DISCLAIMER: The show and the characters belong to the producers and creators of SG1. I am borrowing them for fun not profit. Any similarities to a classic movie are unintentional-not.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: What happens when an alternate reality Janet finds herself in an icon’s life and she can’t go back to her own? My note: Janet has always struck me as a bit too matronly and stereotypically maternal. I like this Janet better. Also, I guess Cassie is supposed to be 21 in canon. I will bust canon for now. She’s going to be in that girl, not yet a woman phase-15ish.
SPOILERS: “Heroes” This story happens after this terrible turn in the series.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

Second Coming
By raginhoops


In an instant, her whole life changed. There had been other jolting events: a marriage cleaved, family deaths, and heart-crushing betrayal; but, there was always a hint, a feeling that something awful was coming. Her world was destroyed while she was at a meeting at Cheyenne Mountain, the other mirrored existence. Armageddon came without warning. It wasn't the Ori or the Wraith. No, this was the act of domestic terrorists who were convinced that the Earth's commune with other worlds should cease as God's will commanded it. Fucking morons succeeded by dumb luck. God told them to stop the Stargate Program; they effectively destroyed their world. Global thermonuclear war began with one stolen warhead smuggled into Cheyenne Mountain by a janitor. It was six weeks ago and she still shook with bitterness. This place was a shell holding the same people she lost-sameness blazingly different. They were outwardly empathetic to her loss. Inside, they hid a thinly disguised joy at regaining their lost doctor losing a veil with each day that they danced around her.

The second coming, she thought ironically. She didn't know what was most annoying, that these people treated her like a saint or that every time she stopped short she had fucking Samantha Carter up her ass. She did her duty- went home to a place that she never had, cared for a daughter that she never met, and went to bed alone. The latter was the only thing that had not changed from her immediate past life. It wasn't all bad; she just had not yet finished grieving. At least, there was a purpose here. So she woke up early, straightened up another woman's things, looked into her closet in despair, and decided to start living again. The first order of business was to go shopping. The other Janet had absolutely horrid taste in clothes.

The bar off base was crowded after hours. O'Neill was back from Washington and everyone was out for an impromptu party. The general was horrified that the gathering was in his name so he promptly renamed the event as the third annual SG triathlon: billiards, darts, and beer drinking. Teal'c took the dart prize and wore the paper tiara with pride. An airman from engineering captured the 8-ball event and hung the rack around his neck. They were nearing the end of the beer chugging with Jack in a solid lead. Sam dropped, or rather, passed out on the sixth round and was draped over the booth's table. Surveying the debauchery, Janet finally felt that she could spend an evening with the crew.

Jack nudged the sleeping blonde until she fell off the side of the table with a jerk and a flail. "What the..?"

"Wake up, Fraiser's here. I think it's Fraiser. It's the same rack but that shirt shows it off much better."

"Quit it, you're such an adolescent." Sam stopped short as she focused on Janet's approach. Fuckin A. He's right. And the jeans are tighter than a latex glove. The struggle to straighten her beer sodden body resembled a beetle trying to right itself. Teal'c ever watchful and helpful pulled her up by the collar and smoothed out the rumpled cloth. "You are very welcome Carter."

"Thanks Teal'c. Stay close until we find out if she's here as a friend or to assassinate me."

"Damn, she looks like a Bond girl, one of the evil ones that could seriously hurt you. What was the one that crushed men with her thighs?"

"She doesn't look like that one. First of all, she's way too short and Faamke Jansen is dark haired…"

"Jean Grey, that was her? No way, where was the accent?"

"Yes, I believe that Carter is correct. That is the same actress that I recall from the credits." Teal'c answered thoughtfully.

The three shut up quickly and smiled with the same artificial grin.

Janet instantly felt regret cover her like a cold shower. Before she could retreat, Jack pulled her over to the group.

"Damnit, Janet. You look mahvalous. Whatcha having tonight. It's on me."

"Doesn't happen often. I'd take him up on it." Sam added, "It's good to see you out." She shyly stepped back. This Janet treated her like a specimen cup, sterilely, in a completely utilitarian fashion. She hoped that things would improve soon. Attempts to visit and create a friendship outside work had been politely rebuked. Sam knew that this wasn't her Janet but it still hurt. There must have been some bad blood between them back there.

