She Left Without Saying Goodbye

DISCLAIMER: The story, and characters and anything and everything else concerning SG: SG1 belong to MGM, Gekko, Secret Productions etc, they are so not mine and no money is being made from this and no copyright infringement is intended, absolutely none what so ever.
SPOILERS: Slight Spoiler for Heroes.
ARCHIVE: Only with the permission of the author.

She Left Without Saying Goodbye
By Elizabeth Carter

I wander through the halls, as if I am an automaton. I know they worry, and I could care less. I know they wonder about how I'm taking it. God they have no idea, none at all.

For seven years we were lovers. Seven years… and I want her back.

They killed her.

They didn't care.

No I'm not talking about the fucking Goa'uld that took her life; I am talking about the Powers That Be.

Oh sure they said they would persecute the Colonel and Daniel. Did I care? Did I want to?

They took her from me.

She was my life, my reason for being. God… nothing is left now. Nothing but the pain.

Our daughter and I cry, mourn and hurt. Oh god… its like when I lost my Mum. No it's worse. I lost my world.

Why the fuck does everyone I care about die!

I loved my mother so much. I wanted to be exactly like her and she died.

I found love and she crashed to the earth when her plane was shot down over Iraq. She had amnesia and forgot who I was. In her healing she found a new love and I stepped aside for her happiness, because I loved her. She knew me only as a dear friend. And because I loved her I let her go.

I loved again and she told me she wanted out of the relationship, because I loved her too much and God it killed me but I let her go. But she had no love for me as it was supposed to be. Because I loved her so deeply, I let her go.

Then I just lived.

I decided to go on a fucking messed up hike to boy's town thinking to drown myself in the lunatic fringe, hell I have a soft side for the lunatic fringe.

He beat me; he told me I was worth nothing. Wasn't going to live with that. He broke five of my ribs, my arm and my wrist. But I lived.

I lived through Desert Storm, countless Goa'uld incursions, being a host to Jolinar then the Entity, being addicted to the Light and countless other things I lived through.

I won't live through this.

Not without her.

She was my life, my oxygen, my heartbeat.

I merely exist now. I do my duty. I live only as a shell.

I don't care.

The powers that be, saw fit to ignore all the pleas, all the cries, all the begging. They did what ever the fuck they wanted to do.

Fuck the powers that be. Fuck them all.

I owe them pain.

Because I love her I will never let her go.

I have the coordinates, the time and the date… I know exactly what needs to be done.

Fuck the Grandfather paradox! Once before I allowed it to rule, and in 1969 I had a chance to save my mother, but I listened to her and I complied with her wishes.

Fuck it all!

Fuck everything but love.

All for you my love. All for you…. I'm taking back the last several years. I won't lose again. Not this time. Love is patient; love is kind. … It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things, even the grandfather paradox.

Sergeant Walter Davis looked at the transmission coming across his computer screen and blinked.

"Major?" he addressed Major Samantha Carter. "Transmission of SG1's IDC…"

Sam looked at the iris covering the Stargate. Turning to the balding young man she frowned. "Open the iris."

"Yes Ma'am."

The sher'lunk of the trinium alloy iris pulling back into the gate sounded as the wormhole was already engaged. In seconds a wooden box tumbled forth.

The SF's guarding the room pulled back expecting it to be a bomb.

For a moment nothing happened.

Sam entered the gate room, walked up the ramp to inspect the teak box that had tumbled out of the watery wormhole. The box itself closely resembled the box SG1 had given to the Samarians for the Asgard several years ago. In fact it could have been an exact duplicate. Sam picked it up but she didn't open it.

"Major?" General Hammond's voice came over the loud speaker from the command booth. "What is it?"

"It's a First Contact package, sir." Sam held it so the General could see it. "I want to take it to Dr. Fraiser so we can run an MRI on it, see if it's a Goa'uld trap."

"Good idea Major, carry on."

"Yes sir." Sam tilted her head and headed for the infirmary.

"He-ey." Janet greeted her lover. "What brings you down here? You're not actually rising out of that cave you call a Lab for air are you?"

Sam giggled at the doctor's gentle teasing. "Sorta, I need to do a few tests in here."

The doctor quirked her eyebrows up and down. "What did you have in mind 'Major' Carter?"

