DISCLAIMER: Gossip Girl and its characters are the property of Cecily von Ziegesar and Warner Bros. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
I Am Sinking In This Silence
By Sydney Redfield
Part I
Serena stepped out of the cab, her senses instantly assaulted with the essence of the city. It was gray and chilly and she could feel the dampness in the air, wrapping her up in what seemed like a strange security blanket. She stretched languidly, long, flowing blonde hair cascading down her back, before handing the driver some bills and with a smile, she inhaled deeply, taking in all the smells: the dirt and grime from all the traffic, the grease from the street vendors, everything she remembered about New York.
Though she knew that she'd never forget the city, she wandered through the streets, recommitting everything to memory. There wasn't one thing that didn't manage to maintain the smile from the second she stepped out of the cab, from the way the subway rumbled underneath her feet to the hectic pace of everyone on the sidewalks. If this were some fantasy musical, she was pretty sure she'd be spinning in circles, arms outstretched as she proclaimed her love for the city. However, this wasn't a fantasy musical, it was real life and if she sang and danced in circles, she was pretty sure that not only would she get quite a few strange stares, but also she'd probably piss quite a few natives off in the process.
Europe was nice and she loved the fashion over there, but New York was just... She smiled and sighed, unable to think of the proper word. New York just was.
Surprised in a completely unsurprised type of way, her smile faded a bit when she found where her feet had taken her. She stepped out of the way and paused on the sidewalk, bringing a hand up to shield her eyes as she squinted, looking up the brownstone to the penthouse. She knew the brunette probably wasn't there, but there was something that knotted inside of her when she thought of her.
She leaned back against a tree and pulled out a cigarette, taking a long drag and fidgeting with her scratched, vintage Zippo. She only smoked when she was nervous but she didn't know why she was nervous now. As if her hands had a mind of their own, she was suddenly holding her cell phone, the woman's number pulled up on screen and thumb poised over the "send" button. She debated whether or not she should just press it and get it over with, shifting her weight from foot to foot as her cigarette hung precariously from her pillow-like lips, ash speckling the screen of the phone while smoke tendrils curled up and disappeared into the dampened air.
"Fuck it," she muttered, snapping the phone shut and shoving it into the pocket of her perfectly worn tan leather jacket. She flicked her cigarette angrily to the ground, crushing it under the toe of her favorite knee high boots. Smoothing out the invisible wrinkles on her clothes, she gave one last glance to the building and continued her trek through the city.
Part II
By the time Serena made it back to her high rise, she was exhausted. Her feet felt as if she'd walked all 23 square miles of Manhattan and she collapsed onto her sofa with a content sigh. It felt good to be home.
After flipping through the channels to find nothing on, she flicked off the television and moved to her bedroom to slip into something more comfortable. Once she discarded everything but a small cami and short shorts, she grabbed a bottle of Pellegrino from her mini fridge and settled in bed. She pulled out a well-worn scrapbook, running her fingers lightly over the cover as she debated whether to open it or not.
Eventually, the past got the better of her and she flipped the book open, memories rushing over her from the very first page.
Her and Blair at five years old, matching smiles and outfits on their first day of school.
Her and Blair at the beach, building a sandcastle.
Her and Blair in Paris, looking at the Eiffel Tower.
Blair cuddled up against her on a park bench.
Blair kissing her cheek on the day they stole Eleanor's clothes.
She flipped through slowly, taking her time to study every memento and remember when every photo was taken. Finally, she flipped to the last page.
Her and Blair at Yale graduation.
The picture was snapped just minutes after the ceremony ended. Blair had pulled her into a tight hug and whispered, we made it. They stood there wrapped in each other's arms until the blonde pulled back and placed a hand on Blair's cheek, whispering Together. Blair smiled brightly and in that moment, even with all the rush around them, they were the only two in the entire world. Right then, someone had snapped the photo.
Serena closed her eyes and tried to remember who had interrupted the moment with the flash. She was pretty sure it was Erik, but it didn't matter. What did matter was that it became her favorite picture. There was just something about it - the intimacy of the moment, Blair's smile, or maybe even the look in their eyes - that made her smile whenever she looked at it. She had a framed black and white copy on her mantle and one saved to her phone that went everywhere with her, so Serena was pretty sure that was why Blair had chosen it as the photo to end the album, adding their words from that moment above and below the snapshot.
Serena traced Blair's face in the picture, remembering the soft skin under her fingers, and a single tear slipped down her cheek. She slid the scrapbook back in the nightstand and picked up her phone, dialing Blair's number again. This time she actually brought herself to dial, but as soon as she heard the sleepy hello on the other end, her breath hitched and she closed the phone shut.
Maybe too much for one night she thought as silent tears slid down her cheek. After flipping out the light, she climbed under the blankets and allowed her tears and memories lull her into a dreamless sleep.
Part III
The next day, Serena decided to go out again to catch up on what she'd missed in the city while she was gone. She stopped in few boutiques, managers greeting her with smiles and air kisses, which she answered with a smile and a discreet eye roll. As she strolled past a shop she hadn't noticed before, she caught a glimpse of a brunette in the window. Her hair was a bit shorter than she had remembered Blair's being and she was turned so most of her face was hidden from Serena's view, but the blonde still couldn't help the catch in her throat at the prospect of it being Blair. As if on cue, the brunette turned a bit, a smile gracing her features. Despite the slight sadness apparent, Serena would know that smile anywhere.
As much as she wanted to just rush in there and throw her arms around the girl and tell her how much she missed her, she was rooted to the spot. She stood staring through the window, watching as the brunette made her purchases and turned to leave. It wasn't until Blair had reached for the door that Serena broke out of her daze and she was too late to move.
"Serena?" Blair asked when she caught the girl's eyes. There was no denying she knew who it was, but she felt as if her mind was playing tricks on her.
Serena nodded and smiled a bit. "Blair."
They stood wrapped in an awkward silence as each woman took in the other. Finally, Blair spoke again. "How...how have you been?"
"Okay, I guess," Serena responded with a shrug. It was the truth; her job was great seeing as she got to travel the world for free and wear ridiculously gorgeous clothes while doing it, but there was always something missing. There was no denying what - or rather who - that something was. "I've missed this place so much." Missed you she almost added. "I just got back in town."
Blair didn't respond right away, studying the taller woman instead. The past three years had been good to Serena, she hardly looked a day out of college, maybe even high school depending on the makeup, and she was almost thirty. Of course, Blair knew this because she saw Serena everywhere she looked - magazine, billboards, bus advertisements - but it was nice to actually see her.
I know she wanted to say in response to Serena. I know because I've followed your career. I haven't stopped thinking about you for a minute since the last time we spoke. Instead, she just said, "Really?"
Serena nodded. "Last night."
Despite the fact that she wanted to be mad and demand what had taken Serena three years to talk to her in more than casual emails and cards at Christmas - and this meeting was coincidental at best - she couldn't be truly angry. Bitter and hurt, maybe, but not angry, because here she was and all Blair wanted was to be near her.
"We should grab some coffee. Catch up on the last three years."
The bite in Blair's last few words didn't go unnoticed by the blonde and she winced a little. "We should."
