DISCLAIMER: We do not own either of these two characters. The powers that be are welcome to them (or something like this <g>)
DEDICATION: For b, thank you for leaving me a number of stories to finish, but good luck in your new endeavor and in your new life... I know you can do it :)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I want to thank the two G's for their beta work, and if Retz is reading this, hurry back. (PS: sorry about the title length!!)
The Secret Diary of Cassandra Fraiser Aged 13 3/4
By b and Debbie
Saturday 29th March
Hey Mickey!
Guess what? I'm starting to pick up some of the American lingo now. It's been 6 months since I came to live with Major Doctor Janet Fraiser. That's an awful long title for a pretty gentle lady isn't it?
I'm ok Mickey. Better than I thought I could be. Janet helps, and Sam… well Sam is just Sam, the best, mine… she is my friend Mickey.
I have some other friends too. The best is my friend Cheryl; we go to school together. I am starting to share things with her a little. Oh, don't worry Mickey I won't forget you. It really does help to put it out with you. My diary… <g>… who'd have thought it, me writing. Over here it's a journal… and people sometimes put it on their computer. But me, I'm gonna keep writing it down… it's mine then you see.
Ok…gotta run… it's a busy week this week. Will write something when I can.
Saturday 5th April
Dear Mickey.
How are you today? I'm fine. Hope you are too. Today has been lots of fun so far. I went to a science fair! Well Janet and Sam took me to one. It was so cool! I don't know if Janet finds it cool too. But Sam… boy… she sure knows everything they have there. In fact she nailed one of the guys at this one booth with a very difficult question. To make a long story short, Sam started a debate with this poor bewildered guy, She could've talked for hours, I'm sure. That is until Janet cleared her throat to signal that time was up. LOL (that means laugh out loud Mickey… Cheryl is showing me how to use something called IM) Janet sure knows how to put the fear of something in Sam.
I was just glad, you know, to see new stuff. And Sam is so good at explaining things that even the people at that booth where Sam got carried away had a good time, and the folks that stopped by to listen to her explaining the theory and all sorts of other things were fascinated. Jeez, she's just so cool.
motorcycle. That is the best. The speed and the way Sam seems to control her motorcycle is wicked. I wish you could feel it too, but you just have to trust me okay?
Oh no! Janet is calling me for dinner. Will get back to you later okay?
Much love, Cassie
Friday 11th April
Hey! I am so sorry. Things have been so busy lately; I can't seem to find the time to write to you.
Mickey, I think I will like it here on Earth. I know I like Sam a lot and I guess I am getting to like Janet more and more. I still miss my family. And I still have nightmares sometimes, but I try to deal with it on my own, the best way I can. I don't want to be a burden to Janet.
I know she has sacrificed a lot taking me in. And though I still wish Sam could be the one taking me in, I understand Sam is doing something important for mankind and it's just not possible for her to take care of me. It's just that I feel it's easier to talk to Sam than to Janet. Do you think it's maybe because I see so much of Janet and so little of Sam? Maybe. You see I don't see Sam as much now… so when I do, I talk…
But Sam has been very busy lately. She hasn't come to the house for quite some time already. We do keep in touch by emails, but it's not the same you see… and I 'm too scared to ask Janet why. I know their work is classified and top secret. Gee… even I'm a secret, aren't I?
Hey Mickey? I'm tired. I'm just going to say good night okay?
Much Love, Minnie :)
Saturday 26th April
Hey Mickey!
Oh. My. God! Have I told you how cool Mom is? Well she is just too cool, okay? Okay, okay, be patient. I am trying to tell a story here. Okay?
This morning when I woke up, Mom was just super bubbly. I could smell a rat behind her smiles. Then she made a filling breakfast not befitting her title of doctor… it was just so unhealthy. When we both took our seats at the table, she just slid an envelope in front of me.
Well… I took the envelope and examined it like it held the secret to the universe or something. It must have been comical, my cautious examination, because Mom burst into laughter. I just gave her a questioning look and she gestured for me to open it.
Guess what was in it?
Oh. My. God! Inside are 4 tickets to an N'Sync concert! You know one of those boy bands I told you about when I first got here. This one Mickey this one is the best. Next month, I see them. WOW!
Oh. My. God! Can you tell I'm speechless? LOL… not like me at all. Isn't she cool? I asked her why 4? She said I could ask another two of my friends and would it be okay if she chaperoned us? Would it be okay? It is more than okay. I mean how many girls have a cool, beautiful Mom like me, right? Not many I think.
