DISCLAIMER: I'm sure Paramount won't admit to owning this lot, even though they do... No money earned, etc. Rating?: scary stuff indeed. A little something entirely silly, hope you enjoy.
A Small Crime
"C'mon down from there" B'Elanna urged, holding a hand out to the woman standing on the bed.
"Please, apprehend the insect! Throw it in the Brig, or place it under your shoe, either will be sufficient," said a slightly hysterical Seven.
"I will not be swayed Lieut.........aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhh! There it is! Pursue it please..." Seven pleaded, as a large, black, shiny beetle ran from under the bed and took up residence under the small bedside table.
"What are you afraid of? It's too little to do you any damage. It's a lot more scared of you than you are of it, you know."
"You have asked it?" stated Seven, deadpan.
"Then how do you know its fear is beyond my own?"
"You know, Seven, you can be the most..."
"There it is! It's coming ba.......aaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhh." Seven danced up and down on the bed, wrapped up in the bedcover, as though that offered some kind of protection. "Would you please hasten your attempts to..."
"Why don't you just assimilate it!" yelled B'Elanna, losing her cool with this ridiculous situation. "Honestly, Borg, I thought you were afraid of nothing. You fight all kinds of things, and yet this little itty-bitty beetle has you beat."
"We will discuss my coping strategies after you have captured the insect. Look, there it is. Get it, get it," screamed Seven.
B'Elanna made a dive that an Olympic something-or-other might have been very proud of, pounced upon the insect, and came up smiling. She then advanced slowly on the woman on the bed.
"Nooooo," squealed Seven. "Please, B'Elanna. Nooooo!"
"What's it worth, not to? Huh?"
"Anything, you may have my promise. Anything, just please."
"Move in with me! Now, tonight, this minute. No more visitations. Full residency. Nothing less. I'll sort it with Janeway. Whaddya say?" B'Elanna made another menacing step towards the bed.
"Alright, Lieutenant. I think your methods are underhand, but I will consent to move in with you. Tonight. Just, escort the insect off the premises, please!"
"Done!" B'Elanna walked out of her quarters, with a broad smile on her face, and delivered the beetle to her partner in crime.
"It worked, then?" asked Chakotay, sure of the answer.
"Yeah, just like you said it would."
Sequel Another Crime
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