Part IV
They walked a few blocks to the coffee shop in silence, Serena just a few steps behind Blair as she contemplated what she was doing. This moment had been both exactly what she was waiting for and what she was avoiding and she still had no idea what she was going to say. She'd always made sure to drop quick emails or send postcards from the places her and Blair had planned to go just to make sure she knew the woman hadn't forgotten her.
They ordered and found a secluded corner of the shop, sharing opposite ends of an overstuffed loveseat. Serena turned to face the brunette, her head propped up by her elbow resting on the back of the seat. She studied the other woman as she stared out the window, afraid to speak.
"So how long are you back in town for?"
Serena shrugged. "Until my agent calls and tells me to pack. How's..." She paused, swallowing the lump in her throat at the thought of the man. "How's Nate?"
"Off with someone taller, skinnier, and more gorgeous, probably."
Serena groaned inwardly at how dense Nate could be. "Oh. Are you..."
"Stupidly, still together? Yes."
"Blair."
"Don't." She stirred her coffee and looked up at Serena, eyes glazed with emotion. "Don't tell me you're sorry. I should have known."
Serena reached out a hand and placed it on Blair's thigh. "I should have been there."
"I guess I'm used to it."
Serena jerked her hand back as if it had burned. She felt horrible, because for the second time, she had completely abandoned the one person that was supposed to mean the most to her. She knew Blair well enough to know that she didn't want apologies and there was no way that she could say anything to make up for it, so she stuck with silence.
"S," Blair whispered after awhile, drawing the blonde's attention back over to her. "Why did you do it?"
"I don't know."
"Yes you do," Blair challenged. She was right Serena knew there was exactly one reason why she disappeared the day after the Archibald-Waldorf wedding, but really how do you say something like Hey, I know I slept with Nate a long time ago, but it was way too late when I finally realized it was you I wanted all along without sounding like the world's biggest asshole? When Serena didn't respond, Blair continued. "But I guess that's good enough for now."
Serena sighed, she really never wanted to tell her the reason but knew it would come out in the end anyway.
"I should get going," the brunette told her and they both stood to leave.
"We should get together again. Really catch up," Serena said, without all these awkward pauses her mind added.
"We should," Blair agreed.
"How about tomorrow at my place? I'll cook for you, just like old times."
Blair looked as if she were contemplating it then replied with, "I'll be there at 7."
Serena smiled to herself. Well that went better than expected. You managed to keep your cool, she thought as she watched the brunette go. The city had always been her favorite place - it was amazing how you were always bumping into someone you knew.
Part V
The next 24 hours or so before Serena saw Blair again were torture. One minute, Serena wanted to pick up the phone and call the woman, talk to her until the sun came up and just fall back into the easy friendship they always had. The next, she wanted to call her agent and beg for another shoot just so she could leave New York. It wasn't that she didn't want to be around Blair. God, she wanted to, but she wasn't sure she knew how to be around her anymore. Not with the feelings she had, anyway.
It was quarter to seven when Serena heard a knock at her door.
"Come on in," she called from the kitchen as she tried to finish preparing the food.
"Hey," Blair said as she entered the kitchen. "I brought wine."
Serena smiled and took the bottle from her, placing it on the counter. "Thanks." She wanted to wrap her arms around the brunette in greeting, inhale deeply and be intoxicated by the mixture of perfume and sweetness that was so utterly Blair, but she held back.
"Looks like this place hasn't changed much," Blair commented as Serena turned to grab the wine glasses.
"Not much," Serena agreed. "I'm never home long enough to change anything."
Blair nodded and was silent until Serena held out a glass of wine for her. "Thanks."
"Dinner will be done in a few minutes," Serena commented. "You're more than welcome to make yourself comfortable until then."
She almost groaned at how that came out. So...proper. This was Blair, for Christ sakes. Blair was supposed to waltz in unannounced and perch on her kitchen counter and steal bites of food behind her back. She wasn't going to let this be awkward.
Blair smiled and took a seat at one of the barstools to face Serena. "I think I'm good here."
The blonde could feel Blair's eyes on her as she moved about the kitchen and her face flushed slightly. "So are you still working with your mom?"
"I'd hardly call it work," Blair scoffed. "I hear in other parts of the country they call it slave labor."
Serena laughed. "That bad, huh?"
"Absolutely. You got the easy job. Leave it to Eleanor to stick me with actual work."
"Oh please, I remember someone's plan to work from the bottom up."
"Well that idea sucks."
"I hardly have an easy job," Serena quipped with a smile. Things were definitely getting more relaxed.
"You stand there and look gorgeous while some photographer takes pictures of you!"
"For hours. In brutal stilettos and too tight outfits. Sometimes when it's freezing, sometimes when it's sweltering and always with some skeezy guys at craft services."
"Oh woe is me," Blair mocked.
"Hush, Waldorf. How about you come with me next time, see how easy it is?" She asked as she drained the pasta.
"Okay."
Serena looked up from the food she was serving. "Really?" She questioned, nearly choking on the word. She was only half-serious when she invited her and wasn't expecting her to agree.
Blair nodded. "As long as it's not the disaster that almost was my modeling career."
They both laughed and Serena slid both the plates onto the bar. "Dinner is served."
Part VI
After dinner and much less awkward conversation, the two women made their way into the living room.
"I had a really great time tonight. I've missed this." Blair sighed as she relaxed down into Serena's couch.
"Me too," Serena said as she drew her long legs up underneath her body.
They settled into a comfortable silence with ambient music drifting from the speakers the only sound in the high rise. Serena found her eyes drawn to Blair just as they always were and the brunette was looking at her as well, a small smile playing across her lips.
"This feels so much like it used to be," Blair whispered and Serena nodded. "Promise me you won't leave again." Lie to me if you have to, she pleaded silently.
"Never like this," the blonde said honestly. She'd missed so much every time she'd just disappeared and she couldn't do it anymore. The brunette seemed changed every time she found her again, guarded somehow. Serena knew it was her fault and she couldn't hurt Blair anymore, even if it meant hurting herself.
"Tell me something about you I don't know."
Serena smiled. This was a game they played after Serena returned from boarding school and she'd always seen it as Blair's way of letting her back in.
"I don't know, Waldorf. You read all the gossip rags, tell me something you think you know about me and I'll tell you if it's true."
Blair laughed. "Okay. Did you really get kicked off a beach in Australia for skinny dipping?" Serena grinned. "Exhibitionist!"
"It was a bet. One of the photographers said I wouldn't, so I did."
"Sounds like you. You sent a photographer to the hospital in France?"
Serena scoffed. "Hardly." A beat. "It was one of the guys in wardrobe."
"Close enough," Blair said with a laugh.
"Fine. I know something you don't know about me."
"What's that?"
"I really want to kiss you. Right now," Serena blurted out without thinking. Her eyes instantly searched Blair's, something unreadable in them. After a few moments without a reaction, Serena decided she'd overstepped her boundaries. "I'm gonna go grab some more wine."
As she was standing up, she felt Blair's fingers wrap around her wrist and the brunette surged forward, pressing her lips to the blonde's. Serena was shocked and brought her hand up to cup Blair's face, trying to slow her frantic kiss. She had thought her statement freaked the other woman out and wasn't expecting her reaction at all. Serena wasn't quite sure what had come over the woman, but she wasn't going to stop her.