I must have been glowing with excitement coz then Mom asked me if I wanted to call my friends. Anyone… you know, to bring along, so that I wouldn't be so bored to be only with an old woman like her. Mom… old? I don't think so. I told her that and she smiled sweetly and it made me smile too.
I realized something Mickey… I do want to ask my friends along, at least one. But I don't want Mom to be alone either. So I asked her if Sam could come with us. Sam could keep her company and I would get to see Sam after one long spell of her absence.
Mom must have thought that she did a marvelous job to maintain her facial expression, but I was looking at her closely you see. There was a sudden sadness come into her eyes when I mentioned Sam's name… one that quickly vanished as sudden as it came.
Come to think of it Mickey…it's been awhile since Sam's been here for dinner or anything… and it's been awhile since Mom started a conversation with Sam's name in it. I just realized it has always been me who brought Sam's name out in our conversation. Why is that Mickey? You think they've had a fight? I mean they are best friends, aren't they?
I don't know what to do Mickey. I miss Sam. But more than that… I miss Sam and Mom together. I….
Oh God Mickey! Mom is calling me to come down right this minute. We are going shopping. I need a new outfit to go to that concert, don't I? I mean it's so un-cool to go to an N'Sync concert not dressing coolly.
Bye Mickey… later okay?
Ps: Yeah. I have started to call Janet Mom. I think I like it a lot. The first time I called her that to her face, she just stood there dumbly. I almost chickened out thinking she did not want it, you know… the title Mom, I mean. But I feel like we are now, Mom and daughter. One cool tag team, like Cheryl would say. And then she smiled at me and hugged me tightly. And I realized something else Mickey. I felt safe in her arms. And I realized that I wouldn't want to trade her for anyone… not even Sam.
Ps2: Mickey, I really do have to go. But before that, we're so not calling you Mickey anymore. Your name as of now will be Justin. You got that? Slap me silly if I call you Mickey again, okay? Bye.
Sunday, 18th May
Hey Justin,
Oh. My. God! The whole thing was so… so cool! Okay PERFECTLY COOL is more like it. Shut up Justin. I know you were named after him. But he is thousands times cooler than you would be, okay?
We went early to the concert. I did ask Sam to come with us. And after some careful consideration I asked Cheryl to come along. She is my best friend after all.
God! That started a riot. Everyone was so jealous of Cheryl. Lisa and Maria were mean to her. What could I do?… I just have one more extra ticket. In the end I managed to calm everyone down when I promised as many pictures as I could take, and that I'd try to get them one of the cool souvenirs they would surely be selling there. I had to tell Mom you know. I don't have money, to be promising buying souvenirs like this. But I was worried I would lose my friends. And Mom promised me to not worry about it. It's her treat…
How can I be so lucky Mickey? Oops! Justin! Sorry about that. Slip of the tongue. I mean how can I get to be so lucky to have a second chance at having a cool Mom? I still miss my own Mother. But, Mom… it's hard not to like her you know? It's like… she makes it easier to feel vulnerable. (Ps: will have to check up vulnerable in the dictionary, I picked this up from Cheryl) She makes
you feel safe.
Oh! I almost forgot to tell you. Mom knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who got us a backstage pass. It was a riot. So crowded, but we traded the crowd space easily. Something to do with the fierce expression Sam managed to put on her face… LOL…either that or the very sexy… um… nice leather jacket she was wearing. The one that made her even more beautiful… the one that made both Cheryl and Mom slack-jawed when Sam arrived to pick us up. I mean it's just a leather jacket. Come on people!
Okay! Okay! We made it backstage but we did not get to meet Justin. I guess he was busy with other matters, which I refuse to believe btw. (They say, after concerts, Justin always goes wild partying with lots of his female fans; I can't believe that; well… what can the guy do when everyone wants to be around his famous self.)
But while Mom was talking to this someone who knows someone who knows someone who got us the backstage pass, a guy sipping a beer came to stand beside me. Suddenly, I turned to him… just to look at his face… he turned to me too and he smiled at me and asked my name and my age… it's Joey Fontaine!
