DISCLAIMER: Xena Warrior Princess is the property of Renaissance Pictures and MCA.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The Xena Competition in question.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

Sign me up...
By Ann


"Gabrielle, turn off that computer and come to bed."

Xena sat against the headboard, eyeing her chakram which was lying on the nearby nightstand. With one flick of her wrist, the electronic distraction would be destroyed, and she could once again have Gabrielle's undivided attention.

"In a second, Xena; I just have to read ralst's latest update concerning the Xena Competition."

Sighing, Xena lay back on the pillow and closed her eyes, only to jump to her feet and snatch up her chakram at the sound of Gabrielle's exclamation.

"Can you believe that only one person has entered so far? One! That's, that's . . . disgraceful, unimaginable, a slap in our faces!"

Xena moved to peer over her lover's shoulder, gripping her chakram tightly. No one slapped her in the face and got away with it.

"Where are these writers and graphic designers who've shunned us? I say we kill'em all!"

Gabrielle's eyes lit up at the thought, but then she realized there wouldn't be anyone left to enter the contest.

"We can't kill them, Xena, but a good threat or two might work. You see, we need them alive."

Xena nodded. "Okay, we'll just cut off their hands then."

Gabrielle shook her head. "They'll need their hands to create the synopses and graphics."


"No, they'll need to move around freely so that they can get sustenance when they need it."

Xena frowned. "I guess their heads are out too, huh?"

Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "It'd be a little difficult to think without a head. Maybe we can appeal to their competitiveness."

"How can we do that?" Xena moved to sit in the chair next to her lover.

"Well, ralst has already promised the winner of each category an Amazon certificate."

Xena leaned towards the screen. "An Amazon certificate? Where in the world will she find an Amazon to give away? You're the only one in existence, and there's no way she's giving you away."

Gabrielle chuckled. "No, Xena. ralst is speaking of Amazon.com; it's a website that sells books and DVDs as well as lots of other things."

"Oh, well, that's different then."

"Yes, it's very different, but a wonderful prize nonetheless. She's also giving away a Xena Fanclub Blooper Kit to the overall winner. That's why I don't understand why there aren't more entries. Her inbox should be inundated with entries."

Xena reached for the mouse. "Let's see if we can find the names of some of the writers and graphics creators from her site. I bet I can send them a threatening scroll that'll encourage them to enter the contest."

"What a marvelous idea! We can e-mail each of them asking them to enter."

"Ask? Forget that, Gabrielle. I say we threaten them within an inch of their life."

"Hmm, I read something on the internet the other day that said 'you'll catch more bees with honey than vinegar.' Let's give it a try first."

Xena frowned, clearly disappointed. "Alright, but if it doesn't work, we do things my way."

Gabrielle nodded her agreement. "First thing in the morning, we start flooding the writers' boxes with e-mails." Closing the window, Gabrielle shut down the computer and turned towards Xena.

"You want to hear an idea for an Uber-Xena synopsis I've been working on?"

Xena shrugged. Listening to Gabrielle outlining a story wasn't exactly what she'd had her heart set on. "I guess."

Smiling, Gabrielle stood and peeled her t-shirt over her head.

"A beautiful blonde bard undergoes a sexual awakening while traveling to a small island in the Caribbean." A bra landed on the floor next to the shirt. "Gabriella becomes enchanted with the mysterious dark haired tour guide, Max, during a trek up the island's highest mountain."

Xena leaned back in her chair and grinned as Gabrielle's hand moved to the zipper of her jeans.

"A sudden rainstorm causes the couple to seek shelter in one of the many caves of the mountain."

Denim slid to the floor. "As the rain continues to pound down outside, Gabriella begins to shiver, and Max suggests the tourist remove her clothes."

Gabrielle stepped out of her jeans and reached for the only piece of clothing left. "With shaky hands, Gabriella attempted to unbutton her shirt when Max stepped in to assist. A silky tongue made its way across the blonde's shoulder as the drenched shirt fell to the cave's floor."

A black thong landed atop the pile. "Thus began the series of unusual erotic games between the two women . . ."

"That's pretty cheesy, Gabrielle." Xena stood and maneuvered her lover towards the bed, her overactive libido belying her words.

"I know; that's why I'm taking extra time to rewrite it. I'm hoping the other writers are doing the same, waiting until they're pleased with their product."

Gabrielle lay back and pulled Xena down with her. "I, for one, plan to do a little more research into erotic games before I begin my rewrite. Care to assist me?"

A pair of lips descended upon hers, followed by hands sliding to familiar places. Gabrielle smiled into the kiss. Research was her favorite part of writing.

The End

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