"I don't mind if I do. Grey Goose up, dry, and very dirty."

Sam shivered. This was certainly not the Janet Fraiser that they were accustomed to. The woman was comfortable in her skin leaning against the coat rack, thumbs hooked on her belt loops and her feet crossed comfortably in well-worn shitkickers. She looked like brokeback urban cowgirl ready to ride any bull in the place that she fancied, human or mechanical.

It was hard to shake the past. Sam had realized too late that the love that she had for her friend was way more than friendship. She was afraid to step past the comfort zone that Janet was more than willing to forego. Carter just thought that she needed more time to get used to the idea of changing their relationship. Then Janet was gone before she could test what she really felt. On the other hand, this Janet would have not taken no for an answer. This Janet was the type that saw what she liked and took it: no questions, no worries, no waiting. This was Doctor Fraiser who didn't take a shine to her at all.

"He's not so bad, for a guy that's a general. Is he your fellow?" Janet finally made a comment to Sam. A massive stack of empty glasses threatened to topple over the edge of their table moving them closer together despite the initial distance. By shear attrition and inebriation, they found themselves in close proximity to each other and talking out loud to the room and, effectively, to each other.

Sam spewed beer out of her nose and coughed herself into a beet-red state.

"I take that as a No."

On regaining her composure and voice, Sam croaked, "I've been meaning to ask you if I'd offended you in some way? 'Cause I'd really like to mend things. And I don't know what I did in the first place."

"Look, I know it wasn't you. But the other Samantha Carter, she broke up my marriage. It's a hard thing to get used to. To forget …'cause you look so much like her."

"I don't know what to say. Sorry ….That's a real pisser… guess I can understand the cold shoulder. But I would never do something like that to anyone."

"Yeah, that's what they all say."

"No, really. Not just because I'm drunk and I am that…But, I am a decent person. It would be dishonorable to be a…." She trailed off having lost her train of thought, suddenly swaying to keep balanced.

"Hussy? It's OK. There were problems anyway. I was married to a JAG officer. There were distance issues, career concerns, too much drama. Boring shit. Well, it's over, isn't it?" She ordered another martini. "And another pitcher for my friends."

The bartender pointed out the 'friends' now consisted of a collection of airmen and women in a heap catching flies. Jack, still conscious, was clutching a very scantily clad waitress and trying to convince her to take him home. "I think the party's over. I have cabs waiting outside." He continued to wipe the bar down.

Sam insisted on escorting Janet home, too drunk to be intimidated or dissuaded.

"You know you aren't half bad yourself, for a home wrecker." Janet drawled.

"You just had too much to drink. That your real accent?"

"Yep. I'm from Oklahoma, and don't start singing that song. I hate that."

"What song?"

"You know, from the musical."

"I don't know any musicals."

"You really aren't much like her. She was a freakin' nerd….. I think that I might like you. But I'm calling you Sam. The other bitch, sorry, she insisted on being called Sa.man.tha, she was a tight ass… with a red ass."

"A ten dollar whore."

"More like ten cents. Drop a dime, drop your drawers."

"Goddamn bitch, asshole! I bet she didn't know a photon from a neutrino."

"Well, no. She was pretty fucking brilliant. I hate to admit it. And she was pretty, more femme than you. Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Carter looked hurt. "Fuck her and her girly man-snatchin' self."

"She didn't snatch men. Nooooo…Snatch was what she was after."

Sam blinked in confusion. "She stole my wife." Janet clarified.

"Fuck me. You're a dyke?"

"Give me a month and I might. Hell yes, I'm queer, as a two headed chicken. You didn't know that? Either you people are thick or that other Janet was a nun. I didn't see any evidence in this house that she had sex ever, even with herself."

"She wanted to. I was too scared."

"You and she?" Janet dissolved into laughter. "You didn't jump on that in a second. You are so not like Sa.man.tha. She fucked anything at room temperature. Didn't have to have a pulse. Hey, didn't she look a bit like me? I'm offended. Get me out of this cab. He's going to pop it any time now, leering sonofabitch."

"Keep the change and wait for me." Sam paid the cabbie with a shrug and chagrined look.

"No, I think you will call another cab." He took the bills and pealed out.

