DISCLAIMER: I Only own my imagination and my words, thankyou the everyone who has checked things throw for me.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
She had never felt so small in her whole life. There were times when she was close, so close, but someone or something had always managed to pull her back to where she belonged. Not this time. Nothing could pull her away now, and if by some miracle it did happen, it would be too late. Way too late. For her, for them, for everything around her would be changed. Work wouldn't have the same effect. The victims just another crack in her once perfect mirror. Another ripple in the sea she tried to hard to keep calm, or at least calm to the eye of those who dare to look at its surface.
Feeling small for Sara wasn't something new, in fact she was rather used to it. Feeling small after her hikes in the mountains, seeing the Pyramids in Egypt...these things made, and others, realize just how small their lives are in relation to the world. Her job had the same effect. She could save someone, give family the answers they needed, but still her work would not stop. No matter how many people tried, the world would still be full of lies. Sara could cope with this, it was just how the world worked, how people lived their lives.
However, discovering a third, and almost deadly feeling of being small, insignificant, unwanted, uncared for...This discovery of uncertainty did the most damage. Irreversible damage.
Already shattered into a billion pieces, many of which would be lost forever, the once strong woman had fallen over the edge, never to reach hard ground again. One decision had changed everything around Sara, and everything she had once believed in. One word of encouragement followed by one doubtful but certain agreement. One night. One outcome. No going back.
Sara could hear everything around her, the faint hum of the car's engine outside, the buzz of the lights, the flashes of the cameras all around her, but they were faded to almost nothing. She could hear what no one else could...Screams that begged for everything to stop, Yet the evil laughter that steadily began to grow from within her refused to listen. Crouched in the corner of the room, her eyes clamped closed, Sara tried to block out all that was around her. Something that was impossible to do. Sara heard a new sound within the tomb. Footsteps. And they were heading right for her. Pressing herself further into the wall, Sara buried her head closer to her knees. She could cope with the people being in the same room, people looking at the scene around her, but she panicked whenever they came too close. Sara took a deep breath, willing her body and her mind to calm down. Everyone here was on her side, so why was she still acting as if the man was still beside her, on her. Sara took another deep breath, her body only able to relax when she recognized a sweet, familiar and welcoming scent. Moving for the first time since she had made the hysterical and frantic phone call to Captain Brass, Sara fell forward into Catherine's arms, her tears now falling even faster.
Catherine unsure of what to do when the brunette landed in her arms, did what any good mother would do, she held her. She held her just like she would have held Lindsey should it have been her and not Sara falling apart in her arms. Being a mother, Catherine's instincts were to hold Sara for as long as it took; being a CSI, Catherine knew better. The evidence on and around Sara could be compromised, and Sara was prime suspect, yet she was also the victim. Being Catherine Willows, she felt extremely uncomfortable holding Sara how she was. For lack of a better, or nicer word, the Willows women, Detested, almost hated Sara, for just being exactly that...Sara, Teacher's Pet, Grissom's little Prodigy. It had been Catherine's title before Sara had turned up, but within seconds it had been taken away from her, ripped away and forced from her. Catherine had never truly forgiven Grissom for what he had done, and as for Sara...Catherine had never given her a chance.
''I..I....,'' Sara choked out, her breath hitching and irregular. ''I...GH...,'' Sara didn't finish her sentence, as she had opened her eyes for the first time that night, and seeing everything around her flashes of her memories sped through her mind. It was then that she screamed. Everyone in the room fell silent, heads spinning round towards the brunette. One CSI dropped the glass vase they were holding, shattering into a thousand pieces when it hit the floor, just like Sara had shattered hours earlier. Catherine quickly turned to see what had caused Sara to react the way in which she had, and this time saw not just the blood that covered the floor, but a dead Male, covered in the cuts and bruises from where the blood had come.
Either Sara couldn't remember what had happened, or had finally realized just how much damage she had caused. ''Sara..Sara..'' Catherine turned back to the younger women, whose earlier screams had manifested into a full blown panic attack. ''Sara look at me...Sara, please I need you to look at me.'' Catherine turned Sara's head so she was facing her ''Sara you need to breath..'' Looking at Catherine as if they had only just meet, but knowing they had been working together for many years now, Sara blinked several times trying to regain focus, but with the way her chest was burning from the lack of air she could not seem to get to, it was almost impossible. ''I..I..Stabbed him...'' Was all Sara could manage to get out, whispering so only Catherine could hear her confession, Sara once once again blacked out, The 9th time that night.
To Be Continued
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