DISCLAIMER: Property of FOX, and whomever else. Not mine.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: For the "Make the Yuletide Gay" challenge on LiveJournal. The prompt was "snowman", but I tweaked it a little. I also had to use the challenge title line in the story, it was begging me to. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to hit 500 words, as in my head, this was only a drabble, but with a lot of crappy filling out, it made almost 700. The snowwomyn idea taken from James Finn Garner's "Politically Correct Holiday Stories".
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
House walked up to the doors of P.P.T.H. only to be stopped by a very... unusual view. And an accurately thrown snowball. He turned to the snow-covered lawn area next to the doors and walked closer to what appeared to be... No, he couldn't be seeing that. It just wasn't possible.
It was. Cuddy and Cameron were building a snowman. And acting like schoolgirls; all giggling and throwing snowballs. He walked up to them. "What the hell are you doing?"
"We're building a snowwomyn!" Cameron said cheerfully. She beamed before turning back to the snow... creature that was beginning to take shape.
"You mean a snowman," House said, raising an eyebrow and circling the thing.
He poked its base with his cane, only to have Cuddy smack him on the arm. "Patriarchal, snarky, old bastard. We're making it, so it's a snowwomyn. W-O-M-Y-N."
House scoffed. "So now you're rewriting the English language?" Cameron pelted him with the handful of snow she had been about to add to their creation. "And beating up on a cripple?"
"It's good for hospital morale." Cuddy rationalized.
"What, seeing the head of hospital, the woman who's supposed to be mature and in charge, determining stuff and administrating things, frolicking in the snow with her special friend?"
Cameron had a shocked look on her face as she stepped around the mound of snow that was slowly looking more like a person. "How did you..."
House's eyes widened. Those two? "I meant the snowwomyn." He paused, looking from Cuddy to Cameron, and back again as he pondered this latest revelation. "Wow."
"Yeah. Wow." Lisa said, looping her arm around Cameron's waist and smiling proudly.
"J-Date didn't work out for you, so you decided to start taking my leftovers, Cuddy?" House quipped, trying to pretend that he wasn't completely caught off guard by the news.
Cuddy let out a short, mocking laugh. "In order for her to be 'leftovers', you would have had to actually date her first."
"I did 'actually date her'." House swung his cane, "accidentally" knocking a chunk of the base of the snowwomyn off. Cameron kicked the cane out of his hand so it landed several feet away, and gave him a quirky little half-smirk.
"We went on one date." Allison said rather patronizingly. "And you came straight home to Wilson." House was taken aback by this. How did they know?
Cuddy, interpreting his expression correctly, jumped in. "It wasn't hard to figure out. The only time you'll take clinic hours without much of a fuss is when James has them scheduled at the same time. We've both called you before and had him pick up the phone. His office is practically gathering dust for all the time he spends in your department." She smiled at Cameron and inclined her head slightly, inviting her to continue.
"You both disappeared an hour into the Thanksgiving benefit dinner, and when you came back, well, it was pretty evident what you had been doing. And on our 'date', you were wearing a tie. You don't know how to tie them. That meant somebody had to have done it for you. I doubted that you'd drive all the way to Wilson's house just to get him to help you get dressed, so he obviously was already over at your place."
Allison knew they'd won. She gave House a teasing look right before she thoroughly kissed Lisa. When they broke away, Cuddy tilted her head and raised an eyebrow at his incredulous and still very confused expression. "We're going to finish building this now," she said, in a tone one would use with a small child who didn't understand what was going on. "Your shift started 20 minutes ago. I suggest you get in there. Unless you want to bring Wilson and help us truly make the Yuletide gay." Cameron chuckled at her lover's choice of words.
House stared at them blankly. "Wilson's Jewish," he said lamely before fetching his cane and hobbling away.
Cameron and Cuddy just smiled and packed another handful of snow onto their snowwomyn.
Return to House, MD Fiction
Return to Main Page