Together they managed to negotiate the walk and steps to the front door. Finding the keys was another matter as Janet struggled to slip her hands into her pocket.

"Those are a little tight."

"As Fort Knox and you are not getting into them tonight. Take the kid's room, upstairs to the right, I forget, you know your way around here."

"Where is Cassie?"

"She's sleeping over a friend's house, Danielle Somethingorother. Don't ask me these things when I'm shit-faced."

Before Janet disappeared into her room, Sam stopped her. "I'm glad we talked. I do want to be friends."

Janet playfully patted her cheek somewhere between a slap and a tap. "You're a cute one, you are. If you get up before me, wake me. If I'm going to hate myself in the morning, I want to get a head start."

Slowly, after wavering and vibrating, the poster on the wall next to her focused. David Beckham stared back at her with a soccer ball offering. As she sat up, Orlando Bloom aimed an arrow across at a shirtless boyman brandishing a six-pack, no doubt, the teen idol of the month. She remembered that she was in Cassie's room as her head pounded a beat, not unlike what that young man would sing to today. At least, she's got better taste than I did at that age, she thought as vague memories of Bobby Sherman and Gary Puckett peaked through the wreckage that was her brain. She laughed and immediately regretted the movement as she thought that it was weird that she remembered the Avengers poster quite clearly next to the other more prominently placed ones. Must. Not. Drinksomuch. Ever. Again. A glass of a yellowish-green liquid was on the nightstand next to a note:

'Drink this when you wake up along with this pill. Don't worry, it's not poison. If I wanted to kill you, I'd have smothered you in your sleep.

The Doctor'

A strong pain shot up her neck. It was all coming back to her: the party, the massive amounts of beer she drank, the conversation with Janet. She came home with Janet who hates her. Now I know why. Because I am a slut in that other place. Well, was a slut. The whole planet was nuked so I guess Sam the Slag is toast. Jesus, she flirted with me. Maybe she doesn't hate me so much anymore.

Janet was drinking coffee at the snack bar and reading the paper; a plate sat in front of her smeared with the evidence that it bore something greasy earlier. "Afternoon, cupcake. Want some breakfast?"

Sam made a sound that defied description soon colored by a shade of green not contained in the 64-color crayola collection, gagged, and ran out of the room.

"Guess some people can't hold their liquor." Janet remarked to herself before sipping the strong brew through a dastardly grin- one that grew broader with the barks and groans that penetrated muffled through the walls. Janet made a mental note of the thin insulation for future reference.

The next time Sam awakened, she was curled up on the couch. Now, this was familiar. How many nights did she spend here on Janet's couch, way too late to travel home under the influence of one too many glasses of wine? One had to be responsible. A twinge that ached like bad sunburn settled behind her collarbone. Her Janet. Gone. She hurriedly wiped the tears from her eyes as she heard the new Janet in the kitchen, puttering around. Sam leaned against the doorframe and took a moment to take in the familiar domestic scene before her. The petite woman was mixing a batter by hand with Cassie on a stool next to her. The metronomic view caught her eye like a hypnotist's watch.

"Ah, she lives. I told you, I haven't been wrong yet. My powers of diagnosis astound."

Cassie giggled, "You're funny. Just like Mom." The young woman morphed into a small child before them becoming very quiet and still, eyes downcast. Janet immediately hugged her tightly and rocked to and fro for minutes. "I know you miss her," she whispered through loose strands of hair at her temple and laced them with a brush of her lips. "I miss people too. Sometimes I cry. Don't tell anyone." Then she released Cassie and spoke in her normal tone. "So make a mold and put it on this sheet. Farther apart, Honey, 10 minutes at 375, convect, and viola, we'll have cookies. That is, if Sam here is finished losing hers."

Encore with the deja vu. Sam made a face at the both of them. She cooks and plants. She looked at freshly potted flowers on the sill. Great with Cassie; she looks so happy. But she's not her. This hasn't happened but something very close to it has.

"Well, I'd better get going to my place and get cleaned up. I feel like something died in my mouth." God, please don't touch that one.

"Cassie, take the cookies out when the timer goes off while I ferry Sam over to her house, apartment- where do you live, anyway?"