The woman pushed on, slipping her tongue out to trace along Serena's bottom lip drawing a low moan from deep in her throat. Her fingers found their way to the small sliver of exposed skin just above the blonde's waistband and her fingers traced confidently over her hipbones as her lips moved lower to Serena's throat and collarbone. Suddenly, Blair pulled back as if she realized exactly what was going on and whom she was kissing. Her eyes went wide with panic and shock when she looked up at Serena. "I've...gotta go," she muttered, and before Serena could even react, she was gone.
Part VII
Serena wasn't entirely sure how long she stood staring at the door that Blair left through. Could have been seconds. Minutes. Hours. She was in shock. Her lips and skin were still thrumming with energy where Blair's lips had been and now she was alone. She shook her head and moved to the kitchen to pour herself some more wine and try to rationalize the events.
Everything had managed to go okay during dinner. Great, even. But when they were sitting on the couch together, Serena just couldn't help herself. She knew she should have just stayed quiet, but she couldn't. And now, she wasn't sure if she should go after Blair or not. Usually, the brunette just needed time alone so she could think. But nothing like this had ever happened - except maybe that one time in tenth grade, but Blair never ever brought that up again - so Serena was lost. It would be just like her to lose Blair before she ever really had her again.
Serena picked up her phone and dialed Blair's familiar number, getting her voicemail. "Look, Blair...I know you're scared or confused or...something, but please don't shut me out. Just call me, okay? We'll forget about tonight and we'll just start over again," she told the machine as she paced back and forth in the kitchen as her mind raced with possible outcomes.
Her stomach lurched when she thought of Blair going back to Nate. She knew he was her husband and overall a good guy, but he could be so obtuse when it came to Blair. He'd never been able to see her perfection when they were growing up and it was obvious from Blair's admission at the coffee house that he still couldn't. In her mind's eye, she could see in vivid detail, Blair kissing him the way she'd just kissed Serena, if for nothing else than to wash away the thoughts and taste of the blonde, and it made her sick.
Unable to slow her thoughts, Serena decided to go out, hoping a walk might calm her down. She slipped on her jacket as she walked out the door and called Blair again, getting her voicemail automatically. "I didn't figure you'd answer, but I had to try. I hope you're okay." Serena paused and bit her bottom lip as she tried to keep tears from falling and her voice from shaking. "I can't keep doing this. I know I was the one who ran away again, but I can't do this anymore. So please. Call me."
Serena snapped her phone shut and headed down to the park. It had always been her escape when she was growing up and she hoped it still had the same effect it had then. She admitted to herself that part of the reason she went there first was just on the off chance that Blair would be there and she felt somewhat letdown when she wasn't.
I should have just gone after her Serena thought as she curled up on her favorite bench, watching what she could see of the New York sky.
Part VIII
Blair wasn't quite sure what she was doing. Just minutes before her lips had been attached to Serena's and her hands had been making great strides at working underneath her clothes, but now she was out on the sidewalk and apparently on autopilot back to her place. Her brain was screaming for her to turn around, but something was stopping her. When Serena said she wanted to kiss her, it was like something came alive inside of her and she just couldn't stop herself from tasting the taller woman's lips. She struggled to remember if she'd always secretly wanted Serena or if it was something new. Well, there was that one time in tenth grade but that'd always been chalked up to drunken experimentation and nothing more.
As she stepped into the elevator, she heard her phone ring and knew exactly who it was. Choosing to ignore it, she pressed the buttons to take the car up to her floor. Hopefully Nate wasn't home. She just wanted to collapse into bed and think about it in the morning.
As soon as she stepped off the elevator, she realized her hopes had been crushed. Nate was sitting in the living room with the TV on and despite her best efforts to slip up to the bedroom without him noticing, he stood and intercepted her in the foyer.
"Hey babe," he murmured as he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face against her neck.
"Nate, don't." She pushed him away and walked past him.
"Blair," he called after her retreating form.
"Don't," She repeated without turning around.
She wasn't ready to be around him right now. Not when he would taste of whiskey and some sickening mixture of lip gloss and pretentious mixed drinks that most definitely wasn't her. And certainly not when she herself tasted of an intoxicating mix of wine and what could only be described as Serena. She'd only just learned how appealing it could be and even if she wasn't quite sure how to confront it, she knew she wasn't ready to lose it.
Pleased that Nate hadn't tried to follow her, she made her way to the bathroom to remove the little bit of makeup she was wearing.
"Ugh, I look like shit," she muttered under her breath when she caught a glimpse of herself. Her cheeks were reddened from walking all the way home and her eyes were swollen with tears threatening to spill over any second.
She scrubbed her face and headed for bed, head still spinning with confusion about what had happened at Serena's. She stripped off her clothes and slid a short nightgown on before crawling into bed. Her cell phone beeped to remind her of the missed call and she looked at it and noticed Serena had left a message.
Despite the situation, she smiled a little when she heard Serena's voice.
"Look, Blair...I know you're scared or confused or...something, but please don't shut me out. Just call me, okay? We'll forget about tonight and we'll just start over again," Serena's voice pleaded through the phone.
Blair sighed as she saved the voicemail and placed her phone back on the nightstand. It wasn't that forgetting what just happened was the problem. It was the fact that she didn't want to.
Part IX
It was well into early morning by the time Serena made it back to her apartment and even then she hadn't been able to sleep. Her mind was still reeling from the night before and she really wanted to talk to Blair.
She thought about just showing up with Audrey, coffee, and croissants as a throw back to high school and turbulent-yet-still-easier times. But then she thought about it and really, how well did that go last time she tried it? Plus, showing up at Blair's meant possibly seeing Nate and that was something she definitely wasn't ready for. A verbal ass kicking for not treating Blair the way she should be treated probably wasn't the best way to start over with Blair. Despite it all, he was still her husband.
Serena's stomach rumbled and she decided that she wouldn't force Blair to see her, but she'd put the invitation out there.
>>> B - Brunch @ Aquagrill. If you're up for it, see you there. - S <<<
After sending the text, Serena took a quick shower and headed out to hopefully meet Blair.
She threw her hand up to hail a taxi and smiled to herself. She could almost hear her mother's protest. "van der Woodsen's do not take taxis. We have drivers, Serena," she had heard on many occasions. Finally, Serena reminded her that even though van der Woodsen's apparently didn't date Humphries, she was still dating Rufus. That had shut her up.
On the ride to the restaurant, Serena checked her phone for a reply from Blair so many times that she lost count and by the time she arrived, she still hadn't heard anything. Deciding to give her a bit longer, Serena grabbed a table at the outdoor terrace and gave Eric the call she'd been meaning to place since she arrived back in New York.
"Hey, sis! I heard you were going to be back in town soon," he answered.
"Hey Eric. How's it going?"
"Stressed. MCATs are next week and I can't get your mother to leave me alone long enough to actually study!"
Serena laughed. "My mother? I do believe she's yours as well, dear brother."
"Not right now," he laughed.
"Just turn off your phone."
