mind to wander as Sam applied the lotion to her back. Like her Sam was wearing a bikini, only hers was in a pale blue that managed to pick up the color of her eyes. Sam's athletic frame was only marred by a few scars picked up during her defense of the planet, and only noticeable to Janet as she had been the one to stitch her friend back together after another effort to defeat the Go' auld.
"Shit" Janet sat bolt upright on the lounger that she had been sunning herself on for the past few hours.
"What's up hon?" Sam looked at her friend as she frantically began collecting her belongings.
"Sam I, I don't have anything to wear tonight, it's the big getting dressed up night and I don't have anything. I, I didn't know what we were doing on this holiday so I didn't bring anything. What am I going to do? Oh what about Cassie, Sam - she won't have anything either! Are there shops on board, can we get something this late?" Janet looked at Sam, with worry etched on her face.
"Come on" Sam held her hand out to her friend. "Let's see what we can do."
Janet was too caught up in her worry to realize that Sam was leading her to her own cabin. As they stepped inside Sam went to the wardrobe and pulled out a gold silk dress.
She turned around and showed it to Janet. "This do you?"
"Oh Sam that is sweet of you but your dress will be way to long on me!" Janet began before really looking at the dress.
"No silly, it's in your size - do you remember when I said Cassie and I had to do some shopping for the holiday, the day I booked it? I got it then for you, I hope it's your size."
Janet paused to really look at the dress Sam held up, it WAS her size, and it was the most beautiful dress she had ever seen. She took it from Sam and as she did so the material caressed her fingers in a way she had never felt before, silk she guessed in a lovely gold color. Janet turned to Sam who was nervously shifting around looking at Janet. Janet pulled her friend to her and held her in her arms; they stood like this for what seemed like hours, but was in reality only a few minutes. Sam's heart raced at the feeling of having the object of her desire pressed against her as she had wanted for so long. Janet fitted so well against her body Sam felt the heat rising in her cheeks as well as other parts of her body; her head was swimming at the sensation.
"Do you like it?" Sam pulled away from Janet abruptly, searching the smaller woman's face for any sign of emotion "if you don't I...I won't be offended."
Janet lifted her tear filled doe eyes to Sam's "I love it Sam, I love it so much! Thank you."
Sam looked down at Janet, the moment seeming to stretch into infinity, their mouths were so close all she had to do was reach.
"Goddamit!" Sam pulled back as if bitten and Janet moved to her daughter's bedroom to investigate the origin of the profanity.
"Sweetie, what's the problem?" Janet went to her daughter who was in serious danger of succumbing to tears.
"All the other girls have been talking about what they are wearing for the captain's party tonight. I haven't got anything to wear! None of the dresses in the shop will fit, besides they are sooo not cool!" Cassie rolled her eyes at this statement and flopped on her bed.
Sam moved to the wardrobe in the teen's room and fixed the young woman with a loving look. "Ok airman – d'ya think I would send out any of my team without the proper kit?"
Janet smiled as the two most important women in her entire world played out the childish game.
"ma'am, no ma'am!" Cassie sprang to attention mock saluting the air force major.
"Good!" Sam pointed to the wardrobe. "Look in there then!"
Cassie made it to the wardrobe in one movement and brought out a lovely black dress. It was closely cut enough so that Cassie would feel like a young lady but covered enough to protect Janet from a coronary. For the second time in ten mins Sam found herself engulfed in the arms of a sobbing Frasier, this time it was Cassie who was professing her thanks.
"Now scoot you two, you have joint appointments at the hair salon, unless you are not planning on looking special tonight?" Sam fixed the two bemused women with a loving glare and scooted them out the door. Hearing their excited chatter disappearing up the corridor Sam shut the door to the cabin and flopped into one of the arm chairs that were in the lounge part of their suite. If she wasn't careful she was going to lose it real soon.
/ "I love it Sam, I love it so much!/
Sam recalled Janet's words and how close she had been to kissing the small brunette, to taking this amazing woman in her arms and telling her that she loved her, that the family she had craved for so long was suddenly around her, that she wanted to take Janet to bed and share long nights of passion with her. 'Thank god for Cassie!' Sam mused 'if she hadn't come in I would have laid my heart open to her, let my true feeling come out. I can't, I mustn't.' With all the practice of years gone by Sam buried her heart deep within her chest resolved never to reveal her true feelings to Janet.
To Be Continued