Cassie's face brightened basking in the comfort of having both her surrogates in her space, even for a moment. "Is it ok if Sarah comes over later?"

"If it is ok with her Mom and not before I'm back."

The car engine rumbled as Janet negotiated the snake-like curves at Sam's direction. Frankly relieved that they did not have to fill the space with words that required careful consideration, Sam fought to keep the acid from ascending her throat. As she exited the car, Sam leaned in the open window, smiled a thankyou, and suppressed a lame attempt at small talk.

"Yeah, I'll see you back at the Ranch. Get some rest, Carter, or I'll ground you tomorrow. And you know that means: I'll have to tell Dad why." The smile was sympathetic and warm, deeply so. So much like her doppelganger that Sam had to turn suddenly and walk quickly to her door so that her glistening eyes would not betray her. She had to stop transferring her feelings onto a woman that was just beginning to tolerate her presence.

Janet Fraiser rushed toward the gate room with a med pack and off-world gear. She checked all zippers and clasps on her fallout suit as she power walked through the corridors. Excitement, fear, and hope clashed and vied for dominance; there were survivors on her world and she was going to go there with SG-1.

Waiting to step into the glistening wall in front of her, she felt a hand squeeze her elbow. Carter smiled through the visored headgear. Vala stepped beside her protesting, "I don't see a reason that I should have to go to a burned out planet. I mean what can I do?"

Teal'c grabbed her arm as she attempted to sneak back. "You are now part of SG1. Our mission is rescue and recovery. I believe that you are quite expert in the latter." He handed over a coil of rope for her to shoulder. "This is for the group in the well. You are in charge of that operation."

"In charge? Me?" She suddenly looked very pleased with herself. "They're giving me a command," she said to the grunts beside her. As she stepped through she wondered out loud, "I wonder if anyone hid anything in those wells."

A field hospital was set up beside an old well system outside of a military complex in Kansas. There appeared to be nearly 100 fall out victims that had made it to this shelter. The rest of the crews that had been in bunkers at the time of the detonations had already been transported out. Vala set up the pulley and rope and set it down the black hole listening to it uncoil and hit bottom. "About 100 meters, give or take." She grabbed the rope and quickly rappelled into the deep. The "Tally ho" faded in seconds.

Janet paced like a caged cat awaiting the last group to emerge. She helped the first person catch the edge of the well and found herself staring into the face of her nemesis. Yes, it was Sa.man.tha Carter. If anyone would have the luck to survive a nuclear attack, it would be her.

"Janet? You survived?" She hugged her through the heavy suit. "I lost track of you since my transfer."

"What about Ellen?" Carter grew grave.

"She was in Washington when it hit." She shook her head.

"I'm sorry. Let's get you to the tent. You have some old burn scars that need a looking to." Janet led Carter down the path. "You were lucky to find this system to hide in."

"Artesian water source and plenty of rats."

"I'll bet our MRE's are looking like Wolfgang Puck's about now."

"You bet. Hey, I know that I've done you wrong. The last eight weeks down there gave me plenty to reflect on. I hope that we can patch things up. There isn't much of our world left. I'd hate it if we couldn't get past what Ellen and I put you through."

"I know what you're saying. We'll talk about it later." Janet couldn't believe the sheer audacity of this woman. Forgive her? I'd like to throw her back down that dark hole and seal it forever.

Carter shrugged, "You know she left me."

"I didn't."

"For goddamned Nicky."

"Serves you right."

"Serves her right too. Nicky's a bitch. Besides, she didn't much like sex."

"Way too much information, Carter."


After a moment of silence, Janet said, "I could of told you that."

Back at the well, Vala emerged triumphant. She recoiled the rope and walked back to the transport with a certain satisfied feeling. She was keeping a piece of this rope. It was her first truly altruistic job. Maybe this change in career was good for her. Besides, the Carter from this world was kind of hot. Coordinating the evacuation with her had been laden with interesting glances and several lapses in military jargon that seemed dangerously close to double entendres. The Carter that she knew would have had a conniption fit at Vala's suggestions of what other uses a good nylon rope would have. This one suggested a night out and a little fur lining.