"She'll just come over. Plus, then I wouldn't have received this oh so important phone call from my lovely sister."
"Was that sarcasm?"
"Maybe a little. Really, though, how have you been? What are you up to?"
"Things have been going okay. I'm actually out at brunch right now."
"Ugh, lucky," Eric said. "I'm starving!"
"Then eat!"
"Studying," the man reminded her.
"Ah, yes. I'll bring you scones after I eat."
"You're amazing."
"I try. Will you have more time to talk then?"
"Depends. How important is it?"
Serena hesitated as she tried to decide whether to tell him the truth or not. "I had dinner with Blair," she said, choosing to leave off the and she kissed me.
"Blair? As in, best-friend-you-fell-in-love-with Blair?"
"The one and only."
"I'll make time," Eric said. "Call me when you're bringing food."
"Thanks, Eric. I'll see you soon. Love you," she said before hanging up the phone.
Once she decided that if Blair hadn't responded in over an hour, she wasn't going to, she ordered some scones and French toast to go and headed over to Eric's. At least she could talk about it with someone, even if it wasn't the person she wanted to talk to.
Part X
"Oh Doctor van der Woodsen," Serena called as she knocked on Eric's door.
The blonde swung the door open, a thick packet of papers in his hand. "Not 'doctor' yet. Still have this little thing called the MCATs to pass before I can try."
"You'll be fine," she said, taking the papers from him and exchanging them with the takeout.
"You are the best." Eric headed into the kitchen and started laying out their food. "So, you had dinner with Blair?"
Serena nodded. "I ran into her the day after I got back to New York."
"How'd that go?"
"Awkward," Serena admitted. "It was to be expected."
Eric nodded. "Things like that happen when you disappear for a long time." Serena glared at him. "What? It's true!"
"I know," Serena replied, pushing her food around her plate.
"Did you tell her?" Eric asked before he stuffed a piece of a scone in his mouth.
"Not...exactly," she replied and he arched an eyebrow. "Last night we were at my place and...she kissed me." Serena didn't look up, just continued to poke at the French toast.
"What?!" Eric exclaimed, eyes going wide.
"Easy," Serena laughed as he nearly choked on the food. "We were at my place and she asked me to tell her something she didn't know about me. I couldn't think of anything at first, but out of nowhere, I said I wanted to kiss her. At first, she didn't say anything, but then she kissed me and she was..." Serena trailed off when she noticed Eric's expression. "Okay, I know you don't want details, but she was into it and then she just left."
"First, I'd rather have your details than to walk in and see mom and Rufus making out, but I'd prefer to not think about your sex life at all. And as for Blair, maybe she just got scared," Eric said. "She hasn't seen you in how long?"
"Three years," Serena said sheepishly.
"Right. So she hasn't seen you in three years. The last time she saw you was at her wedding and now she sees you and she's making out with you. Scary. Yes?"
Serena sighed. "Why do you have to be so smart?"
"I guess this is why I'm the doctor and you're the model," Eric said with a shrug.
"Not a doctor yet!"
Eric glared at her and opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Serena's phone. When her eyes lit up, he knew who it was.
"Hey. Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay. No. It's fine. I swear. Alright." Eric tapped her shoulder and waved. "Eric says hi." Serena waved at him and kept talking. "I told you it's okay. I'll call you when I leave here. Okay. I promise. Yes." Serena smiled. "Me too."
"So is everything okay in Waldorf-land?" Eric asked as he cleared the dishes off the bar.
"Hopefully. She apparently just woke up and saw my text, but she really, really wants to see me and," her smile got impossibly wider. "She had a great time last night."
Eric laughed, glad to see Serena with a real smile for once. "So what are you still doing here? Go meet her!"
Serena slid off her stool. "Right!" She pulled him into a hug. "Thank you."
Eric rolled his eyes and smiled. "It's what I'm here for."
"Love you! I'll call you and let you know how it goes," she called as she walked out the door.
Eric simply chuckled and picked up his papers to get back to studying.
Part XI
"Nate isn't there, is he?" Serena asked as she walked down the crowded sidewalk.
"No, I'm sure he's..." Blair trailed off. "I actually have no idea what he's doing and I'm pretty sure I don't want to. But I'm sure I could guess."
Serena frowned at the brunette's tone. Blair was the most gorgeous woman she'd ever laid eyes on and if Nate couldn't see that, he was obviously a bigger idiot than she'd ever pegged him for. "No need. I'll be there in a few."
"Nervous much?" Blair asked with a questioning smile when she noticed Serena was fidgeting more than usual.
Serena blinked, eyes wide. She was at Blair's. In Blair's bedroom. In Blair's bed. With Blair. "I...uh...yeah, actually. I am," she said, scolding herself for feeling so much like a seventeen year old boy. It was Blair. She could handle Blair.
Right. So that's why you avoided her for so long.
Blair slipped her foot between Serena's and placed her hand on her knee to attempt to stop the shaking. "Why?
"Why not?" Serena questioned seriously. Blair 'had fun' last night, but did that mean she had fun kissing her? And now, Blair's fingertips and foot were gliding so softly over her skin that her breath hitched in the back of her throat. No need to be nervous, right?
"You've never been nervous around me before."
Serena chuckled. "Last night never happened before."
Blair bit her lip and looked away, seeming to reflect on this for a while, her face scrunched in thought. "I'm sorry."
"For?"
"Last night."
"I'm the one that said I wanted to kiss you."
"I'm sorry I left, not that I kissed you."
"Oh!" Serena exclaimed, obviously shocked. "It's okay. I mean I'm sure it was scary, what with us..."
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to do it again," Blair said, effectively cutting the blonde off. She leaned forward and paused just centimeters from the blonde. "Stop me if you don't want me to."
Serena was unable to think as she felt Blair's hand slide further up her thigh and then for the second time in less than 24 hours, Blair's lips were on her own.
"Blair," Serena breathed out as she pulled back slightly. "We can't."
"We did."
"I know. But we can't keep doing it."
Blair pulled back, a confused and hurt look on her face. "I don't get you, Serena! You leave with no explanation. Then when you finally do come back, you tell me you want to kiss me. You liked it last night and now here I am, kissing you, and suddenly we can't? I thought this was what you wanted."
"I do. It's just..." Serena took a deep breath and brushed her fingers lightly over Blair's cheek. "Do you want this because you really want this, or do you want this because you think I do? I can't be the other woman, Blair. Been there, done that and I hated it. It's been three days since we ran into each other. You can't know, B. Let's just get back to what we know."
Though Serena seemed sure of her decision, she was waging an internal war. On one hand, she'd waited years to be in this position. But on the other hand, if they were going to do this, it was going to be the right way. She wasn't sure she could take losing Blair again.
Part XII
"So..." Blair started. They had barely spoken in the past thirty minutes since Serena had stopped her and the air almost felt alive with all the tension.
"So."
"This is awkward, isn't it?"
"No!" A beat. "Okay, maybe a little," Serena admitted, her eyes dropping to study the pattern on the bedspread. "But...it's not bad."
Blair smiled, the type of smile that really reached her eyes, and Serena couldn't help but smile back.
"God, I've missed this, just being with you."
"I missed this, too."
