DISCLAIMER: Not mine. If I owned them, Myka and HG would be solving puzzles, saving the day, and having sex all over the place.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: It's my head canon that Helena would love Seven of Nine in Star Trek: Voyager. I also believe she would at least really enjoy the show (although I admit, she would probably enjoy Doctor Who the most though). No spoilers for Warehouse 13 but spoilers for the ending of Star Trek: Voyager with J/7 ship implied.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
FEEDBACK: To slaymaster415[at]gmail.com

Sheer Unadulterated Idiocy
By wiffyscoob


"Well, that was terribly disappointing."

"What was?" Myka walked into the living room only to find Helena pouting on the couch, and Claudia sprawled on the floor watching the ending credits of their favorite television show.

"The ending of Star Trek: Voyager," Claudia answered, as she in one swift movement ejected the DVD, grabbed the disc cover box, and gracefully settled into a lotus style position.

Myka found Helena's pout adorable as she sat down next to the inventor, still staring at the screen.

The Victorian's foray into the 21st century hadn't always been easy. It could be something as simple as learning about post-it notes, or the adjustments to the constant barrage of stimuli assaulting her senses, that "white noise" people blocked out everyday of their lives instinctually.

Every interaction brought its own unique challenges.

Today, apparently, it was what Myka considered to be one of Claudia and Pete's innocuous pop culture lessons. But, it was obvious this particular time meant a bit more to the inventor.

Turning to Myka, she explained, "As I understand, television and film are more often than not, based upon the very simple premise of 'Boy gets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy wins girl back. The end'. The formula of sexual tension (whether it exists or not) between girl and boy culminates into the admittance of this by girl and boy. It is apparent that the deviation from this formula is not considered an option because of the belief it would alienate the audience, and therefore resulting in loss of revenue."

Helena turned towards her young apprentice who was obviously the mentor in this department. Claudia looked at Myka. "It's true," she shrugged."Showrunners, production companies, networks, are still clueless about whether everyone is ready for something different, like same sex couples. They think America is not ready for anything but boy/girl instead of boy/boy or girl/girl. It's all about," she rubbed her fingers together, "money, dough, mullah, dinero-"

"Okay, Claude, I get it. She's upset because she's finally begun to understand tropes and their impact on the entertainment industry, intentional or not."

Claudia wide-eyed in surprise, asked,"YOU know about tropes?"

"Sure I do. Give me a little credit. Tropes exist in literature too. But I do know there are certain tropes out there that have yet to be changed for whatever reason. Which is why," she turned to Helena, smug, "I only watch PBS."

"Oh, Myka, come on," Claudia scoffed. "Everyone her knows you bought all seven seasons of Voyager." Claudia rolled her eyes. "Not to mention all seven seasons of Buffy."

"How did you...I mean why would I do that?" Myka squeaked, her cheeks crimson.

Claudia just leveled her a know-it-all look, then stared at the inventor. "H.G., want to admit something here?"

Myka turned to see Helena squirming slightly in her seat. "I found them under your bed," she confessed sheepishly.

"What?! When was this?" Myka glared.

"Well, as you know, I couldn't find one of my shoes." Helena then smirked. "You do realize how much time I spend in your room, don't you, darling?" Helena's accent reeked of seduction. Myka's senses fired off into all different regions of her body, most especially the lower part, causing Myka's cheeks to flare once more from embarrassment.

"Okay! Okay!" Claudia protested, "Don't make me use my Claudia superpowers, and teleport one of you to another room."

They both raised their eyebrows. "You can do that?"

"Well," Claudia had the grace to look slightly chagrined. "I may have exaggerated slightly, since I haven't actually done it. But, hey, we're off topic here!"

"The topic is...?" Myka had lost track of things herself.

"H.G.'s confusion over the ending of Voyager."

"It's not confusion, darling. It's more like incredulous at the sheer unadulterated idiocy."

"What was the problem exactly?"

HG and Claudia looked at Myka like she had two heads.

"Hello! Janeway and Seven of Nine should have so been together at the end! Instead, they shipped Seven off with Chakotay." Here, Claudia made a face. "How the producers came up with this, I'll never know."

Myka knew Seven of Nine was Helena's favorite character so she tread softly. "I must admit, it seemed the romance between Seven and Chakotay came out of nowhere." Myka remarked, shrugging.

"Nowhere?!" Now, Helena suddenly became incensed, and Myka drew back slightly.