Samantha Carter glanced at her twin across the mess table noting the differences in their outward appearance: uptight, no makeup, cinched up, shirt rumpled, hair that looked like it had a tub of product caught in a windstorm. She was talking, more like lecturing, about wormhole physics with another astrophysicist, writing on the napkin to illustrate her points. This is what she's been like every time Samantha has observed her, surrounded by airmen hanging on every syllable like groupies in a green room. God, she could have her pick; but as far as Samantha could tell, Carter kept things very professional at base. Samantha, herself, preferred to pepper her physics with anecdotes and references that were a little more interesting. Humor, at least the type that could be understood by the average intellect, seemed to be missing in Sam's work life. As she noted a particularly excited segue into particle physics as it pertained to the grilled chicken that they were eating, Samantha groaned. She needs to get laid she thought. Her eyes wandered over to Vala, equally bored but much more demonstrative of that fact, twirling her fork in her peas. Samantha suppressed a giggle as she noticed that the food art that she'd fashioned was a bit X-rated in a Rorschach type way. Samantha and Vala locked eyes in their private joke.

Vala was pleased that someone got her here. Daniel, although very attractive and fuckable, was often times, a bore. Vala was reevaluating possible playmates and Samantha Carter from Kansas was high on her list. She was as smart as the original Sam but a lot more spicy; and, she imagined, finger licking good. Vala made a mental note to get up an excuse to go by Samantha's lab later.

Janet Frasier walked up with her tray and grabbed a seat at the table. Samantha noted the change in Carter's body language as she shifted to include Janet in the conversation.

Janet's eyes glazed as she listened to the complex train of comments and inside mathematical jokes that the engineers and physicists roared at. Janet just shrugged and attacked her chicken breast with a vengeance. Vala caught her eye and made the universal sign for jerking off; Janet nearly choked on her last bite. This shook Sam out of her last sentence and she jumped up, scurried next to Janet focused with concern, and pounded on her back. Janet stopped her from starting the Heimlich with, "Sam, I'm fine. I can talk." Embarrassed from her overreaction, Sam apologized. "I guess I was a little charged up." Her fans all laughed at her punch line that followed their train of thought before the interruption.

Samantha couldn't stand it any longer so she gathered her tray and abruptly left. Quickening steps sounded behind her; a scent of jasmine revealed the pursuer to be Vala.

"Wait, Samantha. Could you believe that bunch of crap?"

"Well, I can't believe Janet wasn't giving her the business. For Christsake, she's as bad as the rest of the peanut gallery."

"You and Janet? In that other world-you did her, right?"

Samantha said nothing and everything with her questioning look.

"I'm perceptive. The way you rolled your eyes…hell, people do nothing but gossip in here. Daniel was talking to Jack and it just slipped out."

"I suppose that this little device had nothing to do with it?" She pulled a small fan-shaped object out of Vala's breast pocket.

"Well, I don't think that we know each other well enough for you to be digging in my shirt but it could be easily arranged."

"Where did you get this listening device?"

"You can get a lot of useful items in a place called Sharper Image." She stamped her feet. "Information gathering is important in my line of work. I have an inquiring mind and I want to know."

"That is for celebrities, you know, TV and movie stars, not soldiers that you work with." She stopped and turned abruptly. "So what are they saying about us?"

"That you stole her woman from her, some Ellen, a lawyer who turned around and dumped you. Come on, tell Vala the gruesome story."

Samantha studied the face of a woman that was bound and determined to get her information. With a sigh, she acquiesced. She could only imagine the lengths that Vala would go through to satisfy her curiosity. In her zeal, she'd probably draw more attention to Janet and their past and make things much worse.

"It was just damn bad timing, I never could get it right with Janet. Yes, we had a thing when I first came out. I wasn't ready to commit, got caught up in free love and all that. By the time I wised up, Ellen had latched onto Janet and, just like that, they got married. So I kept close waiting for an opening. It never came 'cause Janet's a one woman gal."

"I take it Ellen wasn't. How come you ended up with her?"

"Ellen threw herself at me one night; Janet walked in on it. I swear, I wasn't a willing participant but it looked really bad. Janet believed that I encouraged Ellen who didn't help things by claiming that I was the love of her life. Then I don't know why... I just gave in. I allowed myself to believe her bullshit."

"So Ellen leaves Janet for you and game's over."

