DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are
property of NBC and Dick Wolf.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Silly Court Thing
By Del
"And what is Exhibit 4, Detective Stabler?" Alex rested a hip on the prosecution table, swinging her leg slowly back and forth.
"It's a videotape of the interrogation by my partner, Detective Olivia Benson, and myself," the witness replied. He pressed the Play button, and the camera showed the interior of the SVU interview room.
A female detective handed the suspect a donut and some milk. "Is there anything else we can do for you, Mr. Winkle?"
"No, you've all been so wonderful to me. I just want to confess."
"Mr. Winkle, please don't say anything until your attorney gets here. Here's a list of 22 attorneys who are reasonably priced, well qualified, and could be here in less than ten minutes."
"I don't want an attorney. I want to get this off my chest. I can't stand the look of disappointment in that ADA's eyes. Who is she, anyway?"
"Alex Cabot," Detective Benson replied with a distant look in her eyes. "God's gift to the men and women in blue. Especially the women."
The suspect reached for pen and paper. "Here's the address where I hid the bazooka. Tell her to let me know if she needs anything else."
"Thank you, Detective. No further questions," Alex said, bowing slightly at the jurors' applause.
"I would think not," Judge Seligman said. "This thing's pretty slam dunk."
Alex smiled modestly. "Now, Your Honor, technically the defense is entitled to put on their case."
He rolled his eyes. "Fine. Let's recess for ten minutes, if that's all right with you, Miss Cabot."
She nodded her approval, and was straightening her exhibit notebook when Olivia Benson approached.
"God, that was fantastic," Olivia breathed. "I get so horny seeing justice done." She undid the top six buttons of her blouse. "You know what I'd like to do to you after court, Miss Cabot?"
"Miss Cabot?"
"Miss Cabot, time to wake up. The jury's back from their break."
"Huh?" Alex snorted. "Oh, sorry, Your Honor. Could I have the last testimony read back?"
Tapping the PageUp key a few times, the court reporter began reading:
Question: Did you have consent to search the defendant's house, Detective Stabler?
Answer: Yes. Oh, you mean *his* consent? No.
Question: Did you have probable cause?
Answer: Mmm, I'm thinking that's probably a no on that.
Question: You were aware, were you not, that Judge Petrovsky had denied your request for a search warrant?
Answer: She's such a kidder!
Question: After conducting the search, did you then threaten the defendant in order to obtain a confession?
Answer: Define "threaten" . . . .
Suddenly, the courtroom doors burst open and Olivia Benson hurried past the bar, showing the prosecutor the contents of a small envelope. "Yes!" Alex exclaimed quietly. She nodded her thanks to Olivia, and got to her feet. "Your Honor, I'd like to present these to the Court." She approached the bench and proffered the envelope.
Judge Seligman examined the contents: Two tickets to Lion King -- 2 o'clock matinee. "Court is adjourned," he declared, banging his gavel.
The SVU detectives gathered around their ADA for a high five. "That was close," Alex admitted. "Thank you, Olivia. Is there anything I can do to repay you? Anything at all? Of any kind?"
"Wild Monkey Sex?"
"Oh, my God. Sure!"
"Great - they're renting those African nature documentaries for half price this week. I'll be at your place at seven." She hurried off to the Blockbuster next door.
Now alone in the courtroom, Alex smiled to herself. The scales of justice were balanced once more. And all that crap.
The End