Oh God! It was Joey Fontaine! Okay! Okay! Only Joey Fontaine. And he looks so old! Not like Justin at all up close, I imagine. I did not say that to him though. Hey! I do have class and manners okay? But I did praise him on their songs and I told him how I am a big fan. Well he offered to give me his autograph. How could I say no? So I did get his autograph. And I asked him to write on the souvenirs I'd bought for Lisa and Maria too. I mean maybe he's not as handsome as my Justin, but he is nice.
All in all, it was a good night for me. Nope. It was marvelous and perfect… except for one small fact. Sam and Mom did not have a good time. They were… courteous at best… to each other I mean. It's like there is a massive barrier between them that I can't see. It made me sad you know. Instead of them having some fun too… my idea of asking Sam to come along made both of them miserable.
Is it me, Justin? Did I do something wrong? Did I cause this?
I talked about it to Cheryl this morning. She thinks I missed the big clue here. What clue? She wouldn't tell. She told me to keep my eyes open and tell her any changes and developments. Okay. I can do that. But what am I supposed to spot here? What am I supposed to update her on? Justin, give me a clue.
Hey, I'm tired. I promise you'll hear more about this later okay? Right now, I want to go to sleep.
Take care Justin.
Love, Cassie.
Monday, 19th May
Justin!
Sam is here. After such a long absence Mom finally invited Sam over for a dinner. And Mom must have made the best spaghetti in her life, because that was just perfect and marvelous. Even Sam thinks so. She said so. The smile on Mom's face was absolutely beautiful.
And Sam brought me a present, a nice telescope for me to learn to stargaze properly. I was touched. I know Sam said Hanka is too far way to be seen through the simple telescope, but I'd like to dream that I could find it. So I did. Or I pretended I did. I've just, this very minute, marked one star… oops… planet out there, out of the thousands, to be my Hanka.
I still miss it. Miss everyone. Every friend. But I have to learn to count my blessings. I am alive and I have two doting parents. And more importantly I have two beautiful moms! I think beautiful won't cut it. Gorgeous! Yes! That's the word.
Guess what? Sam brought Mom a beautiful bouquet of flowers! 12 long-stemmed red roses at that. And she wore yesterday's jacket, the one that so captivated Mom. And Mom did get slack jawed again at the sight of Sam in that jacket. But, Mom is no less stunning. She wore a simple maroon silk shirt with her faded denims. Now that is beautiful Justin. She bought it the last time we went shopping and the shirt made Mom look more radiant than she usually does. I think Sam was even more captivated than Mom.
And I think I have figured it out.
Sam and Mom are attracted to each other! I mean attracted like love attraction. Isn't that just wonderful and so right.
Justin, don't you get it? This means I could have both my new parents together at last! I think tonight they are finally going to… you know… get together. They are downstairs talking… Sam is still here and it's coming up midnight… they must be getting together, yes?
But you know what? I'm going to pretend I know nothing of this until they come and tell me. Doesn't stop me wondering though, does it?
I hope Sam is on her bended knee, proposing to Mom. I saw my Aunt Mel do just that when she asked for Aunt Terri's hand in marriage. It was so romantic. And we were being the peeping toms… us kids.
Oh God! I miss them Justin, all of them… my family, my gentle mother and my silent father, my friends, everyone… I miss them. I wish they were here with me now. Wish they could get to know this wonderful woman I have called Mom. I realize something Justin, I love her as my Mom. I don't know when I came to feel so, but I do. And will always and forever.
Good night Justin.
Love, Cassie.
Saturday, 24th May
Hey Justin,
This week has been wonderful. Sam was here almost every day. We even went to an early show at the local movie theater, me, Sam and Mom. Things are so perfect in our house now. Mom is smiling and laughing so much more and I am having lots of fun with Sam around.
Sam sleeps in the spare bedroom. Though I think both of them might wish the other to be bolder. Me, I'm just glad things are getting better.
It was so funny to see them trying to hide their wide-eyed puppy-dog looks from each other, and from me. As if it was not so obvious that they are both just love-struck teenagers, huh? Even though they have known each other some time now, I guess they still need lots of time to get to know each other as people, not as captain and Doctor. That explains all the late night talking, I suppose. Sometimes they just sit together, listening to Mom's vast collection of CDs, or Sam will read to Mom some of her favorite storybooks, or, sometimes, they fall asleep together in front of the television after some late night movie. It's nice and comfortable.
I am really glad both of them have taken the first step towards each other. I told Cheryl of this new development. And Cheryl asked me if I'm okay with it. I asked her what she was getting at. Okay with what? And Cheryl looked at me as if I'm dumb. No. Really. Okay with what? Mom being together with Sam? Of course I am. That is what I've been dreaming all along isn't it? For both my parents to be together and happy, which is what they are right now. Happy.