"If I couldn't have Janet, I thought, why not Ellen. I was The One after all, for somebody. Well, Ellen moved in. It was never the same, I wasn't really anything special to her and I still wanted Janet."

"It looks like you still do from where I stand."

"I figured that I might get a second chance with her in this world but she still thinks I'm the same wild bastard that I was when I first came out. Wouldn't you know it, she takes a liking to my geeky counterpart."

"Tell me about it. I'm running into my own problems with Daniel. First he's all interested and into me. Then, he gets all freaked out and can't get far enough away. I told him that the rash was nothing. My case of Jovian pox was completely cured on Talov by a wonderful doctor."

Samantha started to grin. Vala was certainly a quick wit and had impeccable comic timing. This was certainly lacking on this base, humor. The two women continued to walk together through the halls silently taking more of the other in account, until Vala spoke again. "It seems like we are in the same situation. I don't see why we should both be lonely."

"A bird in hand is worth two in a bush?"

"Just what the hell does that mean?"

"That's what my problem has been. I have very little delayed gratification skills."

Vala concentrated on her hands and pointed to her crotch with a questioning look.

"No, a shrub, if you have something, you shouldn't go chasing after something that you think is better…"

"Ohhhh, I get it now. It's like the greener grass on the other yard thing. Why don't you earthlings just say what you mean? It's all very confusing sometimes."

"Don't you have things like metaphor and allegory in your language?"

"As a matter of fact, we prefer to communicate succinctly." Vala pouted. "So what's wrong with a little mindless sex? You humans have so many rules. It's a miracle that you were able to populate a planet."

"You do get to the point. Look Vala, I do like you. You are a very attractive woman. But if I don't try to win Janet back I'll never forgive myself."

"I am frightfully good at judging character and situations. You blew it pretty badly with Janet and she seems to me to be the type that doesn't forget all that water under the bridge."

Samantha glanced back at Vala in surprise. "I thought you didn't understand our sayings?"

"Well, I don't know all of them. I got this great book, Oxford somethingorother."

"You are pretty amazing."

"Finally, you are waking up. Don't dally too much over the sweet kindly doctor. I might go off the market. Got that one from the book too."

"I'll keep that under advisement. But you understand, it is something that I have to do. I care for Janet and her happiness more than I can say. And I hurt her so badly that I need to make it up to her. If there's a chance for me, I want to take it."

Vala poked Samantha in the side. "Damn, I was hoping that you'd have fun with me. I know a lot of fun games."

"Oh, I bet you do."

Samantha left Vala at her room. She was certainly a feisty one and if she wasn't still hung up on Janet she would be interested in the long, cool, sexy as hell member of SG1. As Samantha walked back to her room she recalled her last talk with Janet.

"You like her, don't you?"

"Yes, she's nothing like you. She's actually shy and a little naïve. I kind of like that."

"So she hasn't made a move on you yet?"

Janet sent a disapproving glance to Samantha. "I think I scared her off the first night she came over. She was ready to settle in her old habit of sleeping on the couch. I put the cabash on that."

"Maybe she's still in love with the other Janet, confusing her with you?"

"Maybe she isn't and wants to make sure before we go through with something that will irreparably damage our friendship, something that you seem never to do, think before you leap?"

"I was young and stupid and a mess. I'm sure she was too at some point."

"Yes, but she didn't burn me, you did; I can't forget that."

"Aren't you ready to kiss and make up? You do remember? We were pretty amazing together."

Janet smiled and touched Samantha's cheek fondly. "Once burned, fool me twice, when pigs fly. Shall I go on?"

"Haven't I changed?"

"I'll admit that you seem a lot more mature, but frankly, our ship sailed a long time ago."

"Are you sure she's even gay? I hear that she's had several boyfriends through the years."

"Yeah, and never married. Come on, do you really think that she isn't queer?"

"Good point. But you know that I care about you more than any one in my life."

"Should have happened earlier. I know you don't want to hear it but you were never like Sam. There is something about her that just seems right for me. She makes me feel safe. There was always that element of danger with you."

"It was good though-exciting; you can't deny that."

"I'm not denying anything but, after it was all over, it was a high place to fall from. I never really cared for g-forces. You love doing 360's." She shrugged her shoulders. "Just talking with her is more emotional and intimate than anything we ever shared. It's just different. And I like the difference."