"It has been very obvious from the beginning of Seven's rescue from the Borg and her continual interactions with the Captain, there was a tenderness, a bond between the two. Two souls, two strong female characters. Initially brought together by each one's isolation from the crew, self imposed or not, sharing the love of science. Katherine showing Seven the wonders of the accomplishments humans have made over the centuries. Two souls, brought together through time and space; one rescuing the other, not simply liberating her from a manufactured existence, but rescuing her humanity, her individuality. It was the Captain, who took this dispassionate creature so lost to find hope and love-Yes, love!-from another human. And Chakotay…how much did he and Seven of Nine actually interact on a PERSONAL level?! A few dates in a cargo bay do not make a relationship!

"My god, Myka, Katherine came back through time and space for Seven. There was some nonsensical chatter about getting the ship home earlier to save other lives...are we catering to Harry Kim now and his continual complaints about getting home?! However, I must admit, later on, he began to perform quite admirably. The poor boy, by the way, should have been given some promotion."

"H.G., we've been over this." Claudia rolled her eyes. "When Garrett Wang questioned this, he was told by the producers that someone had to be the Ensign, which is why Harry wasn't allowed a promotion."

"There!" Helena pointed a finger at Claudia as if to emphasize her point. "There is one more example of the PtB's ridiculous notions."

"Well...wait a minute." Myka raised an eyebrow at Helena. "You know what 'PtB' stands for?"

"I've been teaching her the finer points of the ways in which to watch a TV show," Claudia drawled as she set the DVD boxed set to the side.

Myka swore she could nearly see literal steam coming from her lover's ears, and felt the time had come to leave and let Helena rant with Claudia for a bit until she regained her equilibrium.

With a gentle squeeze of Helena's shoulder and a kiss to the hot red indignant face, she rose to take her leave.

"What are you doing? Leaving me in my hour of need?"

The combination of anger, distraught, and pain on her lover's face caused Myka to cave in, so she sat back down.

"Honey, look, I think it might help you to get your mind on something else. Perhaps Claudia can go downstairs with you to the basement and work on one of your projects..."

'And I can find a book to read, like I came down for in the first place,' Myka mentally added to herself.

Suddenly, Helena perked up, and snapped her fingers. "That is an excellent idea, Myka." The inventor turned towards her young apprentice, whose own expression began to change as it seemed as if a glimmer of understanding of where Helena was coming from.

"Come, Claudia, I have several ideas in which to challenge and change these ridiculous outdated notions."

The two inventors jumped up, and Myka was scared to ask what ideas her lover had, and hoped there were no explosions involved.

"Don't worry, darling. We won't blow anything up." Helena leaned down, and gave Myka a gentle kiss, presumably in an effort at reassurance, but Myka wasn't letting them go so easy.

"Okay, but just be careful, you two. I don't think Leena has gotten over the smell of sulfur still lingering in the basement, and I won't be there this time as a go-between," Myka warned.

"Have a little faith, darling." Helena's face radiated happiness, as was the case whenever she had an idea for an invention, or sometimes just causing general mayhem, much to Artie's exasperation.

Then Myka saw Claudia's face with the same expression, and did a silent prayer to whatever God exists for nothing to blow up.

"Have fun!" Myka called, as they scampered to the basement, excitedly chatting about things Myka had very little understanding of.

She sighed happily. Helena was in a good mood now, and Myka had peace and quiet.

Now, if she could only find a book...

Instead, she picked up the boxed set of Voyager, tempted to watch an episode and forego reading.

Sure, those two knew about her watching and having all seven seasons of Voyager, but if Pete found her watching an episode...he would give her so much crap.

Myka toyed with the idea of going to her bedroom, and pop in a disc from her own boxed set.

'No, I came down to find something intellectual to read, and that is what I will do,' she thought with a firm nod of her head.

Myka went to place the box on the shelf when her eye caught the picture of the ship against the backdrop of the Golden Gate Bridge, flying into San Francisco, and she hesitated.

Helena's words came back to Myka. She knew Helena identified with Seven of Nine. While Myka was unsure if she had any of the Captain's qualities, she could easily envision herself as perhaps a science officer in Starfleet, perhaps on a starship which collected artifacts across the universe. She could also easily imagine Helena as a rescued Borg, with Myka teaching Helena what it means to be human and each falling in love with the other.

Myka smiled at this, thinking how much this would fit them. No wonder Helena was so incensed at Seven ending up romantically with Chakotay.

It was true; no one goes through that much trouble to save someone unless there is love. The way older Janeway looked at Seven when she first saw her after so many years...

Myka frowned, and began to feel anger.

The injustice of it all!

She quickly placed the boxed set back on the shelf, and before Myka knew it, she was up.

Racing to the basement, she shouted, "Hey guys! Wait for me!"

Myka was going to get her revenge, even if this house exploded.

The End

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