Okay Justin, I am too tired right now. Earlier tonight Sam had us all packed in the car driving all the way across the state… or that's what it seemed like… just for ice cream. I know I should be thankful. Some parents would hate their kids going out on school nights, but my unconventional parents truly are unconventional. As long as it is not taxing me too much, Mom allows a little escapade like this every now and then. They are crazy. I love it.
Good night okay.
Much love, Cassie.
Ps: They still haven't told me anything. What are they waiting for? Surely, even a 5-year-old could see the adoration for each other that they have in their eyes. I am 14 (well nearly!)
Saturday, 7th June
Justin!
You won't believe this! Mom and Sam asked me if they could be more than friends.
Okay. Not in those exact words. But the gist was there <g>
Earlier tonight we went to a posh restaurant. Mom said they just wanted to treat me to some very nice dining. So off we went in our nice dresses and, let me tell you, I really hope I will grow up to be as beautiful as both my Moms.
The dinner itself was delicious and wonderful. I really didn't get it. We could always eat like this at home, but I wasn't going to say anything. I was having too much fun. Sam told us a lot of funny stories of her off-world missions. She also talked about her younger days, especially about her own Mom. I guess talking about her Mom made Sam feel sad because she could not hold back her little sobs. Mom took one of Sam's hands and held it tightly while I took the other one. Then I took hold of Mom's other hand and, do you know what happened, I received two beautiful smiles from the most gorgeous women in the room. We sat like that holding each other's hand for sometime. Supposedly to give Sam much needed support but I also think we wanted to feel like a family. And we did.
Not long after that we left to take a stroll in the nearby park. Mom ushered me to a bench while Sam went to get us some more snacks and, of course, some sort of coffee beverage for her. More food… LOL… something told me Sam was nervous. When Sam came back with her hands full, they both sat down, one on each side of me. Sam was most definitely a little agitated, smiling oh so nervously at me.
Then Mom started their explanation gently.
She told me about their obvious attraction to each other and the reasons why they did not do anything about it before. That was why Sam has been so distant for a month or so. Mom told me that she noticed how sad I was by Sam's absence and that, after the night of the N'Sync concert, Mom had called Sam to work things out. She wanted Sam to be around, so she could spend some time with me. (I didn't really notice that I was depressed with Sam's absence. Though, come to think of it… I was a bit hurt during all that time, thinking I might have done something to make Sam not want to see me anymore). Then Mom admitted with a twinkle in her eye, that, even though she loved me lots, she had an ulterior motive getting Sam to come visit again. In the process of working things out, they had been unable to deny their attraction towards each other, and now wanted to take things further.
So then Sam asked me if it was okay for her to take Mom out. Blushing, she added sheepishly, like on a date. Her voice was so low as if she was afraid I would say no! Oh God! As if I would. Know what I did? I kissed Sam on her cheeks and pulled Mom towards us. I was hugging both my parents tightly and I felt Sam's tears on my cheeks. It was as if I just granted her the best gift that she could ever dream of. I guess I just did!
Mom kissed my temple gently. I know she must be overjoyed too, but I know her too. Dr. Janet Fraiser is very much a professional who will always be the anchor for both Sam and me. We sat there hugging each other and just watching the night sky. Suddenly, I jumped and pointed upwards at the sky. Sam and Mom looked up at the star I'm pointing to. I told them I'd picked that one as my Hanka. Then, quietly, I told them that I don't need a pretend Hanka anymore. I have my very own Hanka here on Earth.
They both hugged me tighter and Mom and I joined in the crying. You should've seen us, all so happy, sobbing away with each other. It was just perfect Justin, my home here on Earth with two perfect parents, and now, my parents being together.
Am I putting you to sleep Justin? I'm sorry but I just want to put this in writing so I can remember it later. WOW! My parents asked me if it's okay with me if they see each other. I don't think everyone gets this chance. The chance to say yes please, I want you, my parents, to be together. Oh shut me up Justin, I am getting all sappy now. I am just so happy. I have it all once again.
Night my friend… thanks for listening… more very soon.
And the diary continued throughout her coming of age years, shared with Justin, who became Buffy, who became Warren, who became Dominic; but, most importantly, shared with the ever constants in her life, Sam and Janet.
The End