"I could change. You might like the new me."

Janet paused. "But I do like who you are. Samantha Carter fears nothing and never hesitates one second. She rushes off into danger and saves the world everyday. You live for it-the challenge of charging into the unknown, driving out the bad guys, being the one that figures out the dilemma. I am content to save one patient, be the difference, every so often. I mainly just stand around and hold up hope until the patient gets better, staving off whatever invades the body. No, I wouldn't change one iota about you."

"But I love you."

"I love you better as a friend. One day, you'll find the right person for you. It's just not me."

Vala wandered down to the infirmary. It was time to shake things up among her new SG friends. And why shouldn't she get something out of it? Samantha was pining for Janet. Janet wanted Sam who didn't know who she really wanted and couldn't seduce a nymphomaniac crack whore with a handful of rocks. Daniel just didn't want to fool around at all, preferring musty old books to her nice new leather pants she 'borrowed' from that nice boutique on Claremont. Vala just wanted to have fun. She stopped behind a screen as she neared Janet's office. She wasn't alone, Carter was there and she was shyly scuffing her boots. She knew it was Carter from the mussed up hair and the fidgeting that she was doing. Vala listened intently. Damn, she missed her device. She'd have to lift another from communications. Finally, she's asking her out. Something's bound to happen between them. Maybe now she'd get Samantha to play the bondage game that she had been dying to try from that wonderful book about O.

Janet watched Sam exit her office with elation mixed with frustration.

Gotta date with Sam, Friday.

What was she waiting for anyway, menopause?

She's been a gentlewoman, honorable, and waiting for the right time in our relationship, she said. I think she's been waiting for General Hammond's hair to grow.

Sam Carter was nervous. After all the missions with the galaxy in peril, near death situations, racing the clock to save humanity, this made her sweat. She had a date with Janet. A real date. Not just, come over and hang out and have a few drinks. Janet made it clear that there would be no sleeping on the couch if she stayed over. "Don't ask me out until you feel like breaking my door down to be with me." Yes, that is what she said weeks ago. She had done the ambivalent-about-sex girlfriends before and wasn't interested in a relationship where her bedmate was unsure if she really wanted to be there. It was maddening to sit and talk without making any moves. But in a way, it was good. They got to know each other without all the hormones running all over the place. They stayed corralled inside, making havoc with her insides but clearly in check. The days that Sam was unable to see Janet were endless. Nights were worse. She wondered what she was doing, thinking. She found it hard to eat for the constant ache that lived in the pit of her stomach. It got worse when she saw her twin from another reality with Janet. They had gotten past their differences and were starting to spend more time together. It was clear that Samantha hoped for more than friendship. Sam could tell what she wanted; after all, she was not really that different deep inside. That got her fearing the lothario would wear her down and sweep her off her feet. They did have a history. Samantha told her all about it despite Sam's protests for less information. Maybe it was a good thing, fear, because it gave Sam the kick in the ass to finally ask Janet for the date. And she said yes. Terrified, Sam spent hours getting ready- more time on her hair than she ever did, new outfit, a little more skin than usual, she followed the step by step makeup application instructions from the Mary Kay lady. Satisfied with the reflection of femininity, she started down the hall through the barracks. As she passed a corner, she felt a sharp prick in her butt, felt faint, and was pulled into a dark room. On awakening, she found herself tied to a headboard, her mouth taped, her pants pulled off, and her shirt unbuttoned. Vala sat in front of her smiling. "It's about time, baby. It's time to start our game."

As Sam struggled and attempted to talk, Vala admonished, "You know it's against the rules for me to take the tape off til I'm ready for you to use those lips." She had a short crop in her hands and lightly dragged it up the inside of Sam's thighs. "You like that don't you? I'm so glad that you said that you'd play today, Samantha. Especially, since I've waited so long for you to say yes."

Sam's mind screamed, "I'm not Samantha." And she struggled even more. All that came out was muffled moans behind the thick duct tape.

"I gave you a special mushroom from Dalmak. It is for enhancing the mood. I think you call it an aphrodisiac here. It loosens all those pesky inhibitions. Not that you have many."