Sam held the teak wood box. "MRI?"

"And here I thought it was going to be something fun." A flash of a smile Janet pointed to the box. "Isn't that the box we gave the Asgard?"

"Something like it. Before I open it I want to know what's inside."

"Isn't that cheating Pandora?"

Sam gave her best Cheshire cat grin. "Well I can always open it up and if it blows up, you can put me back together again like you always do."

Janet paled. "That wasn't funny."

Sam bowed her head and looked up over her bangs and caused her lips to curl in to a half smirk.

Janet moved close and feigned for the cameras watching that she was taking the box from her friend's hand. She whispered, "You know how that look gets me…..Sammy."

The smirk remained. Instead of talking the blonde made sure the camera couldn't see her hands as she signed, 'so no sleeping on the couch for me, then?'

'I'll think about it.' Janet signed back.

The CMO placed the box on the bed then returned to the controls for the MRI to slide the bed under the arch. The scans showed only paper within. There was no trigger mechanism for explosives or a delivery system for a lethal venting of gas, toxins or biological weapons, only paper within. It was so with the x-rays too. Still Sam put on latex gloves when she opened the container and withdrew two envelopes.

"Holy Hannah, they are in my hand writing."

Janet looked at envelopes one was on USAF letterhead. The other was from Sam's personal stationary and addressed 'private and confidential'. Janet took the personal envelope and stuffed in her lab coat. When questioning blue eyes looked up to her, Janet signed. 'My office, no cameras.'

Sam nodded and followed her lover into the Doctor's private office they sat upon the large leather chairs sitting across from one another with anxious eyes.

"I must have sent these from the future. I wonder when? It's like the Aaschen warning."

"I hope it's a little less cryptic." Janet slit the envelope open and slid the letter out and started to read aloud the letter.

Janet my beloved.

Janet I love you, when you died I died. I won't let that happen. They wouldn't let me take you to the Nox, they wouldn't let the Tok'ra take you. I bargained I begged but nothing could be done. They said you died a hero and they left it at that.

Danny wouldn't even ask Oma to Ascend you and I pleaded with him. He had shown his colors……He would have Ascended Jack, he wouldn't even ask Oma for you. I will never forgive him for that.

I couldn't get a hold of Orlan… I know he would have for me… he would have Ascended you my Goddess of Healing.

I did what I could do, the only thing I could do. We found the Lost City, in it was an artifact, I used it to calculate the right solar flare on Earth to send this message back. Janet my love, my world, DO NOT go on the test run for the new armor on …

Janet stopped reading the letter aloud and looked at Sam's pale face. She couldn't even get a word out be for Sam embraced her in a hug as if to reassure herself that Janet was alive. The kiss was powerful wanting and demanding. It was a kiss of desperate need to know everything was fine.

SG1 and Doctor Janet Fraiser stood in the General's office as Hammond read over the letter on the USAF letterhead. On it, the future Colonel Samantha Carter had written:

'Dr. Janet Fraiser was KIA, when the testing of the new armor on planet…

Something had gone terribly wrong with the testing Jaffa were lying in wait. We were pinned down. The death of Dr. Fraiser affected many lives. We often hear about those who give their lives in the service to their country, this is one life that should never be lost.'

Hammond stopped reading. And everyone looked to Sam

"Well that's a bit more then we got from the Aaschen warning Major." Jack said. "Change your tune about the Grandfather paradox."

Blue eyes that always seemed to have a twinkle of mischievousness turned to cold ice. It was an expression Carter rarely had, but when she did, the rage was close to the surface.

The last time Jack had seen such ice in her eyes was when Jolinar was in actual control of the Major's body. No scratch that, it was then that entity creature had taken over Sam's mind that he had seen such a frigid expression. Now that he seen it once more and Sam was in control it actually made him take a measure back and regroup.

"Perhaps sir, Janet's death had a more of a profound affect on the SGC that warranted such a warning." Came the blonde's words.

"I agree. Dr. Fraiser, the test was scheduled in a few days, we are sending a medical team but you won't be on it, and in fact we are changing the address of the test." Hammond said.

"Yes, sir," SG1 said in unison.

He never liked sending his CMO offworld; and he had had a gut feeling about this particular mission as it was. He faced 'Nam, Desert Storm and more Black Ops missions than he cared to recall, and he always trusted his gut. And it had always served him it would this time too.