Blair smiled. "Remember when we'd spend days on end in bed together, watching old Audrey Hepburn films?"
Serena smiled and nodded. "We could maybe do that again."
"Now?" Blair questioned.
"It's as good a time as any, I suppose."
Blair smiled. "Then now it is."
Serena kept her eyes on the brunette as she moved about the room, preparing the DVD player and grabbing two bottles of water. Before she had run into Blair again, she would to wish that she could just go back to days when it was simple. Back before boys and gossip, when she and Blair were besties and nothing came between them in the end. But in the past 24 hours, Blair had given her something new and despite the complications, it was comfortable. Now she didn't really want to go back to those days, she just wants times like these to be as simple as they look on the outside.
"I always wanted to be like Audrey," Blair whispered as the movie started.
"More like you always thought you were," Serena teased, nudging the brunette. Blair stuck her tongue out at the blonde. "Don't tease unless you plan to back it up."
"I'm the one that tried."
"I know," the blonde said, placing her hand on the brunette's and squeezing lightly.
Blair sighed and dropped her head to rest on Serena's chest as she adjusted her body to be contoured to the blonde's side. "This is okay, right?" She didn't want to push any boundaries and end up pushing the woman away again.
Serena nodded despite her heart pounding in her chest. If she was going to be around Blair like she promised, she was going to have to learn to control her feelings.
"You're more beautiful," Serena said out of nowhere, about halfway through the film.
"Hmmm?" Blair asked, lifting her head and turning to face the blonde.
"Than Audrey. You said at the beginning, you wanted to be like Audrey and I think you're more beautiful."
Blair blushed and ducked her head, burying her face in Serena's neck. It wasn't that she thought she was unattractive, but hearing Serena's praise had always done something to her. It seemed so...sincere. "Thank you," she whispered against the column of Serena's neck.
Blair's fingers seemed to have a mind of their own as they ran up Serena's side, exploring new territory. The brunette kept her eyes closed as she continued to trail her fingers over other parts of Serena's body, trying to commit every feeling to memory.
"You...should stop," Serena sighed, her words spoken in such a halfhearted way that Blair knew she didn't want her to.
"I should," Blair agreed, but her fingers didn't comply. She lifted her head to meet Serena's eyes, which had gone dark with desire. She smiled as she brought her free hand up to cup the blonde's cheek. "I really want to kiss you right now."
Serena swallowed hard and opened her mouth to reply, but she was interrupted by the bedroom door being opened.
"Blair, I really..." Nate stopped when he saw the two girls on the bed.
"I should go," Serena said, sliding out from under Blair who was frozen in place. She didn't even bother to look at Nate as she walked past him, but she could feel his eyes boring into her. This was going to be bad.
Part XIII
Serena woke up to her phone ringing on the nightstand.
"Hello?" She mumbled, voice scratched with sleep.
"S?" Blair breathed into the phone and Serena could instantly tell that she was - or at least had been - crying.
"Blair? What's wrong? Is everything okay?"
"I need you to be honest with me. I need to know why you disappeared. Again," she said, avoiding Serena's question.
Serena silently contemplated the best way to explain her actions to Blair. After everything in the past few days, she was pretty sure Blair knew she was in love with her, but that didn't explain her actions. And even if she told her, it wouldn't change anything. Blair was still married to Nate.
"You have this one smile that lights up the whole room," Serena started, moving into a sitting position. "And for as long as we've known each other, it has been mine. You smiled like that and somehow, we were the only two people alive. The only people that mattered."
"But then there was your wedding. We were at the reception and I was dancing with Eric, but I looked over at you and you were sitting at the head table with that smile on your face and suddenly, it wasn't mine anymore. In that moment, something clicked and I realized I wanted it to be mine. I'm not sure how I ignored it before, but it was there and glaringly obvious."
"You mean..." Blair started, unsure of how to finish her sentence.
Serena sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "I love you, Blair. I realized that and it scared me. Still does, actually. I've known you since before we could talk and we spent so much time together, planning our lives - college and careers and weddings and children and vacations together. But then I'm at your wedding - the one you talked about since kindergarten with the same boy you always loved - after we graduated together and you started the career you wanted. Everything was going right and exactly how you planned it".
"But then I go and fall in love with you and want to ruin it all. You were happy, though, and I couldn't just take you away from everything you dreamed of, just because I was jealous."
"So you ran away." Blair's tone was indecipherable and that made Serena even more nervous.
"I did," she nodded. "I'm sorry I did, but I had to. I couldn't ruin your life and if I'd have stayed, I would have tried. You and I both know I'm no good at lying." When Blair didn't respond, Serena continued. "Why don't you come over?"
"Okay," Blair agreed quickly. "Talk to me until I get there."
"Of course," Serena said as she climbed out of bed and headed to the living room to wait. On her way there, she heard a knock on the door. "Wait. What?"
"Surprise," Blair said, voice lacking any enthusiasm, as Serena opened the door. The brunette's eyes were puffy and swollen and her cheeks were red and streaked with trails of dried tears.
Serena closed her phone and immediately wrapped her arms around the woman. "How long have you been out there?"
"An hour, maybe?"
"Blair..."
"I just...you were the only person I wanted to come to. And I didn't know what to say and you were sleeping and..."
"Shhh..." Serena whispered softly, taking Blair's hand. "Let's get you in bed." Blair nodded and the blonde led her toward the bedroom. "And for the record, you can wake me up whenever you want."
"Like you did the other night?"
Serena stopped walking, surprised Blair knew it was her because she'd blocked her number. "Blair, I..."
"And at random times during the past three years?" Now Serena was really shocked. She didn't think Blair had any idea she was the one that called during the night whenever she got so lonely she was nearly in tears. She never said anything, but hearing Blair's sleepy hello was usually enough and too much all at the same time. "It's okay. Let's just get some sleep. Tomorrow we'll talk," Blair said, yawning as she slipped her jeans and top off and slid under Serena's covers.
"Okay," Serena said, snapping back into the present. "Tomorrow," she repeated, climbing in the other side.
"Night, S," Blair said as she spooned up against Serena's side, face burrowed against her neck.
"Night," she echoed, groaning inwardly as Blair's warm breath tickled her skin. This was going to be a long night.
Part XIV
Serena woke up in the same position she'd fallen asleep in and when she remembered it was Blair curled up against her side, she smiled. The blonde shifted a bit to wake up her muscles, causing Blair to groan and press even closer.
"Morning," she mumbled through a yawn. "I don't think I ever want to get out of this bed."
The blonde smiled and ran her fingers through Blair's brunette locks. "You know, as tempting as that sounds, there are a number of things that aren't in this bed that actually are required. Food and bathrooms, just to name two. And there's Nate, who might worry," Serena said, the last words spoken through clenched teeth. She knew part of the anger came from the fact that because of him, she couldn't have Blair; but she knew a lot of it had to do with how he treated Blair.
Blair scoffed and rolled her eyes, even if Serena couldn't see her do it. "After last night, I doubt it."
"Didn't go well?"
Blair shook her head. "Everything was okay at first. He was shocked to see you, of course. But then he accused me of 'hiding you' from him for three years. Then I was a 'stupid slut' for sleeping with you."