Sam continued to buck against her bindings and Vala finally stopped in her tracks, stepped back, and put her hands on her hips. "You are not enjoying this, are you? It's no good unless you are into this." After watching Sam vigorously nodding in agreement, she sighed and pulled off the tape.

"I am not Samantha. I'm Sam; please let me go."

"Oh, fuck. You are Sam." Vala looked shocked and embarrassed as she rushed to untie Sam. "You do look so much alike and she did say that she was going to be here about this time."

"Samantha asked me to pick up a report for Hammond here because she was off base and he needed it ASAP. She knew that I was going to Janet's tonight."

Realization hit both their faces. "She told me that she wanted to play this game of unwilling victim and that she'd fight back. That two-timing bitch! She's planning on taking your place at Janet's."

"Janet will recognize her, the burn scars."

"Not if she keeps her shirt on. Would you take your shirt off for Janet right off the bat? Besides they are barely noticeable since the reconstructive surgery was done. Believe me, she can get a lot done with her clothes on."

"You're scaring me now. I have to get to Janet's." She wavered as she stood up quickly. "Jesh, I don't feel so good. I feel so warm."

Contritely Vala answered, "It will pass quickly. The mushrooms have that quality before they work on the hormones. Sorry."

"Look, you have to drive me there. I don't think I can drive now."

"It is the least I could do. Besides, I have a few choice words for Samantha Carter."

As they arrived at Janet's door, Sam pulled on the locked door and pounded on the frame. "Damn, she's got music on. I'll go knock on the living room window."

"No need." Vala pulled out a small metal object and smiled before she inserted it in the lock. A twist and turn later and the door opened. "After you."

Sam burst into the living room to find Janet in an embrace with her twin. "Dammit Janet, that's Samantha!"

Janet pulled away in haste then pulled up a sleeve to note the faded scars. "Samantha!" She spit it out. "Of all the low down things that you've done, this ranks. You had to know that I'd figure it out."

Samantha just shrugged. "Maybe you wouldn't before you remembered what we had. I just wanted a chance with you that you weren't giving me."

Sam, red faced and furious, stalked over, pulled Samantha away with a shove, and cold cocked her nemesis without hesitation. Dazed Samantha stumbled back. "Hey, what was that for?"

"You're an asshole. I started to believe that you were a friend. Giving me advice. Telling me to ask her out tonight. All the while, you were planning this." She sputtered on. "Come on, put 'em up."

Vala rushed over between the blondes and pushed Sam back. "If anyone has dibs on messing up little miss muffet here, it's me. I'm the maligned one here. You cheated on me. No one cheats on Vala." She grabbed an ear and twisted as she led Samantha, howling, out the room and out of the house.

Sam, breathing rapidly and shallowly, turned to a flushed Janet who was obviously pleased with the turn of events. "Why Sam, whatever has gotten into you?"

Sam suddenly felt a massive urge to take Janet right there and then. She stopped herself from taking another step towards her because that was all the control that she could muster. Janet stopped smiling and looked puzzled. "My God, she drugged you."

She started to walk over.

"Don't come any closer. I'm not sure what I'll do. She gave me some sort of mushroom and I'm nearly going out of my mind."

"Sam, did you intend to break down my door tonight?"

"Ye…yeah. But not like this, certainly not drug induced."

"I know this drug. It doesn't make anyone do anything that they don't want to do." She walked up and grabbed Sam's lapels and pulled her close. "I don't think we should waste a perfectly good buzz, do you?"

Outside the house, Vala grinned like a cheshire cat. "I told you it would work."

"You are a genius, but Janet made me as soon as I walked in. She played along with your con."

"But don't you feel just a little bit better? Knowing that you helped get those crazy two together?"

"Well, just call me Rick. And I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"Ok, you are not Rick, or a man, what am I missing?"

"Let's go to my place and watch a classic movie called 'Casablanca'.

"I have a better idea." Vala held up a plastic bag of mushrooms and shook it. "My place? And my fur-lined little pieces of rope?"

Samantha led her into the car. "Here's looking at you, kid." She slammed the door on a muffled, "If you don't stop those stupid sayings that I have no clue……"

As she walked around the car to the driver's side she muttered bittersweetly, "We'll always have Kansas."

The End

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