Hammond and the rest of the team knew how much Sam felt about protecting the Grandfather Paradox, and he knew since Thanksgiving just how his goddaughter felt about the good Doctor. He knew how Janet's death would affect her. She would close up, as she had when her mother died. She would either work herself to death or she would rebel. This time her rebellion wouldn't be racing motorcycles, hijacking the neighbor's crop-duster for a joyride or lipping off to her father, the rebellion would send her to Leavenworth.

And then there was Cassandra, what would losing another set of parents do to her? The young girl had lived so much already, losing her mother wasn't going to be another trauma that young soul would have to suffer.

"Alright people those are my orders. Oh and you have forty-eight hours leave enjoy the New Year's folks because in a few days we have a lot of work ahead of us." Hammond said.

Teal'c Daniel and Jack started to file out, but Hammond stopped Janet and Sam.

"Doctor, a word."

"Sir?" Janet asked.

Sam looked concerned but she left the office seeing one of Janet's secret looks that she was going to be okay.

"Doctor….Janet…..You know Sam pretty well, for her to have written something this extensive, tells me a lot."

"Sir?" Janet was being deliberately vague.

"This command is not in the habit of sending officers deliberately to their deaths, though what we do is extremely dangerous. I'm always hesitant to send you offworld, not because you are a female, nor are you untrained. The incident with Hathor has proven that, but you are a medical officer and yes I am well aware you are a combat physician and were on the front lines in Kuwait. I do know Sam was right, your death would have a great and profound affect on this command, more then you think." He held up the letter. "Carpe Diem, Doctor. Second chances are rare."

Two women sat upon the roof of a yellow renovated ranch style farmhouse. They were snuggled together in the warmth of an artic sleeping bag.

"So what else did General Hammond say to you, after we all left." A white haired Sam Carter said as she wrapped her arms tighter around the graying brunette. Her lips found the sweet spot on her lover's neck.

The seventy –five year old woman turned in her beloved's arms. "Sammy you waited this long to ask me?"

The slightly younger woman laughed. "Well that particular New Years eve had had other things on my mind. See this sweet young doctor caught my eye… and I was… 'libidinous.' I have a soft spot for the lunatic fringe and women in uniform and she fit both. I think that night we celebrated the New Year by making love."

Janet giggled. "Oh really? She was that hot?"

Sam nodded. "She still does. She's my little Energizer Bunny."

The aging Janet snuggled deeper into the thick warmth of the sleeping bag. It had become a tradition to welcome the New Year upon the roof of their home, stargazing and watching the fireworks. When the hour struck twelve they would lift their eyes from the constellation Gemini renamed by lovers silly from the euphoria of lovemaking Jan-an-I. The New Year's kiss would evolve into lovemaking this year was no different. At Seventy-five and Seventy-three the two women were as in love with one another as they had been forty years before.

"Soooooo what did he say?" Sam pressed.

"He said he wanted the first dance with one of the new brides when the time came." Janet answered, nipping her beloved wife's lower lip.

At that moment the fireworks exploded over New Hope the first city of the Alpha Site, marking the birth of 2038.

"See Hon, your kisses always make me see fireworks." Sam snickered

"Charmer." Janet accused her aged wife. "Happy New Years, Gazelle."

"Happy New Years Turtle." Sam kissed her wife with as deep passion she had in her youth. "Love is patient; love is kind. … It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things, even the grandfather paradox." Sam quoted an old letter.

Since the day of the warning, Sam had lived in a million fears that her beloved Janet would be taken from her. Until one day the fears were laid to rest when the tall now white haired woman realized her beloved had reached the ripe old age of Seventy five and was still alive and well.

"God, I love you woman." Sam declared suddenly as her arms became extremely possessive. "And I get to spend another year with you." A Cheshire grin flashed, a grin that quickly turned in to the toying smirk she knew turned her wife on.

"Inside…now. I'm too old to get libidinous on the roof with you Flygirl, this Energizer Bunny wants a comfy warm bed to ravage her wife in, as we welcome the New Year."

"Who am I to argue with a beautiful woman?" Sam remarked warmly. "Lets go welcome the New Year properly."

The End

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