"Blair," Serena murmured, brushing her fingers over the brunette's cheek.
"He never got over you. And I still married him, knowing that. I just didn't think that it would carry over into any blonde supermodel with a gorgeous smile," Blair said with just a hint of bitterness in her voice.
"How long has he..." Serena trailed off.
"Long enough that I should have left already. But no, now I'm the whore because I was watching a movie with my best friend." She paused for a moment. "Though our position at the time..."
Serena giggled despite the situation. "Yeah, that might have been a little hard to explain as just friends."
"Right," Blair said, lifting her head up to look at Serena. "Of course, just friends don't want to kiss each other as much as I want to kiss you."
"B..."
"I know. It's not fair," she whispered, nuzzling back into Serena's neck. They sat in silence for a few minutes before the brunette spoke again. "I don't blame him, really."
"For calling you a slut?" Serena questioned incredulously.
"For...not getting over you." Blair took a deep breath and sighed before continuing. "This is something that I've...thought about for a long, long time. But now it's here and I just don't know what to do. I mean, I've seen what falling in love with you does to you. There's no way to ever let go and I'm just so scared you're going to leave again."
"B," Serena said, tilting the brunette's chin up so she could see her eyes. "I'm not..."
Blair started speaking, cutting the taller woman off. "I'm so scared you're going to leave again, but I'm more afraid of never getting the chance to love you. And I know I shouldn't want to. There's Nate and so much more, but I can't look at you and not want to kiss you. Not when I know how you feel and I can still taste you on my mouth," Blair said, bringing herself up so her lips were just centimeters from Serena's. "I have to kiss you again, so unless you sto..."
The rest of Blair's words were swallowed by Serena's lips and tongue and teeth as she closed the distance between them.
Part XV
"Blair," Serena gasped as the brunette's fingers found their way to her hips, dipping teasingly below her waistband. It had been two weeks since their first kiss and despite Serena's best attempts to avoid anything physical, sometimes it just couldn't be helped. This time, it had been Serena's fault. She and Blair were sitting on her couch and she was suddenly overcome with the need to taste Blair, so here she was, lying on top of the brunette. "We should stop," she finally managed.
"But you leave for Milan tomorrow," Blair practically whined, still dragging her nails along Serena's hips.
"I'll be back Friday." Serena brought her hand up to cup Blair's cheek. "You'll barely even notice I'm gone."
"Of course I will," Blair exclaimed dramatically. "Whatever will I do for four whole days?"
"You could always just come with me," the blonde suggested.
"No way would Eleanor fly for that one. Not on such short notice."
"Just a suggestion."
Blair smiled. "Can I ride to the airport with you, bid you adieu?"
Serena smiled brightly and kissed the brunette's nose. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
"Good. So how about we order some Thai and spend the rest of the night in your bed making up for the time we'll lose between tomorrow and Friday?" Blair asked, arching her eyebrows suggestively.
"B..." Serena started, finally pushing up off the brunette.
"I know, I know," Blair sighed. "It's just...you're here and there's all these..."
"Feelings? I know," Serena said and Blair nodded. "It's why I left. You know I want you..."
"You just want all of me. I know." Blair sighed again. "This sucks."
"We can go out," Serena suggested, standing up and pacing back and forth by the coffee table. "Maybe being away from my apartment and the oh-so-tempting bed will keep you from thinking about it."
"Maybe. But I'm not sure that will help distract me from you in general."
"Trust me," Serena said as she made her way to the bar and grabbed Blair's jacket from the back of the stool. "There's nothing that's able to distract me enough from you. I tried."
"I'm glad you stopped trying." Blair smiled as Serena helped her slip her jacket on. "So where are we going, miss spontaneity?"
"Not sure," Serena said, thinking about where they could go. "Movies? There's a new film showing at the art house a few blocks away that I haven't had the time to see yet."
"Romantic?" Blair questioned, receiving a nod from Serena. "Dark theatre, romantic film? We might as well just head to your bedroom."
Serena laughed. "Good point. Just dinner then?"
"Sounds great."
"Still up for Thai?"
"Of course," Blair said as she followed Serena out of the apartment.
"Then I've got the perfect idea," Serena remarked as she headed down the hall, stopping only when she felt Blair's fingers wrap around her wrist.
"One more thing," Blair said as Serena turned around. The brunette leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed her briefly. "Just before official distraction time starts."
Part XVI
Serena collapsed on the hotel bed as soon as she stepped in the room. She'd been dragged around Milan for 12 hours for test shots and she only had a few hours to recover before doing the real thing. Normally, she wouldn't mind the constant whirlwind but she'd much rather be back in New York curled up in her own bed watching movies with Blair. Or at the very least, she'd like Blair there with her.
After glancing at the clock, she did some quick mental math to figure out New York time and picked up the phone to call Blair. After three rings, it transferred to her voicemail. "Hey workaholic. I just finished test shots so I thought I'd call to say hi. So, hi! I'll talk to you soon."
Once Serena shut her phone, she got up and headed for the bathroom to take a bath.
"Ugh, my own bed sounds so tempting right now," Serena muttered as she started the water and stripped. Sometimes she wished she could just shut out the world for a few months - years, even - but part of being a model meant being away from your own home more than you were there.
Just as she slipped into the bath, her phone rang. She groaned and leaned forward to reach her cell.
"Hello?" She asked exasperatedly as she relaxed back into the bubbles.
"Nice to hear from you, too, van der Woodsen!"
"Sorry, B. Just tired. Of course I'm glad it's you."
"How'd you know I was at work?"
Serena smiled and closed her eyes, leaning her head back on the edge of the tub. "What other excuse could be good enough for not answering for me?" Serena teased.
"Oh, I'm sure I could think of some."
"Ouch, that hurt, Waldorf."
Blair giggled, making the blonde's smile widen. "So how was your fantastic day in Milan?"
"Not so fantastic," Serena sighed, dropping her free hand into the water and swirling some bubbles around.
"Oh. Well, Milan called, said it feelings were hurt you thought it sucked."
Serena giggled. "Well you can deliver my sincerest apologies, but there's this gorgeous brunette I know that's giving New York the advantage."
"Oh yeah? Do I know her?"
"I hope so. About yay-high, spitfire attitude, gorgeous..." Serena trailed off.
It was Blair's turn to giggle. "Yeah, I think I know her," she confirmed. "So really, not so great day? What time is it, like one in the morning?"
"Yeah, I'm finally back at the hotel and relaxing," Serena said, stretching a leg out the side of the tub and running her fingers over her smooth skin.
"Red wine and those amazingly comfy robes?"
"Mmmm, no, though that's a good idea for after. Bubble bath."
"So you're naked while talking to me? I kinda like that."
"Trust me, B, that's the last thing I need to be thinking about right now," the blonde commented, fingers moving from her leg to her abdomen and torso in random patterns.
"Oh really? Why's that?"
"One guess."
Part XVII
"Serena, sweetie, I need you here. Focus!"
Serena turned to look at the photographer, sending him a glare. "I'm here, okay?"
"Whatever. I need you more relaxed. Move your head just a little bit...Yes, that's it! Now give me a smile. I've had enough mopey looks; you're young and beautiful! We want to sell these clothes, not scare people away from them."
Serena rolled her eyes and forced a smile. After a few minutes, the photographer stopped. "Alright, take ten. I'm going to look at these and we'll either take more or move to the next location."
Serena walked off past craft services to her dressing room to find her cell phone. After deciding it was entirely too early to call Blair, she relaxed back into the chair and closed her eyes, thinking about her departure from New York.
"What time does your flight get in?"
"9 on Friday night. Do you want to meet me at JFK or..." Serena trailed off, not wanting to be presumptuous.
Blair smiled and threaded her fingers with Serena's. "Of course." She yawned and rested her head on the blonde's shoulder. "I wish I could go with you."
"Me too. Of course, with how busy it will be, I'd hardly get to see you."
"I know." Blair titled her head up and kissed Serena's chin. "Doesn't mean I won't miss you."
"I'll miss you, too. Are you sure Nate's gonna be okay with you picking me up?"
"Please, S. I'm hardly concerned with what Nate thinks about the things I do anymore."
"I know, I just..."
"Shhh..." Blair whispered, placing a finger to Serena's lips. "No Nate. Not right now. Just you and me for the next twenty minutes, okay?"
Serena nodded slowly. She'd be okay with no Nate for much, much longer than the next twenty minutes. "So should I cancel my car, or just have it pick you up first?"
"I'll take care of it. Just worry about Milan," Blair said with a grin.
"What?" Serena asked, suspicious of Blair's smile.
"Nothing. Just amazing that it's taken us this long to get to this point."
"And of course, I'm one step behind the game." Serena knew she shouldn't mention Nate, but it was still reality.
"Better late than never," the brunette replied, grin still on her face as she moved from next to Serena to on top of Serena.
"Blair," the blonde breathed out as her hands immediately found the woman's hips.
"Just us," Blair murmured against Serena's lips. "Just now."
"We can't..."
"Shhh...just kiss me."
A knock on the door brought Serena out of her thoughts.
"Serena?" A female called. "Um, Cris wants to move on to the next location. Said to be ready to go in five."
"Okay. I'll just grab my things and meet you out at the car."
"Great!"
Serena stretched her legs and stood up to gather her purse and a few other things she'd brought with her. Finally deciding she didn't care how late it was, she flipped open her phone to text Blair.
Miss you, B she wrote before tossing her phone in her bag. She was already counting down the hours.
Part XVIII
"Signorina van der Woodsen," the concierge called as Serena walked into the hotel. Serena sighed and smiled half-heartedly at the man. She really just wanted to get back to her room and sleep. "Something came for you."
"Really?" Serena questioned, intrigued as to what it could be.
"Yes," he said, handing her an envelope. "Arrived this morning."
"Thank you," she said, smiling brightly when she recognized the handwriting the envelope was addressed in. She opened the envelope before heading up to her room but stopped as soon as she looked at the papers inside, eyes wide with shock.
"Is everything okay?"
Serena jerked her head up to look at the concierge. "Yes!" She smiled and dropped the papers on the counter and pulled him into a hug. "YES!"
Serena grabbed the papers and headed back for her room, pulling her phone out to call Blair as she waited on the elevator.
"Hey," the brunette answered, a smile obvious in her tone.
"Hey you."
"How was the shoot?"
"Oh, okay. You know," Serena said playing at nonchalance as she stepped onto the elevator. "Long, stressful days but gorgeous clothes."
"Sounds so horrible," Blair joked.
Serena shrugged even thought Blair couldn't see her. "Afterward was better."
"Oh really?"
"Mmm-hmm," Serena replied as she headed down the hall to her room. "I got back to the hotel and someone had left me something at the front desk that was pretty great."
"So you've got other people sending you presents now?"
Serena laughed as she opened the door. "No just one amazing..." She dropped the phone. "Blair!"
Blair smiled and shrugged. "That's me."
"What...what are you doing here?" Serena questioned as she threw her arms around the smaller woman, who laughed.
"I thought that would be kind of obvious!"
"I mean, yes. But...you're here." Serena pulled back and held up the papers. "And you're..."
"Excited much?"
"Yes!" The blonde kissed Blair deeply without any of her previous hesitance. When she pulled back, she shook her head in disbelief. "Oh my god. You're..."
"In the process of divorce?"
Serena wrapped her arms around the woman again. "So what did Nate say?"
Blair shrugged and nuzzled against Serena's neck. "I'm sure I'll know in about two hours."
"He didn't know before you left?"
"I filed then got on the plane. Once you add in the processing...my lawyer said he'd have the papers delivered when Nate got off work."
Serena smiled at the thought of the divorce. "Are you sure? I mean, this is all new and you have no idea if this is going to stick. And..."
"S, calm down. Yes, I'm sure. I knew this was a long time coming. Nate...well, he's not exactly the boy I dated in high school. I think even in college I knew that, but I'd dreamed about it since I was in Kindergarten and I thought I could make it work. But now there's you and nothing has ever felt so real...so right. I just can't believe it took me this long to realize it."
"Better late than never," Serena said, repeating Blair's words from the airport.
"Absolutely," Blair said, leaning up to kiss Serena.
Part XIX
"This is real, right?" Serena asked pulling back from Blair's lips.
"Very real."
"I'm not in some sort of crazy dream where I'll wake up and be amazingly disappointed because I was just making out with my pillow or something?"
Blair laughed and leaned her head against Serena's shoulder. "Not unless you have one sexy pillow. Do you want me to pinch you so you know it's real?" Blair asked, pressing a kiss to Serena's neck.
"Oh I think I could come up with some better ways to prove that," the blonde commented, her thumbs tracing lightly over Blair's hips.
"Mmmm, me too." Blair titled her head up so her eyes met Serena's. "Let me make love to you."
"Okay," Serena murmured, the word sticking in her throat stricken by all the emotion she saw in the brunette's eyes.
Blair captured Serena's lips again as she backed her toward the bed. Their hands explored unhurriedly over each other, Serena finally able to completely give into Blair without anything else getting in the way.
Serena's knees hit the bed and she pulled away from Blair long enough to remove her shoes and move onto the mattress.
Blair followed her, her legs on either side of the blonde. "Are you nervous?" She whispered, hovering just inches above Serena.
"Me? Yes. Absolutely." Serena wasn't at all afraid to admit that Blair had complete control over her emotions. If she was honest, she knew she always had.
"Am I making you nervous?" Blair's fingers were now tracing lightly over Serena's inner thighs and Serena could only nod. Blair leaned down so her lips brushed against her ear. "I want you."
Serena turned her head and caught Blair's lips with her own, moaning as the smaller woman slipped her tongue into her mouth. Serena brought one hand up and tangled them in brunette locks, pulling the lithe body above her down against her own. Her other hand continued its slow exploration of Blair, wanting to memorize everything. In the back of her mind, she noted how perfectly they fit together, hips melding together and legs tangled.
Blair gasped and her hips bucked when Serena's hand brushed against the side of her breast. "Touch me," she whispered, pulling back so Serena could slide her shirt off.
Once the shirt was removed, Serena sat up and slowly unhooked Blair's bra, pressing light kisses to her chest as she did so. After the clothing was tossed aside, she maneuvered them so she was on top and removed her own shirt. She smiled at the brunette and leaned down, starting a trail of kisses at Blair's neck and moving slowly down to her breast.
"This is real," she whispered against Blair's alabaster skin. "Mine." She swirled her tongue slowly around Blair's nipple, the contact hardening it even more before she wrapped her lips around it, sucking lightly as she dragged her teeth over the nub.
"Serena," Blair gasped, her hands clutching at the sheets as she arched her hips up into the blonde.
Serena smiled and moved to Blair's other breast, lavishing it with as much attention as the first. Blair eventually guided the blonde back up to her lips, hand moving to her breasts as they kissed. Her thumb brushed Serena's nipple and the taller woman drew in a sharp breath, pressing harder against her palm.
Serena's fingers slid over Blair's thighs, pushing just under her skirt.
"S," Blair nearly whined against Serena's mouth, arching closer to her fingers. "Please."
Serena moved further up, fingertips brushing lightly over Blair's center, teasing her. Blair moaned and arched again, growling in frustration when Serena's fingers moved away.
"Easy, tiger," Serena teased as she pulled away from Blair's lips and slid down her body. She nipped at the brunette's hip bone as she slowly unzipped Blair's skirt and slipped it off along with her underwear. "So beautiful," she murmured, taking in the sight of Blair lying completely naked and waiting in front of her.
Blair could feel her skin flush but she held Serena's gaze. Despite all of her self-consciousness, she had never felt more beautiful or loved than when Serena looked at her. Now, though, there was something else Blair realized she had missed before. She was needed. She was wanted.
Before she could react, Serena's lips were on her legs, trailing slowly up over her calves and toned thighs, stopping just short of where she really wanted her.
Serena inhaled deeply when she reached the apex of Blair's thighs. They were together and Serena was going to finally experience something she'd been dreaming of for years. In all of her thoughts and dreams about this moment, Blair had never smelled so sweet and Serena couldn't wait to taste her.
Blair touched Serena's arm lightly and she was drawing out of her thoughts as she looked up to meet brown eyes, looking at the brunette questioningly.
"I love you, Serena," Blair said with an honest smile. She'd never been more confident of anything. "I love you."
Serena beamed and took Blair's hand, placing a light kiss on her knuckles. "I love you, too."
Sure that she might die if she didn't taste Blair, Serena turned her focus back to her glistening sex. Her tongue slipped in between Blair's folds and she moaned at the taste.
"God, S," Blair breathed out as the blonde circled her clit with her tongue. Her hips pushed forward, seemingly of their own accord, desperate for more contact.
Serena drew Blair's clit into her mouth, sucking at it and causing her hips to buck. She drew her hand up, steadying her movements as she lapped at the woman, desperate to take in everything.
"I need you," Blair said with a strained voice when Serena's tongue dipped daringly close to her entrance. "Please."
Serena was content to tease the brunette and drag this out as long as possible, savoring every second, but she could tell Blair needed this, so she slowly slipped two fingers inside, drawing a long, deep moan from Blair and a gasp from herself. She couldn't believe how fantastic it felt to touch Blair - to be inside of her, causing all these reactions. In all of her dreams, Blair was never this vocal.
She began to thrust her fingers in and out of the brunette, establishing a slow and steady rhythm that gradually increased as Blair's gasps and moans came more frequently. Serena placed hungry kisses along Blair's skin as she moved up to capture her lips, positioning her thigh behind her hand for more leverage.
"Gonna...come," Blair mumbled into Serena's mouth as her walls started to clench around Serena's fingers. "Please."
Serena slipped a third finger in and pressed against Blair's clit with the heel of her hand and that was all that the brunette needed to slip over the edge. She came loudly with a string of obscenities mixed with Serena's name and the blonde smiled, slowly changing her rhythm to drag out her orgasm as long as possible. As Blair rode out the last waves, her lips traveled over Serena's neck and shoulder, whispering, "I love you" over and over.
Serena slowly slipped her fingers from the brunette and collapsed half on top of her. "You are amazing," she whispered, nuzzling into the crook of Blair's neck and placing light kisses against her salty-sweet skin. "I love you."
Blair turned and titled the blonde's head up so their foreheads rested against each other. "You are the amazing one," she said, trailing her fingertips down Serena's side. "Let me show you," she whispered as her lips met Serena's.
XX
Later when they lay in bed, Blair couldn't stop smiling. She'd been so scared to leave Nate, even when she knew he was cheating on her, but now she was happy. She was with Serena and despite the conflict and gossip she knew would come as a consequence of the divorce, everything felt right.
"Where are you goin'?" Serena asked sleepily as Blair shifted to move off the bed.
Blair simply smiled and grabbed one of the white fluffy robes hanging on the bathroom door. "Come on," she said, tossing Serena the other robe.
Serena was curious, so she slipped the robe on, tying it loosely around her waist.
"Are you going to answer me?" She asked as Blair picked up the bottle of wine and two glasses from the table near the balcony.
"Just come on," Blair pleaded, giving Serena her trademark smile after she opened the sliding glass doors. "It's too romantic to pass up."
Serena smiled at Blair's sentimentality and followed her outside. She stepped behind the brunette, wrapping her arms around her and resting her chin on her shoulder.
Blair sighed and relaxed into Serena's body. "Beautiful, isn't it?" She asked, looking up at the stars.
"You are." Serena's lips found their way to Blair's neck while her fingertips worked their way into her robe. The brunette's head fell back against the blonde, exposing the column of her neck for Serena to explore.
Her hand finally slipped all the way inside Blair's robe, fingers finding their way to her still throbbing center. Blair gasped and arched into the touch as Serena sucked on her skin, teeth scraping gently over her collarbone.
Serena's fingers worked expertly inside of her and within a few minutes, she was coming, biting down on her lip to keep from screaming out.
"Insatiable," Blair whispered teasingly as she attempted to regulate her breathing. Her fingers absentmindedly traced over Serena's forearm and she felt the blonde shake lightly from laughter.
"What's so funny?" She asked, craning her neck so she could see the blonde's face.
"Just thinking," Serena said, an adorable grin plastered on her face as she gently stroked Blair's abdomen.
"About?"
"About how I should have known a Waldorf would always be right."
Blair's face contorted in confusion. "Of course we are. But I don't know what you're talking about."
"I'm not a stop along the way, I'm a destination!" Serena declared in her best Blair impression, causing the woman's face to scrunch up even more. "Junior year, I told you I had to miss your annual sleepover but I'd try to stop by, and that's what you told me."
Blair rolled her eyes. "You still remember that?"
"Running the risk of sounding not only completely stalkerish, but also quite cheesy, I remember everything about you."
"Definitely cheesy and maybe borderline stalkerish, yes. But sweet nonetheless." Blair smiled, turning around in Serena's arms. "You really think that?"
Serena smiled and squeezed Blair just a bit closer. She had a long, drawn out explanation she knew she could give, but decided on a simple, "Yes."
"I love you, S," the brunette murmured against Serena's lips.
"I love you, too, B," Serena responded before succumbing to Blair's kiss again.
The End